Well, it is not going to be easy, for sure. I am very active with this issue at our school, and what I have found is that the latest push for anti bullying policies and "programs" are a giant "CYA" for schools. If you can't access the policy, it does not really matter much, but you will soon see schools hiding behind their policies and programs and pretending that they were never notified, because all they really care about is not being sued.
Here is the one thing we can do. Make sure that you document any bullying incident by WRITING IT DOWN, and send copies all the way up the food chain, and add these words: I expect that the school will dicipline the children involved appropriately, and that effective actions will be taken to prevent this behavior and school climate from effecting my child again, or I will consider the school district to be deliberately indifferent to the bullying issue that is prevalant at (such and such school.) This communication is to serve you notice that the bullying climate is unacceptable at this school..."
This is the kind of thing that you can hold in your hand, and if enough parents do this, the schools will no longer be able to say that they did not know about the problem, which is the first hurdle.
Let me tell you a story about my autistic daughter who was surrounded by all the boys in her class as they chanted "do it" to her and the other autistic boy in class, because they "were both such loosers that nobody else would ever want them, so they just might as well get it over with..." Do you think much happened to those boys? Well, first, they were made to appologize...of course, that fixes everything! Then, when I contacted the speech thearpist to investigate because my daughter has communication issues (in writing, of course) the school "realized" that this was more than a "say your sorry Johnny" kind of thing....and the investigation confirmed that it all really happened, we were assured that the boys were diciplined, there were IEP meetings and new IEP services and we were assured taht our daughter would never be left unsupervised again.
Fast forward a couple of weeks, and I was at a social event, without children, talking to one fo the M.'s of the boys who was front and center in the whole event. I like her very much because she is a terrific person and she approached me to say that she knew our daughter was having a really hard time at school, and that her son understood what it was like to be different because he has an autistic cousin, and she wanted to offer some play dates...um....it was completely obvious that she had no idea what her son was involved, or punished, and no idea that he was one of the leaders of a horrible and discusiting event at school and that he derived so much pleasure in the double whammy that crushed two autistic kids in a very public way. She had no idea what had happened to our daughter and the other autistic boy, and it was not my place to tell her that her son was involved, when I told her what had happened, she said it was horrible, but never asked me who did it, and she clearly assumed her son to not be involved. He had expressed how sad he was for her terrible year at home...Very sad.
Now, here is my threory. When the perpetrators are like the young man I am talking about above, adults ignore it. They all love this boy. He is talented, gifted, a star in every way. They don't want to blemish his future, and they didn't and never will, unless we put the schools on notice and document who is doing what. They can hold paper, and they know that someone in the community is holding the original, so if they let the climate deteriorate and something bad happens, they will be exposed. It is a school problem, and we have to make sure that the school sees it that way. I know that this boy is a gifted manipulator, and his parents would be crushed if they could have seen what he did, but they don't know, and they really would not beleive it unless they were forced to, and the school prooved it to them. It certainly is not my place to tell them.
Document things folks. Write instead of calling. Use the right langague...Deliberately Indifferent, that will get thier attention, because if you sue them, you have to proove that they were deliberately indifferent to what they knew or should have known, was going on right under their noses. Name names, tell what happend, and put it on paper they can hold in thier hands, and they cannot say that you never told them (any words you speak will never have happend on a witness stand, and every judge knows they are lying, but will not do a darn thing about it!) The school will love you if you call, they can sweep it under the rug, and your problem is gone as soon as the air stops vibritating with the sound of your voice. Write, don't call. If we make the school do things that make these kids feel the pinch, it will stop. Schools have to TELL parents that it happend, before they will even know, or admit it to themselves, that it happend.
Lets face it folks, there are many posts, every day, about children who are victims...you know that there are obviously just as many parents out there whose children ARE the bully. Very few posts about that, why? Adults are putting thier heads in the sand and thier fingers in their ears and saying "lalalalalala."
Schools have an obligation. A legal obligation. Make them do something and document what happens, who does it, and let them know that you are keeping a copy. Lets see what happens if enough of us do so.
M.
