How Old Is Too Old for a New Baby?

Hi L.,
I am 42 now I have three children 14, 11, and 4. I was 38 when I had my third child. It was a big age difference as you can see. My 11 year old is a boy as is the 4 yr old. They of course get on each other's nerves at times , like all brothers do, however they play together. The older ones helped when he was a baby. it was and still is great. As for your age. It seems to be the norn these days to have children later in life. My 4 yr old is healthy and active. The pregnancy was wonderful. Very "textbook". Usually after 35 the doctors suggest an amniocentesis. I chose not to. Again I had no complications. It was truly a wonderful experience.

Good luck
T.

Hi L. Z,

I am a 40 year old working mother of 4 boys, ages 2, 3, 10, & 14. It is hetic, but the joy we all get from the younger ones, I could have never imaged. The older boys help me so much, and enjoy their little brothers. Yes there are disadvantages, daycare cost, family trips such as snow skiing- with two differnet age levels, but honestly I would do it again in a heart beat. The love and joy out weigh these small disadvatages. If you and your boyfriend really want another child- I say go for it!

Somedays I wish most of my friends in there 20's would wait to have babies. I am almost 28, and I think that 36 is not too old to have a baby...I also think that you should read up on other request...There are 42 yr old having babies on mamasource...Age is a #, yes you will be at a higher risk, but you should worry...Also, I am 9 yrs older than my lil sister, and we have always had a great relationship....

I don't think 36 is to old for a child. The 10 year old is an advantage because he is pretty self sufficient and would be able to help you with the new baby. My oldest was 8 when I had my youngest, he has always been a great help and was always wanting to do stuff for his sister.

I am the youngest of 10 kids the closest in age is 14 years older and my mom was 48 when she had me.

Hi L.
I say go for it.Your age is just a number.

IMO it's to old. You will be almost 60 by the time the kid is going off to college. People that have kids when they are older are only thinking of themselves and not of the child

I wouldn't worry too much about your age. I just had my first son at 35. Everything went well and I had absolutely no complications. My OB explained since I was considered AMA(advanced maternal age OUCH!), there were a few more tests I had to go through...for down's syndrome and the like, also I had to do two blood sugar tests, beyond that, it was completely routine. If your doctor thinks you are in good shape and has no worries....go for it! I wouldn't worry too much about your son, he is old enough to understand what is going on. In my area, they offer sibling classes for children to take with their parents to help prepare for a new baby. That would be a good idea to look into that. Hope it goes well. Best wishes!! S.

I was 36, had a 12 year old and a 10 year old and THOUGHT I was through having kids. Even had been told that I couldn't have any more. I had had a miscarriage 5 years after the youngest was born. My ex had a "life altering experience" and left with his girlfriend and so I was reluctantly facing single motherhood. I met someone new and lo and behold...I became pregnant!! I worried how I would handle a new baby and teenagers. The boys were thrilled and especially when they found out that the baby was a girl. No little girl is more protected (and spoiled) than she is!! Except maybe when I was born...My mom had just turned 37 when I was born and my brother was 17 and my sister was 15. My siblings are as close as we can be.

I am now the old mom at PTA...I have two in college and one in elementary school...but I am also the one with the experience. Makes me a likely candidate for room mom, committee chairperson, and volunteer of everything else. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world!!

Hi Liz,
I just had a new baby girl this month and my oldest son is 8 and 1/2. He loves being a big brother and he is a big help as well. I couldnt have chosen a better age difference. I think your age isnt a big concern as long as your healthy and have it in your heart to have a new little one in your life!

GO FOR IT, L.!! You're only 36. My sons father is 38 and our son is 6 months old. Also, my friend just had a baby in August and her older son is 16. I think it will all work out fine. By the way, Evans dad and I aren't married either (yet).----T.

Hi L.,

I was 36 going on 37 when I had my first child! She will be 2 this Saturday. I never stopped to consider my age, I just knew it was time to have a child---I had waited long enough. We may still have another child, but I want to wait til my daughter is closer to 3 or 4 to enjoy her fully. By then I'll be 40+. You just need to take care of yourself properly, the right nutrition and exercise as best you can. You can't predict the health of any child no matter what your age is. I know the risks increase as you age, but you must decide if another child in your life is worth taking the risk. My daughter has an 11-1/2 yr old step-sister and they love each other alot! They both enjoy seeing each other, which is only every other weekend, but the older sis is really good with my daughter. I think they'll remain close as they grow up despite the age difference. That's something else you can't predict--whether your son will get along with a new sibling or not. There could be jealous feelings (which Kait has for Nicole at times) but there could also be protective and proud feelings as well. I wouldn't base having another child on what the exsisting child wants or doesn't want. A decision like that is between the mom and dad, but it couldn't hurt to get his input. I've thrown that question at Kait already---what do you think of another little brother or sister? She has mixed feelings, but mostly gives us her blessings.

Well, I hope this helped a bit.
B.

I'm 24, married to a 36 year old man, with a very active 4 yr. old boy. He's the love of my life, but there are times when I think I should've waited just a little to have him. But, I wouldn't trade him for the world! As far as future children. My husband and I have decided to wait a few more years...like when our son is 6 or 7. I look at it this way... you'll have more patience and time to be with a new little one. You'll always have more than enough love for both your 10 yr. old and a baby. Don't worry what others think, go with what's in your own heart. Good luck! D.

L.,
I say go for it! Providing you are healthy the risks of complications or abnormalities are only slightly increased.

As far as whether or you get married, that's entirely your business. We live in a society where 'committed' relationships are very common. I am married, but it sure isn't the paper that makes the relationship.

T.

I am going to be 36 in November. My husband and I are trying to have another baby. We got pregnant in March, and I lost the pregnancy. We are working actively with the doctor to conceive. With all the technology available, they monitor you very closely. Feel relaxed in knowing you will be taken care of in the best possible way. Go for it!

My girlfriend's MOTHER, who is recently a new grandmother, had two babies at the same time I was having mine. She is in her 50s!! From what I know of her story, she was in a new relationship with a wonderful man who she is now married to, the first one was a surprise that they were very happy to welcome and the second was sort of planned. I think 36 is a great age to have a second baby. :) And as for your son, I happen to think 10 years old is a perfect age for a baby. He's old enough to understand what's going on and even help you out. He doesn't need as much from you now so you can devote just as much to the baby as you did to your son. But I think the best thing you could do would be to ask him how he would feel about it. I do know a few other mom's having kids at your age too, and I think as long as you're receiving good pre-natal care, you're age isn't so bad.

Hi L.,

I don't think 36 is too old. I have quite a few friends that had children into their 40's. I am usually the youngest mom at most of the things we go to with a 4 year old and I am 32.

Good luck!

That is beautiful that you two are actually planning. Usually babies come here through WOOPS! I say go for it. And done delay. The 10 yr old will love the baby. As long as you give him his share of time and don't block him out when the new baby comes.

I had my last baby at 42. I have 10 children. At 42, a new baby makes you feel young. Babies keep you young anyway. And, although I can't tell you what to do, if I were you, I would breastfeed. That keeps you real young and your husband will love the whole milk in the breast thing. Although I have none hubbies who got jealous over the baby nursing on THEIR breast.

I think getting into your 50s and 60s is too old. My mom is currently 47, and I have a little brother who will be 4 in November. Great pregnancy, VERY intelligent little boy - I say go for it, really.

I cannot say much about the age of yourself (altho , if you and your doctor say it's fine, go for it), but as for worrying about the age difference in your children, ...here are mine.. 16, 11, and 4. It is a big change for the older siblings, but I believe it was for the better. My older two not only help out with their little sister,(oldest can babysit here and there), but it's unique watching them all grow at different levels. I've watched my friends whose kids are close in age, and I can honestly say the sibling rivalry is probably half of what they go thru.

Hi L.,

I am 44 years young : ) My children's ages are as follows: Joe 23 (Marine Corp), twins Cristian & Dominic 17 (11th grade) and twins James & Julius 5 (kindergarten). Although I didn't plan on my youngest sons, I was happy to know they were on their way. Like you I had health concerns (I was 39 during preganancy)- I was high risk with twins and my age. Be sure that you cover your bases with your doctor he will be able to help you access your health issues. Also note that because of your age your odds are higher for multiple births, which needless to say can be quite a surprise. That was the case with my 5 year olds - they are fraternal twins as opposed to the older ones which are identical. You should talk to your doctor about that as well. As for your son, since he has been an only child this could be a double edged sword. He may have issues regarding the amount of time and attention a new baby requires, along with all the fuss. On the other hand, being a big brother is an honor and a role of great responsiblity for an older sibling. You may find that he is up for it. Either way - have a good talk with him and don't guess at his feelings.

If you are serious about having a child - sooner than later will be best : )

I hope this has been helpful and that you will find happiness in whatever decisions you and your family make.

Good luck!

Kind regards,

O.

PS Feel free to contact me if you have any other questions.

My mother was 36 when she had me. And these days, women are focusing on their career first and having babies later, it's normal to hear now of a 40-42 year old woman having a child.
My advice is to go for it! Because if you dont now, you might be 45 y/o wishing more than anything that you did!!
And as far as the age difference, my sister and I are 12 years apart and were best friends!! =)

It's fine, I personally know three sets of parents that had children around your age (some a little older even). Two of the children are young and one is my age :) All of the children and parents are doing wonderfully and none of the mothers had any complications in those situations. It is up to you, but don't worry too much about the age situation (your doctor will tell you if you are healthy enough or not).

~N.~

Hi,

My husband had cancer and we had to go through doctor after doctor before I finally had my first child at 35, and I couldn't be happier, and we are going to try again next year, so I'll be 37 if we get lucky again. I don't think 36 is too old at all, as long as you have help with catching up on sleep--the all-nighters with the newborn were a bit harder than I think they would have been at 20.

Follow your heart!

I had the same situation. I had a child from my first marriage. When my son was 9 I had another baby with my 2nd husband. I was 37.
Don't worry about the gap between the kids ages. When they are in their 20's it won't make a difference. My oldest really helps out a lot with his little brother. The little guy adores his big brother. They still fight as brothers do but they are quick to hug and make up. I didn't want my son to be an only child.
As for your age, if you are healthy you should do great. Have a check-up and go for it!

Hi L.
First, don't let anyone judge you on your lifes decisions. Commitment is just that and noone else can know your level of commitment. I have been with my boyfriend for 16 years, longer than many marriages, and we have a 5 1/2 year old son.
Second, I got pregnant at 36 and was 37 when I had him. He is a wonderful healthy boy. It was a bit daunting every time I had an appointment to see "advanced maternal age" on all my files but I didn't feel OLD! I did have all the tests including amnio and knew what my actions would be with any results. Many of my friends have had babies anywhere from 35-43 and all have been healthy. Of course, everyone and every pregnancy is different.
Consult with your doctor but be assured, many women are having babies "later" in life.
Good luck, happiness and health.
PS did you talk to your 10 year old to get his opinion about a new sibling?

Have another!!!! I'm 35 with a 12 year old, a 3 and 1 year old. I always knew I wanted more children... unfortunately I had to find a better husband to do it with :) My older son is great with the younger ones and although I guess it isn't "ideal" I bet you find you have a lot more patience and find yourself more layed back. Good luck!

A new baby is a blessing. My youngest is 2....and the next older one is 8. My older children love and play with the littler ones and intend to be responsible for each other for life. My younger ones weren't planned, and I was much, much older than you when they came along. Yes, you need to be a little more concerned about health, yours and the babies'. Yes, you will be older and little more tired running after a toddler, but you already know that. Having this new baby has brought us closer with our oldest children and opened the door to discussing issues about their plans in life. It has also made all of us more aware and more considerate when talking to each other. A new life can bring out the best in people ! Also, I've never, ever heard anyone express true regrets about having had too many kids or having them when older....most of my friends, after expressing surprise at my last pregnancy, said that they were a little jealous. Bottom line, loving caring siblings and parents can certainly tip the scales in favor of having another baby. Good Luck ! Also...there are great ob/gyns at Magee that can answer your questions regarding age and health.

It IS about being married. If he isn;t ready to make a commitment to you he is NOT going to make a commitment to a child. This is not about religion, morales, etc. This is about your responsibility as a mother. It takes two to raise a child one can make it work, but it is NOT optimal (study after study after study shows this!). Make the commitment to eachother first, then to a totally dependant innocent. The next thing you need toa sk yourself is what happens if it isn't a normal healthy baby? Will you not want it? Do you want a child that you can love or do you want a peice of you and your "boyfriend" to live on as a token of your love. You either want a child unconditionally or you don't.

I see this everyday and can't understand people who can't make a commitment to eachother and have no qualms about another human being. It is NOT just a piece of paper. It is a contract...a legal obligation to do your best to make it work and stick around. That is why divorce isn't easy. Breaking up just means "moving out". Take a stand and set a good example for your current child. Then take the next step if you can handle the consequences.

Hi L.,
I have 4 older children, then we had a 7 year gap and we had 7 more children. They are 23, 21, 20, 18, 11, 10, 9, 7, 6, 4 1/2, and 3 years old. I had the last baby when I was 39. All of my children are healthy. I did not have any pregnancy problems and the last baby was the easiest delivery.

The 23 yr. old just got married this summer, but all the others are at home. The older ones always help with the little ones and take them places. My 21 yr. old daughter takes the 11 yr. old boy to hear concerts in the park with her young adult group from church (they are between 18 and 26 yrs. old). They never mind him going with them. When they have friends over to play games they let the 11 yr. old stay up and play with them. She also takes them to the theater every week in the summer when they have free movies (all 7 little boys by herself). My 18 yr. old son loves his little brothers and never minds babysitting. He wrestles with them and teaches them art and how to wear clothes or do their hair.

If you would like to have another baby, I'ld say go for it!
L.

It is a matter of choice. I only started having kids when I was 33. I just turned 36 and just had a baby. We have 2 and they are close in age. I have a brother that is 19 years and 10 months to the day yiounger then me and we have a great relationship! I love him to death. My brother in the middle is 7 years younger then me and yes it is the same parents. My youngest was an oopps LOl

AS far as the health issues ~ things are so different these days. They can really see alot between the different blood tests and ultra sounds.

Good Luck on your decision!

I don't mean to come across as judgmental, but why would you consider having a child with someone if you're not going to marry him? It seems to me you're putting the cart before the horse.

This is not just a matter of a "piece of paper." (A medical degree is "just a piece of paper" too, but I wouldn't let the man in the white coat take out my gallbladder without one.)

IMHO, you should get married first, and then see if you're ready for parenthood afterward. If you don't have the stamina for marriage, how can you have the stamina for motherhood?

But 36, without more, is not too old to have a baby. Your doctor would be able to give you more information on this.

Hi L.
I don't think 36 is too old for a new baby.
My mom was 36 when she had my sister. We are the only 2 children she had (biologically). We are exactly 13yrs & 6 days apart.
Just this past Aug, I gave birth to my first child Ethan.
I turned 36 in July.
So I really don't think 36 is too old. You may feel more tired b/c you aren't in the same youthful condition you were when you had your son but you will adjust.
I say GO FOR IT!
M.