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Well, in answer to your questions -getting a bit calmer and staying home a lot more is both a natural progression of motherhood AND of getting older! Even if I were still single or child-free, I could not sustain the party schedule that I used to keep! I was quite the free-wheeling hippy chick myself, and I had a fantastic time. I've just found though, with getting older (I'm 40 now with a 2 and a 4 year old) that I'm not as interested in going out 2-4 times a week any more. I had kind of reached that point when I had my first. I DO still go out once a week either with friends or my husband. We do a variety of things -but one of our main interests is going to see live music. We still love the bands and music we used to go see, so we haven't stopped. We also still go to music festivals and camp -but we take our kids. SO -that's a big change compared to the 4 day weekend romps we used to go on!

Social life can return now! Find a few good sitters in your area. Use Care.com or sittercity.com if you don't have some good references for some right now. Save up your money and try to go out at least twice a month. Even if you only go to a cheap dinner or have some beers at a bar, you'll feel like you've gotten out and taken a break. Look up live music and save up for some tickets -go see a band and dance and have fun together! I know it depends on your finances as to how much you can do this, but I'll bet you can get out more than twice a year. And yes, from what I hear it gets easier and easier the older your kids get.

Have you met any friends in your area? Ever go to any playgroups or other mother groups? I found several women like myself who love to go out through our local neighborhood playgroup system. We often get together for wine nights or to go see bands. Our husbands have become friends too, so there's a wider opportunity for socializing.

Just remember -no matter what you do -your kids are still going to wake up at their regular time the next morning! That's probably been the biggest change for us when we go out -you don't STAY out very late (midnight is usually my cut off) and you really watch how much you drink. As you referenced -it's NO fun being up at 6:30 am after 4 hours of sleep with a wicked hangover and two little ones! It took one night of not thinking to cure me of that forever. Start going out as often as you can though -dinner and a movie may sound boring, but it's actually a lot of fun! You can still let your hair down and dance, so make it your resolution for 2011 to find more of that to do. See if there are any music festivals or day festivals where you could take the kids. My kids love seeing us get down and jam to good music -and they love dancing to it themselves!

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I think those of us who "lived it up" so to speak in our 20's, are the ones at the opposite end of the spectrum now. I can very much relate to your hippie-chick party-girl past. I look at it this way, I had my fun, I did crazy, spontaneous, outlandish things that would make others think VERY differently of me now. And I love that. I am content with my "normal" family life, spending time with my husband and our daughter. Planning family activities and staying in to watch movies. A couple times a year, we let our daughter stay with my mother and we go pretend we're 10 years younger. It usually ends with us coming home and saying "I'm so glad this is my life now". It is so much richer and satisfying! You aren't boring, you are far from that. You have a wealth of knowledge learned from experiences that have shaped who you are now. This is YOUR natural progression and that is a good thing. :) Keep living life, mama, as you do now. It will lead you where you are going.

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I don't think you're boring at all! I am 32, my son is 13 months old and I have another son coming in March. My husband and I used to go out and have people to our house all the time. That has slowed down A LOT! Now, we plan everything around our son and his naps.
Most of our socializing is with people who have kids or people who can go with the flow with timing. We eat out early since our son goes to bed at 8pm. It's been an easier adjustment on me that my husband.
I would still love to go out dancing and for a few drinks, just at a more reasonable hour (man, I sound old! haha). But, I agree with the other poster saying I love my sleep and I avoid hangovers at all cost! I'd hate to feel horrible all day if I didn't have to.
I think you can have your social life and have fun with the kids too.

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I think this is a natural progression. The same thing happened to me. I used to LOVE to go out, stay out late, get 3 hours of sleep & go to work. Now, I would rather sleep than anything lol. When my daughter was born, my social life came to a grinding halt. It was really hard. I remember when my daughter was 2 months old, my husband was getting ready to go to a concert with friends and I burst into tears crying "it must be nice to be able to leave the house!". I didn't go anywhere for a long time after she was born (except the grocery store & that doesn't count as going "out").

I am slowly starting to get my social life back now. My daughter is 2 1/2 now, and she is old enough that I feel ok leaving her with my husband or a sitter. Its a slow process, I think, to get back "out there". But I don't have a desire to party anymore. Meeting a friend for shopping and coffee is my new idea of a good time. Or all us girls getting together with the kids for a giant playdate. While the kids play, we talk and gossip and laugh. Once your a mother, you redefine everything. Including your idea of a good time. I have no desire to step into a bar, or a nightclub, or be out after 11pm. Besides, a hangover now would be torture. You can't be hungover with a child needing your attention all day. Hang in there mama. Good luck.

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mine has completely changed. i wasn't a party animal. but i was a huge traveler. i used all my vacation time off work to go see a different state. always. didn't have plenty of cash but made best of it.i have lived all over and have made friends all over. now I hit it off with moms :)
i am picky though. i can't do boring. i need to make friends with interesting people. yes i can talk about my kids to death and back, but I have plenty to say about other things. so i choose my moms wisely. i have no problems making friends but i don't go out often. i can't leave my girls even for a few hrs. plus my husband is a loner, meaning, he has no friends, so i hate to leave him at home. we don't hire babysitters for our kids so we don't have date nights. but i am fulfilled nonetheless.

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LOL! My children are in high school. My oldest is off to college in the fall. Our nights out are usually for fundraisers at whatever establishment is giving the donation. Our social life revolves around our kids' friends' parents and our kids' activities. Marching Band rules the fall. Swimming rules the winter months. Spring is usually Percussion Ensemble activities and then the Musical and all that goes along with that. Summer is spent catching up on sleep and driving the kids to the summer camps they attend and the summer camps where they volunteer.
My husband and I have very little time to go out alone, but we manage. We don't spend nights away. We take an hour, go to the dump, and hit the local burger joint on the way home. It's time together. We're good with that.
My latest night out was at a School Board Meeting. Oh - living large!!
There are few parties that are just adults. We don't party like we used to. Mornings come too early anymore.
Our friends are dear and have the same values we do - we see each other when we are fund raising, planning events, or doing things with the kids. Would I change it? Heck no. Once in a great while, we all meet for dinner - usually after we drop the kids at Homecoming or some other huge event.
As for girlfriends - yes, I hold them close and tight - we meet for lunch - and we treasure that time. Once in a while we hit a matinee movie on Mondays when they have free popcorn. :-)
Our social life evolved... and it will continue to evolve as the kids move on to college and beyond. It's all good.
It's like this: Enjoy your kids. They get too big too fast.
LBC

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I have 3 kids (13, almost 10 and 8) and one hardworking, but slightly messy, husband. I spend my day on my feet running the household (except, of course, for the time I spend online here, but really, I learn so much about being a good partner and parent on this site that I consider it "part of running the household" lol!). Once 9pm hits, I am absolutely, positively exhausted. The thought of dressing up and going out...well, why would I even consider that when I have a nice bottle of wine chilling and my husband to converse with? Friends? Sure, I have them, but I see and talk to them during daylight hours ("doing lunch" is just as much fun as "going out at night"). I partied so hard between the ages of 13 and 23 that I really think I got it out of my system. Now I just want to get a good night of sleep so I can be the best "me" the next day. Am I *yawn* boring, too? Maybe, but I wouldn't change my life right now for anything!

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I agree with the previous posts, its a natural progression with motherhood. Most people give it up, because raising a family is more important to them. In the early childhood years, its sooooo demanding, that theres barely any time for oneself. I do think its healthy though to get out with your hubby more often and take some time for yourself with days out, it will make you better parents. My hubby & I found what works for us, which is to go out once monthly for date nights. My 3 y/o has a sitter & we go for dinner & maybe a movie. We agree no 'toddler talk' while we're out, and just focus on our relationship. We also take a "Mom's or Dad's day out", once a month. One whole day of just doing what we want. Sometimes that consists of hanging out in the house while the other takes out our little one. You really feel revived after taking that time for yourself. I think at one point or another we all go through a period of missing our previous live's and the freedom of no responsibility we had, it's normal. You just need to find what works for you & your family. Good luck to you :)

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Oh i think we all had our 'glory' days! But everything changes when you have kids, and I believe thats something you consider you may have to change/give up when you do decide to have kids. I married at 22, but I dont feel like I didn't have my 'party life' i was doing that when i was 16 till i was 21! At 23 i had my son and I have 2 more kids as well! I dont' desire to go party anymore. I have my girl time and my husband is a truck driver, so there is not alot of time with him so weekends are crucial family time to us. We will once in awhile have people over or we've gone to other families houses to hang out that have kids and are kid friendly, of course :) I have a mom i met when my son was in pre-k and we hit it off really really well. We get togther we babysit, in fact i took her 2 kids this wkend when her hubby and her had a military ball to attend. We exchange on taking each others kids once a month so we can have a 'date' with our hubby's. I think you may just be getting antzy! I think we all do, but in the same sense your a mom and your life is different as it should be! Good Luck :)

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Do you start going out to clubs drinking and dancing when your kids get older? No. Mine are 11 and 15, most of my after work or evening time is spent driving them to their various social functions. I don't go "out" on the weekends. Every couple of months, I go for drinks and appies with coworkers, have dinner with my sister every few months, book club without fail once a month. My husband and I only really go out alone for special occasions - anniversary, valentines day. I was never a party queen, and I sure don't have time to become one now. I'm 43, my youth is in my past and I enjoy a different type of socializing now.

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When I was married and my husband would not be around for "work" reasons I was home alone with an almost 1 y.o. son. I had just changed state and knew nobody yet, not even my neighbor. All day in sweats, ponytail, you get the picture. Then one day I said to myself:"I want to dance". I signed up to salsa classes and it was the best thing I could do (at the time and given the circumstances). I only went on saturdays when the hubby was back home, and it was like partying, in a more mature kind of way, I guess, but still, all of a sudden I was meeting people and being social nonetheless. I met one my best friend dancing. My hubby did not have friends/couple friends for us to hang out with (a bit sociopathic, i should have noticed earlier) and i also managed to meet people at the playground, then I invited them over for dinners and became friends.So I guess we can still be social AND be mommies, just in a different way.

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You still have a social life.... it's just a different social life than you had before you became a mother. And I think you'll find if you relax with it, that this social life is much more satisfying than the one you used to have. Enjoy your children.
But, that doesn't mean you have to stay at home all the time either. Do find ways to get out more than twice a year. Have a 'date night' with hubby at least once a month. Get a sitter, trade sitting with other couples or whatever it takes and just go on out and have fun for the evening or even for a whole weekend if you can. Do the same to have a girls night out, or make your girls night out a special father/child bonding night when he takes care of the child. You'll want to give him a turn at a boys night out while you are in charge of the homefront as well.
Just be creative and you can have the best of both worlds. I do agree with you wholeheartedly about not being into the drinking scene. I've never been much of a drinker, but I can't imagine what it would be like to have your child find you with a hangover in the morning. It just doesn't seem like a happy scenario to me.

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You've grown up! You're done with the drinking and partying and find staying at home with your hubby and child satisfying. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think it's the way it's supposed to be. You're a good mom who is home for your child. I often feel like my life is boring as well, but there is nothing I like more than being home with my family! As for whether or not the social life returns, that's anyone's guess and is an individual thing. My kids are grown so I can go out any time I want. Thing is, I really don't want to except on occasion. If you want a social life and are willing to get out there and create one, go for it. But if you're just content to be at home with hubby and going out with him, then that's great as well. It's really all in what you want.

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I never go out. After my youngest was born who is now 5 - was when it really stopped. My husband and I only go out a couple of times a year. I rarely see my girlfriends. And - if I do - its to hang out with our kids. I work full time so the time I do have is to clean, run errands, grocery shop and spend time with my family. I think you end up giving up alot when you become a wife and a mother. At least I did. Although I do know alot of women who still make time to go out with friends and party. I have no clue how they have time and/or energy. I would rather be at home cuddled up with my kids.

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Previous to having kids I spent a lot of time at clubs or parties dancing I have 4 kids aged 12-21 years old. For many, many years after I started having them my social life came to a near stop. My monthly outing was to a command spousal support group (my husband was career military). When he was deployed I didn't have any sort of social life. I wasn't an outgoing person and found it difficult to make friends. That's not the case now :-)

I've developed some hobbies....they kept me sane when I didn't have the money or time to spend with friends...over the years my hobbies have helped me to make new friends. Also now that our children are older and for the most part, self sufficient we are able to do a lot of things that we weren't able to do before. Life goes in phases. Once we settle down and start creating a family of our own our priorities change (or they should change).
Something we do so that we can spend time with friends is hold a game night once a month (sometimes 2 times). It's an open invitation. Sometimes we have 2 friends come, sometimes we've had up to 15 of our friends come. It's a very relaxed atmosphere and even though our are usually present the topic of discussion is rarely kids.

I think there are so many more options these days for young moms to be social. Research what kinds of activities/events there are in your area. We are blessed to live in an area that has an abundance of things to do. They range from free to $$$$ price-wise. In the summer there are an array of free concert series. We can pretty much go to a free concert every night of the week if we wanted to.
I do think it is important to keep an identity that isn't "Jimmy's mom" or "John's wife".....as much as I love being a mom I let myself get too sucked into those roles and became a very unhappy person for awhile. So do something for yourself at least once a month. Even if it's for just a couple of hours. You won't regret it.
And maybe it's just me but I've learned to appreciate the quality of the time I spend with friends over the quantity of time.
Get out there! Enjoy life!

PS I still every now and then have a yearning to go to a nightclub because I love to dance. When that happens I crank up my stereo and dance :-)

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It will get better. First, find friends with kids... team up, and don't ever let them go, LOL! We only really hang out with friends with kids, and the older the kids get, the less we see them. We'll go to our friends house and the kids all play upstairs (very nicely, might I add), and the grown ups hang downstairs... with the baby. Yeah, that sounds kind of bad, but... whatever. No more going out to our favorite bars... except for maybe once a year for our anniversary (but then we kind of overdo it, like making up for lost time)... the older the kids get, the easier it gets! I feel like I'm starting all over losing my social life since the birth of my son... but he's almost a year old now, and while he's not ready to run with the big kids, it's definately a thousand percent easier than this time last year!! It's harder to find the energy than it is to find the time. Find friends with kids and things go smoother... after all, misery loves company ;)

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I could've written this post! I don't think we are alone in feeling like this, as most of my mommy friends feel the same way too. I think it is a combination of both getting a little older and being a mommy to a young child. Even if I didn't have babies, you wouldn't catch me dead in a club now. I would stick out like a sore thumb and I doubt I would enjoy myself at all. I would go to a bar, but really just haven't had the opportunity to do that in several years.

My picture perfect evening now is: A dinner where all parties eat what is in front of them w/o a fuss, no hassle bath time, snuggle and a book with the kiddos, kiddos off to bed, hubby and me change into comfy sweats, maybe put a movie on or just veg and chat...with a glass of wine of course ;-)

I can't tell you if our social life will return as the kids get older as my kiddos are very young. I actually think it may get harder. Right now, our little ones require so much of our attention. But in a few years on top of doing all that we are already doing, we are going to be carting them to soccer, football and all of the other activities...oh and bring on the worrying. DATING!!! OMG, I think I'd like to freeze time for a bit. I'm so not ready to go there yet!

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What social life? Mine went to 0. It's even harder to make friends in mommies groups because they are so catty. Its normal what your going through and expect it to be this way for a long while. Your life will come back however it will be very different. You will always need babysitters and worry too much about your kids.
But I also hear that cry for help that you need a day off. So find a babysitter and let your hair down once in awhile.

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what's a social life? it's hard for me to make friends partly because i live an hour away and i'm in school so my time is limited

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I'm 40, hubby is 48, sons are 6 and almost 13. I don't miss my old social life, but I do miss having couples friends for my husband and I to go out with. Through the years with busy lives we've all grown apart. Now we only have one couple that we do things with, and we only see them once or twice a year. My husband and I are very good about going on dates, just the two of us, and I love that. I was good about spending time with friends, but two of my closest friends moved out of state recently. That has been hard. I'm hoping that now that my boys are getting older I will have a bit more time to cultivate friendships, but I have no desire for going out to night clubs or anything wild and crazy.

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i think it's normal. and normal to crave some sort of social life. we rarely go out but i don't have the energy anyhow. our friends have kids, so we visit with them once in a while which is really nice. we get a date night 1 or 2 times a year without the kids. my kids are 3 and 1 so i think it will get easier. thankfully i have a good circle of friends, most with kids, so we keep in touch. we try to do a girls night every other month or so. good luck.

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