How Many Kids? - Chicago,IL

People want different things out of life, it's that simple...I don't think there's some deep, philosophical answer that would answer for everyone. Just like not everyone chooses the same career path.

This is such an easy question. Why? Because every person is different and every person's life is different.

I am an only child. My mom was unable to have more children and didn't want to adopt. My example is one out of infinite possibilities why family sizes are different.

Stop over thinking this one. Everybody is different. End of story.

Everyone is just different. It's like asking why some people work so incredibly hard to become a doctor or Olympic athlete or hedge fund manager. Just totally different likes and dislikes and drivers. So many moms of more than two kids complain so much too that I don't get them. I know o e mom who doesn't. Thats the only one. If I meet someone like her, then I get it. Otherwise, the moms seem so unhappy and stresses and tired and often can't afford to buy their kids what they want to be able to. So they don't exactly project joy.

Eta. Nice editing of your original question! Take out lots of the offensive stuff! Well done!

Not sure why you don't buy the money argument... I think that's a totally legitimate reason to limit the number of children you have. Children are expensive and the more you add on, the more costs. Sending one kid to college is manageable for most; sending 5 is a near impossibility in today's world.

Additionally, as kids get older, schedules get more hectic- dr appointments, band concerts, soccer games, school conferences, etc. Sure, you can limit activities to maybe one per kid, but that's a lot of activities nonetheless.

When a woman tells me she wants to stop at one child because she doesn't want to take on more than she can handle, I applaud her for her responsibility and selflessness, not judge her for not being woman enough for more. You should do the same.

I got it right the first time. I fully embraced motherhood the FIRST time. Unlike you, who needed a starter child. And, while we're at it. Why can't YOU feel complete with what you have? Why do you need to keep adding? What is it, deep down inside you, that can't be happy stopping? Why do you need more, more? Why can't you enjoy what you are given, without dreaming of what you don't have? Why couldn't you embrace motherhood the first time? Why can't you fully embrace it, without more? Do you see how incredibly insulting that line of questioning is? Questioning someone's life path, character, and ability to embrace motherhood? Questioning WHY they choose what they do, as if there is something inferior and shameful about it. Your way is NOT the best way. I can look at your life, and think it's selfish. Selfish to keep adding children, and taking away time from the ones you have. Selfish to put yourself in a position to be financially devastated, if income was lost. Selfish, to spread your time, energy, money, abilities, and self so thin. Do you see how that feels? To be judged in that way, as if your choice is the lesser of choices? Questioning your family and your ability at motherhood? Get over yourself. I'm happy to raise my child knowing everyone has different desires, wants, needs, abilities, and choices. I'm happy to raise him respecting that, and never assuming his feelings are superior.

Honestly, I think women who have a lot of children, sometimes need someone to need them. They need to have someone totally reliant on them. Like clockwork, when their child is no longer a baby, they want an infant to need them. They can't feel content without being needed. If they could fully embrace motherhood, they would not need more to feel like a complete person and mother. They could give themselves to their children completely, instead of continually procreated, so they are needed. How's that for a sweeping generalization? Feels kind of crappy, doesn't it? Think about that, and what you really asked here.

ETA: I enjoy all my "jobs" also. I chose to stay at home. I don't long for my old life, and I don't miss is. I feel complete. I have never had a night away from my son, and that doesn't bother me a bit. So, how is me having an only, make that any different from you? Stopping at one, does not mean I embraced it less. In fact, I feel like I stopped so I could embrace MORE. My calling IS motherhood, but to one. I really don't think you understand how you come across. And, you are being judgmental, you should realize that.

Different priorities
Different moral codes
Different experiences growing up with or without siblings
Different experiences with parents
Different social circles
Different career plans
Different tolerances
There are too many factors to give a broad answer. I bet most of us could tell you our own unique story about why we have or don't have a certain # of kids. I won't bore you with my own ;-)

I know my temperament. I worked as a nanny and preschool teacher for years before having my one and only son.

I knew I needed to have time for myself. This isn't selfish, necessarily-- this is knowing how I can maintain my own self to be the best person I can be for other people.

I knew I didn't want to deal with the endless bickering that comes with siblings. A new mom at 36, I wasn't excited for another 3+ years of interrupted sleep.

AND we knew that our finances could well accommodate one child; if we'd had a second, we would not have had that security. I would rather raise one child as a patient mother and be able to offer opportunities and experiences than to raise two as a harried, tired mom with a stretched budget.

(I grew up with 'never enough', no opportunities for extra classes or lessons or even the hint of college. We often did not have enough money for enough food or adequate medical care. Money is a very real--not ethereal-- consideration and I would never put my children through the sort of hell of deprivation that I experienced at times. I find the whole "we'll find the money somehow-- let's have babies anyway" deeply troubling.)

I'm unsure it it's a 'pull of nature' or it's just our personality-types. I love kids. I love babies. I loved being pregnant and birthing and nursing. I'm also a very methodical, pragmatic person, so perhaps the head rules over the heart.

I will add this, after re-reading your post: the idea that some moms of singletons aren't 'comfortable' or embracing motherhood is rather insulting. Some of us do it just fine without caring about other people's perceptions. Perhaps if we look past the number of kids and mom being saturated with her children and look at how happy the individual families are, we could let everyone do their parenting jobs without a lot of judgment. Words like 'selfish' and your theory that moms of onlies aren't comfortable-- this is pretty judgmental. It's sort of akin to saying that women must have more than one to 'truly' be a mom. Kinda not true, right?

No answer for you as to why, any more than I could tell you why some people like their steaks rare, some well-done, and some don't like beef at all.
I never planned on having kids at all. It just wasn't on my agenda. But birth control failure happened and I got pregnant. I thought long and hard about whether to have the baby or have an abortion. I decided to have her. I love her dearly and don't regret having had her. I also knew beyond doubt the night she was born that I never never never wanted another.

We have O.. And DONE.
It's perfect for us.
I don't think it's anyone's concern the number if children someone chooses to have.
My son is 10.
No regrets.
Not to sound judgemental, but I think some people don't know when to stop.
I hardly think a woman needs more than O. to "fully embrace" motherhood. Nor does squeezing out a child make anyone a nurturer.
Or they have O., the marriage falls apart and they try a "do over" second family and expect all of the kids to blend in because of their poor choices. Or worse, the child from the failed marriage takes a back seat.
I have O. "friend" that walked out on her daughter. She went on to remarry and have more kids. The mom & daughter never were close again. I don't think the daughter ( fairly young at the time) ever forgave her mother for doing that, even though, thank God, she had her dad.
That's probably a regret. When asked how many children God blessed her with? Sadly, she answers two--even though she has three.
I have O. because that's right for US. Not because we can't "handle" or provide for more.
Frankly, I know large families of both varieties- those that handle & provide and those that don't.
I don't know of many small families that don't, though.
Bottom line, people have O. - or two- or three - or six for a lot of reasons. Some reasons are good, some aren't. You have to do what's right for you, I guess. And you can't ever truly know what's behind anyone else's decisions.

Some people just feel differently. I want lots of kids, some women I know want none, and both are cool. You don't want to end up like the mom who's article I read recently going on and on about how having kids was the worst mistake she'd ever made and she should never have been a mother. (And someday her kids can read that!) If you don't want kids, don't have them, if you do, do, but there's no need to tell other people how they should feel, which I feel happens on both sides. I get the childless friends saying "oh, I get to go on trips and work late and go clubbing and life is wonderful" and the friends with more kids than me saying that I need more because one isn't enough (and it isn't, but I'm trying for more and their harping about it just makes me feel worse that it hasn't happened yet) or telling childless friends that they're going to die sad and alone from never feeling a mother's love. The thing is, it's ok either way, just not to try to impose your way on someone else.

?
the 'pull of nature' can equally be to parent a single offspring.
we're wired differently.
there's no one answer.
why do some women get turned on by a particular ethnicity in men? why do some people love horses? what's wrong with people who don't love chocolate?
how can there possibly a 'right' answer to something like this?
khairete
S.

Wow, so much here... You do realize you're criticizing, right? I could say it's sad you never found meaning until you had kids. I could say it's unbelievable you hold women who don't care at all about even trying to help with college in higher esteem than people who want to do that for their kids so if they can't afford it for 3 or more kids, stop at 2. You say with your first your resented working and gettig dinner on the table alone. What about mothers who still work and get dinner on the table alone every night? Don't you think the equation is different for them? What about brilliant women who have lots of higher education it took them years to get and now have very rewarding jobs and know it's unfair to spread themselves too thin? What about people who have a higher than normal chance of passing down a mental or physical illness? Do you realize how much you're gloating? Your husband, not you, has a good enough job that you can save all this money and go on trips etc? Not everyone has that!!!! My goodness. This is some self satisfied "question" you posted. Finally, Bug said it all well.

ETA: ah - I see you curtailed and edited your SWH...

J.:

There are some people who KNOW they cannot handle more than one. So they have one and they are done. They know what they can and cannot handle. My ex-husband was like that - he KNEW he only wanted and could ONLY handle one.

There are some, like you and I, who know they can handle more than one and we were blessed with more. We wanted four. God blessed us with two.

If you can handle more, afford more, healthy enough for more - go for it.

I read an article the other day that really hit home for some...a W. in the U.K. had pronounced she REGRETTED her children. Yes. REGRETTED THEM - called them leaches and parasites. There are some people who KNOW they should have NEVER become parents and don't. Others that do...and this W. is one of them...

http://living.msn.com/family-parenting/the-family-room-bl...

I always wanted two...no more and no less. Money is a very real consideration. I can provide reasonably well for two...any more would be stretching it. I also always knew that I would never be a SAHM...financially it just would not be feasible.

Two just seemed right to me. I thought about the activities and doctor's appointments and college costs etc... More than two seemed too much for me to handle.

To each their own. What's right for me may not be right for you. We all make our own decisions and control our own destiny.

That being said, I DO love babies. My uterus always does a little flutter for a minute when I hold someone's newborn. However, I know that I do not want a 3rd.

There are probably as many different "kinds" of mothers and motivations as there are women. So there is no easy, one-size-fits-all answer to your interesting question.

I have one daughter, who has one son, and we both know we are "complete." Neither of us would choose differently (so far, anyway), in spite of adoring children and experiencing occasional "baby cravings."

For me it was both an environmental choice and a financial one. I have been deeply concerned about the many strains human population puts on the earth's resources, and on other life, since high school in the 60's. Those problems have grown tremendously since then – I watch the fallout everywhere, with deep dismay. Yet I'm grateful I was able to raise one child, and that it was a wildly satisfying experience for me and my child.

Financially, I grew up poor, and have never earned much (many reasons for that, including working for a tiny non-profit run by my second husband, some health problems, and plenty of other factors). There is no way I could have provided well for a second child without taking away from my first. For me, that's simple reality, and perhaps because I recently learned I'm a lucky recipient of Asperger's Syndrome, facts have made it easy for me to adjust my thinking. Apparently not so for other women.

My mother detested motherhood, but before reliable birth control, she had four, all "mistakes." I think she married my brilliant but flaky father because she got pregnant with me. A few years after a divorce, she hoped she'd marry another man 8 years later, but she got pregnant again by accident with #4, and he ran. Even while "loving" us, she deeply resented her children, and told us often how we derailed her life. To this day, she has no idea how to relate to children or pets. It seems to be just the way she's put together.

I think you are right that deep down, we are all different people. We grow up in different families, sometimes different cultures, and our expectations are partly shaped by those early experiences, good or bad. I've watched many women who are terrific moms, but stop with one or two for a variety of very good reasons. I've watched women who strike me as not-so-great moms, but who appear to live through their pregnancies or their children anyway, and have a bunch. And of course there are wonderful mothers of multiple children. I've given up questioning it; people are complex.

I'm not sure it has to be that "deep". I just really enjoy kids and so I had three. However, I also know my limits and while I would've loved to have more, for us 3 was enough, but not too much.

:)

I know that three is enough for us. I love my children but I am the opposite of you in the baby department. I dread babies, I dread my own babies. I dread pregnancy, childbirth, C- sections, C-section recovery, waking up in the night, and being needed 24/7. I adore the toddler stage though, perhaps I'll feel sad as that era comes to a close. But there is a huge part of me that just wants to move on from babies and get on with life as a family, travel, take on projects, and other things that you just put on hold while surviving the demands of an infant.

I also disagree with your premise that money is not a real factor. I know lots of people who would love to have more, but have decided its not the right thing to do on their budget.

I remember being so struck by how hard one was I didn't understand how anyone ever had more than one. Systems or no systems , I think its our endurance that changes. You simply adjust to never having time to yourself, being in constant motion, and not resting until bed time. As much as I want this third baby, part of me mourns for myself. I have a lot of dreams on hold to raise babies right now. But I think that some women thrive on motherhood because they don't have dreams and goals outside of children and family. Having children was their big dream and they are living their dream (sounds like that might be the case for you). Nothing wrong with that.

In the end we are all different. Thats why.

Aren't you getting a little too philisophical here? No need to be so deep. It's like...... why are some people addicts and some aren't.....why are some children bullies and some aren't. What makes some women strong and others weak? In this case, some women have the capability, some don't. That simple. Some are nurturers, some aren't. Those that are, have babies and feel the more the merrier. Those that aren't can't even fathom the one and only they have sometimes, much less having more. As for the money arguments, how do you dare say you don't buy that???!....they are very much real and true to some people. The more kids you have, the more you have to give of yourself financially, emotionally, physically, mentally and that rings very true for alot of people, yet you the nurturer, think that's a bunch of hooey, right? Well, for those that this rings true for, is how they cannot fathom having more than one. You will have to support the 5 you want and may have and as a nurturer will willingly, selflessly, give it, and find a way for everything. Those that do not, and acknowledge who they are, a bit selfish, limited funds, whatever....won't do it. You also have a new baby, which most likely means you are breast feeding or hormonal or both....this philosophical, biological pull you feel towards more children may be coming from that. Also, if you have friends that aren't thinking about college or a better education for the children they bring into this world, THAT is really sad! Like I said before, some women got it, some women don't .........some want it, some don't.....it's really that simple.

I have 2 and wanted 2. I personally did not feel complete with one. I know other couples who are truly happen with one. Having one is so easy and at times I feel bad that one child has to be neglected for the other (I had to drive my baby around to take my son to activities).

The money and opportunity argument is very valid. Some people want a certain lifestyle and one child will allow them to send him/her to the best schools, be able to focus on that one child and help them excel. If I only had one, I would spend so much more time and money on just that child.

I have another friend who has 3 kids and a 4th will make her feel complete. She is a wonderful mother. She also has her parents close by to help when she needs it.

I do have to say, you need to realize there are women who have many kids and this does not make them good mothers. Some of the worst mothers have many kids and some of the best many not even have one.

I think you are personally annoyed with an individual and are not thinking of society as a whole (seriously, have you heard of government housing and mothers with 5 or more kids).

Good for you HS girl. She knows what she can handle and can balance her life in a way that makes her happy. I think you are still able to have two more at your age and it sounds like your husband is on board. Not sure if I should hope you have twins (more bang for your buck by not have 2 pregnancies).

I am guessing you wanted to become college educated and did not start procreating as a teenage. You postponed until you felt you could provide a certain lifestyle. I remember when I was in college my roommate had some friends visit from her public HS. Her friends started having babies right after HS and thought we were on the wrong path for postponing family life.

Your youngest is still very young, almost a newborn, which could be one reason why your drive seems stronger now. I was like that after my first was born - I was already planning when we should start for my little one. I have always chuckled a bit at friends who have had their first, and some even their second, and sit in the hospital on the baby high discussing how they are going to get pregnant with the next baby in a year. Fast forward that year and none of them have done it... the reality of sick kids, nights awake, managing kids and work, and body woes becomes pretty solid by the time the baby is no longer a newborn. This is not to say that they never have subsequent kids; my point is, at certain post-birth points, hormones do the talking for us.

All of this being said, to answer your questions, I think some women are not meant to be mothers, as others have suggested on this and other posts, and that is perfectly ok. Hopefully, those who don't feel that "pull" or drive don't have kids, but some do because it's what their spouse or society expects. But other reasons for not having kids? Money, time, patience, fairness, life. I have a really hard time seeing how families can support more than three kids these days, and even three is a stretch. EVERYTHING is more expensive. The pressure is on us as parents big time, and on the kids in school too as the national standards start filtering in. It's just not all roses and happiness, this parenting thing. It changes your marriage, your life, your body. Maybe the women who you think don't feel the "pull of nature" actually do feel it, but decide for the betterment of their existing kids and their lives NOT to have more. I think every woman's life and circumstances are different and unique and none of us can say until we have walked in another's shoes. I also completely agree with what Jane said... for some women motherhood is their "thing", their identity rests in it and they define themselves through it, so in order to make it stronger and tell the world they are more worthwhile, they have more kids.

This is a super complicated question... I am enjoying reading the responses!

We are the byproduct of genetic codes that make us unique. Therefore, we all want different things.

I find it kind of rude that this woman said "why would you want more," to you, just as I would find it rude if someone said to me, "just one?"

This post is timely because I really want another and hubby does not. I know we won't have another because of my age, and long-term unemployment on my part.

People don't get that sometimes finances are a huge obstacle to expanding one's family.

So much of it seems to be what one is used to in their own family or wish fulfillment for what wasn't. I am fourth generation only. My daughter is fifth. I didn't have strong feelings about having an only but it is what seems natural. Very strong feelings about wanting a child though. On the other hand, my friend has gone to great lengths to have a second and the need for her didn't need to be rational - it just was. Could be identify and could also be one's idea of family.

oh geez,
i wouldn't/couldn't have more than 2. i have two, and at times, they are way more than i can handle.
personally i think it's wrong to just procreate, if you aren't able to secure a good life for them. when i say good life, i mean give them great education, vacations every year, build memories, have funds to send them all to college etc. not depend on the system to do it for you. if you can do all of this and then some, go have 10. but if you can't, don't stop mid-road. kids deserve better not just be brought on earth and then let them fend for themselves.
edit: i have 2. they've already visit more countries than my husband in his 40 some years. they go to a catholic school. they get the clothes they want, they eat homemade foods and get to dine out often, they also have college funds put aside for them. so two was it for us. and no i don't agree with you saying, why not have more kids when you're not planning on paying for any of them for college. how about don't have anymore and put money aside for college for the ones you already have?

Because people are individuals.
After my third, I imagined having more too, but by the time she was two, my other two were five and seven and life got busy! I decided we were a perfect family of five (though I did have baby cravings for a while.)
Same thing with pets. I have always had animals. Right now we have a dog, a cat, a rabbit and a large saltwater fish tank. I cannot IMAGINE not having pets in my home and in my life, yet some people have NO desire for that. I am now volunteering at an animal shelter so I'm pretty sure there will be another animal in our near future :-)

I am so completely happy, content and complete with the two children I have I would never consider having more. When I had one I felt like something was still missing, so I had a second.

To each her own, J.. I had a sudden feeling of complete satisfaction about 2 weeks after I had my second child, in the car with my family. We had an old Mazda 626 (I think that's what it was called LOL!) that barely fit two carseats in the back. (What a great memory!) I looked back as my husband drove, looking at my beautiful children, and a feeling of warmth and love just came over me, and I said to my husband that I felt like I had my "brood" and that was enough for me. It was like there was nothing else in this world that I needed - my wonderful husband, children, my career and my life.

The only thing that I dropped from that list, later on, was my career, but that was fine (after I got used to it!) Do I wish I had a girl? Yeah, but that doesn't mean I felt that I needed more children. I understand anyone having MY feeling, no matter the number of children they have. One, two, three, even more. Just because my number was two doesn't mean that I'd wonder why someone else's number is different.

For me, I wouldn't want 10 kids. Ideally, I wanted just a few that I could focus my energy and attention on. I have two stepkids and a small daughter that we had together. I feel I can only juggle the needs of a few small people at a time and it would be best for them and myself if I kept to that limit. Some of it is financial resources and some of it is personal/emotional resources. I am an introvert and even people I love can drain me. I think that there are a lot of legitimate reasons why someone feels one way or another and neither is wrong. It takes a lot of types of people to make the world go round, so to speak. If someone's motherhood stops at one, it doesn't make her a bad mother, just like having 10 kids doesn't necessarily mean she's a good one. I think our children are best served by parents who are ready for them, ready for the number of children in their families and make adult choices about not having more when necessary. For me, it's not just raising a small person. It's being able to raise that small person with everything (or most of it) that I want to give her, and to set her forward as an adult with things like financial help for college without making her my retirement fallback. It is not just the baby. It is the adult I want that baby to become.

I'm like you also. I'm pregnant with #3 and I am already thinking about #4. The more I have the more in love with motherhood I become! I think it comes down to what you think is important for your family. I think blessing kids with siblings to have in their lives forever far outweighs any vacation, college fund, money you could give them. Our culture is so focused on 'success' and what that means that they forget about how wonderful it is to grow up in a family that loves each other and spends time at home together. Thankfully I am married to a man who believes the same as me and is excited about being the father of children who are happy and loved.

I always had the desire to have more than one. Maybe the fact that I'm an only child influenced this decision. It was lonely growing up without siblings. I'm currently going through a third pregnancy that's awful. My other two pregnancies were awful and people wonder why I don't just stop. It's hard to explain. I definitely think it's an innate thing.

Too, I have friends with only one that do regret that decision.

I love love love making the babies, being pregnant and raising them, birthing them is another story. I do NOT want to do that again. Since that's the case, 2 is just right for us. IF I could have babies without actually HAVING them, I would have a half dozen easy, God willing. :)

My husband is the oldest of 5, I'm a middle/oldest of 3. We sort of agreed that a number between 5-3 was good for us.

It might also have to do with the temperament of their first. My first was spirited. Had to get into everything and if I told him "no you can't stick your finger in a light socket" he would wail for 30 minutes about it. No distraction would work. Then 5 minutes later he was climbing on the table etc. All day of that and I did not want more kids. Then things got easier and I wanted another. Then I had my 2nd and she was sooooo easy. The baby thing, toddler thing was bliss. I then decided I wanted another. Got pregnant right away with my 3rd. When my 3rd was an infant, things were pretty easy but ages 1-3 have been pretty darn hard. Love them all to death, but oh my - I feel like I am walking on a very fine line of crazy lots of days.

I don't know... I grew up in a close-knit family with four kids and two parents, and always wanted a big family. Hubby grew up in the same type of family... and guess what? We have 4 kids, and have stayed together the entire time! (We've been married almost 32 years....)

A lot of it has to do with where you are in the birth order for your family.
example. I was an oldest only ( 9 yrs between me and the next closest in age) to 5 kids. I HATED it. I couldn't see why my mother had to have so many kids. I was really and truly pissed when she got pregnant with the 5th. There were already enough of us to begin with. My sister on the other hand sister , number 3 in the birthing order has always wanted a LOT of kids. Married a guy that already had 4 kids , she had another one and is now pregnant again. Not happy about it cause her baby is 9 months old. Check out birth order it's fascinating it affects a lot of things.

I always wanted to have several kids. I was unable to carry more than the one child though. My current hubby and I tried for a while and if we'd have wanted to do invetro or some sort of medical intervention we could have probably had more.

My bf from jr. high is one of 12. I loved going to her house because there was always someone to talk to, someone to play with, babies to play with, all the companionship I could want.

I was much younger than my brother and sister, he was 15 and she was 11 when I was born. So it was the same as if I were an only child. I was so lonely growing up. I had neighborhood kids and friends all around but I was still lonely for a sibling that was close to my age.

I have friends as an adult and only a couple of them have had 1 or 2, nearly all of my adult friends have had at least 4 with an average of 5 or 6 at last averaging. I do have a couple that have more, 1 has 8 and 2 have 10.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that kids that don't have siblings are going to have moments of loneliness for a sibling just as a child with numerous siblings will wish he or she was an only child. But then they wake up from the daydream and are content with what they have.

I do think that some woman are just not able to see themselves doing more than one because they think it's more work, not realizing that once they get up and walking you hardly ever see them because they're playing and entertaining each other.

One of my friends that has 6 had one around the time my youngest grandson was born. She said she was thinking about potty training him since he was about to be 2 1/2 or close to 3, can't remember. She told him it was time for him to go potty and low and behold, he went over, stood there, pulled his pants down, and peed. Then he ran off. Her other kids had potty trained him for a surprise for her. Now that's nice.....

As for college each of my friends have had all their kids in college at times, sometimes all in at the same time.

Those kids were raised to work hard and make the best grades they could. I don't know of any of my friends kids that didn't get huge wonderful scholarships. Most of them went to private colleges that did not accept financial aid too. The parents did pay for a couple of their kids to live in the dorms with a meal plan the first year but after that they got him and one of the siblings and apartment together. It was more affordable that way than dorms and a meal plan. A few others chose to go to OU or OSU and stay in state. They still got phenomenal scholarships though.

Their parents saved most of their money to pay for their kids missions and they were on their own to get money for college by working on their education so they'd get those scholarships.

When I was a teenager I hated kids and never thought I would get married. None of the guys in school paid attention to me in that way. I met my hubby in 1978,in study hall.We immediately became friends. We started dating in 1980,when I was 16 and he was 21. We decided to have kids about 4 years into our marriage. By that time I wanted two kids,twins,one of each.Well it didn't work out that way. It took us a year and a half to get pregnant with our daughter who is now 23. And six years later our son came along,not planned,but still wanted.I got my twins but six years apart.Their newborn pictures,you can not tell them apart. It really all depends on the parents and what they want.