14 answers

How Do I Get My Sex Drive back...and Rekindle the Spark

I used to love to make love to my husband now it is months before I let him touch me..and that is usually cause he gts pissy about it but he doesnt understand that it is not him I have no sex drive at all...

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Oh boy, do I know how you feel. I am 29 with two kids and one on the way. Shortly after having my 2 year old I lost all interest. I go months and it makes my husband pissy too. I don't know what to do because I feel so bad. Like it something I should be doing but can't. Anyway, good luck and if you find something that works let me know.

More Answers

hi A., apparently many married couples i have been talking with who have young children and both adults work experience this problem. I am sorry. I too am trying to deal with this in my home. we have a 3 year old son and I work full time as does my husband plus I have a 3 year old attached to me when I am home..... the last thing I want at night is a man attached to me ;) I wish i had an answer but know you are not alone. The problem I feel for us as woman is not the lack of sex but the lack of closeness you get from cuddling and touching and they just want the sex so they can get it over with and go to bed. We cannot do that especially when months have passed since you have been intimate. If you can get your husband to realize you need the closeness and the touching you shared pre child then the sex will return with your enthusiasm?? hope this helps good luck and I am still battling this in my home nightly. UGH!

2 moms found this helpful

Have you considered adding a vibrator or some edible lotions? Sometimes just by adding one of these can help aide you in the bedroom area. Men like to be suprised so adding a little toy can help you as well. I'm actually with a company called For Your Pleasure...which carries these types of items. Let me know if you'd like me to send you the website. I do home parties so I could always bring you some of the lotions to try if you are in CT.


1 mom found this helpful

You didn't mention if you were on any medications ? Many anti-depressants, high blood pressure medications, Xanax, Ativan, and even over the counter cold medications depress your sex drive, and some deaden the nerve endings making it difficult to experience any arousal at all. Also, for me, a lot is psychological, if I have a "to do" list a mile long, feel like I'm not getting any appreciation, or am feeling resentful, I don't want ANYTHING to do with romance. Sex shouldn't be something you check off your list ! I work from home & even though I know I pull my weight, as well as shopping, cleaning, kids, blah, blah, a lot of time my DH who leaves at 7:00 & gets home at 5:00 gets a lot of envy from me LOL. Men are a little thick sometimes, tell him how you feel, and that you need a back rub or romance to FEEL romantic.

I know what you mean. When I was pregnant with my son and for months after he was born I had no interest at all. Even still it is hard for me to get in the mood. But I compromised with my husband, and in place of intercourse I would just pleasure him. I also explained to him that if he wanted it he would have to get me in the mood, which as you know can take a lot longer for a tired mother. But he would take the time to please me to get me in the mood, and now my sex drive is slowly returning. It will probably never return to normal and honestly I'm ok with that. Maybe try having a date night ever other week to have some alone time focusing solely on you as a couple. But you will have to work at it. Good luck.

Hi A.,

I've read in some herbal medicine guides that you can take suppliments that help with sex drive. I think it is completely natural and there is nothing weird about it. It happens. Women's hormones can run amuck sometimes and it can cause us to loose our sex drives. Plus if you have a lot of stress that can be the cause as well. I would recommend talking with your husband about what's going on and try some of the herbal remedies. maybe try to rekindle by having date nights where you have romantic alone time with just the two of you. this seemed to help me and my husband when we were in a rut. we have a 12 year old.

these are some herbs I've found: (you may just want to do some more research in order to see what is best for you to take - some of these could have reactions if you are on other medications...it is always best to consult with a doctor or herbalist)

Dang Gui - 300 mg capsules (this also helps with PMS, I would recommend this one. I use it and it seems to help me)
Damiana - 2 - 4 mililiters of tincture (this one is also a natural anti-depressant, so make sure you check with a doctor)

I hope this helps you. I would probably say if it is so severe to maybe see a psychologist together.


Oh boy, do I know how you feel. I am 29 with two kids and one on the way. Shortly after having my 2 year old I lost all interest. I go months and it makes my husband pissy too. I don't know what to do because I feel so bad. Like it something I should be doing but can't. Anyway, good luck and if you find something that works let me know.

I was so glad to read other posts and realize that this doesn't only happen in my house. My fiance is ready for it almost every night, and well, me...not so much. I'm just so tired that I can't wait to hit my bed....and sleep :) I work full time out of the house, have just started my own business (so hopefully soon I can work at home), have an 8 year old that is into every sport, and a 4 year old. By the time I get home, do dinner, clean up, get everything ready for the next day, laundry etc...sex is usually the last thing on my mind.

I will suck it up for him though, and give in even when I'm exhausted because I know its important, but I also just pleasure him, to keep him happy. I think relaxation is a big help, and also, spending time with just the 2 of you.

Hi girl, i work full time as well (4p-12a) so i can be home during the day with my 4 month old son and with that comes cooking dinner to leave in the oven for Dad (my husband), cooking his lunch for tomorrow, making and storing bottles, cleaning the house, laundry, dishes, nap time, work 4p-12a, and then either at 12:30a when i get home or early in the morning b4 he leaves 4 work (at 8:00a), my husband wants sex. Its not that i dont want it, but im tired... and when i say this, he doesnt get mad... but annoyed. And he does help me tremendously, but my drive is not there like it was b4 my son and when we do have sex, its not that exciting any more simply b/c im tired. So my advice to u is what i do... i suck it up when i am able to and make love b/c i know thats an essential part of a marriage and i try, despite how tired i am, not to take how tired i am out on him by depriving him of sex and lately ihave been enjoying it more when the sex is "dirtier" lol. Try spicing it up with things u never thought of b4- lol! Good luck hun

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