How Much Maternity Leave for an Adoption?

L.:

Hello and congratulations! A child - whether naturally born or adopted is a true blessing!

I am sure I am going to get blasted for this - but I need to say it.

A baby is a handful - being a single parent is hard. Adopting a baby and trying to bond with him or her will be difficult because, we will assume, that you are not working from home - so you will take this child from an orphange to a daycare to let their care providers care and bond with your son or daughter. How fair are you being to the child? Your child will be at day care for AT LEAST 8 hours a day bonding with the care givers there. I've seen it happen where the kids that get taken to daycare start calling the care givers Mommy and it HURTS.

Please understand I am ALL FOR adoption! It's a blessing to be able to care for a child, nuture him or her and watch them grow.

I understand there are people out there who HAVE to work. I TOTALLY GET IT. What I don't get is adopting a child only to put them in daycare full time. If you were planning this adoption - how much money did you save for your time off? That would be the best question.

Each child is different - each of mine are different and I have different relationships with each one and I bonded at different times with each of them.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Best regards

hi
Congrads on your pending adoption! There are lot of great books on this issue ( unfortunitly I cant remember any titles at the momment) But if u just go to local Barnes & Noble or boarders there are plently. We adopted from Eastern Europe 1.5 yrs ago & I like u was very concerened about the bonding issue. I acutally stopped working & will stay home until our daughter is 5. We felt after all our research that it was the best thing for our daughter.( she was 2 at time of adoptiomn) that said I understand u r going to be a single parent & do not get leave paid from your employer. ( thats unfair I think) adoptive parents should get the same benifits as birth parents.
So, if possible I would say 3 months minium, u didnt say age of your child ( do u know) or where u r adopting from ( country) If by chance its Eastern Europe theres a wonderful support group call FRUA & they have several local md/va/dc chapters. They were a WONDERFUL resource when we went through our adoption last year. I know its hard to take that much time off but if its possible I would definitly recommend it. ( & more if possible) Attaching is a serious issue & with the right resources you will understnad how you can help this to happen as it should.
Also, ( again if possible ) something that we were told was not to let anyone else hold baby or feed your baby for at least 6 months. ( it worked for us) that & lots of staying at home in the begining not running all over the place showing off you new pride & joy. ( which is hard :0) )
But again we had a lot of support from FRUA & our daughter bonded beautifully!
Good Luck!
BTW: FRUA stands for " Families through Russian & Ukrainan adoptions.

Hi L.,

Congratulations! What a blessing adoption is. We just adopted our baby boy in February. It was a domestic adoption, so we didn't have the jet lag that you will have from international travel, to boot. I am a SAHM, so I am not in your exact situation, but I can relate to you about the adoption. Our baby was 12 days old when we brought him home. I don't know how old your little one will be, but having a newborn requires all your energy, and being a single mom, you'll be really tired at least for the first 3 months... like you just climbed a mountain, every day.

It's sad that your company distinguishes between biological and adopted children for benefits. Bringing a new child into your life is a major adjustment. I'm sorry you have to do it all on your own, financially, in addition to paying for an expensive adoption. It would be a great opportunity to write and visit with your human resources department and explain why it is important to have paid leave for an adopted child as well as a biological child. Adopted children need just as much attention as biological children, and often times, even more.

If you can swing it, I would try to take 2-3 months off to spend with my baby, one-on-one. It will be well worth it and you will not regret it. Our son just turned 4 months old and he is just now recognizing that we are his "people". Your child may be older and even more aware and therefore a bit confused about what's happening. He/she will need time to understand that you are his/her forever mommy. How exciting for both of you!

Can you work something out with your company where you can work at home for a while?

I will pray that you can work it out. It is a real privilege to parent and I am so happy that you have been blessed with the awesome responsibility and the great gift of a child!

I.

I think no matter what the age, you will need some time :). And CONGRATULATIONS!! I read some of the other posts, and think that being a working mom is GREAT! My kids are better off for me working. If I was at home, they would not have many of the advantages they have in life. That being said, their only babysitter has been my sister. But still, I think that your child having a loving and caring mom is far better than to grow up without anyone to love him/her at all. I'm really happy for you!! Your company does not give maternity leave for adoption? Is that legal? Most companies today DO give the same leave for that. Maybe try and see if you can work from home, or if there is a way for you to get more bonding time. Otherwise, I would say at least a month. How old is the child? That will also make a difference. To establish that mother-child bond, will take some time. But you can do it regardless of whether you work or are a stay-at-home mom. It completely depends on the person if that is the right thing for them to do. I think you are doing the right thing to bring a child into your home that you know you will love! I wish you the best of luck!!

Have you pressed your company on the issue of maternity leave? I would be willing to bet you could win some sort of "suit" under a discrimination act of some kind and perhaps your company would "settle" and give you leave before it got to that point. You are NOT asking too much to be treated like any other new mother!!
Being home with baby after adoption is just as important (sometimes even more so since you haven't developed the fetal bond) as with a newborn.
I would push the company for 6 weeks of paid leave, same as any healthy new mother would get.
I don't know how long before you need the leave but if you can't get it settled so you'll have paid leave I would still take the 6 weeks (minimum!!) and I would continue to fight to have it paid back!
Good luck

I would think it would depend on the age of the child, their language skills, and the support you have from family and friends (not just emotional, but practical bring-you-dinner kind of support). Also, will you have personal leave you can take if you need it? Will the boss support you if you need more time later?

Assuming you are adopting an older infant or toddler, I would recommend you take at least 8 weeks immediately and reserve the 4 remaining weeks for as needed - Maybe you can ask to go back part-time for 8 more weeks afterward, depends how flexible your boss is. It would depend too on how supportive your boss is about you taking leave later. While you might be entitled to it, s/he may be less happy with the uncertaintly of taking it later. You are not required to take all 12 weeks at once, but just within one year of the adoption/birth.

This assumes of course that you can't afford to take all 12 weeks. I imagine that would be optimal. And are you sure you aren't entitled to any paid leave. At my company, the paid leave is only diability or medical leave, so it is similar to wha tyou describe. However, if your company offers "maternity leave" (not necessary medical) you might be entitled ot it.

And last, keep in mind that if you request 12 weeks, you can probably go back earlier. Conversely, if you request less than 12 weeks, you can proabably extend it. Depends what you think would go over best with your boss. But at least you should be able legally, with some warning, see how it goes before you make your final decision. Those 12 weeks are yours and within reason you can't lose your job if you extend or shorten your request. Chek with HR to be sure.

Congratualations, good luck.

Have you considered live-in childcare? This is an affordable option that could work well for you and your new adopted little one. An au pair is a young person from another country (you can pick the country) that comes to the US on a legal J-1 visa to live with a family in the US and provide childcare for you. They work on your schedule and can drive so they could bring your child to your work to have lunch with you! You could feel comfortable whenever you decide to return to work knowing your child is loved and well cared for. I would love to give you more information on au pairs. Please contact me.
E. Moss
Local Childcare Coordinator,
Cultural Care Au Pair, Baltimore
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http://emoss.aupairnews.com