C.M. asks from New Baden, IL on April 12, 2011
How Much Do You Spend on Your Kid's Birthdays?
My kids both have a birthday in August. We have a very large immediate family on both sides that live close who want to celebrate as well as a lot of friends with kids our age. That being said, that sets us up for lots of large parties in our future!! One thing I'd like to ask is how much you spend on each child for their birthday? This includes the party, food, decorations, invitations and presents. My thought is that if they want a large party (ie: all family and friends invited) then that IS their present. If they choose a small party (few friends over to spend the night or go to the movies or bowling) then they'd get a gift from us. Do you do a large party and then buy them a gift?
I've read a lot of posts about how people don't understand how parties have gotten so big...I understand that but with such a large family, the past few years we've had the party at our house and I do not want to just do cake/ice cream so that is partly my fault for spending that much money on food...when I could have spent it on presents. But to me, a party isn't a party without snacks...at least when there are 25+ people there.
Now that being said, I have never and would never be offended or hurt if i went to a party and they only had cake and ice cream. Just wanted to clarify that!
Also for those of you who have kids who do smaller parties and you buy them a gift, what do you do about local family who wants to celebrate with them? If we do cake/ice cream with family only, that is still ANOTHER day we are having a party and still a lot of people. I guess we could just tell them to drop their present off if they want to see them on their actual birthdays (assuming we are home).
My daughter will be 4 and my son will be 2 in August and this will be the 1st party we haven't had at home and will only be serving cake and ice cream. My plan is to invite people we will not be inviting to the party (godmother, aunts/uncles) to our house on my son's actual birthday for cake and ice cream. That being said, we're still going to be spending around $200 not counting cake and ice cream for the party and then our house. In the future, we'll have school clothes, supplies, etc to buy in addition to birthday parties so I just wanted to get a feeling for what others do!
Thanks for reading and replying!
So What Happened?™
Thanks everyone!! I took all of your advice into consideration and talked with the hubby last night and I think we've agreed on a set amount for a toy for each child from us and then we'll have a party at Monkey Joes then another 'family' get together (just cake and ice cream OR dinner at a restaurant...not sure about this yet) on a different date. I figured as they get older, we will buy them gifts, but do not think they know the difference now since they don't really look at who gave them what when opening gifts. I also agree that if we choose to have everyone over and it's a large expense, that should not be their present...it's our choice as parents to have that large get together and should not detract from their gifts. Thanks again mamas!
Featured Answers
J.T. answers from Dallas on April 12, 2011
this is what i do.... i put away $30 each month for each child's birthday(we have 3). so, when their bdays roll around(ALL right at Christmas no less!), i've felt the financial pain all year, rather than all at once! but, i do almost all of my expenses like that. we don't have family locally, so i can't really answer that. but i know a lot of ppl that have large local families do a quarterly potluck gathering and celebrate ALL birthdays that fell within that quarter - one big sheet cake from costco or something like that with all the names on it.
anyhow, back to the money aspect... my older kids(5 & 8) know that they have $360 allocated to their bday. they can have a party, or a small gathering with just the 5 of us and a nice gift, or we can go "do" something... they've had parties and a smaller gift all but 2 years - those years we did 2 consecutive nights at a local indoor water resort(1 for each bday) with a bday cake. by the time we add up 2 nights, food, dog sitter, cake - we were prob a little over $720, but it's a mini-vacation for ALL of us, so i don't mind.
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T.N. answers from Albuquerque on April 12, 2011
No time to write a long response, but at ages 2 and 4, I don't think a party is a present. They're too young to understand that. So I think you still might want to get them a present, even if it's an inexpensive one.
At an older age, I think a party could be a present.
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A.K. answers from Fayetteville on April 12, 2011
For my sons first birthday I spent about $500. We held it at a park so I wouldn't have the house trashed, so I had to pay for a pavilion. I had the cake specialty made which cost a lot, and we did a cookout style since it was late summer - hamburgers, hotdogs, drinks, etc. I spent way too much but we could afford it and it was my first babys first birthday.... I accept no blame! (although I will have to tone it down in coming years so my husband doesn't leave me ;)
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S.!. answers from Columbus on April 12, 2011
We stopped doing bday parties this year (will pick up again when kids get to more school aged and have more friends) and decided to spend the money we would have on a party and use for the kids day. They get to choose what they do for the entire day - including what they eat and where we go. Our budget is $100 and that includes their gift.
Updatede - they are 4 and 5 and they had a blast this past year. One picked Chuck E Cheese and the other Bowling and then went for a good dinner with dessert.
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K.F. answers from Cleveland on April 12, 2011
We threw somewhat big parties at our home for my sons 1st and 2nd birthday. When all was said and done I would say we spent $300-$500. We spent maybe $80 of that on his presents last year, but the year before that we didn't get him anything since he was only a year old. We ordered a lot of the food so that was more expensive then making it all. Then theres decorations, plates, cups, napkins, plastic utensils, beverages, the birthday cake. It all adds up really quick. This year we are having a small party of grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins which is a total of 7 people besides us. The big party thing is too stressful and expensive and I know my son is too young to care either way. I think we will keep his parties small until he starts school.
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M.P. answers from Pittsburgh on April 12, 2011
In the future you will need to decide if it is THEM that want the large party or is it you? Do you feel the obligation to invite the whole immediate family? Is that what is 'done' in your family so you kind of feel obligated? If the answer is yes then the party should not be their present. I can only see the party being their present when they are older and have a friend party-esp at a fun place like Chuck e Cheese.
We have only ever invited the family to big birthdays-like one yo. Since they were about 3 I started having a friend party every year for them-either at a place or our house. That has been their big celebration. If they did not fall on a weekend we would have just very immediate family that was available over the night of their real birthday for pizza and cake. I have never really said their party was their present except for my 7 yos recent one that I said it only because there was really nothing to buy him that he wanted. He was fine with that. My older son's last big party was 8. Now we do smaller group activities with only close friends. I would have to say I spend between $300 - $600 on their birthdays depending on where they have it and what I buy them for a present.
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J.G. answers from Springfield on April 12, 2011
I hear ya! I really do! We grew up far from family (300+ miles), so birthdays were just the family. We could have a small party with friends, but that was it. My husband's family is large, my parents live here, my brother and family are close ... needless to say we have very big parties. We do not buy our kids presents. They are 2 and 4 1/2 and right now they don't know the difference. When they get older they will, but right now they get so many presents they don't remember who they are from.
We are going to start doing family separate from friends. In part because I think it's unfair to our kids' friends to be bombarded by our family. Also because it allows us to do a simply meal and favor/treats for the friends and do a bigger meal for the family members that travel. So far we've done both for all, so I'm hoping this will cut down on the cost a bit.
No easy answers hear, but I really do understand.
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E.M. answers from Johnstown on April 12, 2011
Christmas is 2 weeks prior to our twins' birthday and then their birthday is 2 weeks prior to our older daughter's birthday. We spend $100 max on each child--including the party. The more you spend now, the more they'll expect you to spend in the future. If the current situation is any indication of what the future holds, our $100 is going to have to go to a whole $20.
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M.. answers from Youngstown on April 12, 2011
I figure its going to cost a lot of money either way, so why not have the party somewhere and save myself the headache. We book our childs party at an activity center (chuck e cheese, bounce house, etc). It might cost $200 with the food included, but hey, they do the set up and clean up. On top of that, we buy a present. I can't imagine not giving my child a present from us. We only have one child, so we go a little overboard. We spend another $100-$200 on some nice gifts. So all total, we spend about $300-$500 on our child for her birthday. But hey, she's my one and only! And it's her birthday, so I can spoil her a little lol.
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A.V. answers from Washington DC on April 12, 2011
We get the kids gifts and the amount varies. The year SD got a trampoline, she only had a sleepover for her party. Parties in general are mostly at home and the biggest thing they might have is a special cake from a preferred bakery. I have so far made all my DD's cakes and spent the cake money on cute plates and balloons. I don't think it needs to be expensive to be large-ish. We get out the kiddie pool and toss the kids outside (with supervision). For her 2nd birthday, we had the pool, some large bouncy balls, our swingset, the trampoline and chalk. The kids had a great, mostly unstructured time. They got to eat cupcakes and kiddie food like colored goldfish and string cheese. One of the dads said it was a great kid party.
Also, as the kids got older, the extra relatives stopped coming for the actual party and it became more of a small gathering for their friends (5-10 friends on average). Several years my stepson linked a bunch of xboxes together for a game session and the only expense was food for 10 teenage boys.
There are merits to having it somewhere else (the laser tag place means they feed them and you don't clean up, but it also means more $ and a more limited guest list) but we did far more home-events than not. I think the most expensive parties were around $300 for special years (10, 13, 16, 18).
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