I have been a director of a childcare center over 7 years and I always seem to run into this problem with parents. "My child only has a bottle every three to four hours" and then they get mad if we give them a bottle every two hours or whatever. Recently this happened with a five month old that the mom listed these dramatically long spans of time that this little girl supposedly went between bottles at home. Except when she was here she would scream every two hours like clockwork for her bottle.
Now I have an associate degree in Early childhood Education and a child of my own. I was always taught that a baby will never starve themselves and children have their own pattern and if they are hungry you should feed them. Where my center is it is a regulation that children should be fed when hungry and sleep when tired.
This new parent thinks we are doing something wrong and I thought maybe some of the moms could help me get a handle on this because it's driving me crazy. I'm almost thinking of asking for a doctor's note stating why and when we should feed these children because I feel like I am doing something wrong if I withold based on a parent request.
I would also like to point out that often children act very different in childcare then they do at home. Younger children can use food as a comfort and may sleep and eat better at home, especially if the children are not on a consistent schedule. I have spoken with this mom several times about her child but she always seems to look at me like I'm crazy and keeps insisting that her child has that long span between bottles. She offers no help and pretty much keeps this I'm right and your wrong attitude and shoots down all ideas and thoughts I have.
What should I do? Any advice?
I really appreciate everyone's response. I sat down with the mom, laid out my concerns in an assertive way, and found out that she was giving the little girl baby food (breakfast and late afternoon lunch) in between bottles at home. Well that would make sense why she was so hungry when in our care since we were only giving her 5oz every two and a half hours. In a nine to 10 hour span at day care mom was under the impression that three bottles should be enough if 5oz bottles were given every three hours without food to supplement. It was like pulling teeth to get the information but she finally admitted she forgot to pack food which to me is unbelievable after being asked over and over if there was something she was doing differently at home then we were doing but the baby was the like a completely different baby on Friday when she had formula and some baby food in her belly. I still plan on watching this mother closely though because as a mother myself I always keep my teachers informed when there is a change in my daughter's schedule or eating habits and to not do so to me is unthinkable. Parents are also provided a form for children two and under that is supposed to give us teachers the necessary information about feeding and sleeping schedules and is required by daycare regulations to be updated every 3 months or when there is a change to baby schedule. I tell all parents upon enrollment that we try to keep with the parent's schedule as much as possible and if we see that there is a problem we will speak with them. Keep the lines of communication open. This parent knows this and something is not jiving to me when it comes to this mom and this while situation. But I appreciate everyone's feedback. I was tearing my hair out over this. Thanks again everyone!
I hate when parents put their children's bottle times on a schedule. I know someone who did this and her child could only eat at the designated time. She was afraid her kids would overeat and become overweight.
I have always fed my kids on demand they know when they're hungry not me, they know when they're full etc.
How can this mom expect you to sit their and listen to her child scream for a feeding that would break my heart.
<<Where my center is it is a regulation that children should be fed when hungry and sleep when tired.>>
Do you put such regulations in writing, and then have the parents sign the document?
I would really advertise that your center is a "child-led" one, where babies are fed as needed. If parents don't like it, they can take their children elsewhere.
As for your current struggle with the child you mention, I would document what times the child is fed, and then also what times she becomes fussy. And push the problem back on the mother--ask her what you should do if her baby is screaming and showing signs of being hungry, but it's still 1 hour to her scheduled feeding.
Children are amazing in many ways. One thing they do really well is eat when they need to and stop when they are full, something I am challenged in doing! I would consult the site Ask Dr. Sears, as he has never failed me. If this child is needing food, then she needs food, no matter how much this parent says. Also, does this child need something to chew or suck on? Maybe a contributing factor is teething or just needing soothing. Babies can flutter suck when they want to comfort themselves, but not need food. Nursing babies are especially good at this, while bottle fed babies have to take the formula while sucking. Does this baby have a pacifier? I am not a big fan of these, but in this case it may be just what this baby needs while mom is away.
Good luck and I hope this helps!
J.
I have a two year old who was breasfed for the first 12 months of his little life. Breastfed babies have shorter intervals between feedings because the milk is digested quicker. My son was fed anywhere between 2.5 and 3 hours. I was told by the lactation specialists/nurses in the hospital that if he were to have been given formula, he could probably go 3-4 hours in between bottles. Formula takes longer to digest than breastmilk does. In your case, it would all depend on whether the 5 month old is getting formula or breastmilk. I would think Mother knows best in this type of situation.
It sounds like you've been trying to be open to suggestions from the parent in trying to solve your problem. If communication is really breaking down and the parent still wants what you would consider way too long between feedings,it might help if you research feeding spans in some books or on the internet and have documentation on why you feel this time span is too long and what effects it could have on the child. I think it is "normal" for a child to go between 2-4 hours between feedings at 5 months depending on how much they eat at a time, when nap times are, and if they have a comfort items such as a Nuk, blanket,or use fingers. Also, have solid foods been introduced yet?
I went to www.babycenter.com and found this in an article about schedules for 5-6 month old babies:
As you're creating a schedule for your baby, keep in mind that at 5 and 6 months most babies need:
• 12 to 36 ounces of breast milk or formula in a 24-hour period. (Get specific tips on how to tell whether your baby is getting enough breast milk or formula.) Most babies start solid foods at this age, though they'll still get most of their nutrition from breast milk or formula.
• About 14.25 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period — this includes nighttime sleep and naps. Two naps during the day (morning and afternoon) is typical, though many babies will still take three naps.
Schedule 5: A formula-feeding stay-at-home mom of a 5-month-old
Editor's note: This schedule is a parent-led routine
6 a.m.: Jack wakes up and has an 8-ounce bottle.
6 to 7 a.m.: Playtime with Daddy.
7 a.m.: Cereal and pureed fruit (baby food).
8:30 to 10 a.m.: Naptime.
10 to 11 a.m.: Playtime.
11 a.m.: 6- to 8- ounce bottle and jar of fruit (baby food).
Noon to 2 or 3 p.m.: Naptime.
3 p.m.: 6- to 8-ounce bottle.
3 to 6 p.m.: Playtime.
6 to 6:30: We go for our evening walk.
6:30 p.m.: Cereal and veggies (baby food).
6:45 p.m.: Bath time.
7 p.m.: Prayers, 8-ounce bottle, brush his teeth.
7:15 p.m.: Bedtime — Jack sleeps until the next morning.
Schedule 6: A formula-feeding working mom of a 6-month-old
Editor's note: This schedule is a combination (parent-led and baby-led) routine
Isabella is in daycare and has a pretty set schedule.
6 a.m.: She wakes up, starts talking in her crib.
6:15 a.m.: Talking louder, letting Mommy and Daddy know it's time to get up.
6:30 a.m.: Daddy feeds her a 7-ounce bottle and then plays with her and kisses her while Mommy showers quickly and gets ready for work.
7 a.m.: Dress Isabella and leave the house by 7:15.
7:15 to 8 a.m.: Nap time on the way to daycare.
8 a.m.: Kisses and goodbye to Mommy, who goes to work.
At daycare, she spends time in an activity saucer, looks in the mirror, plays with friends, and rolls around on the floor. Sometimes they take her outside to enjoy the fresh air.
10 a.m.: One jar of stage 1 baby food, either vegetables or fruit.
10:30 a.m.: She has a 4-ounce bottle.
10:45 a.m. to noon: Playtime.
Noon to 2 or 2:30 p.m.: Nap time.
2 or 2:30 p.m.: She has a 6-ounce bottle.
After that, she listens to stories and music, plays with friends, and goes outside if the weather is nice.
4:30 or 5 p.m.: Mommy picks up Isabella.
5 to 6 p.m.: Naptime while on the way home.
6:30 p.m.: She has some rice cereal mixed with formula.
7:00 p.m.: Playtime with Daddy while Mommy makes dinner for the adults.
7:30 to 8 p.m.: Bath time and tummy time with Mommy.
8:30 p.m.: 6-ounce bottle, then cuddle with Mommy or Daddy till she falls asleep. She sleeps through the night and we start all over again the next day!
Just to give you an idea of what some other parents do. If all else fails, and you feel the child is truly hurting from not being fed, I would ask her to bring in a note from her doctor/pediatrition (possibly with a phone number so you can talk?) on the need for waiting so long between feedings, especially if it's more than 4 hours without a nap in between.
Hope this info helps.
I am just wondering how many ounces she is getting at a time and is she only getting bottles? Because, for instance, if she were getting 6 oz every 2 hours and she gets up at 5 and goes down for the night at seven, she is getting 48 ounces and that is far more then I was told to give my kids. At this age she should be eating every 3-5 hours, but my doc also had my kids on baby food as well. This could be the problem if she is not eating anything other then a bottle when in your care.
A five month old should not be eating every 2 hours, especially bottle fed. She is probably looking for comfort, all the chaos of daycare can be overwhelming to a young child.
Could you video the child when she starts crying for the bottle? Then ask her mom to view it with you and ask her how she wants you to handle that situation. She probably will not want her child screaming when she sees the situation. It does come down to her parenting, though. She is the mom, and you do need to do things her way as much as possible. If you can't deal with it, then she should be asked to find new care.
There have been situations that I have not been able to agree with parents on and have just had to call it quits.
Honestly, I don't remember how often my son ate when he was 5 months old; but I wanted to respond because I've been on the other side of this.
First off, it's nice that you've tried to open up a dialogue with the parent. I would ask if the baby is overly tired. My son would sleep for less than an hour and come home exhausted; I often believed that they mistook tiredness for hunger. When the daycare fed him extra bottles during the day, he also came home uninterested in breastfeeding and was off schedule the rest of the night. This led to some supply problems, which might be why the mom is upset (unless the baby is formula fed).
Something that worked for my son was giving him the same amount of milk that I sent, but playing with the amounts. For instance, if I sent 12 oz, he might eat 8 in the morning and 4 in the afternoon.
Bottom line -- make sure the baby is getting enough sleep at daycare and see if finessing the bottles helps.
I don't know if this is helpful or not. It's a stressful situation on both ends! Keep talking to the mother -- neither one of you want the baby to cry and be upset. Good luck!
I'm a nurse on demand mom, but I have a friend who schedules her kids' feedings & will NOT give baby a bottle until it's time. Some parents are into scheduling their kids - I don't get it though.
Anyway - as a mom with kids in daycare, I would really appreciate a conversation where my provider explained that the baby was acting hungry every 2 hours and asked for my help in solving the problem. Maybe Mom wants you to offer a pacifier, maybe she's cool with baby crying, maybe she's misinformed or doesn't understand baby's hungry cues.
I think the best advice I can give you is to keep the communication open & honest with this mom before either of you gets too upset. People get a little wacko when it comes to their kids (and rightfully so!), so it's probably best to address it right away before it festers into a bigger issue.
Good luck!
I have an 8 month old son who eats 6oz every 3 hours and baby food 2 times a day. It seems to work well for him. He just started daycare 4 days ago but I expect them to follow my schedule for feedings and naps as much as they can. I pay for them to watch my kids and I want to keep the schedule as close as possible. My daycare center agrees with that. As far as my daughter who will be 3 on Monday she has adjusted to their schedule for naps and feedings. I would try suggesting maybe that her baby gets a little more formula at a time if she is hungry. I know that I would definitely listen to advice from my daycare provider.
I am a home childcare provider. I am also the mom of 3 energetic kids. I would tell the parent that sometimes when a baby is away from her mother she will seek comfort. A lot of people seek comfort in food. I think that maybe you might also check to see if she's getting bored and that is why she is crying. If she sees a bottle maybe she thinks she hungry and cry for a bottle. I understand your frustration with the differences between regulations and parents. Not every child is alike. You are also right by saying they are different for us than they are at home. I am sorry for not really giving you a difinitive answer, but I don't think there are any. Good luck!
im sorry (for the mom) but you are right. feed that baby when its hungry!
makes me so mad when a mom would want to deny the needs of her baby because of her schedule. come on. babies dont need schedule, they need loving respoonses that fulfill their needs. yes - maybe baby sleeps more and eats less at home, but thats no reason for baby to have to be exactly the same at child care. you do what you need to do. use the words "my needs are to fulfill the needs of your baby whatever they are. my needs are to not let the baby cry when she can be comforted by eating - especially when she is so obviously hungry when we feed her" MY NEEDS ARE are the most important words you can use.
i hate to say this - but this looks like another case of 'detachment parenting' - making sure that mom schedules baby so that baby cant manipulate mom and dad into doing what baby wants. hellOOOOOO babies dont manipulate. if you need to tell her that if your licensor, or other official, walked in and saw such disrespectful ignorance of a baby's cry, they would give you a citation and possible fine for neglect. after all, they wouldnt wouldnt they?
so sad. baby has probably been left to cry enough at home, that she just doesnt cry anymore. she knows no one will respond to her. at child care, she cries and gets a response, so she knows that crying - her communication efforts are being lovingly taken care of - she trusts that you will respond and fulfill her needs. :D this is a good thing - and i encourage you to keep it up - no matter how mom feels about it. just dont tell her i guess. do what you must, but its worth it to do what you know is right.
parents dont educate themselves enough these days. they just do what seems the easiest way out of the hard job of parenting. OR, for a more positive note, they dont have the energy to deal with it after working all day - and they dont have the energy to put in the time to connect to their baby in a loving, understanding way. the majority of parents raise their kids thinking they are constantly manipulating, and the majority of kids grow up knowing they cant trust anyone, and they misbehave, etc etc.
after all, you are educated enough to know needs - and this baby has a need! you respond! :D she communicates with you. cherish that. :D
i love to hear people who are as concerned with child development as i am. im not very educated about it - but i have a 23 month old son who is raised very much with the attachment parenting techniques, and he is so confident, so attached, so loving, so empathetic.... he knows his needs are fulfilled, he knows he is cared for and loved, he knows he can be confident in himself and his family. :D its a shame that most parents think that in order to have an independent confident child, they have to force their babies to cry it out or self soothe or do everything on their own. makes me so mad, and sad... and makes me wish i could teach parents.
in fact, i think that prenatal education should be required by insurance in order for insurance to pay for the pregnancy and etc, and that prenatal education should include more about child development. we just expect parents to find things out on their own - and obviously, its not working.
:(
sad.
E.,
I too run a daycare, have a degree, and am a mother, While I have not run into the same problem... My suggestion would be to explaint to the Mother that accoring to our Center Guidelines we feed children when they are hungrey and let them sleep when tierd. If your child is crying for food every 2 hours, we will feed her unless there is a doctors note specifying why 2 hour intervals are bad for her health. Yes, she is your customer, but remember you have a center to run and other children to care for as well. And getting other people to fill her spot would not be difficult if she did choose to leave. Good Luck!
Children at child care don't get the same amount of comfort that they do at home since they have more children to share the attention and love with. If what makes a kid happy and comfortable is to be full, then that is what should be done to avoid someone crying all day long on an empty stomach.
I think that there is a problem in our society that parents want thier little girls to be small and that people dont want their children to overeat for fear that they will be overweight. Little girls are cute and easier to carry and there is no negative stereotype with a little girl. I would bet this is a woman who is very worried about her little girl being chunky even though this is baby fat that is needed for brain development so she is probably sticking to the minimum of what this child needs to survive. Sad.
This is your center and you get to make the rules, you will get more children, if she is that big of a pain in the butt your life and your staff life, might be easier without her. There are many people that need quality infant care who would prefer to have their child be happy and full than hungry and sad. Tell her it is your policy if she doesnt like it find someone else who will starve her.
If this woman is pumping breastmilk maybe she isnt producing enough and that is why she is freaking out because she is eating more than she can pump and she probably does not want to suppliment. If that is the case that is a hard one to call.
My cousin-in-law is overweight and eats horrible foods (squeeze cheese, oreos), but she refuses to let her child eat any foods with fat or that are not organic. This 2.5 old is wearing 12-18 month clothes and she is proud of that fact. Not only is she basically starving her child she is starving her brain from the fat she needs. It truly shows as this is not a smart child and she has no muscle tone, but I am sure she will look cute in her pagent dress.
I can imagine this is quite frustrating for you! From my end, as a mother of three, all of mine by this age were definitely going 3-4 hous between feedings. I did have a schedule that I stuck to with all three and, of course, there was flexiblity within it but I definitely expected my care providers to stick to the same schedule.
I know that isn't really advice as how to deal with it but in a gentle way, I want to cooborate that my children were all capable of going 3-4 hours at 5 months and did so consistently. However, they were not screaming in between feedings either.
One other thing that may or may not be a factor, I stuck to the EASY cycle with my three (Eat, Awake, Sleep and then You time). This made it incredibly easy to get them on a schedule, get good feedings (because they weren't falling asleep in the middle of them and only snacking) and then they had GREAT sleep and didn't wake up early from being hungry.
I say that just to throw it out there and see if maybe she's crying from being tired.
I'm sure you're good at what you do and have already thought of that though. I wish you all the best!
Feed the baby when hungry. If it's your policy stick to it. If the parent does not like it let her go else where.
Seems you already know what's "right" and what's "wrong". I remember my 5 month old drinking every 3 hours or so. At daycare their written instructions for his bottle were "every 2 - 3 hours" and when they noticed that he no longer was satisfied with the number of ounces I specified, they gave him more and then let me know.
It amazes me that this mom is so closed to discussing this with you. I've always felt better when the caretakers took the time to ask questions or inform me of any changes and in general just be so open to changes/ideas/thoughts between us.
Has she spent a day with her daughter at daycare? Even if the baby acts differently, you could at least get a chance for the mom to interact with the caretakers and the baby at the same time. She could observe you and you could observe her. I found that doing this improves communication between the parent and caretaker... though if she's already made up her mind, maybe it won't be too helpful...
How about a video of her daughter screaming for her bottle? After all, a picture speaks a thousand words...
Good luck with this!
I guess I don't understand why the mom is so upset. She should be glad you are taking such good care of her baby. Babies are too young to get emotionally attached to food. She knows when she is hungry. I have a six month breast feed boy and he still wants to eat every two hours sometimes three. But he sleeps from 7-7:30. So, I think he loads up during the day for night. And he eats baby food three times a day. My boy can eat! So, if you have to maybe suggest she go to a different day care. Or ask her what she would do at home if her baby was screaming for food. If I were you I would just feed her. And I used to work at a daycare center so I totally understand how crazy the parents can be. They used to get on us in the two year old room if we used more diapers in a day than they thought we should use. Good luck.
