December 11, 2010,
K.B. asks from Dulles, VA on December 10, 2010
How Long Do You Date Before Introducing Your Kids to the Man?
Katie Couric said she would never introduce a man to her girls unless she was thinking of marrying that man. She met her dates at the location. My cousin introduced men within a month and it confused the kids to keep meeting all these guys. She didn't make them call them uncle or daddy, but she spent huge amounts of time with them right away. The kids' father was dead and they really wanted a new dad. What is the best way to do it? If you have kids, how long do you date until you get remarried?
(I am married and not looking, but another question inspired me)
S.B. answers from Redding on December 10, 2010
I completely agree with waiting to introduce children until there is a serious committment of some kind, the type of committment that leads to marriage. I don't mean to sound old fashioned, but I would never live with a man in front of my children. That's not a judgement thing, I know people that do it successfully, but I had been together with my daughter's father 6 years when she came along. We owned a house, cars, both had good jobs. The baby came along and he didn't want to be a father. Being married wouldn't have made him want to be a father, but I should have known better to stay with someone that didn't share my same views on that.
I have men that are friends that I had my kids around, but the romantic ones, no way. If things didn't work out, my kids didn't know a single thing about it.
I know many women who think their kids have a right to know everything and I disagree. Kids don't need to know all about adult stuff. It's not good for them when they are too little, if you ask me. I think a man and woman should get to know each other first and figure out if even the two of them are going to be serious, let alone bring the kids into it before figuring any of that out.
It saves a lot of heart ache and confusion for the kids, if you ask me.
Just my opinion.
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R.. answers from Chattanooga on December 10, 2010
I think it depends on the kids. If they are young, then definitely wait for commitment. But I remember when I was younger, we usually met my dad's girlfriends within a month or so... but that was because we WANTED to meet them. (We were older... The youngest of us was 12) It was a good chance for my dad to tell if he wanted to allow the relationship to progress to the 'serious' point. Actually, the only one that he waited to introduce us to was the worst experience. They were in a very serious relationship, talking marriage, so he introduced us. For a few months things were great, she was nice and all, and they got engaged. Then she started getting annoyed that my dad prioritized us instead of her. And that was the end of that. So like I said.... I think it depends on the maturity of the kids...
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B. answers from Augusta on December 10, 2010
as a child that had her mother's dates come and go I would never introduce my kids to a man I was dating until I was certain he was "the one" .
I became attached to most of them and didn't really understand why they were leaving.
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M.S. answers from San Francisco on December 11, 2010
I wouldn't introduce the kids unless i was certain he was the one. It would have to be a great deal of time too--at least a year before introducing them.
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D.S. answers from Tulsa on December 10, 2010
at least 6 months most relationships that fail do it within 6 months I dated 8 yrs and am only common law married. not in a hurry to get married again and other reasons it hasnt been done yet that I wont go into.
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3.B. answers from Cleveland on December 11, 2010
Ooooohhhh LOL I find this a very touchy subject. Personally I feel Katie Couric may be right lol. Although you'd like to see how this person is with your kids. But if you date them long enough you should know. That said my sons father died when he was just over 1 year old. He never met anyone I dated until I had dated this man for about 2 years. Unfortunately it didnt work out, and it devastated me that he ever met him because I felt like he was having another person taken out of his life. The next man he met IS now my husband. My intuition told me that my husband was the one, and I was right. I have sisters who are single parents and their kids meet everyone the date, and it's terrible. Their kids are so confused, and the youngest neice is super emotional right now because my sister kicked out her live in boyfriend for like the 6th time and its breaking my neices heart. Only because she desperately wants a dad.
So I guess this is a very loaded question. But I feel as a momma you need to be VERY cautious in guarding your childrens interests and emotions when it comes to dating.
J.C. answers from Rockford on December 10, 2010
Well, if you are my husband's ex, you do it within a week or so. NOT! She does this regularly, and it does confuse the kids. My husband's son is 11 and since he has been about 7 or 8 she has been doing this. She gets all excited about it and my stepson thinks they are going to get married and he will get "another new dad." It is really disgusting. I would wait 6 months to a year, and only then if I was sure it was going to be a long term committed relationship (as sure as I could be). Kids are so impressionable, even the older ones, so I think it is irresponsible to rush anything with them involved.