April 04, 2012,
C.S. asks from Garden Grove, CA on July 24, 2008
How Often Do Married Couples (With Kids) Have Sex?
Currently, my husband and I have sex about 1 time a week. My husband thinks that this is not typical. He seems to think married couples with kids have sex 2 -3 times a week. We have 2 kids ages 4 and 1. I enjoy sex, but I am not unhappy with our 1 time a week. How often do you have sex a week? Do you think once is normal. Be honest. Thanks.
1 mom found this helpful
J.S. answers from Los Angeles on July 25, 2008
How wonderful that you have a loving husband who wants to be with you. It's easy after a long day to push sex aside but you both deserve the closeness and the wonderful feeling of it. Men are simple. Give him a little pleasure and you'll get bounds in return! Sex is kind of how men recharge themselves and fill them back up. Men want to be wanted by their wife-it makes them feel like THE MAN and want to provide more for you and the family.
My hubby loves it every day though it always doesn't happen. My goal is for every other day to have an intimate encounter of some kind.
Remember it always doesn't have to the be the whole shabang, so to speak. Enjoy cuddling, a shower or bath, massages, make out sessions, etc. All of those are intimate activities that can be done daily. And honestly, most of these lead to the fun stuff! Feelings always follow actions.
On nights when I'm just not in the mood, I'll make it his night to relax and just be taken care of. It also doesn't have to happen at night-grab him when you can. I work in the AM and am out of the house by 6. If I was home I would love to start each day off with a quickie-which we try to do on the weekend. Set your alarm clocks 15 minutes earlier and go for it.
As your kids get older it will be easier to fit in more alone time. In the meantime, get a lock on your door to prevent unexpected visitors and have some fun any time of day! You'll both reap the benefits.
K.M. answers from Los Angeles on July 25, 2008
Life is very precious. Sex is an important part of a marriage - it is a time when you and your husband can share something alone - without your children. Yes, it is a physical need for him, but for you too! It has a relaxing effect for both of you.
I don't mean to sound preachy, but my sister just lost her husband and I have learned how precious our time with our spouses are. Any time you can share with your spouse should be grabbed and embraced.
K.D. answers from Reno on July 24, 2008
I'd say once a week is realistic for a couple with young children. Most of the year you both work, then it's dinner, bedtime, housework. Kids definately play a roll, they add to your daily chores which can make anyone, man or woman, exhausted.
I think that the ethics of a wife have changed a bit, and if my husband needs a "release" every 3 days, well he doesn't necessarily always need me! LOL!
We believe much more in quality than quantity. We shoot for once a week but sometimes don't get it. But when we do it's well worth the wait! ;)
I say no worries, you're "wifely duties" seem to be right in the norm based on other Moms I talk to.
J.M. answers from San Diego on July 25, 2008
I have been married two years, and we have a seven year old and a one year old. We take it when we can get it, if both kids are napping we take advantage of the time. If Im tired at night we set the alarm early and have morning time fun. You've got to make time for your marriage and keep it fresh, you've got to remember that before the kids there was you two. And without you two there would be no kids. Just do what works for you guys but if he wants it more than once a week, try to make an effort. Good Luck.
M.L. answers from Reno on July 25, 2008
You are getting a lot of responses and we al seem to be saying the same thing...once a week is about average for us parents with small kids. Truth be told, after having kids mu libido is nill now. I try and apease my husband and have it 2-3 times a week (on a very good week for him) if I had my way, I could do it once every 2 weeks. I enjoy it, it just isn't important to me. I would rather have a long conversation and curl up nest to him while sleeping. I think you are among the norm here. Hope this helps.
R.M. answers from Sacramento on April 04, 2012
Well I have a similar situation. My husband thinks that we should be having sex at least 3 times a week, I think one or two would be plenty. We are currently having sex 2-3 times a week. I am honestly exhausted though. We have kids 2 and 6 years old.
N.J. answers from Los Angeles on July 25, 2008
Once a week is normal, my hubby would like it 3 times a day. We aim for 3 times a week, but depending on our schedules we probably average twice a week. I think sex is an important part of a healthy marriage, so although I'm happy with once a week or even once every two weeks, I still try to keep him happy with frequent sex. My in-laws have been married for almost 30 years and I'm pretty sure they "do it" twice a day. Its pretty common knowledge that when they disappear into the bedroom you better stay in the family room.
V.M. answers from San Diego on July 29, 2008
Realistically, I think anywhere between 1-3x/wk is probably normal and okay, but it really is a question of what else is going on in your world that week.
Hubby and I would love to have it 3-4x/wk but that hasn't happened since the second trimester! LOL But when we were moving, and doing all the packing and planning and everything else, I think we went nearly a month or so without, because we were soooo tired and every waking moment was consumed with things we had to do.
I have never agreed with the idea that a man's sexual appetite was my responsibility. No one ever tells a guy that if his wife wants sex more often, he'd better put out and keep her happy. Sex shouldn't be an obligation. If a wife or a husband wants sexual activity more often than the partner, well, there is a lock on the bathroom door for that.
Now, that being said, I do agree with the idea that sex is one of those things where the more you do it, the more you want it, and the less you do it, the less you think about it. And I also agree that in a good marriage you make time for each other as people and leave the parents out of the picture for a bit. Sex is a good way to do that. I think what happens though, is that men start focusing on the sex and forget about all the things they could be doing to get a woman in the mood to have sex. Romance, a little emotional attention, talking about what he loves about her, or reminiscing about things/conversations/activities/etc that happened when they were falling in love... these are good ways to put a woman in a mood to feel loved and become sexually intrigued.
When it's just about getting laid, it's not as high on the priority list. But when it's an emotional re-connection that is expressed physically, I think both parties get more into it and then will start making time for it.
E.S. answers from Los Angeles on July 25, 2008
That's probably about our average. Some weeks more than others (and obviously none during that time of the month). I think we'd do it more if my husband initiated it more because honestly, I'd like to be seduced once in awhile. It drives me nuts that I have to be the one to initiate it. My husband says it's because he's afraid of being turned down. Hey, I've been turned down by him before, too! My sister says her husband asks for it all the time, so I honestly don't know what's up with mine. He's just a weirdo I guess. I guess what I'm trying to say is try to look at it as a compliment that your husband wants to be with you more, and not a "chore" or "wifely duty".
R.P. answers from Los Angeles on July 25, 2008
We plan about once a week. We try for two, but it doesn't always happen. We do co-sleep, so we have to find other places to be intimate, but it hasn't really been a problem. Helps us to be more creative when we do get together. I also help him find his own release about once a month, he does it by himself the rest of the month, as needed...=)
J.L. answers from San Diego on July 24, 2008
Hi C., how often is an in dividual prefrence, 7 days a wwek wouldn't ve enought for the average man. Right now my husband and i have sex onece a week, but we are 51 and 52, and that is not enough for my husband, every now and then we might get in a extra one. How old are you guys? I;m not sure kids are an issue, unless you allow them to be, like co-sleeping, my husband and I in our younger days were 3 or 4 times a week, my husband was in ther Navy so we did spend time a apart, so the time we had together was important. You guys can have some sort of intamacy with out intercourse, when you have been married as long as we have, you have to get creative. The ethics of a wife is to never deny her husband sex, unless, your sick, or that time of the month, but you asked for honesty, and honestly it's different for different couples, I think you are blessed that your husband wants more intament time with you, that's a good thing, sometimes for us even when we were younger and our 3 kids were young just cuddling through the night was enough for us, but he average male needs a release every 3 days, I actually went to a class on this. Hope this helps, If you have furthure questions, or want to tall more on this my e-mail address is ____@____.com J.
J.V. answers from Greensboro on April 15, 2011
I have read several of your responses and the general consensus seems to be that once a week is ok but it wouldnt hurt to at least try to throw in an extra 1 or 2 a week for hubbs sake.
Personally I am a fulltime student, we have a 4 year old and he doesnt get home until 830pm, just in time to help me get the kiddo to bed. Usually I am so exhausted I'd be k with once or twice a month but hubbs would like to have it every day - or at least every 3- 4 days, usually we end up at 1 -2 times a week. I am trying to put forth more of an effort but sometimes t the end of the day my body is just so achy and tired that sex seems like punishment instead of enjoyment.
C.C. answers from Reno on July 27, 2008
Typically, we have sex 3 times a week…but only because my hubby is persistent and I have finally scheduled it for those 3 days. Without the schedule it was once a week, maybe twice if our son was in bed on time. Part of our schedule is that my hubby puts our son to bed while I relax or get things done around the house that have been plaguing me. We only have one child so it works most of the time but having two would certainly drop our schedule to twice a week.
E.C. answers from Los Angeles on July 24, 2008
I think once a week is normal, but honestly not enough to keep your man happy. I'd strive for 3 - 4 times a week, seriously, if you want a happy husband. they are such simple creatures...and this is a MAJOR thing you can do to create a happy home. Most stuff I read says that the majority of men are happily married if they are getting sex several times a week - that is literally the top thing on their list.
So, I know it seems like work when you are tired, but it is one of those things where the more you do it, the more you'll want too. I think if you do 3 - 4 times a week for the next few weeks you'll see a nice response from him.
Then, my next recommendation - start putting out the clues that you want a tennis bracelet for your next anniversary -
it worked for me. :)
L.E. answers from Los Angeles on July 25, 2008
If I were in a happy relationship, I would want to have sex with my partner a couple of times per day. That not being the case, my husband and I probably have sex once every three to four weeks--when he's in town. (Because he's a touring musician, he's out of town approx. six months out of the year.) In the 4 1/2 years that I've known him, he's never had a strong libido. I think that he'd be content to have sex with me once a month. He and I are 42 and have a 24-month-old and a 10-month-old.
R.C. answers from Los Angeles on July 24, 2008
That's as normal it's going to get, your both probably tired from working then coming home to active children. Trust me I have 3 children & once every 2 weeks is normal, but yet there was a time last year where we were having sex 3X a week! Go figure I don't know what happened, but glad we got that out of our system.