November 05, 2008,
M.M. asks from Lubbock, TX on November 03, 2008
How Long Is It Ok for Siblings to Sleep in the Same Room?
I have to children, a boy who just turned 7 and a girl who is 5. They are 19 months apart and have always been very close. We have tried to have seperate rooms in the past but always end up with a room together. Thay do have seperate beds ,and stay in there own most of the time. My 7 your old has become very dependent on sleeping with his sister. So much it has caused problems at grandmas house where she does not allow it.
So my question to you today is at what age do children need to stop sleeping with there siblings? Thanks for any and all replies.
1 mom found this helpful
L.W. answers from Dallas on November 04, 2008
Too bad that there's not bathrooms in their individual bedrooms. It might seem a bit cruel but you could lock you son in his room by reversing the bedroom lock. Continuing to sleep in the same bed as an opposite sibling can/might cause problems later in life.
J.S. answers from Dallas on November 04, 2008
I've seen studies that show that siblings who bunk together form closer bonds.
Here's an article on it:
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L.P. answers from Tyler on November 04, 2008
I agree with the majority of the posters to let them continue to bunk together. And personally, I would never lock a child in their room. What problems? That siblings find comfort in each others presence..that they treasure their time together..trust me, if either of your children begin to feel uncomfortable, they will make the move to their own space. I really give kudos to the idea of letting them personalize thier rooms so they may feel drawn to that space, but really, there is no reason to push them apart. Before you know it, the oldest will be packing off to college and these bonding years will be in the past.
And I'm really sorry if something terrible happened to the mama who wanted to lock them in their rooms, but I really don't support that idea.
D.L. answers from Dallas on November 04, 2008
My brother and I shared the same room the whole time we were growing up. From the time I was born until he graduated from high school and went to the army. He is 3 years older than me. We both had our own twin bed and we always slept in our own bed. Not because our parents told us to but because there just isn't enough room in a twin bed for 2 kids for very long. My brother and I were very close growing up. We shared all of stories with each other and we fought like cats and dogs some days. Privacy was not an issue as we went through puberty we just set our own boundaries. My parents never really got involved in any fights we had and they never really told us to set privacy boundaries.
I think you should be open and honest with them about who they are and what's expected of them as siblings but don't worry so much about there dependance on each other. They will out grow it or they won't, but forbidden fruit is always sweeter.
You might also ask grandma to lighten up because she can have a huge influence on their dependence by not allowing them to sleep together. I know when we would stay at my Grandmothers house, she didn't have 2 beds in one room and I would have nightmares at her house because my brother wasn't in the same room with me. He would come sleep on the floor some nights when I couldn't sleep.
If you really feel they need their own rooms you should try encouragement. All 3 of my children slept with me and my husband until they were about 3 years old. We got them out of our bed and into their own by encouragement not by forbidding them from coming into our bed. We had a lot of nights that they still wanted to sleep with us but we would encourage them to go back to bed and if they refused we didn't push the issue and let them in bed with us. My 2 sons shared a room for several years and when we bought a new house they each got their own rooms and they got to pick their rooms. They picked rooms that were right next to each other and put their beds right next to the doors so they can see and hear each other.
They will grow up and they will move in their own direction and they will be well adjusted adults. I know our society tells us that our children especially of opposite sex shouldn't share a room. Sometimes out of necessity they must or just because they choose to. But I wouldn't worry about it. Families used to have only one room for all their children and in some countries that's still the common way of life.
B.B. answers from Dallas on November 04, 2008
I just started the process of separating my 4 1/2 year old son and 6 1/2 year old daughter last night. The only reason I am trying to separate them is so my daughter's sleep doesn't suffer. My son is a snuggler and tends to push anyone out of the bed he is in due to wanting to be close to them. Since my son still takes naps and my daughter can't because of school, my son tends to talk at night and keep my daughter awake. Separate beds doesn't solve this one and my daughter has started complaining about it and shows definite signs of being tired.
If the sleep disturbance wasn't the issue, I would have no problem letting them stay together. I shared a room with my sister until I was in high school. We are very close. I always liked the security of having someone near. That is way I first started letting my two sleep together. They both were going through a scared phase and that helped. Now my daughter is too tired to care. The change is a bit harder on my son but we are trying to help him feel good about being such a big boy to sleep in his own room. He did great last night after only getting out of bed three times before finally falling asleep.
A.M. answers from Dallas on November 04, 2008
I think it is fine until 1 or both want their own room and more privacy.
K. answers from Dallas on November 03, 2008
My brother and I had our own rooms but slept together in the guest room for years. I finally decided I wanted to sleep by myself when I was 12 or so but my brother would sneak into my room at night and sleep on the floor. I wouldn't make a big deal about it and let them decide when they are ready to sleep alone. Eventually one of them will be.
K.T. answers from Dallas on November 04, 2008
My cousin (who is a boy) and I are 14 months apart and slept in the same room most of our lives not to mention the shared baths! I don't see what the issue is....
I am sure that when one or both of them are old enough to need privacy :o) they will let you know. Until then, its perfectly fine for them to sleep in the same room. I would be more concerned what the underlying issue is with other people!
They are close and thats great, I would foster that relationship so they will have a steady rock in each other as they grow.
Mom to 5
S.R. answers from Dallas on November 05, 2008
My brother and I (3½ years apart) slept in the same bed and/or bedroom until about age 10 (I was 10, he was 7)...that I can remember...and we turned out just fine. We are both normal, grown adults with our own children and we have a very tight sibling bond...always have had.
They'll reach the point where they are ready for their own rooms/beds. But, at 7 & 5, I don't see anything wrong with siblings co-sleeping (gender not important either). I'd probably say double digit age would be a good rule of thumb to use, though...it's when we grew out of it. A 10-year-old will tend to get tired of 'lil sis/bro' kicking and stealing the covers all night. ;o)
L.D. answers from Dallas on November 04, 2008
At the age that your children are now especially your son, they should be sleeping in separate rooms. Your son needs to understand that he is a big boy and big boys do not sleep with their sisters. This teaches him boundaries and privacy. Be firm and let your children know that they are not doing anything wrong but this is all a part of growing up.