17 answers

How Not to Hurt Her Feelings?

My sister is pregnant, and she told us all at a little family gathering. She is only a couple of weeks, so we are not sure if it is a boy, girl, or maybe both. We all suggested some names, including my daughter. She suggested the name Yiyi for a girl and Astro for a boy. When she said that, there were a few chuckles and I couldn't help but notice how her smile went down. She asked me why they laughed, and I said they didn't mean it. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but she may be upset if her new cousins are not named Yiyi and Astro. So does anyone know a way I could explain it to her. (Also, Yiyi is pronounced "E-E)

What can I do next?

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I would tell her that she suggested some super unusual names and some people aren't advanced enough to appreciate such creativity. Let her know that picking names for a child isn't a contest and the mommies & daddies usually look at lots & lots of names before they decide and they usually pick names that others haven't picked. Let her know the you thought her names were great & she can use them for her dolls if she wants to. That's how I handled it. My daughter picked Mayla for a girl.

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I would tell her that she suggested some super unusual names and some people aren't advanced enough to appreciate such creativity. Let her know that picking names for a child isn't a contest and the mommies & daddies usually look at lots & lots of names before they decide and they usually pick names that others haven't picked. Let her know the you thought her names were great & she can use them for her dolls if she wants to. That's how I handled it. My daughter picked Mayla for a girl.

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My 4 year old wanted to name his baby sister Abigator or Poppy. I told him those were very good names and he could use them as her nick name, but we were going to name her Abigail. He was okay with that idea. We asked all our kids for thier suggestions and had fun coming up with silly names for the new baby- that helped them not to feel hurt when we didn't choose a name they suggested. But we also let them know that although we were asking for their help with the name that we had the final say in the name. I think your little girl was very sweet in picking out some names, but I think she will be okay if other names are chosen too.
~C.

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I would explain to her that chosing a name for a baby is super tough! Sometimes people pick lots and lots of names that they like and when the baby is born and they look at their face, they will know the right name. And that even if they don't chose the name she suggested it's still a wonderful name, but maybe it didn't fit that baby's face! Depending on how old your daughter is I might tell her she should write or have me write those names on a special peice of paper to save for when she has her own kids. They could be her special names for her babies and if she writes them down then she'll remember forever. (You will also have that documented so when she has kids of her own she'll be able to have a little chuckle herself!)

Good luck and great for you for thinking of your daughters feelings! I might also mention to family members to be gentle on her, to be careful not to wound her.

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Unfortunately part of growing up is getting your feelings hurt and learning how to deal with it. I'd start by telling her that those were great names and people laughed and smiled because they were tickled with her ideas. Tell her everyone has to decide for their own babies though, and if her aunt decides on another name she can save the name for when she grows up for her own baby. Or consider naming a couple of dolls right now.

Side note: I got my feelings hurt a lot when I was a little girl. I was admittedly sweet and kind of in my own little world. It was always a shock when people laughed. I thought I said something stupid. This was me and my personality. I grew out of it and am a self confident adult. I'm betting your daughter will do the same. All you have to do is not over protect her and encourage and support her, which sounds like you already do!

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If your sister is only a couple of weeks along, there is PLENTY of time for your daughter to come up with several names for her cousin(s), obviously not all (or any) of which may be picked. I wouldn't belabor the point about these names specifically, but yes, just tell her that people found her suggestions sweet/cute/creative/whatever. Because it's true. I'm sure no one was laughing to mock her. My son came up with half a dozen for his new sister, including Pooh Bear, Tinkerbell, Daddy, and his own name.

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What great names! Of course maybe not what I would name a child, but very clever! When the baby comes, you should address a card to Yiyi or Astro for fun.. Also record this event. Your daughter will enjoy this story if she ever becomes a parent.

This is a teaching moment. Remind your daughter that when we are asked our opinion it is good to share, but to remember, that does not mean that the person has to accept it. It does not make the suggestion bad or wrong, but that the other person gets to decide what they want.. Also encourage her not to be hurt if others laugh, instead have her ask the "laughers", what was so funny?

Little girls have to know that their opinions are important. Not just cute. Give her credit for being creative and clever. Encourage her opinions and then explain how decisions are made based on suggestions.. Give her choices. Make some of them so over the top, that she will question why you would suggest that.. When she makes decisions praise her and ask her why she chose that as her choice. I think you have a very special child.

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I have a friend right now who is pregnant and her almost-three-year-old daughter is convinced the baby is going to be named "Juice." Maybe she'll grow up calling him Juice. It might be a pet name your daughter calls her cousin. You could explain to her that they are very creative names and nobody has heard them before and people chuckled because they were tickled by such creative names.

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If it comes back up again, tell her its the mommy and daddys choice what to name the baby/s. Tell her that those are great ideas for names and should save them for her future baby/s or pets. And IF one day she decides to name her kids Yiyi and Astro, I'm sure you all will grow to love those names as their own. LOL.

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