S.M. asks from Athens, OH on November 07, 2007
How Do I Tell My Husband?
I recently found out that I am pregnant with our second child. The problem is that my husband doesn't really want any more children and we had decided to wait another year before bringing up the topic again. I've been on birthcontrol so I don't really know how I got pregnant. Anyway, my question is, does anyone have any experience with this kinda of thing and how do I tell my husband.
F.J. answers from Charlotte on November 08, 2007
S.: I would hope that your marriage is one of love and committment to each other. You took the precautions not to get pregnant, but you did. The only sure way to prevent pregnancy is abstinence? Both of you are responsible for the life you carry within you. Life does not always go according to what we plan. Tell him, and the both of your work it out. I wish you the best and I will remember you in my prayers.
Chaplain F. j m
S.J. answers from Charlotte on November 08, 2007
First, congratulations!! Second, just tell him. Once it's out there, you can talk about it. Usually, what we imagine is worse than what will actually happen. Think of it like this...your kids will have a likely better relationship being closer in age and you can get the baby stage over with before you get too settled in the toddler / pre-schooler part of your life! Also, now you know that if you don't want another one, you may need to change you BC. No method is 100% except not doing it...and we all know that isn't going to happen! (I know someone who got pregnant after she had her tubes tied and again after her huband had a vasectomy.)
L.M. answers from Charlotte on November 08, 2007
I like the idea of just handing him the test...and then you can say "look what you've done"- blame it on him...women always take the brunt of the problems...it's high time we held them responsibile for something.
Everyone's right- you certainly didn't do this by yourself, so just get it out there~ "I know we talked about waiting, but your little swimmers didn't quite hear us...."
Best of luck-
R.R. answers from Raleigh on November 07, 2007
Uh, just tell him. I know it's easier said than done, but if you just blurt it out, at least it's out there. He helped so you are not to blame. Birth control is not 100 percent effective. I can understand the strain it can have if you all are not in agreement, but it just happened. It's not like you planned to "trap him". It's ridiculous for him to think otherwise.
C.M. answers from Raleigh on November 08, 2007
These situations can be hard, birth control is not 100% and being a grown adult he should be aware. Best thing, Just tell him how it is, although like most men~ he will blame it all on you, "how could you get pregnant when we decided to wait" honey it takes two to tango! I didn't fertilize this egg on my own. Good Luck and congratulations! God works in mysterious ways.
A.S. answers from Charleston on January 06, 2008
I had gotten pregnant with my 3rd child unexpectedly also and my husband stated he didn't want any more and he didn't want to talk about it for another year as well. He wasn't exactly excited when I sat him down and told him but he was after a day or 2 went by. Your husband has to realize that it takes 2 to make a baby and he didn't exactly help in the birth control. I talked to my husband again a few days after i told him I was pregnant and he said he was happy just scared we couldn't provide. Well it is 3 years later and he is happier then ever because we finally had a boy! I have told my husband that if he didn't or doesn't want any more kids then he should have gotten a vassectamy or atleast now he should. It is easier for them and much less painful for them then it is for us. I am sorry I am not much help on how to tell your husband but in time hun I am sure he will be thrilled.
D.P. answers from Raleigh on November 08, 2007
Congratulations! I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy. I just took a pregnancy test, and handed him the results when he got home from work. I didn't even have to say a word. My husband actually went out and bought four more tests that night, with the results of all four being the same. He was completely stunned, as we had decided to wait a little longer to have children. Don't let him make you feel bad or make you feel like it was your "fault" somehow. If he really wanted no more children, there were measures he could take himself to insure that that could not happen. That is exactly what I told my husband and that was the end of that! After this baby, you might want to consider another form of BC. I have an IUD and love it. It is more effective than the BC pill, lasts for 3-5 years, and you don't have to remember to take it (which was my problem). Good luck and let us know how it goes.
B.D. answers from Asheville on November 08, 2007
Both of our kids were 'surprises' and I never had the best time telling my husband. I wish I was able to tell him in a fun and surprising way, but that was not a realistic thing to do in OUR situation. For our second child, I just came right out and told him. I knew he wasn't going to be happy INITIALLY and we just dealt with the surprise and worry (we weren't financially ready for another child) for awhile. But eventually with both of our children, there came a time when we were both thrilled, excited, and felt blessed! My husband is a great Daddy and loving husband, but he dealt with the our pregnancies in his own, slowwww, way. :) BUT whenever that time comes for you guys, and it might not be right away, but THAT's the time to go out and CELEBRATE!! Bring your little boy, he'll be excited to be a big brother! Just be realistic and know it will take a little while for your husband to feel as happy and excited and you want him to be. It doesn't mean he won't love the new baby or isn't happy to expand his family with you, it's just a big adjustment for all of you and the thought takes a little getting used to. Plus, you never really know if he will surprise you and be ecstatic right off the bat! Who knows!
So, good luck... and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!