How Do I Explain

My daughter is turning 6 in a week. We can't afford much in the way of presents, for the same reason as you, so I sat down and talked with her. I just explained to her that it was a little hard for mommy and daddy to spend alot of extra money right now because instead of toys we wanted to make sure we took good care of her by giving her things she needs. I also told her that I knew we had been really stressed, and maybe not that happiest mommy and daddy in the world lately, and she thought that was really funny! So, I told her for her birthday her gift was a speacial day with mommy and a special day with daddy (2 separate days). She could choose going to the park, zoo, walking, riding bikes, whatever she wanted to do. She thinks its a great idea and has come up with some really fun ideas. Those days will be all about her, not worrying about anything else that is going on. Hope this helps!

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I don't know exactly what you should tell her about your situation except be honest and don't give too many details.

As for her birthday STRETCH YOUR $20:
-do an Evite or just a phone call to INVITE 4 or 5 friends- free
-Do the party at a nearby park- free
-have it at 10 AM or 2PM (so it's not a mealtime)
-Serve homemade cupcakes or cake with frosting- approx $4
-Serve koolaid- 80 cents for 4 quarts (2 packs with sugar included)
- buy 1 small bag of balloons-$1.50 and/or 1 roll of streamers- 88 cents (TO DECORATE PARK PICNIC TABLES)
THIS LEAVES YOU AT ABOUT $8 FOR THE PARTY, LEAVING YOU ABOUT $10 FOR A GIFT FROM YOU- LET THE GUESTS' GIFTS FILL IN THE GAPS.

GOOD LUCK

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Hi K.. Contact Birthday Blessing, they were the ones featured on WFAA Channel 8 news.
http://www.birthdayblessingtx.com/

Their info:
Birthday Blessing is A. all-volunteer non-profit organization that sponsors birthday parties and gifts for deserving children in need with the hope of making them feel loved and important on their special day.

Good Luck and God Bless You.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. We went through this before and again now. Before we had three children(and one on the way) and my husband was out of work for 10 months. I sold everything we owned but still eventually lost the house and lived out of our van with three kids and two dogs! Get this....we were told we didn't qualify for food stamps or TANF!!!! I was told at that time if I was a migrant worker or a single mother we would qualify but since we were married and white we didnt!!!! I was shocked!!!! (that was in Denton county) So we quite literally had nothing and my husband worked at a rubbermaid factory at night because it made .50 more/hr than day even though he only made $7.50/hr from his plush $35/hr tech job. The man never sleep b/c we lived in our car. My kids were 4 & under and the oldest just remembers it as a vacation. We went to parks and free events all the time to help entertain them.

Well, my husband just lost his job again and now we have six kids. Luckily we had about two months savings in the bank to tide us over and I've begun to sell my furniture to pay bills. Its sad because you thing you are finally stable and you get slapped in the face again. My kids are older, ages 9yrs to 3yrs. But I tell them all the same thing......they know daddy lost his job but there will be no extra spending. When they ask for something I remind them about our situation. I have even told them that it is a possiblity that we may have to leave our home but we will all be together as a family and that's what is imortant. I let them know the truth...just how it is....i just don't make it sound like its the end of the world even though it certainly feels like it to me.

As far as her birthday. 5yrs old are easy to please. Give her $10 and free range of a Dollar Tree store and she will be in hog heaven!!!!!!

Much Luck and my prayers are with you!!!!!

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The best gift is time together. Taking her to the park, having a sandwich picnic, baking her a cake, and giving her a small thoughtful gift will be so wonderful to her.
Does she like Barbies? You can get one affordable and maybe little girl nail polish and have a "girl's night in" with the two of you either the night of or the night before her birthday and do nails and makeup.
You can pretend she is a princess for the entire day (you must say the words all day and bow and everything). You can make her a tiara out of construction paper and she can paint it or color it. She will be so proud.

Most of all - no worries. You and daddy have to act so happy as if there are no worries.

You can invite kids from school if you want to instead and let the parents know what has happened and that the party will be just cake. People will understand. Most anyway.

All your money goes to the car payment? Can you get rid of it? Buy a cheaper one? Can you go to work?
I'm so sorry to hear what has happened. Its happening a lot.
Do you have a computer? Many avenues for extra income there. Don't forget to apply for Medicaid for her health care. It is a must.

Happy Birthday to your princess. Keep the faith. C.

Tell your daughter the truth as she will understand it! There is no shame in becoming a victim of the economy.

As for the $20 gift - ask her what she wants. Does she want to go swimming? Does she want a present? Does she want a box of mac and cheese, hot dogs, and a ding dong for everybody with candles in hers? (You can really do a lot with $20!)

I know you are feeling so lost. Probably slightly depressed. That is okay. That is normal.

Try to lift up out of those feelings for just a few moments so you can actually breathe again. Realize that you are a money making machine (and you don't even need to find a job!). This is the time to re-invent who you are as a mom, a woman, a wife, and a family. Think outside the box.

After all, what is the worst that can happen? It seems you are pretty much living it right now. You got this, K.! Go for it!

(And, no, you don't need money to make money!) If you have any questions, give me a call. ###-###-#### Or, you can email me at ____@____.com. I love helping people come up with creative money making ideas; but you need to be ready for it.

Good luck, and I hope I hear from you!
E.

I won't address your finances because you've gotten great advice.

But as for your daughter's birthday, I have so many great ideas. Unless it's a "party year", our kids never get more than $20 gifts from us. And on party years, they don't get a gift at all since we paid for the party. So I'm all over your birthday budget! Is she in school during her birthday? If she is, I would ask her if she wants to use some of her money to take a treat to class. I know this sounds a tad sketchy, but WalMart on Monday mornings always has TONS of "day old" cupcakes and cakes on their clearance rack. Hit that up, they're 40% off.
Or if she wants a party, you can make really cute homemade invites to have her friends join her at the park one day after school. Then serve the cupcakes at that time. Capri Sun is $1.97 at WalMart and get two packs of that and you have a snack. Since it's right after school, no one will expect a meal. Go to the Little Debbie section of the store and get three packages of any treat, wrap them with a piece of paper that says, "Thanks for coming to Suzie's 6th Birthday Party" and you're good to go for party favors!

I can make any of the invites and party favor tags for you that you like. I do make really sassy and chic ones on the computer all of the time and it's super easy for me. Just shoot me an email if you want me to do that for you.

Best of luck. I'm so glad for you that you have friends who are supportive!!!

Just an idea, I think you should sell your car and use the money you receive to buy an older car that is still reliable. Making a payment on a place to live is much more important than paying on a car. I hope that is an option for you. Good luck.

Hi K.. I am so sorry for your situation, and I can absolutely empathize. (My husband was laid off in November of last year). I want to help you with your daughter's birthday. We are very blessed to have a large inground pool at our home and I would love for you to be able to throw your daughter a party at our house. Free of course!!! Feel free to give me a call anytime and we can talk.

K. Martin
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I'm so sorry you are going through this rough time. I agree with the previous posts, be honest with your daughter. I have a 6 year old and they can understand a lot at this age. Also, making her birthday special should be more about making HER feel special, not about spending a lot of money. You should be fine.

Last, please consider checking out daveramsey.com. It sounds like you guys have some tough times and some tough choices. The approach he teaches on finances has changed our lives for the better. I pray that things change for the better for you guys soon, I know how stressful money issues an djob losses are. Good luck.

Hello K., I saw on the news an organization that does birthday parties for people in your situation. Check WFAA (Channel 8). It was a month or so ago that I saw the segment. The organization does all this for free and even provides a gift. The best to you.

I would be very honest. I would tell her about the job loss, the money problems and just tell her that it is only temporary. Things will improve. She is not too young to understand that. As for her birthday, you can probably manage to get some gifts for free, if you try real hard! Here are some suggestions...

Sign up on www.Freecycle.org, it is a website that allows you to post a message to the group in your area and ask for something that you need. People will respond with things that they have that match what you want. Then you can go to their house and pick it up, completely free. Granted, most of the things that you will find on there will be used things, but for the most part, your daughter will not even know that and if she does know, she probably won't care! As long as she is getting stuff, that is what matters to her. You could just ask for toys for a 5 year old girl, or you could be more specific about items that you know she would like. There may be some simple things that she would really like that you just haven't thought of.

Ask some of your friends who might have children that are just a little older than her if they have anything that their child is not interested anymore that you can give your daughter for her birthday. Even if you don't buy things, you can still give them to her as gifts, because you went to the trouble to look for them, find them, get them, clean them up, it is just as if you bought them, but you didn't pay a penny for any of it. Don't feel bad, things will get better.

Take your daughter somewhere special for her birthday that is free. You could even make a whole day out of it, doing free things. Some examples are....

taking her to a community spray park and playground
having a picnic in the park,
watching a movie at home together,
let her stay up late,
play games together.

I have some left over party supplies from my daughter's birthday that you can have if you would like them for a lttle party if you plan on doing anything. I can even bring them to you. Private message me if you would like.

I'm sorry to hear of that. I have a 5 year old myself and its rough when they ask questions and you just don't know how to answer them. Pray on it. I know my little one had a rough time in moving and we went over seas then back to her home where she was born then to Texas so I'm sure she was like what?! but we did the best we could and explained the best we knew how. Life moves on. As for her birthday, kids lol invite kids her age. My little one can't wait to go to school and find more lol. She'll be alright. I'll keep you in my prayers :o) And if you ever need to talk or need a playmate for your daughter, my daughter and I would have no problem perhaps meeting at the park. Best of blessings to you and the family. D.

K.,

Is your daughter your only child? Are you working now? If you are not working, try to find a job. Perhaps being a nanny would be good. A live-in nanny even better, b/c then you will have a permanent place to live. Your husband wouldn't be able to live there, I would imagine, but at least you and your daughter would have a place for a while. Not ideal for you & your husband to live separately, I know, but it's just an idea, since desperate times call for desperate measures.

Also, you mentioned your wonderful friends, but didn't mention family. Do you have parents or inlaws with whom you can lean on? Can you move in w/ them for a while? If they live out of state, should you guys move?

Just some ideas. Best of luck!!!

For kids is not about how much you spend on them it's how memorable it is. My girls love going to the park, maybe a new one, have a picnic on the ground, collect wild flower press them then go to the library to find out their names. There is so much you can do with out spending a bunch of money. Just think of what she likes to do and exagerate it. Or maybe you know someone that has a pool and just spend the entire day playing inthe pool and eating snacks. About your living situation I beleive in being as honest as possible. First we allways tell our kids what is our business is OUR business. They are not to go to school telling their friends OUR business. Keep it simple, like when you are at the store explain why you are buying this brand vs. a name brand, look at how much we are saving. You can also tell her that God sometimes challenges us and when we stay faithfull to him he will bless us. You can look at this in a positive way and of course a negative way. Take the positive way and count every blessing you have.

About the birthday...

I have a bike that you can have. My daughter is 16 now and no longer lives with me. But her bike is your's if you want it. it's pink...small even tho it's a little worse for the wear...but I would be more than happy to give it to you.

Also...about explaining: Remember that she too needs reassurance. And mostly, all she wants to know is that she can eat and have a place to sleep and that mommy and daddy are going to be there for her.

Later on...you can give her specifics...but for now...that's all she really wants to know.

Good luck to you.

You can be honest - I always am with my kids - but you don't have to convey shame in your voice. Sound hopeful, upbeat and optimistic. Her birthday can still be awesome - have a little picnic at the park, some dollar store streamers on the picnic table and invite a couple of her friends to join ya'll. My kids are more than delighted with a $20 gift.

Yes kids ask a million QA. I have 4 yr girl and 5 yr boy.
You don't have to tell them everything, but they want to understand. I have went under surgery and still recovering for 2 months and am on a machine to help the recovery. I have had to explain to the kids it helps Mama and the nurses come to our house. The more I explain and let them know theey are helping me, and that I love them and I will always be here for them. They seem to be relaxed and not so scared. Many things scary for little kids and let her know NO matter where you live or stay or sleep Mommy and Daddy are always there. I know its helped me in my situation.

Have you tried any of the Low income housing or apts that possible could help for alittle while. Just a suggestion I am sure you looked around.Maybe some churches could help.

I just fought cancer and am recovering but am a cancer surviver ! I know personally every day can be very hard, but my kids got me though it. As long as we were together I love them so much and sometimes thats all you need to get to tomorrow. Prayfully tomorrow will be better.

When is her birthday ? Yes the dollar store we find lots of goodies. What does she like ? What size does she wear ?
I pray God will help you through.

take her to a nice park, bring hot dogs/watermelon... if you can roast marshmellows on a small portable bbq pit... take her to the beauty school and have her hair styled/nails painted and be sure to tell them it's her birthday... might need to bring proof. never know till you inquire. has your husband or yourself checked into going to junior college to obtain a degree via grants? wal-mart has night stockers and that would be more stable and the small wal-mart employee discount would probably help too. hope things get better for your family. Prayers.

First get rid of the car and buy a cheap car. I would not let it be repossessed. List it for sale and sell it, or turn it in.

Look for some co-op apartments. I don't know about where you are, but I know there are some on Cowboy Drive in Valley Ranch. They charge rent based on the money the tenant makes.

Do you work? If not, look for something. If you want to work and cannot afford child care, look for a job in a day care center.

Get in touch with the social service departments in your county. I don't know if your part of Grand Prairie is in Dallas or Tarrant, but they both have services available to you. Use them! That's what they are there for.

I will agree with the others... GET RID OF THE CAR.. buy a clunker that runs that you can pay cash for. My second piece of advise is to contact Dave Ramsey... There are often scholarships to go through his financial peace workshops. Dave has a lot of good information. www.daveramsey.com. He is also on the radio and has a great call-in show. Your priorities need to be food, shelter, clothing. Transportation is down the list. You need something reliable but no payments. If you have creditors he will have some good advice. I know your soon to be 5yr old has some expectations but she will still be ok if you can only get her a $20 gift. Your investment of time far outweighs any gift down the road. Toys break but memories are forever.

I saw on a talk show recently to discuss the financial issues with your child. This way she won't feel guilty, but enlightened to know mommy/daddy are having financial troubles and will thus understand why mom/dad can't afford a big birthday party. It may not make her happy, but at least she will understand why the family has to keep moving. Some kids will even give their piggy banks to their parents. They show unselfishness and love. We don't give kids enough credit, they are smarter than we think they are. Hope this helps.

Get rid of the car. If you stop paying on it they probally won't pick it up for at least 60 days during that time save every penny you have and pay cash for an OLD realiable car... their's plenty on Craigs List. I'm sure y'all could rent a 1 BR apt for around what your spending on the car. Housing should ALWAYS come before car payments. I don't know where you live but you should be able to get some pretty decent toys at your local thrift stores!
BUT you have the chance right now to teach her an amazing lesson that STUFF comes and goes but family and love are forever. Stay strong as her mother an your leading by example. A happy meal, a nice day at the park w/her parents who don't have a look on their face of worry or guilt will make her day special enough. God bless you!

I do not no how to explain. But your family sounds just like mine. we have been hard hit by this economy as well. We have been forced to move 10 times in three yrs because of jobs loses. And now we are back in a extend stay hotel. Yesterday I lost my job! Call me mabye we can be of support to one another. K. ###-###-#### My daughter is 11 and I do not explain she lives between, her dad, grandmom, and me when I was stable. But I just tell her its not the gift its the love.

Be honest with her. I know times are tough but let her know that you care for her and love her and right now our family is going through a difficult time. I think kids don't really care where their party is as long as they have their best friends and some playtime together. I love the dollar tree for party supplies because they are cheap.
Good Luck!

Lots of good ideas in everyone's posts. You should also check out angelfoodministries.com. They provide VERY discounted grocery boxes once a month through local churches. You can just put in your zip code and find the one nearest you. No shame, no guilt girl. I don't know if you have a spiritual life but He is there for you during this hard time. :)

You had a lot of posts and so I didn't read them all, but have you said what kind of work your husband does? Maybe someone on here can help on that end and offer him something permanent.

Lots of prayers are being said for you from people on here and from me, too. Good luck and God's love and blessings!

That is a really tough thing. I think you should be honest, but not worried with her. What I mean is you can say "well, did you know Daddy lost his job? Well, right before Christmas daddy's job had to let him go b/c they couldn't afford to pay him anymore. Since then, daddy's been working but he doesn't make as much money, and you know things cost money, so we're doing our best right now with the money we have. We are very blessed to have great friends that are helping us out right now in our time of need. The most important thing is that we are together and we always will be." That way when she wants something you can say "we really can't get that right now". As for her birthday, there are many things to make it special that don't involve a lot of money. How about taking her to the park to feed the ducks, or just have a "Sarah" day where you do exactly what she wants to do. If she wants to play with a friend, invite them to the park to play, if she wants to play with you, do that, if she wants to paint, take her outside and let her paint...think of the things she likes to do that you are apprehensive of b/c they are messy or time consuming...do those things!

On another note, have you heard of Dave Ramsey? He is a financial guy that helps people get out of debt and live debt free. You may want to start listening to his program. He's on the radio from 1-4 on 570AM and on TV from 7-8 I think on Fox News channel. I have a feeling if all your money is going to the car payment that his advice would be to get rid of the car that is holding you down and buy something you can afford. For instance, if you can sell the car for $8,000, find another car for $4,000 that you can pay cash for, and then you have $4,000 cash to work with to either pay for a rental or whatever.

Hi K., my heart goes out to you & your family in this tough time. As some one else stated you might consider going with a less expensive car. But I have know idea what you drive so that might not be an option. Have you checked into government housing. There are some nice apartments out there.
As for her B-day party, for my 5yr. old grandaughter we had a dress-up tea party. Everyone was called and invited by phone & told to come dressed for the occassion. Then I went to the 99 cent store & bought china tea cups & saucers for each little girl as well as lipstick & eyeshadow. Yes I know that was a little more than you have to spend but you could suggest that each on come with their makeup on. You can get several strands of beads for a dollar at various places that with their china set is a great party favor. You could go to a thrift store & get the china cups & saucers, they wash & you can bleach them. Just make cupcakes, with those little party favor rings stuck in the top & serve walmart or Dollar General has fruitpunch, it's only a dollar, the Kids love it. I feel sure if you did this at a park & played a few games you would be the best Mom ever. Godd luck. God Bless you all.

DO NOT let your car get taken; that's ridiculous. I would try to trade it in for something with lower payments though. Public transportation is not as developed here, so I'd be loathe to be without a car in case someone gets a job when or where the bus doesn't go.
Someone else suggested it, and I second the idea because it's what I personally did at one time: we needed extra money and I got a job at a daycare. Some lower the rates for employees....I even worked part time at one daycare, and my son only attended during the hours I worked, so he was free. I made just about $150/week for part time, which isn't much, but it's a lot when you don't have anything coming in!
Remember that honesty is best, but there's also a weight that children shouldn't have to bear. Imagine that information and responsibility are things that you put in your backpack to carry on your journey: younger children have smaller packs, and need to carry smaller loads. You could say the family is going through a bumpy time and have to be careful with things, but you're together and love each other and that's more than a lot of people have. Where you live will change from time to time, but being here for each other and loving each other won't change. You could even tell her that you're looking for jobs and need to save money for your own place. Anything more than that is too much weight for a little one.
Seven years ago, I had a life changing experience: I was alone and driving in another state, about 20 minutes from where I lived as a toddler. I thought "I'm gonna find that place" and drove straight to it....a low income apartment community where my divorced mom and I lived in the 70s. Mom didn't seek childsupport (we were hiding from my dad), we didn't have assistance from the government, the only assistance we actually had was childcare---I stayed at my grandma's house when mom was at work. I found the exact building I lived in, and sat in my car watching the stoop. I took a napkin and wrote down everything I remembered about the place on the inside (slope on the floor by the door, colors, style of doorknob, how many doors are inside, what the stairs looked like, etc). I walked in, and was right about every single detail! I told mom about it, because it was the safest, happiest time in my childhood memory, even though she went on and married a nice man who adopted me and we lived in upper middleclass my whole life after I was 4 years old. When I told my mom, she cried bitterly and said it was the roughest, scariest, most unsure time of her life. We had NOTHING, stayed in a 1 bedroom converted officer's barracks, she shared a can of spaghetti o's with me for dinner, we were very very poor. She had "mom guilt" because she worked 40+ hours/week. She couldn't believe my memory was so different.
That long story to say this: I remembered that mom was there, that we were a TEAM, she sang songs to me and told me stories, I lived in a place that was clean and felt safe, and I knew I was loved. The things we parents strive so hard to give our children, I grew up with later...but they didn't make the same impression on me. It forever changed the way I lived and influenced the manner in which I raise my own son (and another on the way!). The little things really are what matter, and they really are things that cost little to no money.
I would suggest that you don't go buy a bunch of junk in a dollar store that you have to keep with you and clutter up stuff since you may be moving around a little while til things change (and they will change). I would totally suggest doing something you've never done before and get creative (I like that Dora map idea someone had, but make little notes or treats instead of trinkets, and then the treasure be her gift), or go to a free thing like a spraypark/park/playground, we LOVE the botanical gardens, and it's free everywhere but the Japanese garden...bring a picnic and cupcakes or make a box cake. Do the candles and sing to her, have some friends there for that if you can. Half price bookstore for books/crafts, a thrift store for a toy, those are options for a gift. What would SHE like as far as doing something fun? Do an activity or spend the day somewhere. But if the day is all about her, it doesn't have to be all about a gift.

I understand your pain as we have all been hit with this type of situaction one way are another. Where do you live, you can do something small for her at a park. We are giving my daughter a small party at a public water park the water comes out the ground. We just have a few cup cakes (homemade), juice boxes, and fun 5 kids at least we know she will get 5 gifts.

I understand hard time as I had to cut back on a lot of things, if you need anything email I will be more than happy to help. I also know its hard to ask stangers for help but at one point in our lives we have to.

Hope everything works out for you. God Bless.

I had very harsh childhood, and moved quite a bit myself. I swore my children would not be as nieve as i was, but there's only so much a child should know. i myself did tell my daughter about the things that were going on at the time we were bouncing around, and i like to think she understood. it is amazing how much our children look up to us, and how much they follow our lead. if you treat this situation as sort of an "adventure", she will never know that it is really hardship. at the age of 5, she's probably into drawing and coloring, so i would make her a birthday card(my daughter loved it, and still has it--she's 8 now and i made it when she was 4!) and tell her it is her day. go to the dollar store and get her some sidewalk chalk, some bubbles, and some other small things that you think she would like (the 99 cents only store would be great), and take her on a picnic at the park or lake, and spend the day with her like that. ride the bus or train for more of the adventure effect, and make sure she feels the day is all about her!

Check out the Dave Ramsey website ASAP!!!! It will help you get your finances in order and what little money you do have you will learn how to budget- which is crucail esspecailly now.
As for your daughter's birthday, we try not to give lots of presents for birthdays, not only is it expensive but then we have a lot of stuff that doesn't get played with after a month. For the past 3 years we have been doing "theme" birthdays. Our first on was for our oldest son who was turning 6 at the time. We did an outerspace theme. We bought glow in the dark stars and stuck them all over his room, then we painted a rocket ship on some newsprint and hung it on the door. We also made homemade planets out of paper and hung them from the ceiling. Then we got out the flashlights and had a "laser tag" war.
For other birthdays we have gone to the zoo, or a park, or camping. We try to make it a special day that they will remember and that the whole family will enjoy. For your daughter you can do a fancy tea party. Go to the dollar store and buy some boa's and a couple of fancy cups. make pb&j sandwiches and cut them into small triangles. have lemonade and get some nail polish and paint your nails together. There are lots of things out there for less then $20 that you and your daughter will enjoy more then a ton of presents.
Good Luck

sell the car for starters. trade it for something you can actually afford and get a place to rent. seek help from agencies like the Community Storehouse in Keller. They can help in tough times like these with bills, etc... take your daughter someplace special for her birthday like the park with a picnic and a small gift. You don't need to spill the beans 100% as that will worry her. just let her know that things have changed temporarily and her daddy is working very hard to care for all of you. best of luck