How Do I Get Help My 3 Year Old to Calm Her Fears During the Night?

This is just a "bad habit " that both of you have fallen into . I know because I did it with our first child , who is now 9 and knew not to repeat the cycle with the second child . This is what worked with us and hopefully may work for you , we put a tv is his bedroom and he would watch his favorite dvd when falling asleep and also we purchased a "special" stuffed animal for him to hold tight at night. In the middle of the night I would wake up once to turn off his tv and he would be sound to sleep till morning. I did this for almost a month, getting up once beat two or three times. After that month, we started using the sleep timer to turn it off and neither of us woke till morning. My children are now 9 and 6 and my sleep is no longer broken , but I hope that maybe these little tips help you like they did me .Good Luck!

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Just a thought in addition to the other responses: make sure she isn't watching anything scary on tv or peeking in on anything you're watching that she might find scary. That's a common cause of nightmares.

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When my oldest children used to wake up scared, I would take a water bottle into their rooms and let them spray the "scare remover". If they were scared of monsters, it became monster repellent. If they had a bad dream, it was dream washer. Perhaps you can let your daughter have a spray bottle to spray away the scare and let her wash her own scares away. Hope it helps.

Does she remember the incidents in the morning? If she does, they are not night terrors or sleep walking. My four year old daughter gets nightmares a lot and comes and sleeps on the floor by my bed. However, she never gets scared once she is in my room. Do you get the sense she is really afraid or that she is just in the habit of waking up, crying, and then being with you? If she seems really afraid, call your pediatrician. If not, try weaning her off of your intervention. When she wakes up, talk to her without getting out of your bed and have her put herself back in her bed on the floor. If that works, move to a reward system (sticker chart, etc.) and reward her each morning for nights that she put herself back to bed without waking you up. This will help you determine if she is just in the habit of doing this or if it is something more. In the meantime, can you get to bed any earlier to make up for the lost sleep? I have five children, ages 9 months through 10 years, and I end up getting up quite a bit during the night, so I definitely can relate to that. Good luck.

A.,

You're such a loving mother. Let me ask you a question. If you woke up in the middle of the night and your pillow was gone, would you be able to go right back to sleep? Probably not. I think what's happening is that you have become your daughter's pillow.

I try to remember that the only thing I REALLY have control of in my life is me and my behavior. Applying that principal to your situation, what do you have control over? Just you and your behavior. So, stop being her pillow! We all wake up several times a night but we've learned to go back to sleep. she needs to learn to go back to sleep on her own. The way you can help her do that is to allow her to fall back asleep in her room, without you!

You can cure her of this within a week or two at the most. She's old enough that you can reward her for every night that she stays in her room all night. Get some pretty stickers and let her put a sticker on her door for every night she stays in her room all night. When she gets five, she gets a party or Chuck-E-Cheeses or something. If she messes up one night, she can't put a sticker on the door but she keeps all the stickers she's already earned!

At bedtime, remind her about the stickers. If she gets up in the middle of the night (and she probably will at first) just silently take her back to her room and tuck her in (no kisses and hugs and stories etc.). Keep it business-like. Don't get emotional in any way. Keep it calm and quiet. Do this every time she gets up. YOu may quietly reminder her that she is to sleep in her bed all night.

I hope this helps!!!!!

S.

Dear A.,
Have you tryed useing a night light?
It works for my 5 year old sister.
We bought her one from the dollar store.
And she loves it. It has her favorite cartoon on it, the little mermaid.

God bless,
H.

Does she have a night light? Do you play music for her at bed time? if not give her a night light , and let her have some soft music on replay all night.

My daughter has night terrors with night terrors they wake up but don't know where they are, don't know who you are and don't do much more than scream and cry and flail around. if shes doing that all you can do is hold her tight so she dosnt hurt her self , whisper in her ear that shes ok and mommy is here and just wait it out.

If she's up and alert and can tell you that she's scared then its prob not night terrors.

Don't underestimate the intelligence of your children at this age, while she may really be scared or having night mares in which you need to look into, she may simply have learned this is what works to get what she wants or has become a habit.( My daughter who is almost 3 has started telling me she's cold if she wants me to carry her or baby her or she thinks she is about to be disciplined for something to try and get out of it she can be convincing with real shivers and all, however I learned quickly she wasn't really cold just trying to out smart me) If she is really scared I agree with the monster spray thing or give her a flashlight to take to bed and let her know it's special for when she's scared and she can shine it around the room to make all the scaries go away. But I would try and break the bringing her in the bedroom habit soon, by letting her out of her room you're confiming that her room is indeed a scary place and it's safer in your room.

one thing that worked at our house was moving that temporary bed further and further from you and closer and closer to the door and eventually back to her room and her bed... maybe every couple of nights move it a little further from you...

also with my daughter we had to cut naps out or make them shorter because she wouldnt sleep well at night with too much sleep during the day...
and we still have to watch out for eating too late, that seems to disrupt sleep sometimes too.

I think you'd be surprised at how well bribing works. Put an index card next to her bed- decorate it any way you want- make it a big deal. Tell her if she sleeps in her bed all night, she will get a sticker on her card. That will be her ice cream ticket. Take her to get ice cream the next day if she earns a sticker. Gradually build up the ticket to where you have 5 spaces on it, then 7, necessary for ice cream. Then you're only buying ice cream once a week. If Ice cream isn't her favorite, think about what a really strong motivator is. You will eventually be able to fade the rewards away. I know this isn't addressing her "fears", but it will give her success in staying in her bed all night, and her fears should subside once she is consistent.

My little guy has/had the same problem. he is also 3 1/2 and has just recently made it through the night without waking saying he is scared. I tried everything from monster spray to benedryl to make him sleep. We have just started giving the kids an allowance of 25 cents per day and if he stays in his bed all night he gets an extra 25 cents. He thinks that is great. So far it's worked 3 nights. I've also tried leaving a little more light on in his room. I put a dimmer switch on his overhead light and left that on all night. It gave more light than a night light but not too bright. I also had a friend suggest getting some fish and putting the tank in his room and telling him that he has to stay in his room all night to watch over the fish. That is my next step if this current trick does not work. If you find something diff. let me know. I know exactly how you feel in the sleep dept. He has not slept consistently through the night since he was born. Ahhhhhhh!!!!! Good luck!

K.

I am a stay-at-home mother of four children...each one is so very different. However, something that I have found with each one of them is the waking up at night thing. It's funny, you stay at home with your children and assume that you are spending plenty of time with them. But, it's good to take an inventory on your one-on-one time. It is so easy to get busy with housekeeping, sociality, home-based business and hobbies that we don't even realize that we haven't turned off the phone, put away our agenda and immerse ourselves in puzzles, stories, games, lots of hugs, tickles and snuggle time. I have found with each child that their night waking is sometimes a physical issue, but, most often is an issue of consolation. If our little one's could wax eloquent it might sound something like, "Gee, mom, you've been so busy. I just want to feel like you still love me." I have found that clearing my calendar for a couple of days and focusing on just being "mommy" and then tapering off--always making sure that we have our "mommy-time" every day....things tend to improve. It sounds so simple....but, doesn't it just make sense??? Love conquers all!!! Also, I would suggest checking out the Dr. Sears website. He is AWESOME support for parents. askdrsears.com

Good Luck!!

I'm curious about her being scared when she wakes in the middle of the night. How scared is she? Is it really bad? I've known people whose children had what they called night terrors. I'm not very familiar with this at all and can't offer any advice on the subject. The only thing I can say is if it's really bad, talk to the doctor and find out if it is night terrors and how to deal with it. This is apparently isn't the normal waking up scared, maybe because of being alone or in the dark or whatever. Good luck with this.

If she sleeps at the foot of your bed, does she still wake up? Coming from someone who believes in attachment parenting, I find the problem so sad. Sometimes too much stimulus before bed can lead to such sadness. Try reading a nicely illustrated book, aromatherapy, keep energy low for 2 hours before going to bed.
M.

Ashely, I know where you are coming from. I too went though this with my daughter (she is now 7) Is she telling you what she is scared of? I wish I could say that we have put an end to this but we have gotten to the point where we are all getting more sleep. We had to wait until she was in Kindergarden when she was finally diagnosed with restless leg syndrome. Now she is on medication and what a difference it has made in our behavior as well as our sleep. She still gets up about 5 times a month now versus the 5 nights per average week we had since she was born. We kept our ddaughter in her own bed and many nights we were chasing things out of her room to help her get back to sleep. And many nights she would get up about 1:00 am and not want to go back to bed until about 6 am and I was having to get up by 6:30am to get my older daughter off to school. And since my youngest quit taking naps around 6 months there was no sleep for me. Alot of what I have said is redundant but I just want to stress that it will get better. our doctor had us get an indepth blood work test done to see what her iron level was. It turned out that her iron was way way down and that was part of our sleeping problem. Have her iron level checked out if you can. Good luck!

My son was having the same problems. We put a nightlight in his room and monitored what he watched closely. If there was an adult scene on TV and he came in the room we would pause it or change the channel. Just glimpses of CSI would scare him. We also got him a Superman blanket. We told him that it helps protect him. He does fine now.

I have a 6 yr old daughter and she wakes up with bad dreams occassionally as well. She gets me out of bed crying. In the beginning I would walk her back to her bed and tuck her in. Now, as I am tucking her in bed, I pray with her saying that God would bring her good dreams and nothing would interupt her sleep. Now, I cannot leave her room without her requesting I pray for her. With my son, who is now 11 yrs old, when he was younger, I used to sing God is bigger than the boogy man, from the Veggie Tales movie. It's fun and calms them as well. Happy Dreams!

I have a daughter about the same age, and due to lack of room, she slept in my room for the first 2 1/2 yrs of her life, and once she started co. sleeping with her sister she began the same cycle, back to my bed everynight! I finally did a few things got a dimmer switch for the light in the room, got all sorts of books from the library to read to her about not being afraid of the dark and help coping with nightmares and lastly...I locked my door and leave the hall light on. This way when she comes to my room she has to knock and get me up, at which point i take her back to the room and lay her down sit with her for a few mins to assure her that nothing is wrong and tell her that if she goes to bed without crying and waking her sister up and doesn't get back out of bed that once the tv is on she may come and sleep with me plus she'll get a reward the next day. We have the TV set to "wake up" at 5:30. Since I get up to get them ready for school at 6 this gives her some cuddle time and doesn't interfere to much with my sleep time...or me and my husbands time. If she does keep getting up, then I consistantly take her back to her room and she doesn't get any "mommy's bed" time. It took a while but this has worked very well for me. Now she might wake up once a week in the middle of the night, and gets in the bed with me at most once a week! The first week or two you get less sleep then usual, but it is soooo worth it in the end!