How Do I Help a Friend Who Is Proud, and When I Don't Have???

Updated on August 11, 2010
B.R. asks from Milwaukee, WI
9 answers

My friend's husband is out of work for medical reasons. The disability is ending, and it will take time for ssi to come through. She works full-time, and they have used all of their savings. They don't have credit due to a past filled with medical bills. Anyway, they have five children and school starts in a few weeks. I want to help them out with backpacks, supplies, etc...but really don't have the means myself. Also, they don't feel right about accepting charity. So what can I do??? I'll take any ideas you might have. Thanks!

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K.G.

answers from St. Louis on

You might want to contact a local social services agency, too, to see if they have recently done a back-to-school drive and see if they would be willing to add another name to their list. Explain the situation. I think many people do not want to accept charity, but if it's necessary, and it will help their kids, they will do it. It is easier to accept if it's coming from someone they don't know, believe it or not.

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L.R.

answers from Phoenix on

I understand this because my hubby was out of work, and we are on the verge of credit going kaput! It is so hard :(
Whenever I have extra i LOVE helping people...Wish I could help her!
Do you have a group of friends that could all collectively come together and send them a gift card?
Walmart, target, etc....I have done that and it works wonders!
You could even send it anonymously. It will bless their family ;)
Many churches will help too......

I have left things for families in need at church with their name on it-
or simply sent something in the mail!
Keep thinking beautiful thoughts~ That is what changes the world!!

2 moms found this helpful
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T.B.

answers from New York on

Keep an eye out for big back to school sales at places like Target, Walmart, and Staples. Usually crayons, pencils, pens, folders, rulers, erasers, notebooks, glue, etc can be found for .25cents to $1.49. Kmart and Walgreens in my area just had by one get one free backbacks---keep an eye out for those type of deals as well. When you give them to your friend just say, "I understand that you don't feel right about accepting charity, just think of it as a token of our friendship because I know you would do the same for me if the situation was different." God Bless You for your kindness!

1 mom found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Toledo on

Call the school. In Ohio, many schools have community businesses and organizations that donate backpacks and school supplies to the school, as well as coats, hats, and gloves, for children whose families are under financial strains. Both the district I work in and live in have a plethora of items donated yearly and both districts have items remaining at the end of the school year.

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C.G.

answers from Detroit on

I think your heart is in the right place. Do what you can do if they refuse then it's their lost. I know sometimes a person's pride get in the way, however they have children to consider. Good Luck and I hope it works out.

C.T.

answers from Detroit on

get what you can afford even if it;s from a thrift store, wait till they arenot home and put it on the porch and leave. glad their are still people in the world like you! good luck.

T.T.

answers from Dallas on

Allot of churches in my area have back to school days for their community. The church will get their parishoners to donate crayons, backpacks, and the like and put them together for the local schools. I'd start there.

Also, the school's will know the best places to get donations as well.

As a side, just this morning in line for coffee I bought the person behind me her coffee as well. It was anonymous and left me feeling like I have lessoned someone's burden.

If you can do SOMETHING...anything...and simply leave it at the door, it's better than not doing anything at all.

Sending good thoughts your way...

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D.P.

answers from Minneapolis on

I agree...call the school...they seem to know of programs to help kids get supplies, christmas gifts etc. Have her inquire about reduced lunches at school too...chances are a family of 7 with one working will qualify. Also try United Way to see if they are aware of any community programs. Another place to call would be the county...She is a working person paying taxes!! Many programs are funded by our tax dollars...She is in a hard spot right now...These programs are designed to help her family out.

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

It can be so humiliating not to be able easily to supply the things your own family needs. Charity - loving assistance - is great, but nobody likes being thought of as a charity case.

So... you may have to be unabashedly deceptive! If you can afford even a $10 GC for, say, Wal Mart or some other economical store, put it (with no note attached) inside their front door when they don't know - or mail it to them anonymously, disguising your handwriting. Sounds childish, but it works! (You'll have to keep it a secret forever.)

Or... you could go to the store yourself and "happen" to overbuy a little if you're getting school supplies yourself.

If you go through your pantry and find food your family doesn't need, call her and ask if she'd like some of it. If she says no, that's all right. If she takes some, you've just saved her some money she can use for school supplies.

The idea is to treat her like, "You're my friend," instead of like, "Oh, poor you, you must be taken care of"... even if you have to be a little sneaky to do it. After all, what are friends for? :^)

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