22 answers

How Do You Handle Being Around Your In-laws When You Know They Don't like You?

So, this is my 3rd question about my in-laws. I have appreciated all the advice I have gotten so far. I have been married for over 15 years. My MIL and I have never really gotten along. She is one of those women that thinks I stole her baby boy from her. Uggghhh. We live five hours away from them so I only see them once or twice a year. DH and I have 3 daughters. The 3rd one was born six months ago. They have not even bothered to come and see her. They were very disappointed that daughter #2 was a girl and not a boy and I figure they feel the same way about daughter #3. Anyway, I found out today that they will be coming in December to see my oldest dance in the nutcracker. When I am around MIL she is very cool with me. She knows not to be disrespectful to me in front of my husband but she is not very friendly either. I hate the fact that she will come to my house and want to hold my baby and I know she would rather not have anything to do with me. If you know your MIL hates you how do you deal with it in your mind? It is very frustrating for me. I wish I never had to see her again. But I try remain somewhat peaceful for my husband.

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Forgot to say that they will be staying in a hotel. They are not invited to stay at the house. I know that irks my MIL to know end, per SIL. But my rule is, if you can't play nice with me. you don't get to sleep in my house.

Featured Answers

Pretend that they do like you, or that you have no idea that they don't. Smile and be overly friendly. Since you don't have to see MIL very often this shouldn't be too difficult.

Also, take advantage of the situation. You know she loves her granddaughters and her son, and wants to spend time with them. Leave them in her capable hands and take off for the afternoon. Have lunch with a friend, go Christmas shopping.

2 moms found this helpful

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"How do you handle being around your in-laws when you know they don't like you?"

I take perverse pleasure in it. It's actually somewhat relaxing. For those I actually like, or that I'm *trying* for... I expend a lot of energy. The house is clean. Playdates aren't arranged. I change my schedule to be around. I ask for their preference on x, y, z...

For those that actively don't like me... I just live my life. It's not exactly like pretending they don't exist, but for anyone who was raised with southern or asian hospitality, the "going about your life" thing is a HUGE snub. Because not only are you not being "hostessy" but they're not even worth your anger or irritation. Non-entities. I don't have to be mean (in fact I'm quite friendly), I just am in no way, shape, or form adjust my life to suit them whatsoever. I don't consult them about plans, I just make them, etc.

It's sort of like dogsitting.

((I told you it was perverse pleasure))

15 moms found this helpful

Be polite and respectful and thank the LORD you only see them once or twice per year. (I do think your hotel rule is a little over-the-top, though, and of course it "irks" her..it would irk anyone! Someone's gotta be the bigger person--could it be you?)

5 moms found this helpful

Why do you care how she is you don't like her either..

3 moms found this helpful

Do what I did...........be cordial, but not overly nice.........don't talk to her unless you need too..........and if she is rude or does something she shouldn't, tell her.......in a nice manner.........

They say keep your enemies closer than your friends.........so maybe you can try that too.........what would she do if you were just sugar dripping sweet to her? If you can pull it off, give it a shot..........I did that with a father in law and it worked..........after a bit, we could actually talk and be nice to each other..........

Either way, she is your hubbies Mom, like it or not....and unless he says she goes, she will be around.........just try to get along as best you can........she did raise a great guy that you love dearly......remember that.......so you do have that in common.........

Good luck and take care.

2 moms found this helpful

Pretend that they do like you, or that you have no idea that they don't. Smile and be overly friendly. Since you don't have to see MIL very often this shouldn't be too difficult.

Also, take advantage of the situation. You know she loves her granddaughters and her son, and wants to spend time with them. Leave them in her capable hands and take off for the afternoon. Have lunch with a friend, go Christmas shopping.

2 moms found this helpful

Uhhh boy, I feel your pain. Here's some of my tricks: Be very, very busy with things that were "unavoidable" If she wants to hold the baby great! Take some time to get something done around the house that you have been putting off or better yet, tell her you need to step out to run an errand and thank her profusely for watching the kids. Plan some outings where the focus will not be on you. Read up on current events so you'll have something to talk about if it comes to that. Remember it will be over soon. Good Luck!

2 moms found this helpful

Just keep reminding yourself that you don't really like her and her opinion of you really does not matter - that will give you some power back. Keep your interaction focused on the kids and just do your thing don't try to make her like you. Keep busy and don't engage in her antics (if she tries to argue, etc...). Good Luck. I have to deal with a SIL that doesn't like me and it used to be very uncomfortable but once I stopped caring that she didn't like me, It got easier to be around her.

Good Luck

2 moms found this helpful

My in-laws like me.....AND I still drink when they come for a visit! HA!

2 moms found this helpful

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