How Can I Get This Boy to Stop Teasing My Daughter!!

I've been a teacher for 18 years now and nothing irritates me more than a bully. It is simply not allowed in my class (never has been!) You have a right to know WHAT the disciplinary actions are... ASK for specifics since it's not stopping. C., here's what I would recommend:

Ask the teachers if they have seen your daughter instigate anything or bother him. (Two reasons: While I doubt she is, it helps you make sure there isn't a side that's being left out of the picture... which even the sweetest of kids sometimes do. EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, it will set it up for the teachers to say YOU have inquired if your daughter has any blame in this (SHOWS BEING A RESPONSIBLE PARENT WHO WAS WILLING TO HOLD THEIR CHILD ACCOUNTABLE) and it will reinforce that SHE IS INNOCENT... which the teachers will then have to admit to at the meeting, while in front of the other parents and principal. (That part's coming up...)Also ask if he is bothering other kids. If so,and those parents have said something to the principal with no results, have them do the same thing I'm about to recommend to you. You start taking up the principals and teachers' time... you'll get results.

Call to set up a meeting with ALL of the teachers seen in the course of a week (p.e., music, computer teacher, spanish teacher, homeroom, counselors, principal,assistant principal, etc. and the child's parents) and make them aware of everything that he has said to her. (Tell it just like that little boy did...excuse the crude remarks your about to make,and then don't mince words!) Be sure to mention how many times these incidents have occured and keep record of how many times you have contacted the school about it. Give details and clearly state that it is becoming physical. Remember, you now have a record in the nurses office of an incident. (These are kept on file for the entire year.)

How the parents react will tell you volumes! Ask them if they were aware of these situations (which will show if the school has contacted them at all!) and how they are addressing it at home. If the school hasn't contacted the parents, I would ask for an explanation as to why not! (It is the school's responsibility to keep each parent informed.) If the child is a reflection of the parents (which isn't always the case), they will realize it is not only about their son, but about them, too and they may get defensive. Try to build their son up in some area that you see good in, if possible. (More flies with honey than vinegar, as I always heard.)

Ask the teachers/principal to develop a disciplinary action (on the spot... not later! "Before I leave today, I would like a written plan showing exactly what the steps will be for when this happens the next time...to my child OR to someone elses") Be sure that it states, "PARENTS WILL BE CONTACTED AT THE TIME OF EACH INCIDENT." Request that each teacher in attendance sign it, along with the administration, parents and yourself. Be sure to get a copy and keep it safe.

Hopefully, that will put an end to it. However, if it doesn't, then you have documentation to take to the principal's boss, the school board, etc.

PHEW! I need a cup of Chamomille tea now... (smile!) I wish you the best and commend you for staying on top of this. We have to be a voice for our children! Just one last suggestion, be sure to call and commend/thank them when a situation is taken care of. That simple gesture can make all the difference in the world.

Blessings,
M.

3 moms found this helpful

Don't call the principal, go see the principal. Go visit your daughter's class and let her point him out to you. Talk with her teacher. If nothing is solved then you will need to make an appointment and go see the superintendent. Bullying is not supposed to be allowed in school. Does that stop it? No. You need to tell your daughter that the only way that boy will leave her alone is no let him see your emotions about what he says. It is easier said than done but that is the only way bullies leave you alone. Or knock their block off, that usually works too.

3 moms found this helpful

Go above the principal’s head. This is bullying plain and simple. Go to the police, find the parents, and speak with your school board. Who told you that you could not press charges? I would really look further into that. They have juvenile facilities, so we know that there are juvenile offences, right? Put the pressure on the principle from every angle. Defiantly document everything that your daughter tells you and take photos of her current injuries. The school is failing to protect your daughter. This ongoing issue needs to be taken care of. Let the principal and school board know that you are aware of it, you have been made aware of it, and you expect that your daughter will be provided a safe and secure learning environment. Maybe even call the Texas school administration and ask for an advocate for you and your daughter. The boy needs to be held accountable, but the school, principal, teachers, and administrators will also be held accountable. Find out what their policies are for bullying. I know that they cannot tell you what these "consequences" are due to his age, but you can request counseling for your daughter. This will help her feel like she has and adult ally in the school that she can trust. This needs to stop and your daughter needs to know that this is not your fault. This is most likely misguided affection, but it is unacceptable no matter what the reason is. I wish you and you daughter the best of luck. My heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I had the same boy in school. I felt so scared and isolated, even with my friends around. We happened to move and that is how it stopped for me. I don’t even know you and your daughter and I am enraged. I truly hope that you and your daughter find help.

2 moms found this helpful

at the very big risk of making things worse, i'd consider calling this boy's parents since you could probably find his number online. they may not know how he's acting at school, and i'd want to deal with it if it were my child bullying. but like i said, it may alienate her even more from her classmates.

2 moms found this helpful

DO NOT RESORT TO LEGAL ACTION!! I was simply going to read the responses but once I saw that several people said take it to court...I had to write. That is partly what is wrong with our society today. We need to learn to handle our own battles and keep it out of the court system.

Now that that has been said...I was called tons of names as a child and it hurt, but it was also a part of life. At some point, as parents, we have to let our kids fight there own battles. You've provided details about what you have done, but what has your daughter done? Has she talked to her teacher, her counselor, the ASST Principal?

What can you teach your DD about this situation that will help her in the long run? Is this a battle that she can fight and you can observe & supervise from the sidelines? I remember at this age being able to make logical decisions....ask her what she would like to do and give her options

2 moms found this helpful

All I can say is, if the principal hasn't done anything about it, then you need to go over their head and go talk to the superindependent of the schools. Do not tell the principal that you are doing it either. Just let them know what the situation has been like, and what the principal has been telling you. Let them know you have not seen any results and neither has your daughter. And the fact that it is getting out of line as in physical now. Ask for any advice that they may give or see if they will take care of it. I hope everything works out for you.

2 moms found this helpful

Schedule a meeting w/ the prinipal. Let her know you mean business! Tell her that this hasn't stopped & you want to know what actions she's taken to correct the situation & what actions she plans to take now. Type a letter listing all the incidents & conversations you've had with her about it over the phone. CC the Superintendant & your daughter's teacher. Make sure you list the cc's at the bottom if the letter so the principal can see that you aren't putting up with this another day. Let her know that its become physical & it ends now with action from her, or you are going to the superintendant to talk about this boy & to file a complaint about her lack of action in this serious matter. If she still does nothing, go meet with the superintendant, file a complaint about her, and find out specifically what they are going to do to keep your daughter out of harm's way in their school. Your daughter is in my prayers.

2 moms found this helpful

My thoughts is that if the principal isn't doing anything, over his head to the superintendent. Bullying in any form should not be tolerated and when it does become physical, the school has a responsibility to protect the victtim. I would worry about how this is affecting your daughter. Does she understand that it really has nothing to do with her and that it is his weakness and insecurity causing it? Or is it possible he has a crush on her and doesn't know any other way to express it? Either way, the school has to step up and take care of it.

2 moms found this helpful

C.
Sounds like it's time to get the boy's parents inovlved. Maybe you should go to the principal, again, and request a meeting with the boy's parents so this can be worked out. Or at least the principal could contact his parents about the situation. It would be a start. If that doesn't work the principal does have a boss, as well, and maybe you might suggest that if he/she doesn't do something then you have no choice but to go higher. It shouldn't have to get that far but there should also be NO reason that a child can not go to school without being bullied. Has your school done anything with providing the students/parents with "bully" information? The school my kids go to did, and my kids talk about it and how being a bully is not nice. Obviously kids are still going to do what they want to do, but we can try to help them make better choices and understand the consequences of "not good" choices. Since you are able to work from home mabybe you could "visit" the school from time to time and be seen. My kids never know WHEN I may show up at school. They actually enjoy it when I do show up! I just want to see what goes on in the school. I'm not an expert by any means, just another parent of 2 kids. Well, hope this helps.
N

2 moms found this helpful

I want to relate an experience of my friend. Her son is in middle school and was beat up by some bigger kids. He was unconscious and taken to the nurse. She called HISD police and they took a report. When the mother went to the principal to find out what he planned on doing about it, he said that he couldn't tell her because of privacy rules. She has no idea what happened to the kids, and she doesn't even know all of their first and last names. Since they are juveniles, the rules are different. Their privacy comes before the public's right to know.

2 moms found this helpful

This might take time she doesn't want to give to this boy but we use 'No Thank You'. Period. It's that easy. If someone says something you don't like or is teasing, you simply say 'No Thank You' and walk away. I don't know how well this boy will get the hint, but unless your daughter wants to sock him in the nose it sounds like this may be worth a try.

2 moms found this helpful

As I once told an adult that was still upset over things that happened in grade school, we all picked on people and we all got picked on. This is the age where she is learning to handle situations. She needs to stick up for her self. Pay attention to where the boy is and avoid him. She should have told her PE teacher. If the school isnt doing anything about it perhaps you can switch schools. At the very least you could switch classes. Try to remember what it was like when you were in school. Everything wasnt peachy. Its the age where you learn to handle bullies and make friends. I had two older brothers and all there friends to battle. I told them in a firm "mom voice" No or dont or stop that now. Every time they backed off. I was never the girl that was teased by boys because I didnt allow it. No in jr. high I got grabbed a few times but as soon as I turned around and said stop that it was over. It was very out of character for me to get mad. I think it shocked them. Best of luck. God bless your little girl and I pray that she stays safe.

2 moms found this helpful

C.,

I'm sorry that your daughter is having such a hard time. I would say its time to step beyond the principal, contact the kids parents and the superintendant. The Principal is obviously not handling things appropriatly, its time to move beyond her. I'm sorry this is happeneing :(

2 moms found this helpful

Contact the boys parent(s). Get copies of the complaints from the principal and/or teachers to show to the parents. Maybe they don't know or think it is that serious a matter. Sometimes confrontation can be very enlightening. Good Luck.
R. R

2 moms found this helpful

I agree with Laurie A...If you are not getting results from the principal I suggest making an appointment to speak with the school superintendent.

You daughter should feel safe and comfortable at school.

2 moms found this helpful

my sister in law has had the same problems somewhat. When the principal is not doing their job go above them to the superintendant. Write a letter, email or call and make an appt.
This cannot be allowed to happen. It is disruptive to everyone. Good luck....

1 mom found this helpful

First of all whoever told you that your daughter couldn't file harassment charges is full of bull. Why do you think they have a juvenille justice program? I would tell the principal what you said here. "what kind of concequences?" I would also ask for a meeting between the pricipal, the teachers the two kids have, and the other kids parents. I want to know why the teachers aren't doing anything about this when it's happening in their classes? Like the PE teacher didn't see him trip your daughter.

1 mom found this helpful

I haven't had to deal with this to this degree, but when I talked to the principal I would demand a conference with his parents and the principal. That should take care of things. Maybe the childs parents are unaware of his behavior and if they are aware maybe they will see how serious it is. At the same time, we have to give our children the advice they need to get through these situations on their own. We won't always be there to help them out. It this continues to the point where your daughter is miserable or it continues to get worse I would definetly find a way to speak to his parents through the school. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

I am not sure but maybe it would help to talk to his parents. If they aren't cooperative then file a lawsuit against them. It's funny coming from me because I think way too many people go to court over stupid stuff but he is emotionally and physically hurting your child. Don't let it go so far that your daughter thinks you won't take up for her.
Will the principal change her class room or better yet his class room?
Oh! You need to be keeping a detailed journal. For personal and legal reasons. This is your leverage with the principal or judge. Right now write down everything you can remember. What happened, date, where, who knows, witnesses, conversations with principal and whomever. Add to it when you think of more or that your daughter can remember.
Other than that start with the very next offense and write the facts of each event down as each day goes by and date them. Put the date and time of when it happened and the date and time of when you are finding out and when you are writing about it. This makes it a contemporary note and is more valid than old memories.

I am sorry for what is happening and hope a solution comes quickly.
God Bless

1 mom found this helpful

I'm sure that this is unorthodox, but I would schedule a day to shadow my daughter at school...find out exactly who he is and put the fear of God in him! That's just me, of course. Did you see the movie "The Hand that Rocks the Cradle"? There's a scene where the "bad guy" (Rebecca DeMornay's character) does that to a kid, and it's my favorite part of the movie.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm so sorry your daughter and family are having to deal with this. Kids can be so awful. I agree with many others; I would definitely notify the superintendant immediately (ESPECIALLY now that he has caused her physical harm and has shown no remorse). I would also contact the parents but be very careful about that. Explain what has happened and just ask them if they would talk to him. I would also let them know you have talked to the principal and superintendant for her safety, not in an attempt to get him in trouble. Assuming they are not worthless parents, they will want to know about this. Who wants their child in trouble; he can probably get expelled for this and then the parents have a problem on their hands. Then, if he continues, maybe contact them again and let them know they really need to do something immediately because you will be taking this farther with the school and possibly the law. Again, I would try to be as kind as possible (eventhough you are lying through your teeth). No one likes to be threatening but you have to protect your daughter. When I read your post, the first thing I thought of was to have your daughter completely ignore the kid at all costs. ...but then I read that he tripped her; you can't ignore that. What a little turd. I'd still advise her to ignore him. Teasing won't be fun anymore when you don't get a response. I'm so sorry; I'm angry for you. I can't imagine being in your situation!

1 mom found this helpful

Unfortunately, there are a LOT of mis-guided, un-supervised and very dis-respectful kids out there . He is most likely lacking some the parenting at home...but I'm sure his parents would NOT approve of this nor do they know about it.
I as well would go above the principals head.
My now 14 year old was in the same siuation but with another girl...that is until I drove her the the other girls house and my daughter confronted her. I waited in the car so she would not be made fun of for bringing her mom to help. They were friends from that night on.
In the world we are living in now, it is hard to teach your kids to be respectful, polite, mind their manners and treat others how they would want to be treated...especially when other parents do not.
Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful

Enough is enough. My heart goes out to you as I have a little girl as well. My suggestion is to have your husband (it's his baby girl!) to speak with his father (if he is around) about being abusive to little girls. That way, your husband can get a feel of how this young man's father feels about it and to let him know, man to man, that it must stop, or his son will suffer the consequences. As ticked off as I would be,I would spy and if I saw it happen I would jump out of the bushes on his little tail. But there are ways to report it, and he can go to juvenile and get beat up by tougher BOYS and he will be treated like a scared little girl. I would make the little weasel pay. Screw the principal as she or he does not seem to care....you have to MAKE THEM CARE. Be a boil in their behinds until you see results. Every time your baby girl suffers at his hands, make a huge stink about it. Best of luck to you.

1 mom found this helpful

EPISD has a code of conduct. Every student was to sign the agreement at the beginning of each school year. On page 7 of that agreement it clearly states that bullying will not be tolerated.

You have spoken with your campus Principal. They have not handled this so that it has stopped. You should now go to your Principals Area Superintendent and let them know what has been going on and what the response of the Principal has been and what the outcome has been. Your child is guaranteed to be safe at school 100% of the time. If this is not being dealt with properly, tell the Superintendent you will go to the school board and report to them what has been going on.

The child cannot be charged with anything unless he really hurts or threatens your daughter. You can request that an Attorney contact the district on your behalf, if you do not feel the school board is helping to solve this problem.

FYI, if they suggest that your daughter be moved to another class or school, tell them absolutely not. The bully should be made to move. He is the tormentor.

You are your child's best advocate. She has rights. Hang in there, this can be solved.

1 mom found this helpful

My son had a similar problem and we were lucky to have the support of the principal and counselor. One thing that was implemented was a "stay away agreement". They were REQUIRED to have no interaction (unless needed for class assignments and then only supervised) and it was the responsibility of BOTH students. That way there could be no one sided taunting, etc...
Ask your principal about implementing this! It worked well for us.

1 mom found this helpful

Forget the principal! I'm with Pam H, this should not be tolerated. Most schools do have a zero tolerance policy for bullying, so your principal should be taking charge and this child should have already been suspended and referred to the school counselor.

Definitely go over the principal to the superintendant, enough is enough. You should be able to find the info on who to contact on your school district web site.

Good luck, and good for you for standing your ground on this. This child who is bullying needs help, and hopefully with you taking it higher they can get him the help he needs!

1 mom found this helpful

I would let the principal know that this is a health and safety issue and you would like specifics regarding the consequences. let him know that you are taking notes regarding the situation and if your daughter is still in danger then you will have to escalate this issue to the superintendent of the district to resolve this issue. be firm but factual; as hard as it is.

i'm in a charter school and if this was occurring we would've done suspensions, conferences, and may even have him on final your out type of thing. obviously there is something wrong with him.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm going through a bullying situation at school with my son. He has been hurt off and on at school since it started. He is in 4th and has never had problems up until now. We have taught him to defend himself against these bullies. Our principal says the same thing that your daughter's does. If it doesn't stop and the principal is not fixing the situation, I recommend going to the superintendent and let him/her know what is going on. This is what I will be doing if it continues.

I would request a conference with the parents of the boy and make sure that it is brought to their attention and that something is actually done about it. I would check again on charges since it has now become physical. If they say no ask them what you can do. My next door neighbor went through something similar where her daughter was beaten up by another girl and the school brought charges against the girl who started it. If it was just name calling then I could see how they would say no but it has now become physical. Make sure you get an answer. If you are able to get the conference with the boys parents let them know that if it continues you'll take whatever measures needed to protect your child at school. It sounds to me that the school isn't doing their job. It's their job to protect your child while she's at school and obviously are unable to do so and it's not acceptable. I'm with you on being angry. You may even have more patience than I do bc I probably would have been in the office the very next day about the bruises and making sure the principal heard me LOUD AND CLEAR. You've been nice and gave the school the chance to take care of it and they failed now you have to make it happen. Good Luck and stay strong.

It sounds to me like he is getting some of this treatment at home and has found a way to give it out. Contact the police and let them know what has been going on. Have them go by the house of this young man when his parents are home and let them know what is going on and have it stop now. Are there will be consequences from you to the parents. Make it very plan. Also let the school know this is because they are not doing their job to protect your child.

C.,

Jay McGraw has a new book out on kids bullying, I would suggest you read it.

Also, when I could get no where with my sons principle I sent her an e-mail, at the bottom I made note that a copy was being sent to the school superintendent. I received a call at 7:30am the next day. If you sent an e-mail you might include a list of complaints, dates, things that happened, and note that your daughter will now defend herself, and you realize "there will be consequences" for her behavior, just as there was for the bully and just as for the bully you expect that will NOT include suspension, detention, etc.

Check your daughters student handbook, what does it say about bullying?

Unless you know something about the parents I would not contact them, sometimes the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

You might can not file against the boy, but you can against the school or principal. There is a zero tolerance act and the fact that things have gotten physical now is not only serious but absurd! You need to speak to the superintendent of the school district ASAP!!! This bullying has gone way beyond picking on someone!!! Ask the principal if these things that have occured have been documented, if they haven't than that in negligence on their part in which they can be prosecuted for. I'm not sure if they will give it to you, but you can always ask for documentation on what measures were taken to fix the situation, or repremending the boy. Kudos to you for not taking this lightly. These hurtful words could last her longer than elementary school.
God Bless you and your family!

Tell your daughter to stick up for herself!! It may not be school appropriate but bullies have a way of backing off when the victim gets in their face. That boy will cower when your daughter and maybe a group of friends show up for 'a little talk'. She doesn't have to have a fight just a show down of words.

On your part, it's time to go above and beyond the principal. Go to the school administration and let them have it. Why can't you file charges against them for neglect? Surely this boy has parents or suspension from school or something. Where i live, my kids would have already been in alternative school or something.

First off let me say, OMG Cory! I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I too have a 9 yr old (boy though). My first thought is, what a horrible little boy! But who could be to blame for his actions? His parents obviously have not either been contacted or they encourage his behavior. I would suggest demanding a parent conference with the other parents, and maybe with the children involved in a second conference. This way you can discuss with his parents what is going on instead of taking the word of the principal (who is apparently not taking care of the problem). No 9 year old should have to be tortured, and especially by a peer who is bullying her.
I wish you the best of luck and I would not let up until this child is properly punished and you have spoken to his parents. Stand up for your daughter and teach her to stand up for herself also. She doesn't deserve any of this.
My heart goes out to her (and you)
C.
Mom of 3...ages 4, 3 and 9

Demand a conference including all parents and children. This is ridiculous. I would make sure the other parents knew EXACTLY what incidents occured. They may be unaware as well as the parents of the other boys involved. NIP IT!!

From the sound of things the school is not taking your camplaints seriously. School is supposed to provide a safe and secure environment where your daughter can learn and grow.
We had a somewhat similar situation in trying to get some accomodations made by the school for my special needs child. We wrote a letter to the principal and copied it (the copy was visible on the letter so she knew exactly who all had received this) to various people in the school board and administration, all the way up to the district super intendant. In the letter we outlined what the problem was and what we expected to happen for this situation to be resolved. Within two weeks a very active campaign on behalf of my child's right was begun by the school and we are now three years later and he is mostly caught up with his peers (he was two years behind) and flourishing.
I wish you luck and don't be afraid of trampling on toes. This is your daughter safety. I would also recomend that the next time that there is physical harm done you take her to the doctor and then present both the school and the boys parents with the bill. They may not be aware of the situation and may have more of an impact on his behavior as well.

oh my, I am so sorry to hear that this is happening... I have read all of the comments.. I do know that in Texas we have a "no tolerance" rule and they do stick by it in our schools..I have a friend her son was the bully in first grade and because he was hitting and tripping he was suspended from school for three days.. and she called me to take care of him while she worked.. I said I am sorry I can't as I have my grand kids.. well she was contacted by the school and if something was not done and he continued he would be expelled.. now he is in 3rd grade and doing better but they did have him tested and he has diabetes and is getting shots and help and he is on the honor roll.. he is still active but he is better.. had they not contacted his parents and they had not done something worse things could of happened...
Court I am sorry at this young age I don't think it is good.. but then I grew up with a neighbor hood of boys and I had to learn to defend my self... I mean mean!!! boys.. but you can't do it on school property as she will be in trouble or expelled too... but you can do like the other mother did take her to where he lives and she can confront him.. sometimes it is because he likes her.. sorry boys are as you know not so sensitive... and then again she can stand in his face and say NO LEAVE ME ALONE or ask is he likes her and that is why he is bothering her... that usually stops it... good luck... I am sorry your daughter is having this problem... take her to doctor and get x rays as this can be used against if you do need to go to court... protect your child and others.. she may need to get her friends to help her make him stop... and I agree that she needs to learn to defend herself... send her to classes for this.. it will be good for her in the future too... we all should of had classes on how to handle this... Good luck my heart goes out to you... we have had 6 kids.. and now 14 grand kids... so we have been here... S.

So sorry to hear about this. I don't think that filing charges is the way to go as it will not teach him the lesson tha he needs. But, have you tried calling his parents? Or even setting up a parent-teacher-principal-other kid's parents conference? His parents probably don't even know that he is doing this. Maybe even catch his parents outside of the school one afternoon when you pick your daughter up and talk to them there. Good luck!