How Can I Word This Tactfully ?

Stick to facts. Don't imply intent or try to tell her WHY she's doing it. Don't even bring up how it's affecting you.

Tell her this arrangement isn't working for you and you no longer will be keeping her daughter starting on X date.

If she asks for reasons, just keep repeating that it's not working for you. If she gets upset, simply repeat it's not working for you and you will no longer be keeping her daughter starting on X date.

Don't give her anything to feed off of or to try to minimize (reasons why it's not working for you).

OK--the way I see this, you have two separate issues going on...am I right?
First the O. day per weeker that is supposed to "pay" with play dates that are NOT happening every month, as agreed?
Upon her next pickup, say to the mom "Is this Saturday at 10 good for the monthly play date? I have a few errands I need to do and could really be more efficient with Sammy at your place." Stop. Let her respond. It will all become clear to her at that very moment.

Second, the 2-day per weeker, that gets picked up late and lingers with mom even later that also uses you for extra "free" care on days when the preschool is closed. Get a copy of the school calendar. Mark the "closed days" that you WILL be able to cover & watch Janie for those days...for an additional $20 (or whatever you charge full day). This woman also needs to be given a set pick-up time. have all of her kids "stuff" packed & ready to go by the door at that time. If she presses you about it, tell her that the 7-8:00 pick ups are making your dinner/family time too hectic and you need to set a more rigid schedule with your family.

I know it's awkward to bring up the subject of money with people you know, but you are not Salvation army! You're a childcare provider! It amazes me that people would take advantage like that....but it seems like a lot do! Really--these people are going to look to YOU to set the tone, policy, rules, etc. so....DO IT!!! Good luck!

A small fib to help your cause in this case wouldn't hurt. Simply say that your caring for a child without pay is affecting your business. Tell her if she wishes to continuing bringing her child, she will have to begin paying the same rate as the other child you care for, to be fair to that family who has been starting to ask questions as to why she's getting the same services for free.

In short, make both mothers pay...or resolve to just watch their kids with no charge at all. Bottomline you need to be consistent with what you decide and stick to it. Otherwise the two women will play you.

How do we get ourselves into these situations? I think we've all been there. You've gotten good advice already. I just hope you will learn to stand up for yourself and not be so concerned about what other people think. I'm pretty direct at times. Sometimes I am not direct enough. I think for the most part, people are too sensitive.

These people are really taking advantage of you. I don't get it. It seems to me that this modern day parenting thing is putting out a lot of selfish, greedy, users.

You're being taken advantage of. Personally, I would just really nicely tell the parents you are sorry, but it's become too much for you, though you would love to have their kids over occasionally, strictly on a playdate basis for the kids to get together because you like them and your son very much enjoys their friendship, you just do not want the babysitting/childcare obligation any longer. Tell them you don't want to leave them hanging with no care, so you will continue your agreed upon arrangment until X date (pick a specific date as your last day). You are not obligated to keep this up. You've become a babysitter by choice, and you can choose not to do it anymore, just like anyone else who wants to leave a job. I would not go into any "why" specifics with the parents, just keep your tone gentle, but matter of fact. They are not choosing to stay home and take on extra kids part time, so don't let them guilt you for your choice not to do so, or to cut back on it.

Well presumably you are not watching her over the break? Maybe I would take this opportunity to bring it up and say now that a new semester is starting you'd like to revist your plans on child care. Say you have reevaulated and watching her kids just isn't going to work. If she asks why then you are going to have to be honest and state the most obvious and annoying fact of her picking her kids up so late. Tell her that doesn't work for you and it disrupts your kids' bedtimes. I would close with something like I hope we can still get together for occasional playdates...but be prepared for that to maybe not happen, as she might be huffy about it. I think it just depends on her personality. I mean, you have every right to feel the way you're feeling and she'll either get it or be offended, even if you're nice about it.

As far as you watching her daughter and not getting paid...well, sorry but I probably wouldn't have offered to pay you either. I mean you were already watching one of her kids for a barter, so she probably figured that was included in it, although if she isn't keeping up her end of that barter, then that is extra crappy. And...I'm not exactly sure how day care works, but she may have had to pay for that day even if they were closed. Usually don't you have to pay in installments that are prorated over the year? I don't know, but maybe!

Tell her how much you enjoy her daughter and how much fun she and your son have together. If you're willing to watch her with new rules, give her a set time that she needs to pick up her daughter by. Let her know that the evenings (after 6 p.m., or whatever time you decide) are important to your family and that the children need to spend time with their father. If she can agree to the new rules and limited hours, keep it up. If not, tell her it's just not working out to watch her daughter on a regular basis, but that you'd love to still have her over for playdates sometimes.

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, "My son sure loves playing with your daughter, but I don't think we'll be able to work in those playdates as frequently as we have been. Of course, we'd love to keep in touch and get the kids together as our schedule allows. Can I keep your number so we can set up some play dates later on?" My guess is she'll say something like, "Oh really? Gosh. What a bummer. Hmm", but there's really not more she CAN say when you keep it positive. If she does ask specifics about the scheduling conflict, just tell her that it's important to you and your husband to have some quality family time each night, and providing child care until 7:30/8pm makes that impossible, so you've decided to cut down. I think that's simple, it keeps it about you (and not about her), and isn't accusatory.

Why do you care if it causes an issue? Just tell her that you don't want to do this anymore, that it isn't working out. Keep it short and sweet.

If she asks why, just tell her. She probably won't have playdates (you can't have everything), but don't let that stop you from not getting walked all over. Find another friend for your son.

This is easy, really.

Dawn

Really there is no way to word that that will not cause an issue. The problem is she probably sees it as a fair agreement. So any way you point out it really isn't is going to cause issues. You are saving her a ton of money and hassles. She wants it to stay that way.

The best you can hope for is, you seem really busy, I think it would be easier for you to pay me (low amount) a day to watch her so you won't be expected to have play dates all the time.

Clearly you don't have play dates all the time but you are also not getting paid. If you really want her to pick the child up earlier tie the amount to hours.

The problem with the staying and talking is it is your fault, you are friends as well. Sort of like when I quit work my poor cleaning lady would take all day to clean the house where it used to take her a few hours. We talked too much because we are also friends. It is up to you to say I am tired and need to get my kids to bed.

Most daycares post their rules. Children must be picked up by 6 PM, parents will be charged an extra $15 for evey five minutes after that. So post something like that. My kids didn't spend a lot of time in daycare but my grandson does and sometimes I have to run get him for my daughter if she has to work late.
About the Mom who stayed and stayed and didn't pay for the day. Simply ask her "did you forget to pay me for watching Susie the other day?" About her hanging out at your house, she may be lonely and just wanted someone to talk to. Dropping hints didn't work, so be a little more blunt but kind. Say something like " I would love to sit and talk more but I have to get the kids to bed, maybe we could get together on Saturday for coffee and a nice chat." Hand her her coat and open the door.
My daughter has done this a few times and normally I'm okay with it but I was really tired the other night and said "You don't have to go home but you can't stay here" -- I need some sleep. Yes blunt but I had a very stressful past 2 weeks.

the only way to avoid any of this is to be honest & upfront....that means discussing all financial issues prior to the day's work. You cannot assume that the mom will do what is "right". & as you've seen.....you continually pay the price for your niceness!

Time for a sit-down conference. Call it a conference. Tell her directly that you need to equalize the field. Tell her that you have one paying family, you are providing the same service for both families, & from this point on.....she needs to plan on paying you the going rate. Give her a printed hand-out sheet of your rules/regulations.....& make it official. Include in your hand-out: your hours, your pay schedule, & any other info which would be pertinent to owning a daycare. Tell her you appreciate the friendship between your children.....& you hope it can continue.

No more oblique references to bedtime, no more mention of spending time with Daddy. This other woman doesn't care. If you lose her friendship, are you really taking a loss at this point? NO. Please put yourself & your family before her. .....Peace!

I understand you want to have playdates. I get that you don't want a problem.

I would let her know that you like her child very much and want to continue playdates, but babysitting is not working out. Blame your husband if you have to.

It is her job to find care. She hasn't because you are free and she doesn't have to follow rules like a 6pm pickup.

Are you saying you don't want to take care of the little girl any more on a business basis?

If that's the case, you'll need to be direct with the mother: "This arrangement isn't working for me. It's messing up our family life, and my family is more important to me than anything else. So I'll won't be taking care of your daughter beginning January first. I will invite her over to play sometimes, because our children get along so well, and I'll let you know when." If she doesn't understand, or objects, repeat as often as necessary.

You need to be more assertive. You need to tell her that her daughter needs to be picked up by __:__ each day. And you need to come up with reasons for her to watch your son - to make the exchange fair.

Otherwise, she'll just keep taking advantage of you.

You can't go backwards but moving forward you can set some ground rules. First, as for the playdates. You need to set one up ASAP. You will need to take control of that situation. If you are waiting for her to offer, she isn't going too!!! Next time you keep her daughter and when she is picking her up say "hey, I have errands to run on Saturday, I would like to schedule a playdate for that morning. See what she says, if she says no, then you have a decision to make.

Keeping the daughter all day. You should have said "great, my rate for all day care is $.

You are providing a service and its not free! That is your job! She wouldn't go to work for free why would she think that you would?