There are many unknowns about this particular family. There could be things that have been going on for years that may be causing, guilt, depression, indifference for all three and perhaps entitlement on the 19 year old’s part. (We see this a lot with adult children. It is usually the fault of the parents for doing and giving too much too soon.)
The mother and step-dad will have to sit down and decide what they are going to do. Clearly it is sit down time with the boy.
Here are some suggestions:
THE RULES (THE WAY IT’S GOING TO BE)
· Purchase a student bus pass for one-month www.vta.org, this will also allow the student to ride the train. (He can bike or walk if he doesn’t have a job and can't buy the next one.)
· Take the car away immediately – he can take the bus to school or get a ride from one of his “friends”. (When he can afford his own insurance, car privileges may be discussed,)
· Starting October 1st you have one month to get a job (which means they are giving him some free days in September to start getting his act together.)
· If he is not helping around the house, make a list of chores that he is responsible for.
· Set a curfew.
· I am anti-war and have great concern about the condition of our country, so this would be my last alternative. Since the parents aren’t having any luck making a man out of this boy, the service might be a solution. (Unless he has a criminal record and is not eligible.) Room, board, clothing, discipline, and no choice, he WILL follow their rules. Have some brochures to show him when you sit down for the talk. <www.army.com>, <www.navy.com>, <www.marines.com>, (Trust me this will get his attention.)
Yes, this is tough love and if they stick to it, it will work. If their son isn’t willing to be a cooperating member of the family and household, he needs to move on. If they don’t stick to it, the mother could possibly find herself alone in her old age, still catering to a 40 year old jobless, mooch! I sure hope that doesn’t happen.