How Do I Stop My Child from Being So "Clingy"

I too nursed my daughter...until she was almost 3.5! And she definitely loved her "skin time" as you put it. She still enjoys playing with her favorite places, i.e., earlobe, etc. when we cuddle. She didn't really play alone like she does now, until she was closer to 3. Your child is really still a baby in many ways. I know what you mean though, wanting some time "unattached". I felt like she and I were attached many times. She is almost 5 now and plays in her room alot with her dolls, etc. or in the kitchen nook involved in her artwork, or plays outside with her older brother. I think if you change your perspective and expectations of your daughter that will help you weather this clingyness. Being single parent only adds to the challenge of finding solitude. Also,when my daughter was 14 mos. she was my shadow and some relatives would comment on it like there was something wrong with it. Don't let others dictate your parenting. Maybe there is a relative or friend who could care for her one night/day a week so you could have a stretch of time alone.Best wishes.

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my daughter was like this too when she was younger. she is 2 1/2 now and plays very well on her own for long periods of time. how i worked around her clingyness was just to involve her in whatever i was doing. i would give her a sock to go put in the dryer from the washer. or i'd let her help me pour the soap in the washer. once she was older i let her hand me silverware out of the dishwasher (i take the knives out first). she loves to pick things up with me to the "cleanup song". when i would clean the bathroom, i'd sit her in the tub with a wet washcloth and she would "clean" the tub. if i was cooking in the kitchen i'd either put her in her high chair in the kitchen with toys or crayons or something or i'd sit her on the floor with containers and mixing spoons. i also agree with everyone else to enjoy the time together while you can! kids definitely don't stay little very long, a year from now you will be wondering where the time went!
A.
PS i forgot to add earlier...baby einstein works wonders! my daughter loved them and still watches them at times! they are only 30 min. so your kid isn't going to be sitting in front of the TV for a long time, just long enough for you to read a magazine or something! you could even try at first sitting next to her on the couch while she watches!

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HI

My son was like that too and it only really stopped once he went to a parents day out program once a week. He learnt that it was okay to (1) play with other kids and (2) play by himself. He still likes to know where mommy is, which I love because it shows he still needs me, but it also allows me to do some housework without constantly having to have him in my arms!

PDOs are also a great way to get some mommy alone time too, something that I think it important.

Hope this helps a litte!

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This will get better as she gets older. My daughter, now 3, was the same way, but now that she is older she plays by herself and it is SO NICE. I nursed my daughter too and stayed home with her so it was really hard to get things done, plus sometimes I just wanted my space, you know. I do know how you feel. You can try getting her involved in an activity, something like finger painting and then walk away to put a load of laundry in... tell her what you're going to do and that you'll be right back and for her to make you a pretty picture. You'll have to take baby steps... or if she's into puzzles you can get her started with a puzzle. At her age she still needs reassurance from you, and that's okay. Before long she's going to become more independent, and things will get better. Just hang in there for now and remember that it won't last forever. You can also try to have her help you with some things. I give my daughter a duster when I dust, a broom when I sweep, etc.

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I thin the best way to nip cliginess is have the child in some daycare setting or a few days of mother's day out, if you are a stay at home mom. If you work then it is probably b-cuz your daughter is missing you like crazy during the day and needs your full attention when she is reunited with you. Try being outside more... walking the dog, outside play grounds, or even just hanging out in the driveway with siewalk chalk will encourage your child to distance herself away from you. Being inside is boring for children. Ever wonder why kids hate rainy days so much "it's because they are inside". Hope the tips help!

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K.~I'm sure this can be a very frustrating and difficult time for you and your baby. I'm sure that at this point baby is sitting, crawling and maybe even standing and walking. If you have a high chair, try sitting baby in the chair as you wash dishes or prepare your meals. Sitting the baby in the same area and TALKING to the baby-reasurring that "Mommy is here, Mommy isn't going anywhere, Mommy needs to fix dinner, wash dishes...etc" reinforces to baby that you are not ignoring her and you are there to comfort her. You may try giving her a toy too, but it's okay if she doesn't play with it. You can do the same when you're in a room cleaning. Sit her down and give her a toy, but continue to reinforce that you are there, that you have to do whatever and that you are not leaving. Remember that it's okay for her to cry....continue to reinforce that you are not leaving, but that you need to clean. Depending on her development, you may also involve her in the cleaning. For example~ encourage her to walk and take one of her shirts to the hamper as you take a larger load. Involving her in what you are doing may be just what she needs to realize that you are not going to abandon her and may give her just that tiny bit of confidence she needs to start letting go. Good luck and hang in there.

A little bit about myself...Mother of a 14year old girl and 2 boys(10 and 6).

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Dear K.,

Your daughter sounds so perfectly normal! I have found with my three that the clingy phase can be anywhere between 9 mos to 2 years old. Some babies are good at playing on their own, and some are not (usually first children are not). Breastfed babies who are held by their parents when they ask for it learn security - from a person, not a substitute - and that's a great thing. She's hit a normal phase, and your response to it will teach her that you're still there for her as a source of comfort (or that you're not). I encourage you to be patient and be there for her - it will be a short season in the long run! And then she will be secure and you won't have to address insecurities that crop up later. Our culture is good at pushing independence from the get-go, but the results are not so great.

I encourage you to consider wearing her in a sling or ERGO to help you have free hands. Here's a comparison chart so you can research - http://www.nurturedfamily.com/baby-slings.aspx - This is our family business - but honestly, look for it wherever - I just think it would help you out. My favorite sling is the SlingEZee, because the padding helps with comfort, especially while carrying a heavy toddler (and it comes in 5 sizes, which is a MUST for a padded sling). I easily carry my 19 month old in my SlingEZee or ERGO.

Your daughter will learn to love playing with other children and toys (probably closer to the age of 3 - before then, they tend to just parallel play). Ironically, it will be easier for her to branch away from you in the future if this need is met by you during these early years. I know it's exhausting, but your sacrifices will be so worth it!

Blessings,
R.

Supporting you as you nurture your family.
www.NurturedFamily.com

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All too soon she will want nothing to do with you. enjoy as much as you can now, in the mean time, nap time is yours, if you have dish network, they have a channel that my 18 month old loves i think it's called the baby channel, there are no commercials and it is aimed at very little ones. it is perfect for washing the dishes or a quick shower. good luck

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Ill just say this, enjoy it while you can, because once she gets older you will have to beg for a hug. My kids were the same way always on my shirt tale and I couldnt walk 2 steps without them being under me. Now they are 6 and 8 and I have to beg for a hug and kiss from my kids. I used to think the same way wanting them to not be so clingy.

But I say this just enjoy it, once she start school she will withdraw b/c she will want to be with her friends.

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This is a developemental stage that all babies go through and it will pass. Enjoy it while you can. Are you able to get her involved with something and then move away, even just a few feet? Keep trying and she may be able to go longer and farther. My house is also full of toys, an older brother and a twin brother and one of mine still wants me to hold him all the time.

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I really don't have a ton of advice, because my 4 year old is the same way! lol First of all, I don't think you are doing anything wrong at all. I breastfed my daughter for 2 years, and my husband works a ton and is always gone. I learned to give in to clinginess at some times and then at others helped her to build independence. When she was 2 we started mother's day out at our church. She actually loved being around other kids and loved playing with the new toys. I would hand her over to the teacher and leave. 14 months old is still a little young to give her a project to work on (but now my 4 year old can work on art type stuff while I get things done), however, you can bring some toys to the areas you are doing things. If you are cleaning the kitchen, have a special cabinet with her own plastic bowls that she can sit down and play with or bring her kitchen toys to play with. Try to give her, her own little toys around what you are doing. Her attention span won't be very long, but you may get 10 minutes at a time to do stuff.
I can't remember what age this stopped, but I used to put my daughter in her highchair with a toy or a cookie and set her in my kithen while I cleaned the kitchen.
Sorry I may not have very good advice (and I haven't looked to see if anyone else has given any of the same advice, yet), but I hope maybe I can be a little supportive. You may feel like you've done something wrong by nursing too long or having her away from other kids, etc, but it sounds like you are a great mom who just needs a break from time to time!

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Have you tried quiet time? Its not nap time, just time that your daughter has to spend alone in her room. I did this from day one with my daughter and I ended up with a child who skipped the clingy stage. (very social for a first born) We have our morning cuddle (while I am getting ready for daycare) afternoon quiet time, and night time cuddle before bed. She knows these are her times to be alone with mommy without us getting interruped. I decided years ago, long before I had a child that I didn't want a clingy child so I talked with what feels like hundreds of mothers about what to do to prevent clingy babies. These mom's all had clingy babies and they all had at least one thing in common. They went to their child when he or she was crying, whining, fussy, etc. I lucked out, my child responded well to this habit and is unhappy if we don't have time for our cuddles or her quiet time. These days, her afternoon quiet time turns into her nap time, lol, but it was never intentional. Good luck and I hope she grows out of this phase smoothly.

Wow! What a challenge! She is so searching for security. If you need a break from her do you have someone that can watch her just for a little while, while you take a break? Bless your heart. I would just wrap her up in your arms and hold her as long as you could. Reassure her Mommy loves her so much and will ALWAYS be here for her. Just be there as much as you can for her~~she needs you. One day she won't want you there when she gets older. Just give her two secure arms full of love!

i told my child that if he couldnt play with his toys in his room then i was going to through them away. i even went as far as puting them in trash bags and setting them outside by the trash can. it still didnt work. i think it is a stage they go through becasue now he is almost 5 and he plays with his toys in his room without me and has been for a couple of years.

I know what you are going through. Emily is 7 months old and is at the stage where she screams until i pick her up .. she wont play by herself even if i am in the same room.. like i am watching tv in my chair she wont play by herself right in front of me on the floor.. she is crawling and doesnt even want to explore she just wants momma..

I am right with you. I am a single mom, in school, working part time, and everything else. My son is almost 16 months old. He goes to daycare and that has helped with him being more willing to get away from me. But he would definitely prefer me to play with him. If I leave him in his room alone, even with the door open and the baby gate up, he screams and throws a fit. I do not want him to be "spoiled" to the extent that he is miserable to be around. But I, too, don't know what to do. You can try to sit in her room and play with a toy by yourself. As she tries to take it from you, let her- and you get another one. This will help teach her how to share as well. I could be wrong. But I would try that to start out! Good luck! E.

Hi K.,
I went through that with my 14 month old son. I think they are just bored. I've been taking him to the park everyday and the clingy behavior has dropped off a lot. I'd say try to schedule time everyday to take her out to play at a playground, when she gets home, she'll be more tired and more likely to play on her own.