How Often Did Your Fam/in-laws Visit After New Baby Arrived?

Someone was there every day for us. Either my parents or my in-laws they traded days so we could sleep and get things back together after our last LO arrived. It was great to have extra help around since we didn't feel like cooking or cleaning. They did this for the first two weeks then slacked off until I went back to work 3 months later. I knew that if I needed extra help all's I had to do was pick up the phone and they would be there within minutes. :) I love my parents and my in-laws they were so very helpful and still are.

2 moms found this helpful

My inlaws never saw my children. It's a long story and not worth mentioning here.

As for my parents, when they did live here, they visited more when my kiddos were infants and the visits became less and less as they got older. I don't mind that my folks don't come more often (they have since moved away) but in the beginning, I found their constant trips to my house a bit intrusive. I don't think there is a "norm." Just what each family/household is comfortable with. I will say that I wish my family helped me more. They would offer, I would accept but then they wouldn't help. That was always frustrating. I'm pregnant with my 4th child...a bonus baby we never saw coming and my mother told me she would help me during my pregnancy sickness. I was more sick with this one than my other three. She never came. Big disappointment. Even my sister who lives nearby didn't help me. Family is not always as helpful as many would think or come to expect.

2 moms found this helpful

my inlaws seem completly uninterested in our daughter and she is the 1st and only grandchild. They live about 20-30 min driving away, same city. It bugs me.. alot, as my Dad is gone & mom is estranged & was never there for me or my others older girls. Someone mentioned that moms are more interested in their daughters kids as opposed to sons kids. Maybe.. but my Grandma (Dads mom) was always at our house when I was small so I dont know. Plus, my 1st inlaws were great, loved the kids.. but we lived in their home & they were Italian-big on family...

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At the time my son was born my MIL wasn't around (long story), I don't talk to my dad, and my FIL lives in another state..My mom however lived in the neighborhood across the street from me... I wish she would of helped out more.. She's more of the " want to see pictures of my grandson, want to see the outfit I bought for him, etc,etc" instead of actually coming to my house to help me...... She always says she wishes I would have another one and I think to myself "why, so you can SAY you have another grandbaby but not actually come over to help me when I need it most"?
So I'm one of those moms that wishes I had more help with family when my son was a baby.

1 mom found this helpful

S.,

More to the point, why do you ask? Is there trouble between you and your husband's parents? Many new mothers like to have the help from their mother and in some cases their husband's mother or a close family member or friend. On the other hand, some mothers (either his or yours) can be a bit overbearing and judgemental. If this is the case it's best if visits are planned in advance.

Blessings.....

1 mom found this helpful

after my first....all the time. my sister was over at 7 am the first morning home. my hubby had to work right away. she helped me get settled then did the driving for the 2 day check up and took me to babies r us. With my second they were more there to help with my first. gma gpa(my side) kept him for the weekend and then we had the whole family there to introdue the two in fear he would think that it meant no one loved him anymore.For both my hubs parents came to hospital but only once to house to actually see baby. With my third my mom, sister and bestfriend were all present. Which i gotta say was nice cause he came at 1123 pm. my hubby and my male bestfriend were waiting in the hall way. After our first birth together my hub and I decided it would be best if he waited until the blood was gone. he no stomach. at all. my in laws with my third were split gpa bennett came. my mil and gpa dean never came. we finally two weeks after he was born brought him over there to say hello and show them new baby. Up until about three weeks ago she has never bought a birthday/christmas/anytime gift. she brings the bigger boys stuff and not him. she finally just a bit ago bought him two pairs of shoes. this will forever be a day i remember.

I remember she would jokingly say,''oh yeah, you. I forgot about you''. I have always tried to make up for what he doesnt get from gma. my replies always turn into novels!!

-Libby

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lots of factors here - like how far away the in-laws and family live and if this is their first grandchild and if the grandparent works full-time/part-time, etc.

My mom lives in the same town as me. I saw her a couple times the first week of my son's birth. She came over for 30 min periods a couple of days. She helped me give my son his first bath. I didn't know how often to give him a bath or anything. She told me "he kinda smells. Lets give him a bath."

My MIL lives in Cali (I'm in TX). So she came for the full week #2 and #3 of son's life (so two weeks total). She wanted to help me while I recovered from C-section. She wanted to help cook and lift heavy things, etc. After those two weeks though, she was done helping. She still comes for 10 days at a time to visit (this is her first grandson, she does not work). She comes for such a long period - 10 days - b/c she's gotta make it worth her visit to pay for an expensive flight. I like the amount that she visits b/c she kind of spoils my son and I. We go out for ice cream and go shopping at Costco. She buys my son toys and clothes -- the kind of things Grandmas should do. And we are sooooooo incredibly thrifty, it's nice to have someone to buy brand new pajamas and toys instead of me buying used clothes and toys. When she leaves I am ready for her to leave (I like my rhythm of things, she doesn't help clean and cook when she's here), but I do enjoy our time together.

1 mom found this helpful

My mom would be super helpful but she lives too far away. MIL lives far away too but not sure how helpful she'd be versus probably visit but not actually help. I know someone whose mother says "I raised my kids. I'm done." and never really helps her daughter who lives in the same town. On one hand, that's pretty lousy. On the other hand, I see grandparents who seem to be turned into unpaid daycare providers. Some grandparents love it but I bet I wouldn't. So unless promises were made that weren't kept while the grandparents begged for grandchildren, I do think people have to keep in mind that it's great if grandparents help a lot but it shouldn't be expected. Having kids is usually the parents' decision, not the grandparents. The help I see is all over the map as some grandparents seem to live for their grandkids while others aren't that interested and more have their own lives going on which maybe or maybe not they've earned. Of course - I'm always jealous of the people w/ a ton of help from their parents or in-laws. Since we don't have that, it's one reason that I didn't have a 3rd. Just too much for me without family help.

1 mom found this helpful

In-laws visited in the hospital every day, then came over once during the next few weeks. After the newness wore off, they visited every couple months maybe. They lived 30 minutes away. With the second grandchild, they visited in the hospital and then somehow the only way they would see the grandkids was if I went to them.

My parents lived 8 hours away. They were there for the birth of my first and stayed for several days after. During my DD's first year they managed to see her 10 times! Sadly, that was more than the in-laws did. With my second, they waited a couple weeks to come when he was born so they could help after my ex went back to work.

I had to invite my in-laws constantly and they always had something else going on. My parents never waited for an invitation. They would just call and say we are coming up next weekend.

Obviously I wish the in-laws had been more involved and visited more. We now live 7 hours away from them and now she complains that she doesn't get to see them enough.

1 mom found this helpful

Never.
They live abroad... but still, our other friends who live here and have kids with family abroad... THEY come here to visit every year.
My in-laws, have NEVER visited us... to see our kids, at all.
And my eldest is now 8 years old.
They never even came to our wedding, 13 years ago.

Sure, I wish they would visit.
They have the mentality, that WE have to visit them, despite the financial hardship and with our kids.

1 mom found this helpful

We typically go and visit my parents once a week and in-laws every other week (they live an hour away vs my parents 20 mins away). Our siblings visit as well and we all just hang out, have dinner and visit. My parents have a pool, so we're there more often in the summer.

When each of my daughters was born, I never had to invite people over. They just showed up! My only 'rule' was that they had to bring food ;) lol

Quite honestly, as much of a hassel as it is to pack up three little girls (one being a 3month old) and all their stuff and go visit every weekend, it's easier than having everyone HERE and feeling like I need to play hostess: cooking and cleaning and stuff. We go to my mum's and there's plenty of people to play with the girls, my mom cooks (sometimes I help if she lets me) and we all just hang out.

Well, I have the only grand kids on both sides so far. My in-laws are halfway across the country but still managed to come and visit when my first was 6 weeks and the week I had the baby with my second (their vacations are based on a school schedule). We pack up the kids and visit them at their house for 2 weeks every summer. My parents are an hour away and we see them at least once a months or so, sometimes more around holidays. My extended family is also in the area and we see them usually for the bigger holidays and birthdays which works out every 2-3 months at least. I'd like to visit my grandmother (my kids great grandma) more often but at 90 little kids wear her out pretty fast (2 hours is as long a visit as she can deal with comfortably). One of my aunts tried to talk her way in to visit my first baby in the hospital when he was 2 days old (it didn't work--she needed parental permission).

My mom and father in law helped me a lot after my second baby was born since I had an infected c-section and had to go into the hospital again. They all offered to help and helped on a daily basis for about a month or 6 weeks when I couldn't do much. They offered to help and we tried to be specific on the help we needed. But that's not a typical situation.

so many factors like distance involved so its hard to compare yourself. Perhaps your parents are like mine: they were so wanting their own parents out of their hair that they error on the side of keeping their distance. Just make sure they feel welcomed and encourage them to invite themselves. I'm also like you. Can't get enough of my parents or in-laws. THat said, my out of town mother came to stay a month with new baby and dad came for a few days after the first two weeks. Then they come every 2-3 months after the birth and stay 1 week. For a short time my MIL came to stay 2-3 days a week with me when it was still really hard and my mother had gone. Otherwise, they are here for dinner once a week and ocassionally stay a night.

Most of our family lived a minimum of 5 hours away at the time our kids were born. The ones that visited (both sets of grandparents, hubby's aunt/uncle, hubby's brother/niece, hubby's sister/s.o.) all seemed to come within the first 3 months of the birth. It was a minimum of one overnight for each 'group'. Several stayed for 3 or more nights/days. (edit: this was NOT all simultaneous! One group at a time!)
After the initial visit, both sets of grands came for a few long weekends (2 or 3 nights) every 4 months or so? Nothing really scheduled in stone... but on average I think that's about how it worked out.

Of course, most of them all lived within a 2 hour drive of EACH OTHER, and we went up to visit THEM on long weekends/vacations as well. We probably didn't go more than 3 months without seeing my parents either us going there, or them coming to our house, for the first few years. Once the kids hit school age... that all seemed to change. Well, it sort of had to. We weren't nearly as flexible anymore.

We all have our preferences, don't we?

My family can be a *bit* overbearing, and so I did ask that they give us a few days after the birth before visiting. I think this worked out well, just because when they did visit, they acted very clueless. (Laying on my bed because 'their backs hurt from driving'...while I sat on a donut in the rocking chair for nearly three hours. That sort of lack of awareness...) There seemed to be people who wanted to come over to see baby and be entertained and fed, so they weren't invited back until we had our feet under us a bit more.

My son is nearly four, and my in-laws (husbands's parents) have never come to visit. They live cross country and don't fly, so we visited them once when my boy was 9 months or so. My SIL and her family of 5 came, but they visited in August, when my son was 4 months old. It was great to meet them, but our bungalow is tiny with one bathroom, so I found myself almost running to the neighborhood Starbucks some mornings. And no, I do not LOL when I recall this memory. :(

I'd like for my folks to visit a bit more, but am fine with what we get. The in-laws, when they do visit, like to stay for much longer than I'm comfortable with (10 days or so) because they take the train. I've made it clear that the next time this happens, we are going to the beach and renting a cabin for the time. Preferrably a duplex! And lots of bathrooms!

Oh, and in both cases, everyone was insistent of seeing the kiddo. I would have holed up, just us three, (with visits from good friends) for a few weeks. I know one woman who leaves for the beach almost as soon as she has her babies... she just doesn't want the extra company.

Hi S.,

When I had my two kids, my 2 sisters were there to help me. My family lives overseas, however my oldest sister came several days before the delivery (with each kid) and stayed one month after. Then after my sister left, my othe sister came to visit me and stayed for one month. That was a HUGE help! My parents were old so they came months later. My MIL came from out of town to visit us as well after my sisters left.
I would wish my MIL would have visited us long after the babies were born. Too much trouble, she tried to help but always ended causing problems unfortunately. My sisters were a blessing. The rest of my in laws came months later after the kids were born, but they were always calling us to know how we were doing.

My in-laws did not come to visit. It was actually really sad for my husband, since they only lived an hour from us. It did not bother me at all. My mom was there from FL and my dad came a couple weeks later from AZ.

After both of my boys were born, my in-laws visited everyday. Yep you read right...everyday! And I was glad they did. Of course, my husband and I moved in right across the street from them on purpose. :) I love my in-laws and was absolutely thrilled to have an opportunity for my children to be around them constantly. The only time they don't see my boys is when someone is sick. Now my parents live 20 minutes away and saw/see my children about once a week. That is my choice.

I guess that it all depends on distance, and your relationship with your family and friends. My family dynamic changes so often (I come from a broken home and my parents cannot be in the same room) so, my situation may not be ideal. My parents were both at the hospital at different times during the birth of our first, as were my inlaws. With the second baby I didn't see my mother until the baby was 2 months and my father didn't meet him until we baptised him at about the same time. My in laws,grandparents, and closest friends have always taken care of us and been there for our growing family. When I needed them to be they were there and when I was ready to be a "big girl" and try on my own they gradually slacked off on the visits. Everyone pops in from time-to-time with the exception of my dad.

My parents didn't visit, I lived with them! LOL My husband was away at military training out of the state for the last 3 months of pregnancy. He walked in the delivery room literally 5 minutes before our daughter was born, got to stay 10 days, and then had to go back to the training for another month or 2. We all stayed at my parents house after she was born. Some nights the 3 of us were sleeping in a twin bed together! haha

I was also in the middle of my last semester of college with a couple classes. So, I stayed a while at my parents' house so that they could help me out and I wouldn't be alone.

After that, we've probably visited them (or them coming by to see us) almost every other weekend. They are only about 45 minutes away and we are all used to the drive - my dad works in the town I live in & so makes the drive every weekday.

My in-laws is a different story. I never met my FIL, he lived several states away, and he passed away a couple years ago (I never wanted to meet him anyways, he was abusive...). My MIL and one SIL live about 11 hours away. They didn't get to meet our daughter or even ME until our daughter was 10 months old! And we've only been down there to visit them maybe 5 times. I have another SIL who lives way up north & I have never met her. Financially & time-wise, none of us can travel to see everybody very much. We are trying to get my MIL to move up here because her health is declining.

Now, when I was growing up, we saw my mom's dad & step-mom maybe once a year. Like one day a year. And they live 10-15 minutes from my parents' house. They are just odd... lol

EDIT: Just saw your added question... most of the time my mom offers to help out or will invite us to their house. Or I can just ask & they usually don't mind if we come over for the weekend. It's easier for us to go there since they have dogs & we have no where for them to sleep at our place :)

For my MIL & SIL, we have always made the plans to go down to visit them, except for 1 time we invited my MIL to come up to my family reunion (5 days in a lodge on the lake). She doesn't have the means to just come visit us (money, car - she took a greyhound to come up here that one time).

My mom was there when our son was born. But not to long after took off back home. after that we had a falling out because she stole things from my husband and I, and made up excuses as not to watch our son when we needed help because he was a boy and not a girl. Now my mother in law came a week after he was born because she wanted to and we welcomed her with open arms. I love my mother in law, in fact I love her so much that I am actually due with our second son May 8th and we live in South Korea we are flying her here for two months to help out with the kids. She has done more for us then any of my family has. I wish she had gotten to stay longer with our first son. But now she will get to spend time with both soon. :)

Well with our first child both sets of grandparents along with my grandmom, both of our brothers visited at the hospital. With our second both sets of grandparents visited the hospital and my bil. my third just my husband my two other kids and my dad came to pick me up when it was time to go home. my mom was away. my in laws visited us with the third once the baby came home. i was not up for visitors with any my kids. i didnt want to see anyone.
i was sore, grumpy and hormonal. i just wanted peace and quiet. i was in so much pain going up and down the stairs after my third so i didnt go down when in laws came over..but i didnt want them to come upstairs either. i was afraid they would not leave my bedroom. i had one regular delivery and two c-sections. i think my in laws were mad that i didnt come down. i could be reading into things.
we visit with my parents and grandmom on a regular basis. always have...my in laws never had much interest. i tired to visit on a regular basis for years but my mil always canceled my visits at the last min. once my children started grade school it became to diffucult to visit regularly. they always say i dont visit enough but never seemed to want me there with the kids. they do love our kids...maybe its just to much for them to deal with my in laws are in their 80s...the last yr or so my mil has bone cancer its sad.

My parents came from another state and stayed a week, my inlaws live 45 minutes away but were at our house for 2 weeks.
As helpfull as everyone was, i regret not asking for some alone time with my new babies, going from having 5 people helping to trying to do it all by myself was really until i got into a routine.

I wish mine could visit more.
My mother & Siblings all live in different states. Heck my mom lives across the country from me. So I had my 2nd baby in Sept, she came out around november. Not sure when I will see her next. My family doesn't have a lot of money so it's a hard thing to plan flying cross country.
Lets see my oldest Son is 2 1/2. I think my mom has seen my kids 3-4 times in that time frame.
My MIL on the other hand has lots of money to spare lol so she comes out here almost once every month or two.
I love her to death, but sometimes I wish she didn't visit so much haha

It was also hard for my family to visit because Me & my sister were pregnant at the same time...Twice...
Her 1st son is 13days older than mine...
And my daughter is about one month older than her baby boy.
She lives in chicago, I'm in Ohio.
So trying to plan where to go first and for how long is pretty tricky lol