How Do I Stop My Kids from Coming up and Sleeping with My Wife and I?

This is pretty normal.

If you can relax and enjoy it, the phase will pass and when you see them bouncing off to middle school w/out, you are going to wish you had let them cozy up and sleep with you.

Remember that human beings are cuddly and affectionate when they feel loved and loving. Lot's of affection helps w/development and stress reduction. It is also good for you.

They are bonding and reminding themselves that they are connected.

Slow down and enjoy it, resisting it or thinking there is a problem won't do any good.

If you are looking for a solid nights sleep, make sure you give them lot's of undivided attention in the evening when you are home, connecting makes them feel more secure and safe, remember that you are their source of love, food, security, they will learn to self comfort as they get older, it is something they will seek, for right now a little patience and lot's of affection is good for everyone's health.

Also, remember what you resist persist. So if you are pushing back you will get more of the same.

Relax and cuddle, once you relax about it, start to move them gently and encourage them to be self sufficient - don't think that they are a problem to be solved. This is pretty normal.

If you move them gently to their own beds, then do make sure that you are not expressing negative emotion toward their desire to be close. It's not good for any of you.

Best,
N.

2 moms found this helpful

M., I have twins and they have did this for the first 7 years of their lives (they are nine now). They would come up, we would take them back down. It doesn't work and you are left waiting for them to turn 13 because then they won't come out of their rooms at all.

Here's what we did and it worked 100%. We paid them. Everynight that they slept in their beds, they would come up the next morning and get a quarter out of the jar. Fifty cents is worth a nights sleep in my opinion. The first week, we had a few nights were only one would come up. By week three they never came up. Great investment. When enough time had passed, we ended with a big trip to the store to spend the quarters.

Some call bribery bad parenting, I call it creative parenting.

2 moms found this helpful

My son did the same until I put my foot down and didn't let him get in the bed at all. I just march him back to his room and tuck him back in. He now only comes in, maybe, one time a week which is better than every night. Half the time it's just because he has to go to the bathroom and feels he needs to wake me up for that. Be consistant and don't let them get in the bed or you won't get them out.

2 moms found this helpful

It'll be a lot less tiresome, just as comforting, and less inconvenient if you just make them a little spot on the floor to sleep. Once they realize that they aren't going to get into your bed anymore, they will come in less and less. Who wouldn't rather sleep with someone than alone. It makes no sense to them why they have to sleep alone when even you and Mommy get to sleep together.

2 moms found this helpful

You can put them into their own beds a zillion times and it might not work if you don't understand WHY. My oldest finally expressed it in words "you have fluffy (down) pillows and a fluffy (down) comforter, so your bed is better (softer and warmer) than mine". In essence, our bedding was why they always wanted to sleep in our bed. A trip to the store to buy them new bedding solved our problem. One of my daughters also needed a heater (programmable, oil-filled type) for her room because it didn't get as much central heat as her sister's.

2 moms found this helpful

I think kids NEVER do what you want or what you tell them. I think that you are doing right by taking them back to the bed. The only thing is NEVER allow them to get into your bed or you break everything that you have worked for by taking them back to their beds. I think that you just have to be patient with them and keep taking them back to their beds. Finally one day it will just click and they won't do that anymore, but it is probably gonna take a while and alot of patients.
Way to go!.. and good luck.
I think what you are going through is just the joys of parenthood. Don't let it get you down. Some won't go through this particular problem but they will go through problems that you won't have to encounter.

1 mom found this helpful

All you can do is to keep putting them back to bed. Keep the comforting to a minimum and explain that they need to sleep in their own beds.

1 mom found this helpful

Just like these ladies have said, keep putting your children back in their beds. Watch Supernanny for her techniques. Mostly, the back- to-bed sequence is to put them back the first time and tell them goodnight. Each time after, there is no communication and you simply put them back in their beds. No cuddling. No singing. Nothing. Straightforward putting them back to bed. It's exhausting at first, but you are rewarded when they stay in their beds. Be persistent and get really good at power naps for a while! Best of luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful

no one gets a good nights sleep with extra people in a bed. and as long as you are giving them attention during the day they don't need it at night. I'd put a stop to it now because it can last a loooong time. heck there was a post on this website about a 14 yr old sleeping with a parent! like stated below, tell them what is expected of them when you put them down, bring them back to bed with no interaction if they come in at night and if you stay with it it will work. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

this worked wonders for my brother and works for us when we do it. but often we just roll over and let them in.

Taking them by the hand with no response no talking just simply walking them back and walking away. more often then not they are looking for attention. so if you don't fulfill that they will stop doing it.

Yup, these ladies nailed it - take them back to bed. I would tell my son "this bed is a two person bed and there is no room for anymore people tonight" and escort him back to his room. Another option is to let them sleep in your room but on the floor - eventually they will prefer to sleep in their bed vs on the hard floor. The 2nd option is what my mom did with me and it really did work.

Good luck!

Best,
T.

I am smiling as I read this. My husband and I are in the same boat. It's so cute to think about but my husband is starting to think its not so cute anymore when our 6 year old comes sliding in between us in the midst of the night. We will just keep at it, try to comfort them and put them back in the bed and hope sooner or later he will stay in there all night. My mother in law says it will stop soon, so all I can say is Keep Hope Alive!

Just let them stay there. It seams that they are looking for some security, love and comfort. Why do you want to push your kids away? It doesn't matter where someone sleeps, it is important that everybody have enough sleep! But if you really want them to stay in theirs bed you have to set a time, strict rules when, where and how you can all get together in the same bed. Kids need to know more than "you can't do that", they need to know "when they can do that". Good luck!

I agree with Megan. You have to be firm on putting them back. I went through this with my 3 year old. It took her a while to finally stay but the key is to keep it up...good luck!!

Hi M.. I am sorry to hear of your sleeping issues. We have dealt with endless issues with sleeping since our first was born. The biggest help for us was using a pictorial chart to explain the bedtime routine and what that meant. Everything down to Sleeping and that meaning no coming to mommy and daddy unless something is wrong. It seems really simple and I am sure you are thinking there is no way it will work (I thought the same thing)...we kicked ourselves when we finally tried it and it worked! Not that we dont occassionally get a visiter now and then, but nothing like it was. If you want more info, email me privitely and I can send you some ideas. I make charts for everything.

One thing that works for our kids is I tell them before they go to sleep that if they don't wake us up (unless it is really important of course) then they will get a sticker in teh morning. We have a big box of stickers and they love to pick one out.