How Do I Get My Toddler to Sleep Through the Night

With all due respect, your son has not been a good sleeper because you have never given him a chance to be. Would you allow a grade-schooler to get up in the middle of the night and walk around and play? I don't think you would. Your toddler doesn't need to be walking and playing in the middle of the night either. And a healthy child of 21 months has no physiological need for a night feeding.

Since you are asking for advice, you must not be wanting to get up every night (multiple times a night) with your toddler anymore. In this case, you will have to teach him that you will no longer be playing with him or feeding him in the middle of the night. I'm sure there are ways to do this without the "cold turkey CIO." But no matter how you do it, your son is going to not like it! He's almost 2 and probably very smart...he's going to fight you on it. There must be some good books you can get a hold of regarding co-sleeping and these issues.

The only piece of advice I can give you is -- do not put your child in the crib while he is asleep. His waking and realizing he's alone will be too abrupt. You will need to put him in his crib while he is sleepy but awake. When you are ready to transition him to crib or his own bed (sleeping alone), he will need to learn that soothing from Mom and Dad comes during the bedtime routine. Once you walk out of the room and he is in the crib, he soothes himself. Again, this may be unpleasant for him to learn -- but it's a very important and healthy self-help skill. Best wishes to your family.

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Hi Y.,
He sounds so much like my oldest. I hate to admit that he was about 3 before he began sleeping through the night. There's no sure fire way that's going to help him, it's just who he is and he will out grow it...eventually :)

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I night weaned my son at about 19 months because I was pregnant and couldn't handle the nursing at night. He continued waking once or twice during the night, but we co-slept also and I usually threw him over my shoulder, carried him to the bathroom, peed, and put him back down asleep.

We bought my son a twin sized futon and put the mattress on the floor in our room (we co-slept) when he was about 21 months. We went back and forth and gave up and just let him co-sleep with us and figured we'd deal with it when we had to.

Interestingly enough, when the baby came home, my son slept through the night for the first time willingly in his own bed, at 24 months exactly! He is 30 months and sleeps through the night about 4 nights a week and the other 3 he either comes to bed with us or we go to him (he's still in our room).

I guess I have no advice, but wanted to let you know that I think some kiddos just aren't great sleepers. My 6 month old started sleeping 8-9 hours a night from about 3 weeks on and we did the same breastfeeding, co-sleeping thing with him as with his brother. He's now teething and nursing a few times a night.

They are all different.

Maybe night weaning will encourage your youngster from waking? I was stressed and felt bad bout night weaning, but it was super easy. He asked once the first night, I said no, carried him around a bit and he fussed. That was it.

Good luck! You sound like a great mama!

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Around two years old we put a rollaway bed next to ours so our son was within arms reach so I could pat his back, but far enough away that he could wiggle around and not wake me or himself up. Until this point he slept in our bed, and was a nighttime nurser until 16 months. Having his own space really helped him start sleeping better, and by two and half he requested to sleep in his own room (I must admit though, that I ended up on the floor next to him more often than not). By 2 3/4 years old he was sleeping through the night without someone next to him (we took turns sitting next to him until he fell asleep). Then I got pregnant again and we started all over! Do what feels right for you, and don't let anyone tell you you HAVE to let him cry - it will work itself out. and by the way, now he's five years old and since moving two states away from family and living in a house where he's on a different floor, he needs someone to sleep with him again - this goes in cycles - it's just life with a kid :) enjoy!

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We don't CIO either and here's what we did:
When our son was 21months, we moved his crib to our bedroom next to our bed. We removed one side from the crib (it was a convertible one) and installed a bedrail between the crib and our bed. Our son climbed in the first night and has slept in his own bed next to ours ever since. We haven't moved him to his own room yet and I'm guessing we'll wait until he asks to sleep in there.
At 25months I told him that all food and drink has to stay in the kitchen/dining room. There would be no eating or drinking in the bed. I made sure he got enough to eat in the evening, so he wouldn't be wanting his bottle because he was feeling hungry. He asked for a bottle the first couple nights, but didn't get upset when I said "it's in the kitchen". Within a few days he stopped asking for it in the evening and slept well through the night too. Soon after we moved milk to the cup and stopped using bottles alltogether.
When he was 29months, we weaned him off of the pacifier. He forgot to bring one to bed with him and I told him I was too tired to go and get one. The next morning pacifiers were nowhere to be found. ;) I held his hand for the first couple of nights to get him to fall asleep, but not one tear was shed over that paci.
With every change I picked a time when he was feeling good and had no major changes in his daily/weekly routine. I just did what I thought would work for my son and when I thought it would work the best. You know your son and I'm sure you can figure out what works for all of you the best.

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We still co-sleep and I did extended nursing (he weened about 18 months b/c I was prego again). My son is now 27 months. We stopped night nursing around 11 months b/c I needed the sleep. My approach was to explain to him for a few days during the day, that we were not going to nurse at night anymore b/c that was sleep time. But I said that he could nurse as much as he wanted during the day. After a few days of saying this (especially when he came to nurse), I put it in to action. The first night he woke up to nurse, I explained that we don't do that at night and that it was time to sleep. He fussed (not cried) for a few minutes (honestly) and then he went back to sleep. The next night, he did not wake up. My son is a very light sleeper especially around 10:00 pm (he often wakes and needs a body to fall back asleep) and in the early morning hours (after 5:00 am). For us, the whole thing was easier that I had imagined.

I'm not sure about getting the toddler bed because we believe that our son will move to his own bed when he is ready. He has one and he knows that he can go there if he wants. However, we love to have our little one close especially when he wakes in the morning and he smiles and gives us a big hug and says "Morning Mama, Morning Dada". It is precious and will be gone forever before we know it.

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I do not agree with CIO either. I think you have become his "prop" so to speak. In order for him to go to sleep and stay alseep I think you are going to have to put him in his crib and when he wakes go in a shhhhh him and pat his back until he is back asleep. DO not pick him up. You are there so it is not CIO totally but do not pick him up. I did this with mine and it took 3 nights and he has slept through the night ever since and never had before.

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If you're wanting to night wean him, there's a pretty good book called "how weaning happens" that you can check out from the library. Is your son waking because he wants to comfort nurse or because he's hungry? Knowing the answer to that can help you solve the issue.

Also, there's no reason he NEEDS to sleep through the night if what you're doing is working for your family.

Congrats to you for being attentive to his needs and providing him with round the clock parenting! :)

Another idea to help is to transition from nursing TO sleep to nursing BEFORE sleep. At your son's age, I was nursing my daughter on her bed. When she was clearly done nutritionally nursing and VERY sleepy, I would unlatch her and then hold still. She would normally snuggle up a little and then fall asleep the rest of the way. Over time, I've been able to nurse and walk away with her a little more awake. It's been over a year now that we've done it this way. She continues to nurse when she's awake but rarely wakes to nurse anymore. She only does it now when she's sick or there's something big going on like travel.

You might check out Eastside Attachment Parenting on meetup.com. The web address is htt://meetup.com/eastsideap. In the group, there are lots of other moms who practice extended nursing and also struggle with sleep issues. You might also benefit from La Leche League. The Issaquah Toddler meeting is next Tuesday the 18th at 10am. It meets in the Overlake Medical Building just north of the Issaquah Fred Meyer. Suite 103 I think. If you need more info, either pm me or you can check out the LLL website.

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I don't believe in CIO either. At 21 months I assume he is nursing at night for comfort. I would cut that nursing time out. Offer him a sippy cup with a few sips of milk. Often my daughter falls asleep in my bed too. I wait till the binky is hanging out of her mouth ( a sure sign that she is sound asleep) and then put her in her crib. I just hold her really close to me until we reach the crib matress as careful as I can. I am usually sucessful. I know it is hard, but when we choose to not use CIO, we have to except that we still need to sooth them. Does your husband walk with him because he expects to nurse if you hold him? In order to stop that you have to be the one to get him and comfort him. Again, offer the sippy cup or a special blanket. Rock him, sing to him, what ever you have to do. Eventually he will learn that you will not nurse him at that time and he will stop asking for it.
What ever you try, stick to it and give it a chance to work. I hope you and hubby get some sleep soon.

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Hi, my first advice to you would be cut out the night feedings. He does not need them and they are more for comfort and he more than likely is waking up because it is routine. This will probably be hard at first but he should start sleeping a little better. If he has been sleeping with you the whole time you really need to get a bed to put by yours so that he can get used to being in his own bed but not separated from you yet. After you get him sleeping in his own bed then it should be easier to transition him to his own room.

I would only do one thing at a time so you are not completely taking his comfort away. Hopefully this helps some. Be aware though that all not all children are good sleepers. My child has never been a good sleeper. I worked and worked to get her to sleep by herself all night. I finally got her sleeping most of the night and only waking up once in which I would take her back to bed and she would sleep the rest of the night. We just recently moved and she has completely regressed and is sleeping with us at least half the night and she is 3 1/2 years old. I pretty much just let her sleep with us part of the night so I get sleep or else she wakes up two or three times. I am hoping when she starts school she will start sleeping on her own again. LOL one can hope anyway.

You might find that if you get him into his own bed in his own room, he'll sleep through the night. Could be that you and your husband are actually waking him up with your tossing and turning and that's why he's waking. He shouldn't need to nurse in the night - unless there are some serious growth issues, babies can sleep through the night (by that I mean go 12 hours between feedings) by at least 6 months of age without nursing. Toddler bed might be better since he's never had a crib, but that's your call as you know your son best. We all wake up in the night, though, but he might be stimulated by you being beside him (thinking Oh, play time or Oh I would like some milk) and thus he can't soothe himself back to sleep.

It is time to reduce and eventually get rid of the naps. Five hours is a long time to nap. I would also increase his physical activity. Going outside this summer, playing ball with dad, swimming lessons (yes, they have them for this age), at regular times for regular times amounts. If he is tired at bed time, it is more likely that he will sleep through the night.

It is normal that he wakes in the night. My 4 year old still does often, especially if she is not with us in bed. All of my children have, and when they were away from me they were more likely that they woke. They often wake when they need to pee, even if they are not potty training yet. They also often wake to nurse. When baby is with you this does not wake anyone that much, but when you must go to another room it really does.