18 answers

How Do I Prepare My Teenage Girl for Dating

My 14 yer old girl will be starting High School in August. She really wants to start dating. I've so far told her no that she is just too young to be dating in Middle school. Many boys have asked her out, mostly boys that are 15 & 16. I think the attention has raised her self esteem, but I fear that even tho I've told her many time that some boys don't have honest attentions, she just doesn't get it. I've seen the boys stare at her chest as they talk to her. I just don't know what to do.
I have told her many times that she needs to start going out to hang out with her girlfriends. And a doctor friend of mine told me that he thinks that a girl should always make the first few dates a group date. I'm scared she'll get hurt bad.

2 moms found this helpful

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My personal experience was watching my friends date more along the lines of the junior high. They would ask if the person of their choice would be their boy/girlfriend then 2 weeks later they aren't anymore. No real going anywhere, no real dating. It all seemed silly, I never really dated.

I've always thought dating should be more old fashioned. Going on dates with different people getting to know different guys until she meets someone she wants to be exclusive with. Dating as a means to finding the perfect type of person you would want for a life partner. I think if you help her see it in that way it might make it seem more serious and might make her a little cautious in the guys she agrees to date. It might also help protect her heart.

At her age group dates is best and in home movie dates where you can peek in on her and her date from time to time, also public places for dates.

I would warn her to be careful around older boys, some are good but hormones get in the way and some are not so good. Older boys tend to be experienced and might expect certain things she may not be ready for. Another reason I never really dated and only paid attention to geek guys and guys who were younger then I.

A lot of kids take dating ques from their parents, since her father is a no show I think you talking to her about your dating experience and helping her to understand that she has the power to say yes and no, will be good. Help her learn from your past. Even full grown adults make bad choices. Help her understand that her body is hers and she needs to be in control. Dating can be dangerous and not just emotionally. Certain things can't be undone.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Boy it's gotta be hard to be a single mom. Especially with dad not around at all. At 14, I personally wouldn't let her date at all. Hanging out and doing things with a group I would be fine with but def. not one on one dating. My personal take on this one is that I really don't even want my girls (I have 3) "dating" until they're 18. I'm sort of a supporter of courtship. I mean, what's the point in dating around? People can get to know how another is by hanging around as a group too. I'm just saying that one on one dating is sort of pointless unless they intend to be taking it further and messing around. Which, in my opinion should be with the one you intend to marry. Or actually should I just say no messing around until you're married.

1 mom found this helpful

Well, there's no way to avoid her getting crushes on boys and it not be reciprocated (meaning the boy she's crushing on doesn't like her back). There's going to be hurt feelings with that, and there's really no way to avoid it.

However, the commercials are right. Kids do listen even though they may roll their eyes, tell you you're old-fashioned, and act as if they aren't giving you the time of day. Keep telling her that some boys don't always have the best of intentions. And it isn't okay to be pressured to do things she may not be comfortable doing, even if she hear's/thinks that "everybody's doing it". Let her know that more often than not, the stories are exaggerated and chances are what really happened is quite different from the story that's going around.

My mother would tell us to say, "I'm not that kind of girl." I always thought that was lame. What was wrong with, "I'm not ready to do that (or do that with you)...this is our first date (first, second, fourth, 89th) for crying out loud." If they pressure her or call her a prude, "I'd rather be considered a prude than a slut who ends up pregnant." Or even, "If that's all you want to do, then why don't you take me home?" If they're still persistant, "Oh, good, so you're ready to be a father. How many kids do you want to have and what do you think we should name them? Of course we'll have to get married and Tuesday nights will be girls night out so you'll have to stay home with the kids...If you want to go out with the guys on Thursdays, I suppose we can arrange that..." Nothing halts advances like the possibility of reality hitting home!

Further, teach her a few "self defense" techniques or have her take a self-defense class so she can defend herself if the situation demands it.

For what it's worth....and good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

First off I have to say I TOTALLY disagree with Lacey G's "lock her in the basement" response. Being strict and overprotective will either make your daughter rebel and do things much worse than you can even imagine, or she'll never grow up and she will still be living in your house 20 years from now because you never gave her a chance to think for herself and grow into an adult. I think what you've already done is awesome. I'm sure we can all remember what dating was like in high school. Awkward and immature. You seem to have a good relationship with your daughter. I think keeping communication open about this topic is crucial. You don't want her going to her friends with questions about guys at her age. You've already been there, done that and understand their intentions at ANY age haha. I wouldn't say don't let her date at all, but at 14 nothing is really serious. It's just a part of growing up and learning about yourself and others around you. Be candid about what may come up if she decides to date or go on a date (group or solo). Even on group dates, advances for kisses might come up. Make sure she understands that it's ok to say no to anything and it's even better to be honest. Telling a guy you don't want to kiss him because you're just not interested or don't like him isn't going to crush his heart. And, unfortunately, the same will happen to your daughter. It's just a part of life that EVERYBODY goes through. You can't protect her from her emotions, but you can teach and guide her through the process so she can learn how to cope. And now is a great time to start talking about sex. I was the last one of my friends to lose my virginity because I realized I wanted to wait until I was with someone I loved and trusted, and she needs to know it's ok to do the same thing. I think you're on the right path to prepare your daughter for dating. Good luck! Let us know how everything goes!

1 mom found this helpful

Here's where it's time to be the mean parent. You can pretty much guaruntee that as she gets older she's going to bend and break just about every rule you set down, so you're better off being as strict and overprotective as you need to be to feel comfortable, and just telling her that until she is legally an adult she's got to deal with it. The important thing for you though is to realize that no matter what rules you set, the only way to make sure they are followed it to investigate for yourself and not give her the rope to hang herself with.

1 mom found this helpful

i couldn't date till i was sixteen, and even then it was only group dating and no steady boyfriends allowed until college. it seems strict, but at her age i think hanging out with friends is more appropriate and fun anyway.

1 mom found this helpful

Let's get down to the real concern--you're concerned about sex. You don't want your daughter to be in the wrong place sexually. Our world is charged with messages everywhere condoning sexual activity and when you add hormones and a very pretty girl to the mix you can almost guarantee there is going to be experimentation. . .UNLESS you draw the line somewhere.

So, you as a mother need to decide EXACTLY what is okay and what is not in dating and relationships. Then, you need to CLEARLY communicate your expectations to your daughter. With continual support, love, open communication, time, etc. your daughter will have a greater chance of living up to your expectations.

My personal experience is that I was not allowed to date until I was 16, and even then not seriously. It was also very clearly taught to me at home and in church that sex was something sacred to be shared between a man and woman married to each other. I can say those expectations served me well. Was I perfect? No. But, I didn't have sex until after I was married. I personally know it has been good for me as a wife and a mother. And, even if someone doesn't agree with that line of thinking, it sure doesn't hurt! It makes life a LOT less complicated as far as relationships, pregnancy, dieseases, etc. go, so I believe in giving our children high standards and expectations, lots of love, and open communication for when they do fall short of our expectations.

J.

Continue to encourage her to feel good about herself and that she can and should set boundaries. Group dates are good at age 15-16, I think 14 is too young, myself.

Make it clear that any young man she spends any time with has to go through you (phone conversation initially, then face to face). If there are any men in her life: uncles, friends, have them discuss dating with her.

Also, steer clear of pressing her to date one person, it is better to casually date several boys than to encourage her to get serious with one so soon. She will get hurt and embarassed but make sure she understands that those things are apart of growing up and her decisions and actions have a direct correlation to they way she gets treated.

I too am a single parent and have a 16 year old who has not gone on a one on one date yet. I screen phone calls and personally tell any young man who stops by that when he visits my home he is coming to see me and if I am comfortable I will allow him to see her. Her Dad is apart of her life but is of the mind that he'll hang any boy who touches her. I just use that to my advantage!

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