How Do I Discipline to This Issue That My 4 Yr Old Does?

I also have a 4 year old that engages in this behavior. I have talked to the pediatrician and done some reading on the subject. The important thing to remember is that this is completely normal behavior for their age. And any 'messages' we give them about it are likely to remain with them.

There really is no way to stop it without the negativity. I don't want to do that to my daughter. In my opinion, growing up is hard enough. What we have done is spoken to her about things that are to be done in private only. If she wishes to do it, it must be in her room and only when she is alone. We have not observed her doing it anymore.

Good luck! This is a tough one but you are not alone.

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T. -

Telling your daughter what you have chosen to tell her is not the truth and that is not good parenting. I know you are digusted and am asking you to get past that and try and work with this on a better level for you and your family.

Once you stop reacting so much - and I know it's very hard - she will let it go. You let go - she will let go. Get it? You teach her to do what you first need to do, yourself.

There is nothing wrong with telling her that her behavior is inappropriate and then immediately move on to . . "okay, what else can we do instead?" Put the focus on having fun figuring out what else she can do for her nap rituals - you can do a burrito wrap - where you wrap her blankie around her like a burrito, to tuck her in, or whatever fun stuff she likes for pre-nap settling in.

Focus on what you want, not what you don't want.

Good luck - I know you can figure this out with her - make it fun! (Then you remove the judgment, shame, etc.. and it will feel much better to her - she doesn't understand what an adult does, so treat her with more care and fun on this - it will be fine T..)

Alli

1 mom found this helpful

This is a common thing that alot of children do. However parents don't like to talk about it . Your first natural reaction is to tell you child don't do that thats nasty. But like the other mothers have said this can have long term affects on your child. I found my daughter doing this one day , at first it was a shock. I explained to her that it was something she should do in private when she was alone. Hopefully everything works out for you .

Wow, it's weird that all the kids are doing it. What has the teacher said or done about it. I would suggest the class not use blankets at all. In kinder I think they just had mats with no blankets.

Hello, I have a son that is 11 years old and does that to pillows. I asked my Dr. about it. He told me that he just stumbled across something that felt good and to not worry about it, just make sure he confines it to the bedroom and not out in public areas. So just talk to your Dr. about it and see if he/she has any concerns about it.

Take away the blanket and do not say a word. Tell the blanket is on vacation and will return at some point. Do not make a big fuss about the situation.

how do you know she picked it up from other kids? Did she tell you that? You really shouldn't make a big deal out of it or punish her. She has no idea what she's doing. She is 4 for god's sake. Just ask her if she needs to go to the bathroom, and tell her just to do it in private...I have a few friends who have admitted to me that they did this as children but used stuffed animals.

I have 2 girls and worked at a daycare for awhile. I actually never saw this. Who was she witnessing this from? This is not typical...although at her young age if she sae someone doing it and it feels good I could see why it would normally be picked up. But who and when she saw this is a bit worrisom.

I agree with Mel's response, that is a weird thing! I also agree that you should check things out with the daycare.

But I think the way to deal with it at home is just like solving any other problem. If what you are doing isn't working, try something else (more to the opposite of what you are currently doing).

I TOTALLY understand that you would get worked up about this, because that would be my first response too. But you could try to be really calm about it the next time it happens. Gently approach her and take the blanket away. If she gets mad, defensive or feisty, just calmly say "It's OK.", get the blanket and put it away. DON'T make a big deal over it and try to defer her attention elsewhere.

You don't want this to become a big ISSUE and have her fighting for the blanket just so she can "win". Some kids are so headstrong.

One thing I always have to remember when I am parenting my 4 kids is that, " I am bigger, I am older,and I am the boss.". This doesn't mean that I'm mean and I'm a bully, it just means that the kids aren't going to run me around. It also means that I have to be mature and not scream like a banchy (which is so hard at times :p) Be respectful to them, but you be in charge!

Good luck!

I know that this is not really what you want your little one to be doing, but is she doing it only at home and in her room? If so, be careful not to discourage being able to discover her body and how it works. Apparently she has discovered a sensation, if you make a big deal about it, the behavior will be learned as BAD and therefore teaching that her body is bad, and that she is bad. Possible giving her a poor body image. My suggestion would be to ignore it as long as it is in private. She will out grow it.

I hate to say it, but this is so common in girls this age. I don't have girls, but my niece and very best friends daughter did this at this age. DO NOT punish her, it is so natural, she would have discovered it somewhere else. The only thing I would maybe do, if all these girls are doing it at nap time together at school, I would have to director talk to them. Tell them it is a natural thing, but it is something that should only be done in privacy in their bedrooms. There is no sense in taking the blankets away, they will find something else.. My friends daughter would use her own hand after her Mom took the blanket and stuffed animal away. IT will pass, it has for the 2 girls I know. I know it is strange, but it is human.

try not to make a big thing about it don't even say anything just take measures to stop it with out the child realizing it like reposition the blanket

I agree with most of the others that have responded. I'm the mother of 2 girls, 4 and 7, and we have dealt with this issue. This behavior is sooo normal. She will grow out of it. I think by threatening to take away her security blanket you may be causing her more stress. I would personally (and have done so) ignore the behavior, the more you focus on it the more she will want to do it. And possibly instead of reprimanding her for this behavior when she starts doing it maybe redirect it to something else, possibly try giving her a new lovey to cuddle with when she's sleeping. From your info, it looks like since she was only in daycare for 6 mths, it may have stressed her a bit just going into it, she's back home with you, I really think this behavior will stop on it's own. I think we all have to remember when kids do this sort of thing, they don't see it the same way we do, it is purely innocent on their part.
Best of luck

One last thought...You might want to hold her close when it is sleeping time. Let her take her nap in your bed and just snuggle with her, she may just be looking for a little more security...the stimulation may make her feel better. I would try making the just-before-bed time special, a real touchy and snuggly time that tells her she is totally secure and indicates that her physical needs are being met already...you might be surprised at how well she does.

I hate to tell you this, but your daughters actions are completely normal for her age. Instead of telling her it is nasty, which is going to cause her issues, you should try to explain what is done in private and what is acceptable in public. It's not going to hurt her - and if you try punishing her for something that is completely normal, you are going to instill negative associations with her body and shell have issues.
JMHO

You don't discipline for this. You realize that this is a developmental thing she is doing.........that you also probably did at that age........you just don't remember it.

I used to teach Kindergarten for 2 years & during "rest time" after lunch every year a few little kids would do that while laying on their nap mats w/ the blankets. It's a "calming" mechanism. Any adult who does that now is relaxed afterwards - right?? Look at men who fall asleep immediately after they......you know what I mean. It's totally NORMAL & she'll stop doing it in time. If you make it "nasty" or "wrong" you will confuse her. If you see her doing it at home while she's laying down, ask her if she'd like you to read her a book for a minute OR lay down w/ her. Try to re-direct her in a gentle manner. AND remember - she didn't "pick this up" at daycare.......she would have done it eventually if she was a stay at home pre-schooler. It's developmental - call your pediatrician if you're that concerned. I guarantee she/he will say the same thing.

Hi T. , have you talked to your doctor , maybe she has or is getting a urine infection, or maybe she just wants to be rocked to sleep in a rocking chair, It just sounds kind of funny that she does that, also is the daycare where she goes ,is it a good daycare ? I mean ,I don't want to put any scary ideas in your head , but you never know , look into the caregivers there are they licensed to care for young children ? Just keep an eye open . Have you tried reading a story to your baby or maybe singing to her and just padding her to sleep , I know when my kids were little , I used to pad them on their little behinds softly to rock them to sleep and sometimes they would rock back and forth and then they would fall asleep... Good luck and maybe its nothing . God Bless you and your family....And T. , you are a great mother , just stay reassure your daughter that you love her and you are just concern for her and you want to make everything for her comfortable when she goes to sleep maybe just rub her back sing her a lullaby and you'll see she fall asleep before you know it... she just wants to rock herself to sleep....

I would say it's probably a coping mechanism she picked up due to the stress of being away from her home and parents. The other children probably do it for the same reason too. I would leave it alone. Don't say anything and since she's home now with you, hopefully she will phase it out. You may also want to try stroking her back until she settles, ie. turn her attention to some other behavior you find more appealing, but I would refrain from telling her it's nasty, that could have lasting repercussions.

Best wishes!

This is not a discipline issue. Some children will do this as a way to cope. It's common for children this age. Please don't tell you daughter that this is "nasty". She's going to grow up with personal and self image issues! I think you are over reacting. Just tell her that "we don't do this sweetie" and then put the blanket back on her normal and leave it alone.

I don't think it's a "discipline" issue, it's a normal thing a lot of kids go through. I would tell her not to do it in public, whether you want to let her do it in privacy, that's another matter. Maybe the less attention you give to it the better. It's a toughie, good luck.

First I would say don't make such a big deal out of it. I think all kids do it and the more you react, the worse it becomes. Also, by saying it is nasty and will hurt it, when it is perfectly natural thing, could also cause problems later on. You should explain that this needs to be done in private only and send her to off to her room or the bathroom if she does it in a family room.

This is a very sensitive issue. Unfortunately, children do imitate what they see. I wonder why the staff didn't do something to curtail the situation, just a simple, "That's not okay," may have worked without elaborating. I majored in early childhood education and right now she may be too young to realize this is not acceptable behavior but may as she gets older, children do become more shameful of their actions.

Hi T.
I never heard of anything such thing??????????????
Instead of trying to stop the behavior I would be questioning your daughter about who and or why she is doing this?
Telling your daughter that this is nasty might not be the right approach.I am curious as to where(other than the obvious the daycare where she learned to do this)Who is responsible for teaching/showing anyone to self soothe and or rock themselves to sleep in such a manner??????????Your letter seems to suggest that other parents/children are struggling with the same ordeal.What if anything have they said?
Best wishes to you and your family
I did not give you any advice
I hope you get the answer you need