11 answers

How Do You Talk About Sex with Your 11 Year Old?

I am trying to find out what is the best way to talk to my 11 year old son about sex??

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So What Happened?™

Thank you all for all of the advice! My husband will be home next week, he is in the Army, and we are going to gather info brochures and have our talk with him. I too answer all the questions that he may have as honestly as I can. It is scary how young kids these days start talking about this stuff!!! I noticed that the girls my son's age are really advanced and already want to make out and all of that! My son has let me know that he hasn't done anything like that which is a relief. :O) I am happy that he will come to me and ask questions. :O)

Again, thanks a lot for the advice...I tink I was on the right road, but I just don't want to do the wrong thing and mess him up! :O)

Featured Answers

If he is the one asking, answer the questions that he has at the time. More than likely, he is just wanting some general answers to some questions that are floating around in his head. On the other hand, if you are wanting to have "the talk" with him, just the basics would suffice. Hope this helps - I have a 16yo boy and have gone through this, too.

More Answers

My 14 year old son has known about sex for a few years. I am honest with him. I bought several books from Barnes and Noble. One of the books was written by kids. The books had pictures too. My son learned from these books. He will read something and then tell me that the stuff his cousin told him was wrong. I told him I would always answer his questions honestly.

If he is the one asking, answer the questions that he has at the time. More than likely, he is just wanting some general answers to some questions that are floating around in his head. On the other hand, if you are wanting to have "the talk" with him, just the basics would suffice. Hope this helps - I have a 16yo boy and have gone through this, too.

I purchasesd a book called "What's Happening to Me!" It explains the changes in the male and female body. I gave it to my son to read and said that if there were any questions, come to me so that I could explain them. He read the book and seemed quite pleased with the information. Of ocurse, later my husbnad talked with him about things, but it did work and he is now 34. Also, gave the same book to my daughter to read a few years later and filled in any holes that they didn't understand.

The library is an excellent place to obtain books related to puberty and sexuality. And it has pictures.

Hi! When I was ready to talk to my son about sex I went to the Department of Health and got a bunch of brochures. They have tons of very informative handouts that help make the conversation go smoothly. I reviewed the paperwork first and then set them out on table. It was very formal first, then asked if he had any questions. I answered his questions as honestly as I could. Since I have always been very open and honest with him our talk went very smoothly. My son is 15 now and we still continue to have talks. Good Luck!

Hi H.,
My name is C., and I too have an 11 yr. old boy. I have always believed in being open and honest about everything with my kiddos. I also have a 6 and 3 yr old boys. Unfortunately, in this day and age, our kids are hearing all about sex in school from their peers. My son comes home with all kinds of questions. I was told once, by a counselor, to only give them as much info. as they ask for. If they don't ask about certain things, don't say anything about it yet. But, if they ask specific questions, then answer them directly and honestly, because you can believe that they are hearing bits and pieces (probably false info.) at school from their friends and peers. That system has worked well for us and our son. Openness and honesty are always the best ways to go, in my opinion. Hope this helps you. Have a great weekend.

C. diamond, 33 yr old mother of Jordan (11yrs), Pierce (6yrs), and Kai (3yrs)

I think the best way is for them to ask questions and you answer. If they won't ask questions, you can start asking questions about what they already know and what the other kids they know say. That can start a good conversation. If he is reluctant to just talk, a good way to get things going is to get a book and read it to him. Don't just give it to him! If he won't talk, then he'll try to get you to let him just read it, but then he won't experience that it really is okay to talk with you about it like he will if you read out loud and then curiosity gets the better of him and he just has to ask you something! If you are a Christian, I highly recommend Not Even a Hint by Josh Harris. He could read that on his own after you've covered basic facts with him.

I have talked a little to my son--almost 11--but I have given him a very broad explanation without being extremely specific. I think the specifics can come a little later and I didn't want to emabarass him. He made it pretty easy bc he had his own questions. He asked how babies were concieved, what birth control pills are, and he heard girls talking about "periods" at school so he asked if girls his age already have their periods. I just explained that some might, but that he doesn't ever need to have a conversation with them about their periods or with other boys--bc it's very personal to girls and now that he will soon have 4 sisters (2 from his dad and 2 from me) I am glad he asked the question. Just let your child know that after you guys have talked--to ask YOU if there are any more questions. And I also told Addyson to keep what I have told him between us in our family and not to go talk to other kids at school about what I tell him bc that is their parents duty and decision. Hope this helps! Good Luck!

Just wanted to share a sex talk tale with you. I have two...now grown...daughters and had thought about this topic quite a bit before the opportunity...time came...to sit down with them.

The talk with the oldest daughter ended to my delight with "Oh! I can see how you wouldn't want to have sex with someone you weren't willing to be with for the rest of your life."

I had decided to give them the basics to start and only go further if they continued to ask questions. We had touched on anatomy, menstrual cycles and possibly confusing emotional changes, intercouse and protection from sexually transmitted disease.

Well, the success of this "talk" left me totally unprepared for the course that the talk with my youngest would take. Once I finished my basic talk with her...she came back with, "Can I have sex?" Then, "What if I do?" - "Do you still have sex?" - "Can you draw me a picture of 'having sex?'" I honestly don't remember my answers after that first one...I just remember moving my beer to the other side of the table and suggesting that we go to McDonalds for a Dip Cone! Distraction accomplished! Whew!

I'll be glad to respond - non public - if you haven't already received an acceptable response.

girl... he knows about sex already... well, he thinks he does. Now you and your husband have to go in and undo all the 'learnin' he has done. I use to teach 11 year olds for 8 years. The things I know and have heard will make your head spin! Boys need to know that girls his age feel the need to be liked by every freaking boy out there. And those girls aren't going to tell him they have an STD because that would make him not want to be with her any more. He needs to know that sex is something special between 2 people- not him, the girl and the whole school. He needs to know that girls my say they are on birth control or the love glove my break and when those things happen, he could be a dad. Tell him that every time he makes the decision to get his grove on, he is running the risk of skipping the teenage years and jumping to adulthood. Everyone thinks it wont happen to them, but it can. He needs to know that there is plenty of time to get his grove on. There is no rush. And every girl he choses to sleep with could one day be the mother of his child- so don't do it unless you are willing to have that bond with that person for at least 18 years....

Be honest...answer ALL of his questions and for goodness sake don't do what my mom did and make sex out to be a death trap. Kids need to understand that sex is a good thing and none of us could exist without it but it can also be a deadly thing if approached irresponsibly.

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