August 31, 2007,
A.G. asks from Plainfield, IL on August 30, 2007
How Long Do You Wait Before Telling Family/co-workers About Being Pregnant?
I just found out I am 4 weeks PG with my second child. Does anyone have any advice on when the best time is to "let the cat out of the bag" so to speak? I want to tell everyone right away, but I've heard people say that you should wait until right before you start to show. Does anyone have good/bad experiences that you can share with me? Should I tell family right away and wait to tell my boss and co-workers?
J.S. answers from Chicago on August 31, 2007
First off, congratulations!
I have a 5 month old daughter and a 5 year old son. When my husband and I got pregnant with our daughter, we literally told his family that evening. My family lives a couple hours away, but I still wanted it to be special, so I waited, or tried to anyway, to tell them until I saw them, long story....
Anyway, most people say to wait in case you miscarry. But I didn't pay any attention to that, I was too excited. My friends all found out right away too. Now with your co-workers, if you are good friends I say tell them when you want, but if you're afraid that it might cause a conflict with your job, I would wait until your second trimester. Hope this helps!
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N.K. answers from Chicago on August 31, 2007
Most people wait 10-12 weeks since the risk of miscarriage goes down then. It would be hard to discuss something so sad with lots of friends or acquaintances. I told my immediate family (including my parents and sisters) right away, but no one else.
C.D. answers from Chicago on August 31, 2007
It is totally a personal decision. But, if you decide to tell people before the first trimester ends (at 12 weeks your risk of miscarriage diminishes significantly), you should be prepared to tell them if you miscarry. The first time I was pregnant I told family and close friends as soon as I found out, and almost everyone else at 11 weeks ( I was starting to show and I thought everything was fine). Then, 2 days later I miscarried. So, I had to explain to everyone who hadn't heard I miscarried, for a few weeks after it happened (word travels fast). So, when I got pregnant again, I told family and close friends as soon as I found out, and waited to tell others until 12 weeks (I had an ultrasound at 7 weeks and heard the heartbeat again at 11 weeks). I believe that if you do miscarry, you want close family and friends to be there for you and help you through that rough time. So, I told them right away. Co-workers pretty much guessed I was pregnant again (morning sickness and I was showing at about 9 weeks), but I didn't confirm/tell them until 12 weeks. I just didn't want to go through the pain again of having to tell people I miscarried, as it is such a personal thing. I took it for granted that it wouldn't happen, but it happens more than you think.
C.G. answers from Chicago on August 31, 2007
It's totally your decision, any time is fine. We personally told right away because I had to let my job know (potentially hazardous). We didn't want to tell co-workers and not family. I think I would want everyone to know so that I could talk about a miscarriage with them. Although miscarriages are common, most happen very early on like before 6-7 weeks, so not as common after that. I agree with a previous poster that anyone you would tell about a miscarriage you should tell about your pregnancy.
J.P. answers from Chicago on August 30, 2007
Of course it is totally up to you but my belief is if I would tell them I miscarried then I would tell them I am pregnant. I would not go to co-workers and supervisors and tell them I miscarried so I wouldn't tell them until after the first trimester, unless you are considerably sick and need to explain further. I would tell family I miscarried so I would tell them I am pregnant. With my first pregnancy with my son I told after 9 weeks when the heartbeat was detected and I had no signs of miscarriage. My second pregnancy I miscarried and it was awkward to go and tell people I had told that I lost the pregnancy. I think when I conceive again I will wait much longer. I am not a totally private person and it is hard to keep such great news a secret but once you miscarry your ideas on sharing change a bit. Congratulations on the pregnancy!!
A.R. answers from Chicago on August 30, 2007
Honestly, I think that since it is your (and your partner's) baby, then it is your decision as to when you want to begin telling people. With telling people early you do run the risk of having to retract everything if you miscarry...but then again, if you do your circle of support is much larger. We told my in-laws as soon as we found out both times, despite miscarrying my first.
N.S. answers from Chicago on August 30, 2007
I personally would wait till the three month mark or atleast sometime closer to that. That being said, if you never experienced miscarriage you do not realize how common it is and how often it happens (not to worry you at all) but thank G-d we did not tell anyone with our second pg and then we miscarried around 2 1/2 months. I did not have to go through explanations or talking to ppl. about it when I was already stressed about it and that was the last thing I needed. I know alot of ppl who told family/friends etc early on and then miscarried and were devastated to tell everyone their bad news. The loss was only greater having to share it with everyone too. The decision is obviously yours but I think keeping it low key between you and your husband for a while is a very special and unique thing. The whole world does not need to know yet. Whatever happens, hope things work out well and everyone stays healthy and strong. Be well.
S.X. answers from Chicago on August 30, 2007
I've seen 4 weeks to 3 months for family and friends. I think there may be some law or rule with employeers if you need time off, i think its something like 2 or 3 months notice. But buy then it will be obvious anyway.