How Much Freedom Do I Give My 7 Year Old?

I live in one of the safest communities I know of. From my front gate I could see my kids walking on the sidewalk all the way to school until they turn onto the school grounds. From the sidewalk I can see the park by our house. I am not an alarmist and I don't watch the news, and my opinion of your question is, No, no and no. Crazy things happen all the time everywhere. I would never let my kids play at a park by themselves or walk to school at this age.

Besides the points others have brought up about abductions etc... what if she fell and hit her head? She can't call from her cell phone if she's unconscious. And what fun is it to play in a park by yourself?

Good grief mama. I hate to sound critical, but these excuses of a finicky baby and a 4:30am job and one car just don't fly with me. If there's more to it, I apologize. These are the things we do when we have kiddos. There's no reason to be sitting in a tiny apartment day after day with two kids and nothing to do. First, I bet you could find some really fun things to do inside if you look around on the internet for craft ideas and head out to the dollar store for supplies. Secondly, go to the park with her and the baby! I can't believe that the baby doesn't have some time of day when she's not finicky and it would be tolerable for you to all go. Maybe she's cranky because she's stuck inside! You're missing opportunities to spend good time with your kids. Whether others think you're being unreasonable by NOT letting her play alone/walk alone she's only 7. She probably wants to do things with you. Soon enough she will have friends and be "big enough" to go places without you.

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I have a hard time letting my girls (3 and almost 5) play in our private, fully fenced backyard that backs onto a mountain...I can't *imagine* letting them go to the park by themselves in just 2 short years.

I say don't do it. Pack the baby and take her yourself - the fresh air will do you all some good.

As for school? I say you either get yourself another vehicle or plunk the baby in the stroller and walk her there and back. You'd NEVER forgive yourself if something happened to her while walking on her own.

ADDED: After reading the response about 'free range kids' I just have to say that yes, odds are she'd be just fine and yes, it's important to teach our kids to protect themselves as they grow up.....BUT not at the expense of their safety now. Why flirt with disaster? There will be *plenty* of opportunities to let your daughter explore her independance - she's only 7!

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In my opinion the answer is NO. Vacant parks and an unsupervised child? Sounds like a recipe for tragedy to me. My children are 13 & 9 and they can not go to the park and or walk to school alone, it's just not safe. Put the baby in the stroller and walk her, they baby will adapt.

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ABSOULUTELY DO NOT LET THAT CHILD GO OFF BY HERSELF!!!!

i dont care where you live or how safe it seems-it never is...honestly i cant believe your even asking this simply because of all the child abductions,molesters,hit n runs,bullys..suck it up put finicky baby in stroller an go out as a family-my kids werent allowed out of my sight until they were 10-then had to go together or have a couple buddies.your gonna do what your gonna do-but please really think about it...

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Sorry, but there's no way I'd let my baby girl (she's 8) go to the park alone. Fortunately, I have a 12 yo boy that I can send with her when she rides around our subdivision. But even with her brother, I wouldn't let her go to a park.

I don't know what your town is like, maybe it's very small and safe. But if your park is always empty, that should tell you something.

She should not be going to school alone, either. A mile and a half away?? You are thinking of letting your 7 yo walk there? Where is the bus?? Why aren't you walking her, if there is no bus?

Please don't let her go to the park or to school alone. That's just nuts.

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No, no, no.
Get (pay) a helper to get her to school, stay with her while she play or GO WITH her to the lot OR the park.
Get up, out and GO yourself. This is what 2 kids looks like I guess.
Get a PT job, save some cash and get another (old, not pretty) vehicle.

Wow***just to add--your partner has a BS in criminal justice and he thinks this is OK? Weird.

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I would absolutely not do this with my 6 1/2 year old boy and we live in a very safe neighborhood... N.E.V.E.R., no exceptions! Pack that baby up and go with. Sure it's not fun for you, but your daughter will be forever grateful.

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I guess I wouldn't let my children out of my sight like that until they were much older. Things are different than they were when we were growing up. I used to ride my bike around the block at that age, but I would never, EVER let my children do that. I let her play in the backyard by herself, and that's it...and because you don't have one, I say you're going to have to make it work to go to the park with her.

You are not being unreasonable. Don't let a 7 year old go to a park by themselves, please!!!

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I still recommend "Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry"

I wish to clarify based on some other responses. I am not saying do or do not do. I am saying that has to be your decision based on your intimate knowledge of your neighborhood, your child, and the real risks your child would face. She will be at most risk from human predators when she is a teenager and a young adult. She is at most risk from cars and dogs right now. You need to expand your comfort zone over the next 11 years as seems appropriate for you and your child, with awareness of the relative short-term and long-term risks.

I certainly would not recommend letting her go directly from playing next door to walking 1.5 miles alone to school. That's too big a jump. Walk to the park? I don't know. Depends on the child, the neighborhood, and the training. I let my 7 year old go to a park half a block away. But the "park" was a playground in a cohousing development, filled with adults we both knew. We knew people in every house he passed. He was never more than 50 feet away from help, if he needed it, and he had excellent judgement as to when he needed help. (Unless he was carrying a cell phone.:/)

For your dilemma right now, may I suggest babywearing? I always wore my baby in an Ergo carrier. This made it pretty easy to walk out the door and go somewhere. This might be easier than a stroller. If you decide your daughter is ready to go on her own, you might try sending her on ahead, and following up 15 minutes later. We go everywhere by foot, bus, or bike and it works pretty well. *Much* easier than a car.

Good luck. Hope you find some other parents in the neighborhood. With that many parks, there should be some kids around somewhere. Go outside with a bucket of chalk or some bubbles, maybe some other kids will materalize.

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I would never do this. If it were a backyrd, that might be different. But letting her go down and possibly cross the street by herself to a park is just too far away. I know that she may have a cell phone but bythe time you could get out of your house, down the steps, across the street and to the park, God forbid, something could happen.

Can you figure out a compromise between baby and sister? Maybe baby could have soemthing to play with while sis plays with all three of you at the park? Even just for 30 minutes? Does baby nap in the stroller? Culd you stroll baby arund the park while sis plays and you can watch her more effectively?

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Get up and take your partner to work so you can have the car during the day. The kids will be fine taking an early morning ride - many families do this when they have only one car.

Find out if your partner can car-pool to work to free up the car for you a few days a week.

Then you and your children will have the freedom to go to park, drive to school, everything.

You cannot let a 7 year old cross busy streets to school (are there even crossing guards at those intersections?) or go to the playground by herself. Really, pack up the baby, and take your older daughter to those places.

Once her school term starts - get involved! Get to know the other Moms - I bet there are some other children who live in the area that you could begin to set up play dates with.

It takes work to be a Mom - more work with 2 children - but many Moms in Urban areas manage to take their children to schools, parks, and extracurricular activities without a car.

Sorry, but way to many stories in the news lately about children going missing, and worse, on their way home and in safe neighborhoods.

Good Luck
God Bless

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Personally, I wouldn't let my 7 year old go to the park down the road alone. I wouldn't even let her play in the lot near the apartment without me being out there.

We live in a house and my kids (13, 12, 12 and 8) go outside and play alone, but they all four go out together and I'm sitting right next to the door on puter with the blinds open so I can see what they're doing and what people who walk/drive by are doing.

If she's alone with no friends, and no adults right there, I wouldn't do it.

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WHAT???

No, none, don't do it.

It is not safe.
It only takes a few sec's for someone to kidnap a child.

Always think - safety first.

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Dear mom,
Why don't you take her to the park with the baby? It would be good for you and the baby to get outside instead of being stuck inside all day. It would probably even make the baby less finicky to be strolled around a little. You could also walk your daughter to her school in the mornings. That would be excellent built in exercise for you and your daughter. I really don't think your daughter should be on her own yet and DEFINITELY not old enough to walk to school alone across 2 busy streets.
Good luck :)

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All the other 7 year olds are at home under supervision. I say take the baby in the stroller and it will eventually get used to being out.

Plus, you have 2 children and are in a committed relationship. If you can't afford a second vehicle then you need to get this transportation thing down. My friend got her and the kids up every morning to take hubby to work at 4am, the kids slept through it especially once they were old enough to not care that they were getting moved around. Babies, of course, want to explore the world and will wake up. If you give the baby a bottle they should go back to sleep easily. The 7 year old will sleep right through it. You can get her to walk to the door and carry the baby in your arms. Then go back to sleep for an hour or so before getting her up for school.

In my opinion either you need the car or you need to pay someone to take her to and from school. There must be some other kids in the apartments that go to the same school, their moms would love to have $15-$20 a week to help with the gasoline. Another option is the partner pay someone and share the gasoline to work or pay a cab to work and you pick them up.

In my house the vehicle stays with the kids, they need the transportation more than an adult at work.

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I would say, No. There is too much danger, too many weirdo-s out there. Perhaps there is an older child/teen that your daughter could go out with. Does she have friends she could go along with thier parents? Help her develope friendships. Kids are just way too vulnerable today. Be safe, C.

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I don't think you are going to get the validation here that you are looking for. And I know that YOU know it is wrong to let her do this as well. Additionally-I bet if a policeman saw her there by herself you could be in a lot of trouble. I agree with the others-put the baby in the stroller and go to the park.

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I don't let my 7 year old play by herself in our front yard. No, I would never let her go to the park by herself or even with another buddy. We live in a very safe neighborhood, but no matter how safe the neighborhood, there are predators everywhere. I'm sorry, but I don't know at what age I'll allow her to go by herself.

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No way. My 7 year old would do neither of those things. It's very tough, but my oldest is 5, and my husband travels 8+ months out of the year. I can't count how many times I have dragged ALL 3 kids in the car we share or the stroller to do stuff. Yes, it's hard, but she's not going anywhere alone for a very long time. If there is a legal age, you need to follow it. I disagree that you know lots of 7 year olds who are walking to school by themselves 1.5 miles across busy streets with no buddy. That is not true. If your gut feels uneasy that she is in that lot playing, there's a reason, and your area doesn't sound super safe to me.

Work on solutions to the car issue or just be patient and accompany her a bit longer. Get the stroller out, keep her in, whatever. You'll never live it down if something happens. Find friends for her to meet who may be able to come over or pick her up eventually and car pool.

If your school doesn't have a bus for her, then your partner and you can't just live with no way for her to get to school and make her walk alone. You would at least have to walk her WITH the stroller. Even in winter. If she can handle the walk and the elements, so can you. Baby's like to be bundled up in strollers. We're not in a bus zone, so I found out I'll have to get special permission to take my daughter to a bus stop pretty far away from us, but better than all the way to school. And guess whose coming with me every morning on the long walk to the stop, or in the car for drop off? Yup, her two younger siblings. Every morning, by myself with one in a stroller and one toddler walking. For as long as it takes.

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I hope you're listening to all the moms saying "NO!". In case you need to hear it again, "NO!" Not to the park, and certainly not to school. MAYBE in 2-3 years it MIGHT be appropriate to let her go to the park alone, depending on the child and the neighborhood, but to put this in perspective: 7 years, one month is not much older than 6. Two months ago, you'd be talking about a 6 year old! Once she starts school, she's likely to meet other kids who live closer to you, and maybe you can make arrangements for your daughter to walk with other kids, with an adult along as well.

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during the school year my son wanted to walk to school too which is one block away he is six....we walked there in the morning and id let him walk from the closest street corner to the school by himself....in the beginning of the year id kind of established a friendship with the crossing guard so when the point came for him to walk the short distance by himself he wouldnt be allowed to go if me and the guard hadnt made contact or communication first....he does go and play in the front by himself from time to time but mostly we try to limit it ......what if you just took her for a walk around the block with baby in stroller around morning nap time? it may put baby to sleep and allow your daughter some time with you if you walk to the park or something....its tough with no car and i understand the no age appropriate kids around....i think there was a baby boom about 12 years ago in my neighborhood because its all boys around age 12 here

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Here in Phoenix, that would be a hell-to-the-no on letting her walk to school, or the park, alone. DD's only 5, but I can't imagine that my feelings would change on that when she is 7. You can have the smartest kid on the planet, but predators are everywhere. It's just not worth it. Pack up the baby, go to the park, & make the best of it, so your DD can get some outside time.

As far as the walking to school is concerned, maybe ask at the school if any of your DD's classmates live in your area & would be willing to pick her up. If you can't do that, why can't you walk her to school? It would be good for you to get out of the house, and the baby will enjoy it, too. What about getting up & dropping your SO off at work? I can't stand being without a car, I would definitely be willing to do an early morning drop off to have some mobility throughout the day.

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Don't do it. Too young. NEVER go against your "gut". All kids are different and she might be a "mature" 7 year old but regardless, she's too young.

I have boys that are 9 and 11 and they still don't go to the park without me within earshot.

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Babies do great in stroller rides - I have a 3 month old 3 yo and 5 yo. We take walks all the time and often also with my 2 dogs! LOL!
No don't let her play alone. Find some mom friends with kids her age. Friends in her class? No don't let her go to school alone...something awful just happened in the NY area with an 8 year old boy. Not worth the risk at all. Even though chances are SO small. Please - all of you can walk her to and from school - you will enjoy it once you are in the routine...

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12 is the appropriate age. (And even at 12 I worried.)

No way would I have let my 7 year old do that. I'm overprotective, I know, but times have changed. I always used to wonder where all the other 7 year olds were, too. If there were a bunch of other 7 year olds out there, I might think differently, but not now.

Wait till she's 12. It's not worth the anxiety, anyway.

I wouldn't allow it. The odds are low, but one child being kidnapped could be your child. It only takes one time to change everything. It reminded me of the girl who was kidnapped while she walked literally across the street because she forgot her shoes at the park and people were there at the park. If your okay then at least get 2 boost phones that can walkie talkie so that in case of an emergency (injury or whatever) she doesn't have to dial she can just walkie talkie you. I'm not sure what age I would allow it, but just because everyone does it doesn't make it safe. One child kidnapped or hurt is one too many. We can't stalk them forever, but you do have to evaluate how much of a fight she can put up and if she can use mace or whatever to defend herself. I saw a lot growing up and thank god I never ran into someone with ill intentions because I (and friends) did run loose everywhere and some of my friends weren't so lucky not to run into people with ill intentions.

My baby loved to crawl in the grass at the park or "play" with the ball or her baby toys. What did you mean by 12, legal age? I was genuinely confused by that.

I have to say that reading this I absolutely shuddered at the idea of letting a 7 year-old walk 1.5 miles to school alone. I'm not judging your consideration - just giving an outsider's opinion on the situation. I know there are some schools that won't allow a child in elementary school to come without a parent unless they ride the bus. I would say maybe sixth grade and when they can ride a bike to school is a good time to consider independence in going to school. The park across the street is trickier, because she is right there and you can check on her, but being by herself with no witnesses makes her a target for sickos. Maybe I watch too many crime shows on tv. Will your baby still sleep in a stroller - could you take a walk together until the baby falls asleep and then go to the playground? Or take your baby out and play with her on the playground? You sound like you have good judgement and just need some outside opinion to confirm what you already know. so that's my opinion.

I would be more worried about the busy streets than abduction. Although we hear the worst stories in the news, stranger abduction is very rare (little comfort to those who are victims). FYI, a child isn't developmentally capable of making the appropriate judgment call to cross a road/street until around age 10. Much to my sons' and sometimes neighbors' dismay, I've always been very cautious about letting my kids walk or bike across the street. I made neighbor parents watch them cross the street when it was time to come home long past the age when most of my neighbors let their kids do it. Or I would have them call so I could walk to get them. They are now 11 and 15, have much more freedom obviously and don't seem to be harmed in any way by my caution.

No.

First off I don't think you should be left at home alone without a car. I think it would not be too awful if you took your partner to work. If that is in no way an option, then follow you gut or you may regret it. Rather deal with a fussy baby than a missing child. The baby will be fine. You can still take your daughter to the park. Do not let her walk to school alone. Pedophiles are opportunists and also figure out routine. If they see your child walking to school everyday they will realize she is alone. You just shouldn't take that chance.

When I was 9 I had a man in a red sports car drive by and ask me if I needed a ride home. I had gotten off the bus a few stops early that day because it was a nice day. Thank God I said no, or I may not be here to write this. A few days later he showed up at my front door asking if I was ok. He was trying to figure out if I was alone. I guess he had watched me walk home and knew where I lived. I said yes and shut the door. I suppose this man was hoping I would let him in. Makes me angry thinking about it. What the hell was he going to do! My brother was 13 at the time was home but no parents were there until 4:30pm. The point is, even a simple thing like walking home from school can draw attention to your child.

Take her to the park and walk her to school. If it gets too cold for baby and walking to school then I would contact the school itself and ask if there are any parents that could help you out during this time. On their way to school they could scoop up your daughter since it's rather close. You can see if there is anyone in her class who's parents could help. You would be surprised. Mom's will understand and we have no problem assisting another mama bear with her young. If someone asked me for help like that I would not have problem what so ever.

Good Luck finding a solution.

No, I would not let my 7 year old to go to the park alone (even if it is just across the street). And yes, I am an overprotective mom but it's not as if we are worrying over things that have never happened. We are worrying about very real things happening in America.

I would also not allow my 7 year old to walk to school alone or even with an older kid.

No, she is way too young and abduction is to prevelant....take the baby in a stroller and go with her, even if it is for 30 minutes...

Wait. She is still too little. Look what happened in New York.

I wouldn't let me 7 year old go to the park by himself. He gets hurt all the time playing with us around, I'd hate for it to be when we're not around. I wasn't even allowed to walk to and from school at the age of 7 and that was a good deal of years ago now.
Could you bring a blanket for your baby to lay out on when you get to the park so you can all go? My kids always hated being stuck in the stroller while they saw everyone else out and about and playing. If you start slow I"m sure you can find a way to get your baby enjoy going to the park so you can let your 7 year old go too.

I have 2 kids as well, though not 7 years apart, mine are only 2 years apart. I have always teken the littler one everywhere the big girl goes. We all go together. I would say you and your little one need some outside play time too, take a large blanket, a book, and the stroller or carrier, pop the baby in, and go to the park! every day, maybe more than once a day! Then once school starts, walk with your daughter, to and from - it is shown in many studies, that kids getting outsid ein the bright sunlight and fresh air sleep better than those who are inside all the time - also adults who get moderate exercise each day also sleep better and overall feel better.

It will do you all good. The baby will get used to it, you have to train them, and expose them to new things for them to learn that wind and sun and grass are new and different, but GOOD Feelings! My youngest HATED having wind on him at all as a baby, but after a while he learned to tolerate it. if he is just a fussy baby, would you rather be stuck inside an apartment all day with a fussy baby, or get out and get some fresh air and let the baby fuss where the howls aren't trapped so close to your ears???

7 is too young to be wandering around town alone. Go with her mom, it will do you all good!