I feel your pain. This was a major problem for me as well until I implemented a couple things. First - get organized. Buy some shelves or toy boxes that make things easy to put away. Put the big stuff on shelves and the little stuff in boxes. But don't put too much in a box, otherwise things will be too hard to find and will end up getting dumped on the floor. At our house, a one-time investment in the shelves was worth it for the mental health that it provided us with. If money is an issue (which, I know, usually is!) try using leftover yogurt containers or whatever kind of container for little cars or game pieces or whatever. Then put the containers on the shelf. Oh - those mandarin orange mini-crates are great for holding toys - and they stack really easily.
Also, ask your husband for help. I felt really bad about this - I am a "stay-at-home" mom (I hear you - we hardly stay at home either) so I felt that the kids and the house should be taken care of by me. My contribution to the family, I guess. But I realized that the stress of trying to be super-mom wasn't worth my pride. I'm not the best disciplinarian so I have trouble getting them to listen when I tell them to clean up, but when Daddy asks them to do it, it's a different story. He has a way of making it fun. So I try to do little clean up here and there during the day (especially before my husband comes home from work :) but the main cleanup is in the evening. We've incorporated it into our bedtime routine. So a half hour before bedtime is cleanup time. Everybody helps. And Daddy initiates and makes it fun. (Thank you!!) All the toys get taken back to the kids' room and put away where they go (that's where I come in). So in the evening I can relax and in the morning, we start out clean.
As far as getting the dishes done, toilets cleaned, etc, I usually try to do that stuff during the kids' favorite TV show or on Saturday morning when my husband is home to entertain the kids. Try making yourself a schedule and getting into a habit. And stick with it (which I say because you mentioned you don't like cleaning). Get your husband on board (let him know what he can do to help you). Oh - and don't try to do everything at once. One goal per day is about all I can handle. I had a friend a while back who used to split up her housework into one task per day. Clothes laundry on Monday, towels on Tuesday, clean bathroom on Wednesday... you get the point. If that's not working for you, don't be embarrassed to get a cleaning service. Oh - and my guess is that your friends' houses are not always as clean as they appear when you visit :) Sometimes having people over is a good motivation to clean!
Best of luck to you!
J. (SAHM of 6-year old girl and 2-year old boy)