August 09, 2009,
S. asks from Barrington, IL on August 07, 2009
How Old Is Too Old for a Girl to Take Showers with Dad
Just wondering what the consensus is out there on this issue. My daughter is almost 4 1/2 and I'm wondering at what age is it no longer appropriate for my daughter to be taking showers with her dad.
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L.R. answers from Chicago on August 09, 2009
My daughter is also 4-1/2 and occasionally still showers with my husband and honestly I don't see what the big deal is. We are very open with her about hers and his body parts. I want her to be comfortable with her body as well as others. She doesn't shower with him as much as she used to, but she'll ask to go in with him from time to time. She still takes baths with me as well. We are all about co-parenting so this is no big deal to me.
J.P. answers from Chicago on August 07, 2009
You will get a huge range of comments on this. There was a similar post on here about a year ago and I was shocked on how conservative people were.
I PERSONALLY feel that until someone is uncomfortable, either your husband or daughter. I think that nudity is natural and that our culture over sexualizes everything. This is a personal choice for your family and no one can judge you on your decision. I think that your family can show respect and appreciation of the human body, while not making it feel as if there is shame in nudity.
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E.R. answers from Chicago on August 07, 2009
I would say it's fine until one or both of them is uncomfortable. Nudity is natural and normal. If they are both fine with it, it's fine.
Modesty will come eventually and when it does, or when she is more aware, then it can stop.
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J.L. answers from Chicago on August 08, 2009
Ok, I guess I'm the odd ball-we don't make a big deal about our nudity, granted we don't walk around naked, but if my daughter barges in the bathroom we don't flip out. My husband stopped showering with her at 5 or a little before but despite our best efforts she still pops in on him in the bathroom occasionally so since my daughter will not give either of us 15 minutes of alone tome to shower anyway, so we have never stressed about her seeing our private areas.
But we have had very candid talks about how certain parts of the body are off-limits to anyone except parents and doctors because they are private and that it is embarrassing for someone else to stare or try to see our private areas if we don't want them to. We also strongly enforce modesty and often talk about how indecent the swimsuit models are when the subject comes up. But at home since we have a small house and one shower there are times that our bathroom times overlap and we try to minimize it, but we don't make a big deal about it.
Much of the reason we don't fuss about it is because we don't want our little one to grow up thinking her body is dirty or shameful, we teach her that every part of her is special and some parts are private.
So I guess what I'm saying is that I really don't think you need to feel guilty or shamed by all these "shocked" responses, everybody has the same parts and if your husband is uncomfortable stop showering with her, but don't freak out when she walks into the bathroom or she will start to think there is something "dirty or wrong" about her body.
Children get to the point on their own when they want their own privacy soon enough.
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M.C. answers from Chicago on August 07, 2009
N.Z. answers from Chicago on August 07, 2009
It's really time for her to take showers on her own, with assistance from either you or dad. I don't recommend taking showers anymore, once my son hit 5 I noticed he would look at my vagina more frequently (if he walked in the bathroom while I was go, or in the room while I was changing, he usually follows me to our room after work while I change). Soon she will begin to become very curious, which is great. Just be careful because sometimes over exposure is just as bad as being naive to situations.
N.L. answers from Chicago on August 07, 2009
My daughter is 4, and we stopped her showers with dad about a year ago. We did this because once day she drew a very "specific" picture with body parts, so that showed she noticed daddy looked different than her. She still takes a shower with me and her little brother, who is almost 2. She never says anything about him being different.
S.Q. answers from Chicago on August 07, 2009
I think 4 1/2 is too old to be showering with any adult- mom or dad, sorry. If you really enjoy doing this, I'd suggest one (parent) or both (parent and child) wear swim suits. I guess I do not understand why this would even occur in the first place? Unless you are at a gym and the showers aren't divided, even then I keep on my swimsuit until my child is done with her shower and dressed, then I take a quick shower while she is waiting on the bench around the corner. I don't mean to be rude, I just don't understand why a man is showering with his daughter, at any age?
S.A. answers from Chicago on August 07, 2009
I agree with the "until someone is uncomfortable" approach. My son is 3 1/2 and we still shower together. He has asked questions and I'm not uncomfortable answering them and he hasn't asked me to not shower with him. (Keep in mind that he asked to see the birth of his sister and I allowed it. He stayed until he told my mom he was ready to go, before the actual pushing) Until that day comes, we'll still be together. It's just so much easier! (I also agree on the whole over sexualizing and not being ashamed too)