How Do I Get School to Help My Child

Hi V.,
My 3 year old had some issues regarding his personal space at preschool. He would get angry and yelled a lot at the other kids. We found that role playing worked very well. I would suggest a "nicer" way of using his words and he eventually began using them at school with his peers. I think role playing a specific situation gave him the knowledge and confidence to correct his behavior. His teachers were also a big help.
Also, be assertive with the principal. Continue to seek his time so he knows you're truly concerned and want to fix the situation.
Don't give up and good luck......this too shall pass.

Hi V.,
My heart goes out to you, I've been many rounds with Mesa Public Schools over the last 15 years. It's never easy, but our little ones are worth every last bit.

I found that writing a letter to the principal and both faxing and emailing it in worked well. They were required to respond. You can also cc your emails to the Asst Principal, and the school councelor if you can find the email addresses (most schools provide them online). Also, when I didn't receive a response after 24 hours I would re-fax with "2nd Request" written across the top. I don't think I had to do a 3rd Request ever.

Also, I don't know a lot about the Charter schools disciplinary guidelines. Can they suspend a child without meeting with parents? Get a copy of the Discipline Guidelines for your school and district. Regardless of your son's behavior, they have a specific escalation list they must follow.

Get the 504 done. This will help him his entire educational career - it is important since you will run into many teachers that are not as responsive or willing to help as others. Check with the school counselor, they can be a great source of information and referrals, as well as a big help for you and your son in communicating with the school.

I agree that your son needs to learn skills to deal with his problems instead of being punished ast school because of them. If the school suspended him at this young age and dropped him to half day from full day without consulting you, then I would say to take your son to a different school. As many others have also suggested, it sounds like your child needs to have an IEP (Individualized Education Program). This is usually done by the special education/resource department in conjunction with you, the teacher and principal. I have found that asking the teacher to help you get in touch with the correct people in the school that can address your concerns seems to be most effective because they know your child, they know who in the school is the best to address the concerns and they know how the school deals with it. My daughter is in 1st grade in public schools has Autism. She does have an IEP that addresses time on the playground, cafeteria, halls and other areas that are not in the classroom. She has an Aide with her at all times when she is not in the classroom, mainly because she has issues with communication and socialization. The Aide helps her play appropriately on the playground with other children which will help her make friends and get along with the other children. Anyway, if you don't get a response from your letter, call the school and ask to talk with the appropriate person or go into the office in person and demand that you see them. The earlier you and the school deal with your sons problems the easier it will be to effectively treat the behaviors. The longer it takes the harder it will be. Good luck!

Hi V.:

I'm not sure where you live but I live in Alb and my son has the same thing. It can be part of sensory issues. I had him tested through a program called ChildFind which is administered by APS. He is in a developmental preschool now that helps him with his impulsivity and also goes to an OT outside. We have already met with his kindergarten teacher for next year and set up an IEP for him to be in full kindergarten half the day and a smaller kindergarten the other half for next year. This will help him transitition from a smaller class to a larger class without being overstimulated.

If the charter school is not helping you, get him out of there. It doesn't sound like they are set up to help him and the window of opportunity to address these issues gets smaller every day. You're going to find a lot of people that say his problem isn't anything stern discipline can't fix. Don't listen to them. Listen to your heart and your son. You know how wonderful he can be in the right setting. Be his advocate and your child will shine!

Hi, V.
I, too, had that problem with my 9 year old. WE have dealt with that since he was in Kinder as well. Oh, he was suspended several times (3-4) this year for doing stuff due to his impulsivity. We tried it all, therapy, behavioral programs, etc. We finally had him see a pyscholoist and he was diagnosed with ADHD. We fought for a year on putting him on meds as we thought we could control his actions or at least help him along with his impulsivity, but to no avail. We finally sat down and talked to him about his behavior and advised him of putting him on medication. Once he began taking his meds, he started changing. He says it wasn't the meds, but it was him trying to work it out. The school he is in, has really worked with us. The teacher, the counselor, and the principal have all laid out a positive reinforcement plan for us and for him in order to keep him on a steady but positive path. It has worked! He has been getting 100% for a couple of months, got a most improved certificate; but most of all, he has not been suspended and his grades shot up to A's and B's. BTW, I failed to tell you that some schools have a 403 plan (behavioral plan) which they have to work with the parents and child with. I don't know though about the charter schools. Good Luck!

I'm so sorry that happened to you! And I can't believe your principal is being so unresponsive to you.

Have you tried just showing up at the school to talk to the principal? If she doesn't respond to you, I would just march right in there and catch her off guard. She basically did the same thing to you and your child by her actions. Sounds to me like she knows she screwed up, and now can't face you.

Also, can you or have you, gotten any sort of written information from your doctors, therapists, etc. to give to your child's teachers or principal? I would definitely have something like that with me when I go to see the principal. That way she HAS to enter them into your child's record. If that's already there, be sure you have copies of the same items with you at your meeting - that way, you can ask some very pointed questions to her, like why, knowing your child's issues, she would simply chose punishment over any other sort of behavior modification?

I hope everything works out for you and your child. Again, I'm very sorry this happened.

Include the School Board in your letter to the principal. I have found that if you do this, the principal will react faster. There has to be a governing board over the principal, and that is who to copy on your letters. In your letter, write down your request, explain why you want it, remind him/ her that he/ she has not responded to your last letter dated ---, and ask that he/ she respond by a certain date. Good luck!

first of all, i would find another school. we had simillar issues at a charter school with my oldest in kindergarten, and recieved no help or response. we moved him to a great public school and have been so happy.
second, impusivity can be a part of many different diagnosable conditions. i only mention this becuase if he is diganosed with something, you can have an IEP or 504 plan wortten up which is a legal document, and the school is required to make the agreed upon adaptations to help him learn. I would suggest you look into sensory integration disorder. it is not a scary disorder, and my son has either grown out of it (he's now in 3rd grade) or has learned to adapt. but, knowing if there is a condition can help you better understand what kind of strategies will work best for him. also, for our son, we did an elimination diet to see if diet had any effect..which it does. he is allergic to soy and when we control his diet, along with keeping all artificial stuff (color, flavor, preservatives) out of his diet, it makes a TREMENDOUS difference. if you have any questions about diagnosis, or legal stuff with schools or diet issues, email me i'm always happy to let people know what we've learned thru our adventures with our son.

This sort of happened to me. My 5 year old started out at a charter school. He made the cut off by 3 days so he was a little young but he was almost reading before he started school so I figured I would try it out. The 1st month he was in the principals office once a week at least. he was very impulsive to. just get up and play with the toys instead of his lessons, lay down on the chairs during a class or just start singing the same song over and over again. After 6 weeks the principal told me he thought he wasn't ready for kindergarten and asked that I withdraw my son. I took him out but went to the public school that was my 2nd option when I was looking for Kindergartens. He is doing soooooo much better and reading at a much higher level. The feeling I got at the charter school was they didn't want to work to help him and it was causing so much stress at home too. So getting him out was the best thing I could have done. But my story is recent so I don't know what will happen long term but he wants to learn now. he gets excited when he comes home and he's stayed out of trouble he still has his moments but the teacher is helping with that. My husband said he had the same problem and outgrew it by 2nd grade. that means I have 2 more years to go crazy :)

Make them! It is their job to work with the parents for all students. Go park outside their office if they will not speak with you. You cannot reach the root of the problem if they (where your child will spend about a third of his young life) will not engage in conversation about him. If the charter is unwilling to discuss such issues, change schools.

This is a really difficult question to answer without more information such as: what was he suspended for? What do you mean by impulse issues? Is he hurting other kids or is he just hyper active?

I work in a public school and have found that boys in general just have a difficult time controlling their bodies. And that is completely normal. There are ways to allow the boys to move around when they need to. Also, a lot of studies have been done lately on how boys learn and how the conventional classroom can be a really difficult environment for active little boys.

Keep persuing it with the teacher and the principle. There are a lot of ways to redirect his behavior so he is still getting the most out of kindergarten without disturbing the other children in the classroom. Without knowing what the specific behaviors are it is hard to say.

It also could just be a matter of him not being ready for a full day of Kindergarten. It can be a long, taxing day for those little guys. We waited to put my son in Kindergarten because he wasn't ready when he was 5 for several reasons; controlling his body was one of them.

You may want to get him set up for an IEP. That is an Individualized Educational Plan for children that need a little extra attention. Schools are required by law to help children that need a little something extra. Once this process is initiated you can use the fact that he has been suspended to push the IEP along.

I would also talk to the school board about the half day issue and then refusing to speak to you? That's about as unprofessional as it gets. I am assuming this is a public school. They are required to let you know actions and consequences. That seems like the order of things is a bit off. Will the principal be annoyed when she gets called on her actions by the school board, sure, but she will eventually get over it. Always remember, you are your childs primary teacher, they only have him for a year, so they may not always know the entire situation.

Good luck!!!

Does your son have ADHD? Our daughter had impulse control issues (along with many other ADHD symptoms) and the medication she is on now works wonders. She is a whole new child, no longer bluring out and running a muck.

V., GO TO THE SCHOOL BOARD IF THERE IS SUCH A THING IN A CHARTER SCHOOL, PRINCIPAL SHOULD BE MORE RESPONSIVE ALSO, CALL PRINCIPLE, AND SCHOOL BOARD.

N.

Have his teacher get you the paper work for the 504 Plan. The school has to follow the recommendations.

Has there been any talk of special education services? It is move not to be taken lightly, but it is an option.
Was your son ok in a half day kidergarten? Or do you think he might be, if you have not had him in one? All day is a really long day for some 5 year olds. (Did the undesired behaviors increase as the day went on?) Not all kids are ready at the same time for the same things.
I might talk with the teacher to see how best to approach the principal. I'd make another attempt to meet her, but if she dodges again, I'd go over her head and tell the district you are attempting to contact her.