24 answers

How Long Is Too Long for In-law Visit-why Is It So Stressful???

My in-laws are coming sometime in Nov. My husband has taken ALL his vacation (3 weeks) to be with them when they come, so they will be here I am guessing 3-4 weeks. They are from Oregon. They came last year for 4 weeks and the year before for 3 weeks. Last year they also brought their dog. They stay with us in a 1500 sq ft house. We also have a dog who does not get along with their dog and has to be seperated and a 4 year old boy. My MIL keeps my son up at night by walking up and down the halls at night taking her dog out. My husband and I have both asked her to be more quiet or not do that and she still keeps doing it because she is "trying to be more quiet". My FIL wakes me and my son up at 4am when he and my husband get up to go hunting. We both have also asked him to be more quiet as well, but my husband just tells me that they have a hard time being quiet. I like my ILs, but I just feel that it is too long and can not believe they bring their dog as well. They have 4 cats and 2 dogs and say they are saving money bringing one of the dogs with them (I guess I should be lucky they are not bring all their pets), plus I think my MIL likes the company. She keeps her smalll dog in the guest bedroom where my son frequently opens the door to let the dog out so he can play with her. This then puts our dog and their dog in the same area and they fight. It just seems like it is toooo long for me. My husband tells me that he only gets to see his parents 3-4 weeks/year and that his parents want to be able to spend time with thier grandson - which I have no problem with. When my parents come visit, it is usually for 1 week or less (they live in MI and CA)and I also go visit them as well. Help! how do I not be so miserable and resent them coming as I really do like them.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks for all the advice. And to answer a few questions, yes my husband takes all his vacation time to spend with his parents and will not spend any vacation with us. He will not spend time with me while his parents are here because he says that is his time to spend with his parents.

My ILs did ask to bring their dog last year and my husband said yes. I had only found out about it a few days before they arrived (ie-he did not ask me).

I do have some soothing music playing for my son at nighttime. My ILs are so loud when they walk down the hall and open and slam doors shut that I have turned it up. Ironically, my FIL asked me to turn the music down because he could not sleep as it was too loud. I said NO!

I do not want to leave my son unsuppervised with my ILs because when he was 18 mos, she spanked him and I was very upset that she would even think of doing this.

When my father visits he only stays for 2-3 days a year and my mother about a week every other year. I visit them at their house for about a week each every year (without my husband as he has no more vacation time to go) so most of my parents visits are not in our house.

Featured Answers

What's that saying about fish and house guests? They both stink after 3 days?

I'd put my foot down with my husband - you guys don't have a large enough home to accommodate guests (with pets) for that period of time. I would tell him I couldn't even tolerate my own parents that long in my home. :P

Or, maybe you can use that visit as an opportunity to go on a mom's retreat, or girls-only vacation. They might like it too!

5 moms found this helpful

What about breaking up the visit? I mean, 3-4 weeks all at once is a LONG time... Why not do 3 or 4 one week visits? If they fly out then that won't cut into visiting time much at all. Now if they're driving, well, then I would MAYBE let it stretch into a week and a half. My ILs & my own mother were at my home for a week after I had my 2nd baby, and both my husband and I were SO thrilled when everyone left. Family is nice, but a week is a long time, let alone 3 or 4 weeks!

4 moms found this helpful

Ugh. I lived in a 1300 sq. ft. house. That is very small for so many adults, their stuff and their pets. That's why it is stressful. Yeah, it's too long. And it also means you don't get to go with hubby on a fun vacation to anywhere, since he is taking all his vacation to hang with them. I would be bummed. Personally, I have always wanted to vacation by myself. This sounds like the perfect opportunity, if you are so inclined, to take a stack of books, some face cream, and a rental at the beach.

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

What's that saying about fish and house guests? They both stink after 3 days?

I'd put my foot down with my husband - you guys don't have a large enough home to accommodate guests (with pets) for that period of time. I would tell him I couldn't even tolerate my own parents that long in my home. :P

Or, maybe you can use that visit as an opportunity to go on a mom's retreat, or girls-only vacation. They might like it too!

5 moms found this helpful

What about breaking up the visit? I mean, 3-4 weeks all at once is a LONG time... Why not do 3 or 4 one week visits? If they fly out then that won't cut into visiting time much at all. Now if they're driving, well, then I would MAYBE let it stretch into a week and a half. My ILs & my own mother were at my home for a week after I had my 2nd baby, and both my husband and I were SO thrilled when everyone left. Family is nice, but a week is a long time, let alone 3 or 4 weeks!

4 moms found this helpful

MY in-laws are coming in October from California.

I think about two hours is long enough.

: )

4 moms found this helpful

I saw this decorative sign the other day at the store and if it was a different color scheme I would have purchased it:

"Friends always welcome, Family call first"

That is a really long visit! I would be slightly annoyed honestly.. Plan a lot of day trips?? Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

WOW. I would not be able to stand anyone that long.

3 moms found this helpful

I think you need to have a meeting with your husband and explain to him that it is too long a time to be with people you rarely ever see. Perhaps you guys could spend a week or so with them at their house. That way they can have the dirt and mess.

Visiting is nice but when someone does come they should be sefl-sufficient and can do things without having to be entertained. I know I am different. I visit family but I also have things I can do to keep myself busy, quiet and out of the way. After about a week I am ready to go back to my place.

Hubby has to learn that he has a new little family that comes before mom and dad and that new boundaries have to be created or your marriage may fail.

Good luck to you.

The other S.

PS I would never think of bringing my dog with me unless all got along. Besides there are vets that have boarding and that is part of traveling.

3 moms found this helpful

Ugh. I lived in a 1300 sq. ft. house. That is very small for so many adults, their stuff and their pets. That's why it is stressful. Yeah, it's too long. And it also means you don't get to go with hubby on a fun vacation to anywhere, since he is taking all his vacation to hang with them. I would be bummed. Personally, I have always wanted to vacation by myself. This sounds like the perfect opportunity, if you are so inclined, to take a stack of books, some face cream, and a rental at the beach.

3 moms found this helpful

A vacation is about having fun - not stress.

I love my parents to death but can really handle a visit for about 7 to 10 days. Especially in their home - my grandmother lives with them and DEMANDS a set feeding time for her diabetes...so we eat dinner at 5PM (which would be a late lunch for us)...so my kids end up being hungry around 9PM and my mom is a dream - she fixes them something understanding the time change...when they come here? the most they've been here is 3 weeks and they came in the motor home so it was good...we had breaks in the evening!! :)

My FIL? I can handle him for 3 days - MAX!!! He is a heavy drinker (not beer but alcohol) and, like my husband, loves to sleep so it's not like we really "visit"...

I would seriously talk with my husband and ask him to give specific dates they will be here..I would also make a place for their dog to stay - whether it be at a kennel or what - but that's not fair to your dog or your son...

GOOD LUCK!!

2 moms found this helpful

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