How Do I Prepare My 17Month Old for a New Baby in a Couple Months?

my boys are grown now but when this was my issue i bought a set of books from semsame street themes. one was "a baby sister for harry monster" we read that 20x a day i swear! and i dug out an old baby doll of mine for son to care for.

pros say you should make the changes 3 months before the new baby. put the older one in new bed and actually remove the crib so the older one doesnt still "claim" it as their own.

my personal opinion about older child being gone prob isnt popular. i think siblings should be around to adjust to the transition.especially the first day baby comes home. keep the excitement up so they dont see this as a bad change.

no reason why grandma couldnt stay at your house a few days for extra hands THEN let your older one go to grandmas for a "treat" away time.

my boys were 2 yrs apart and they shared a room from day one. 3 months before second one we took first out shopping to show him the new big boy bed-it was a bunk bed set with a shelved headboard. he was involved in putting it up and taking down crib to save for baby.

he was so excited when he came to hospital to see his brother he cried all the way out when he didnt get to take HIS baby home that first time.

i never had sibling rivalery problems until they were in jr high. believe it or not!

good luck and congrats!

I'm in the exact same situation as you, R.! My 18-month-old daughter will be a big sister come January. I think at this age, they're a little young to understand about having another child added to the family, but I think the transition is easier. I've seen my 3-year-old niece go through having a new baby brother this summer and the transition has been very difficult as she's more aware of things, including being the center of attention. With my daughter, I've been giving her small things to do. She throws her own diapers away, picks up her toys, etc. I plan to continue that and allow her to "help" with the new baby when he gets here. I think the transition will be easier than you think though. Babies don't take up your entire attention for a while and you'll be able to attend to the baby's needs while still giving attention to your daughter. If you don't have one already, I highly recommend getting a sling to wear the baby in. This way you'll be able to run around with your daughter, sit on the floor and play with her, etc., and still have the baby with you as well.

Hi R.-while I'm no expert. I tell you what worked for me. First I read a book called the new baby every night to my girls. It's an usborne book and it goes through getting ready for baby, the baby being born and even has a little bit about breast-feeding the baby. It was great. I also got the older one in to a toddler bed and out of the crib before baby because your bound to have her sneaking out at first so you'll want to nip that before your busy getting up with the new baby.
When baby arrived I tried to include the older one(s) in helping as much as possible. They would bring me burp cloths or diapers and I would always praise them at what a big helper they were. Also, at our hospital they have a "big sibling" class, you might want to look in to that. I did it 2 times so far and plan to do it again before our newest addition is born.
As far as sending your daughter to her grandparents, that is something you'll have to figure out on your own. I have mixed feelings about it, because on the one hand it would be nice for you to bond with baby by yourself and sleep when the baby sleeps, but it is also nice for your daughter to bond with baby and get used to having to share you. I didn't have that option so I'm not sure what to advise you on that.
Either way I'm a big fan on prepare, prepare, prepare. Especially at the age that she is at reading books and Oh! THere is a great sesame street movie that I found at the library about baby bear getting a new sister, it was really cute. Good luck to you. Adding a new baby is so exciting. :)

That was the exact age difference between my #2 and #3...just involve her as much as possible and tell her how important being a big sister is and how much you love her and ALWAYS will. I just saw this info on a MOPS website, so I thought I would paste it in for you - all are age-appropriate for you except for maybe one.

*Celebrate all new changes with the older child several months before the birth of the new baby, such as moving to a big bed or a new room, so that they do not associate the change with this new member of the family.
*Have the older child help pack mom’s bag for the hospital stay and take a short tour of the maternity ward so that she will know where mom is going when it is time for the baby to come.
*Have your older child help get the new baby room ready. Allow him to use his toy tools to check the joints on the crib, the changing table, the door, etc. Also, be sure to let him check out the smoke detector. This helps the child begin to take pride in his new role as big brother.
*Take the older child shopping to get the new baby a special present that she can take to the hospital when she first meets her new sibling. In return, have a special gift ready to give her from the new baby.
*After the birth of the new baby, get your older child involved in making original birth announcements to send to family and friends.
For example, using white construction paper, have your older child draw a picture of the family including the new addition or just a picture of the baby and them. Then on another paper print out the important information (Name, date of birth, weight, length, parents, big sister and/or big brother). Then take the paper to a print shop (or scan them into your home computer) and print them back-to-back on colored paper.
*Continue to encourage the older child in their very special role as “Big Brother” or “Big Sister” by allowing them to hold and rock the new baby (with help from mom or dad) and run little errands for the baby (going and getting diapers, pacifiers, blankets, etc).
*Enlist dad’s help to continue special one-on-one time between the older child and each parent.
*Check out children’s books from the local library on the topic of older siblings/new babies.

I also showed my kids a lot of pictures of them when they were in my belly as well as newborns to show them the process and that they used to be as small as the new baby will be. They love to look at themselves in their scrapbooks. Good luck and have fun!

I would move her into her new room now so she's used to it before the baby comes. Our 2nd & 3rd child are 21 months apart and I moved our 2nd to a toddler bed at around 18 months so she knew that was HER bed and the crib was now going to be the baby's. Also, after you have the baby, let your daughter help with getting the diapers, wipes, toys, etc. I did that with my children and it helped them a lot...they love to be little helpers at this age! Also, I would let them throw the diapers away which made them feel like a good big sister. Make sure to spend some good time with your daughter when the baby is sleeping...she'll soak it up! :) As far as sending her to grandparents' house, I wouldn't. Maybe for the first few days, but I'd have her home with me. I didn't have family close by and I didn't go back to work for quite a few months after each of my children were born. The 2nd & 3rd were also premature and spent 3 weeks in the NICU, so my situation was a little different.
Congrats on your expanding family! Everything will just fall into place and you'll wonder why you were ever concerned about it! :)

Our daughter was 23 months when our second daughter was born. We faced the same challenges as you. We decided to move my oldest into her new room before the baby came. That way she had time to adjust and it didn't feel like the baby coming home kicked her out of her room. That seemed to work well for us (she liked to show the room to anyone who came to visit).

To help her feel included at the birth, we had a present for her from her new sibling. I made sure she got to come and sit with me in the hospital bed and we watched a cartoon and ate lunch together. My Family was a big help too. She got to be with her Papa & Grammy and spend time with cousins without the baby around while we were still in the hospital, but the distraction seemed to keep her a little more balanced.

Of course one we got home it was definitely a big adjustment for her. She went from an only child to having a very needy sibling. I included her by having her "help" me change diapers (she'd pull the wipes out or bring me a diaper). She did ok, and after about two months she took a big interest in the baby and now asks to hold her, help feed her etc.

Our boys are about 22 months apart. We moved our oldest son into a new room and new toddler bed all at the same time about 2 months before baby #2 was born. We made a big deal out of it like it was his big boy room and bed. We wanted him to have a chance to get used to the new room before the baby came and more changes happened. It worked out really well for us. As far as sending your daughter to G&G's house, I have heard other people mention that is is good to keep her normal routine as much as possible and it might be nice for you to have alone time with the new baby. Our son was primarily at home during the day so I just kept him at home with me. Good luck and congrats on the new baby.

Hi R.,
I would suggest that you get her a baby doll and start role playing. There are also sibling workshops that most hospitals offer.

As for the bedroom change and switch to toddler bed, I would do it now instead of later when there are so many other changed and you are exhausted with a newborn. When we switch from crib to bed, we simply put a matress on the floor with a side rail so they were low to the floor and still had that feeling of enclosure as the bed was pushed up against the wall on one side with the rail on the other. We made a big deal about getting a "big girl bed" and made the whole transition exciting for her.

Good luck with all of the changes.

K.

R.,

My sons are 20 months apart. I chose to keep the older one in his crib, he really wasn't ready to move out of it at that point (in fact he had just started sleeping regularly through the night when his brother was born and I did NOT want to mess that up!). It worked to have two in cribs because everyone was contained at naptime :)

I bought a few books about being a big brother, those helped a lot. I also had a friend with a new baby and we had them over several times before the baby came, then talked about it after.

I had a gift for my older son at the hospital from his brother. My Mom came to stay with us the day I went to the hospital so she took care of my son for two days, which I think was great because his schedule and routine never changed.

Good luck,
Jessica

My oldest two are 21 months apart, so I've been there, done that. It is important for your oldest child to feel secure and important as this new sibling is arriving. You should be careful to not associate loosing her bedroom to her sibling. I would recommend moving her into her new "big girl" bedroom sooner rather than later.

I'd also buy some big sister books that tell about a new sibling. Look for a book that will tell her what to expect when a new baby arrives. We read this book over an over, so when the baby arrived she knew just what to expect.

Bring the older daughter to the hospital to see the new baby. I had a gift made just for the older sister from the baby. We allowed Madilyn to hold her sister (with a lot help, of course.) We also made sure that Madilyn received a lot of attention from relatives during the first few weeks the baby was at home. We also had a set of "big sister presents" to pull from if someone came bearing gifts for the baby, so Madilyn didn't feel left out.

Good luck! My two girls are now nearly 8 and 6 and they are best friends. They are a year apart in school and intermingle easily with each other's grade-level friends. I really enjoy watching them grow and interact.

S.

R.,

You have receieved a lot of great advice, so I will try not to repeat. But I will add a recommendation for the book "I'm a Big Sister." We have 4 children and have a tradition that when older siblings come to meet the baby at the hospital, baby has a present for them. That always goes over well. We have had the worst luck that baby is always off getting shots when the kids come to visit. I thought they would like the time alone with me until baby gets back, but no luck. They have always been disappointed, so you may want to check with the nurse so this doesn't happen. But then again, maybe your daughter would like some time alone with you before the baby comes in.

I would also highly recommend making sure your daughter is independent of being lifted before the baby comes. Can she climb in the car seat, the booster seat to eat, the bathtub, the toddler bed? Even if you have an easy delivery, you aren't supposed to lift toddlers for several weeks. If you have a C-section it is even more important. I have had several friends go back to the hospital with internal bleeding or broken c-section stitches because they ignored doctor's orders on this.

Personally, I liked having the big kids home with me during that initial bonding time. My MIL came for a few days and helped out with cooking and playing with the big kids and my husband used his vacation time for the year to be home. That was really helpful.

Congrats to you,
S.

Hi....congratulations :) Our first 2 are 22 months apart and I had many of your same questions. Here is what we did, and it worked great for us, hopefully it will for you also. We moved our oldest into his "new room" a couple of months before the new baby was born. We let him "help us pick" his new paint (out of our 2 choices) and got him a new blanket for his crib which he picked out (again out of our 2 choices) and he thought he was a BIG deal in his new BIG BOY room. We wanted to make sure he didn't feel like the new baby was displacing him so that is why we did this early. Then the baby room (his old room) sat pretty much empty until a couple of weeks before the baby arrived. We bought a new crib for the new baby becasue I didn't want to invite the battle of keeping my almost 2 year old in his bed when he was just fine being in his crib. I knew I would be tired and up at night with the new baby and I didn't want to add on the stress (for me) and keeping him in bed. Sounds terrible, but I just wanted to keep him contained so it would be one less thing I had to worry about. You daughter will probably still want to go to Grandma/pas after the baby arrives. I remember our oldest wasn't really phased at all by the new baby for the first month or two. People would ask him, "how is your new baby" and he would reply, "he sleeps." What helped later on (maybe because my oldest turned 2 and all of a sudden the world revolved around him, not necessarily because of the new baby) was to have a special "box of toys/books" that he only got when I was feeding the baby. He started being "naughty" when I was nursing as a way to get my attention. So, my husband and I got a rubbermaid tub and decorated it all cool and put some new things in it and gave it to him as a big brother present. We got it out before I started to feed and packed it up when I was done. It helped us all alot :) Most people are pretty good about this, but encourage people around you to talk with your daughter before gushing over the baby. We also made it a practice to take just our oldest out to dinner/lunch by himself, just like old times. I think I looked forward to it more then he did! Good luck, what an exciting time for all of you.

PS We also bought our oldest a little present from the "new baby" to give to him when he came to visit us at the hospital the first time. He is 5 years old now and he still remembers what book and what matchbox car he got from his baby brother, who is now 3.

My older 2 children are 19 months apart. My second was also born in February, a nice time of year because you can stay inside and get to adjust to the new addition to your family.

The children had to share a room and since the baby slept in our room the first few months, our daughter stayed in her crib. We had a toddler bed for her, but she really wasn't ready yet. When it was time for the baby to take over the crib, we just told her it was going to be her brother's bed now. She never really had an issue with the new baby, she loved him from the minute he arrived home. My mom and sister came to stay for a few days and that helped out a lot. They gave her all of the attention that she needed and I could concentrate on the baby.

I'm sure that you could move her into a new room anytime now, but the transition to a toddler bed is a big one and sometimes it takes a lot of patience to get her used to it and to keep her from getting up when she should be sleeping. It's important to engage her in activities that are just the two of you, she will love that special time with you and won't feel replaced by the baby.

Congrats on your growing family!

My mom did this for me (I'm the oldest) and for her other nieces and it hasn't failed yet. Get a baby for your daughter, including a crib, clothes, toys, etc so that your daughter can take care of "her" baby while you take care of yours. Let her take care of her baby in her new room, and have a couple diapers.

I would ask the grandparents on what they would like with sending your daughter there while you're on leave. If they are okay with it then I would keep it up, but I also think it would be good for your daughter to have some extra time with the baby and you while you're home.

R., its ok to feel like the child will feel left out, the best thing you can do is talk about the baby , and buy her a doll and pretend its the new baby and show her how she will be able to help, sending the child away during the time you have off work will only make things worse, let her be involved in everything about the baby , even bringing her to hospital, let her be there for you , let her love the baby and get close to it, i dont think moving the crib is important, as the adult its up to you to keep a balance, we all struggle with this, and have our own fears, when i had my second child they loved each other, sometimes they want to do too much, but taking the child out of the picture you can be creating more, teach her while she is young what to do and what not to do, our kids shared the same room for quite a while,enjoy life, and dont push her aside just cause you have another child, bring grandma to the house to help with her, not the other way around, just enjoy their interaction, and make sure once the baby is born you have mommy and me time with her, show her that having the baby you still love her, have her open any gifts you might get at a shower, and tell her this is for the baby, would you like to play with it, ? or when the baby comes you can help me dress it in this outfit, just include her , she will be fine, its us adults who make it harder on the kids, one day at a time, there will be days you cant handle two of them, and days they both need you , be happy and work through the stresses when they come, D. s mom of three ,

I would say to keep it as normal for your 21 month old as you can. TRy keeping the same routines. I don't think you want to bumbard her with too many new things at once. My child was about the same age when a new baby came. It's a challange for a little bit. You can get the older one involved by letting him get a diaper for the baby. Give him a little baby of his own when your baby comes home. Most of all try to get some one one one time with the baby you all ready have instead of spending all your time with baby or him and baby.

I am in a similar situation, my daughter is 23 months now, and I am 6 months pregnant. She will be 2 and 2.5 months when the new baby comes in Feb.

We have been working with her to get her more independant now, so she will feel like a BIG GIRL already, before she is pushed into that role. I have her throw away her dirty diapers in the pail for me, and bring wipes and diapers at changing time, she has to help me put awya her toys before bed, and i have her completely feed herself at meals, she also climbs the stairs (up and down) by herself, since i know I will soon have my hands full, we are practicing this skill now, I just make sure I am a step or two below her, so i can catch her if she falls. I also have her "read me books" and "sing me songs", so maybe when the baby gets here she can do that for the baby too! Everyone I talk to who has done this says letting them HELP with the baby and giving them things to do are crucial!

We did move her way ahead of time (a few months ago)we figured there will be enough changes once the baby is here lets get as many out of the way now as possible. She also has been sitting in a booster Chair at the table for meals, rather than the high-chair since Easter, when she got tall enough to reach. Her nursery was a unisex theme - Noah's Ark, so it will be used for either a boy or girl with no changes. So for her big girl room, we did it all girly, purple with fairies! Once she saw what we were working on and started with the curiosity, we talked to her about it every time she showed an interest - "this is your big-girl room" "this will be your big-girl bed", etc. We made sure it was open for her to play in, as soon as it was child-safe, and after we got the bed up she went in her nursery, and got her lovey-animal, Jeffery, and took him in there herself and showed him the bed and said " big girl bed!" - the next day she moved herself in at naptime - SHE diecided ( I think making it "her" decision to move made a HUGE difference - it went so smooth!)! We did go ahead and buy a second crib - she was doing so well in a crib, she was happy, doesn't try to climb out and sleeps like a dream, so we didn't want to mess up a good thing by switching to a toddler bed too soon and having her up and out of it whenever she wanted. Both of the cribs we have will convert to toddler beds and then to full-size headboards, so they are long-term furniture for those rooms.

If I were you, and had people to care for my child while i was on maternity leave, I would take advantage of it - at least part-time - I think it would help your daughter to keep her routine somewhat the same, for her to still get lots of individual attention form the grandparents, while you get back into the swing of new-born care...Maybe keep her home part of the day - or some of the days of the week, like have them bring her back to you earlier than if you were working, so she can get into the new routine with you too, and bond with you and the baby, BUT - take the help you are offered!!!!

Good Luck - i now the feeling of crossing into that new frontier!

Jessie

Your 17-mo-old probably doesn't really understand the concept of a new baby in mommy's tummy. If you have to move her to a new room, I would do it before the baby comes, so she doesn't think the baby kicked her out of her room. You can just tell her she's a big girl now and she gets to move to a big girl room. If you are moving her further away from your bedroom, consider this: moving the baby further away, because she/he doesn't know the difference anyway, and you have a monitor for them. The toddler is the one who needs you close. Just a thought. I kept my son in his crib and I'm glad I did. He's 27 months now and still doing well in the crib. And keeping them "contained" is always a good thing. As far as daycare (the grandparents) it would definitely help you to have her go there some - even just 2-3 days a week to give you quality baby time. And you'll be feeding the new baby a lot. You will appreciate your 17-mo-old's time away (as bad as that sounds). Good luck!!!

I would move your daughter into the new room before the baby is born and try a toddler bed. Make a big deal about moving and getting a big girl bed. That way she will be comfortble in the room/bed and may not be upset when baby is in the nursery and sleeping in the crib. Does she understand that there is a baby growing in your belly? Let her feel the baby kick and don't forget to read her books about a new baby joining the family. Would your DD be at grandparents during her regular daycare hours? You could continue this or cut the time in half so she has time with both you and baby together.