How Bad Is It Really??!!

Get yourself a copy of the Business of Being Born!
This inspiring and empowering movie will help you to come to grips with the whole birthing process and show you that there are better ways of birthing besides epidurals. http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/

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If you're totally commited to the epidural, then best of luck, I've never had one, so I wouldn't know. But as a mom of three who used so-called 'natural childbirth', I highly recommend that you just read the book "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way" - it will make you feel totally empowered and much less afraid, even if you do choose an epidural. It is about utterly relaxing and being in the proper position to totally get out of the way of the work your uterus is doing to open the cervix - so your other muscles are not working against the uterus' progress, and the cervix can open in as little time as possible. When you don't work against the uterus, it's WAAAY less painful - more like a strenuous workout than pain. Definitely no "writhing in pain" - more like relaxing as hard as you can. Trust me - this works - I am not someone who can be distracted away from pain, but Bradley gave me something else to focus on. Even if you do choose an epidural, it would help you to relax and make it through the early stages with MUCH less worry!

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hi K.;

i am going to be very frank with you from a sisterly, loving, experienced place, having had TWO natural deliveries with no interventions what so ever. and if i seem a little harsh, please know that i'm only trying to save you the brutality of the wakeup call that i myself had.

You are making a total obsession out of this and you are going to cause yourself major problems if you don't slow down and stop being crazy.

when i was pregnant w my first, i thought i should have a hospital delivery but i didn't want pain meds, because i had learned a little bit about the risks involved. i thought i could find a mid ground between a natural and hospital style delivery; basically there's no such thing, i learned. but it took me 3 different doctors to finally realize what i was in for; the last one of whom told me very frankly that she was in charge, she was the decision maker, and that she would take matters into her own hands depending on circumstances as she saw fit, and that, this probably meant i would have major medical interventions at her discretion. i did not believe, having a healthy, delightful pregnancy well under way, that this would be appropriate.

i probably only knew a little bit more than you know now when i finally understood that the mother is considered a SICK PATIENT in a hospital delivery, a person who is in no way fit to call any shots about what's happening to her own body. K., you need to understand that when you are in a hospital, you are considered sick. they are there to treat you, not help you.

so even though you write "ha ha" and so on every time you indicate your imagined control over what the delivery will be like, i can tell that you really do think you will be able to control it, and you really, really won't. so the first thing to do is to stop trying to plan this. IF you were planning a natural delivery, and you were practicing pain coping techniques, you would actually have much more control over this than you will have with a medical delivery. but you're entitled to your choice. i would urge you, however, to read, at the very least, a book by Jennifer Bloch called "Pushed" which is about the falseness and vagaries and risks of medically managed births, before you get any further into your pregnancy. K., if you want to know what this is going to be like, you need to start educating yourself, and stop trying to imagine it being like television.

the next thing i would say to you is, WHEN you get the epidural is NOT up to you! you can't decide to have it at 3 cm or 10 cm! anyone who told you that you can do this is lying, and if your doctor told you this then your doctor is lying. K., labor can go on for DAYS. i was 3 cm dilated for almost a month with my first pregnancy. epidural placement depends on many components of a medical evaluation of how the birth is progressing, and that is something that a doctor (and not neccessarily YOUR doctor, because when you use a doctor, there is no guarantee that he or she will be available when you go into labor,), and the anesthesiologist, will decide.

the other thing you need to realize is that there IS PAIN IN CHILDBIRTH. there just is. the reality is, we have a human population because women can cope with it. we are set up by nature to give birth. i don't know why you think your body is so different or so incapable, but it isn't. i think it would be much more helpful to you if you stop thinking about what you CAN'T do and START thinking about what you CAN do.

because if you keep going with this pain mania that you have, you are actually going to cause your body to freeze up, your cervix will stop dilating, and then they are going to have to go way beyond a mere epidural to facilitate the birth of your baby; they're going to start giving you really aggressive, really dangerous drugs that could cause major, life threatening complications. what they'll say is that you have "failure to progress" and they'll start treating you for all kinds of complications that they themselves will have caused with excessive medical intervention, causing a downward spiral that could bring about REAL DANGER.

K., i am really not trying to be a contentious b#*&@ here. i am trying to hip you to the fact that you have not educated yourself enough about what is going to happen to your body to be making the kinds of jugements or plans that you want to make. i see that you are clearly a very bright, with-it woman, you just haven't adequately investigated childbirth yet. so i would suggest you do this; make a decision. either decide that you trust your doctor, who is probably a very reasonable, adequate care providor, and LET IT GO, or, start educating yourself now, for real. go now, run do not walk, to the website for REALBIRTH, which is a birth education center in Chelsea, you can google it and find the web site in two seconds, and seriously consider going to thier birth education seminar. then and only then should you be entertaining all these questions and fantasies. but shy of that, i would say, stop obsessing, and start doing some yoga.

i really have said all these things to you with love and compassion. i wish you a safe, healthy, happy birth.

YOU CAN DO IT!

J.

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First of all, get the idea that childbirth is painful out of your mind!!!!! It is not painful. I had 4 children naturally without pain. I am not a tree-hugger or a hippie (lol). I am a health professional! Birth is a natural process (like breathing or urinating) that is NOT painful. The reason we hear so many horror stories abot giving birth is because people EXPECT it. By word of mouth or silly television sitcoms, we are brainwashed into BELIEVING that this will be a horrible experience. It is not. Trust me. DON'T listen to this nonsense. Do yourself a favor and check out www.hypnobirthing.com or try to get Marie Mongan's book "Hypnobirthing" and you will be glad you did. Please don't listen to anyone else's responses if they are telling you that this IS a painful experience that you will have to endure!!!!! The more you hear the message that birth=pain, the more "pain" you will experience by the power of suggestion. Relax...you are in for the most wonderful, life-changing experience!

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Hi Cat, Congrats to you and your husband on your upcoming event. Have you read up on childbirth? I have had 5 and I believe we are most fearful of what we don't know! Having a baby is what a woman is made for and barring any major compli-cation it should all go well. Learn the breathing techniques and you won't be fighting and tightening against the babies coming out. You will survive as many others have. You will be the mommy and the baby can be the baby:-) Grandma Mary

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K.,

Don't assume that you are going to need/have time for an epidural. I went to the hospital because I had a suspected break of waters. By the time I got to the hospital (went on the subway, BTW), I still wasn't in labor and had no pain. I was already 5 or 6 cm dialted without even knowing it!! The doctor said maybe I'd had a high break, but my the lower part of the bag of waters seemed to be intact. She broke it. I started having contractions 10 minutes later and in under an hour, I had a baby! Pushed 2 or 3 times (maybe 10 minutes or so). So... you never know what kind of labor you'll have. The pain is totally bearable. It felt like bad menstrual cramps. That was all-at least for me.

Just know that even if your MIND doesn't know what to do, your BODY does. Just go with the flow. I would seriously consider having a doula. I had one and it was GREAT!!! Write to me offline and I'll be happy to give you her name and number.

E.

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this is my opinion. i had my kids who were 6 & 7 lbs. not real big (thank God) el natural. not so bad. id rather do that then get the needle in my spine because you have to go through the labor pains anyway.but you also have to have a good coach that will talk you through it. just my opinion. good luck!

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Hi K.,
I had my first (and probably only) child when I was 39 years old, last year. I too was afraid of the whole labor process but a friend of mine gave me the most wonderdul book that put a lot of things into perspective and I ended up having a natural birth without any drugs. I didn't mean to do it this way, as I was prepared to fully engage the anesthesiologist to give me the epidural, but by the time I really needed it, I was 9.5 centimeters and almost ready to push (which by the way, is a totally different feeling. Not really pain, more exursion). Anyway, the book I read was called: HypnoBirthing, the Mongan Method, By Marie Mongan. The book teaches you not to be afraid, and shows you how to relax and accept that birth is a beautiful and natural process. To me, it was like one big menstral cramp and I kept telling myself that over and over. It's not for everyone, but it helped me to deal with the pain issue and the fear, which every new mom has. If you're interested, they have a website:
http://www.hypnobirthing.com/
Good luck!

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I actually don't know how bad an epidural is as I had my 8 pound 3 ounce son naturally with only a shot of demerol, which I would skip if I did it over again as it just made me dopey. I had a bit of pitocin as well and delivered him within 8 hours. Yeah, it hurt like mad, but as soon as he was out, the pain was pretty much gone! The thought of a big fat needle into your spine just seems dangerous to me too! From what I have read, an epidural can actually slow delivery down and may have adverse effects on your baby. Our wonderful woman's body is made to deliver babies. You can do it and do it well if you can learn to trust yourself. I know it is a mighty mental shift but our culture has made us distrust our bodies. I took a hypnobirthing class and I and my doctor would highly reccomend it. It is basically visualization and relaxation techniques. Now is a great time to start as you will want the time to practice the techniques. There is another book out there (that I can't put my hands on right now!) that helps you work through your fears and replace them with positive attitudes along with some other relaxation techniques to use during delivery. I'm trying to picture the cover, it is yellow and has an indian woman on it. Another great source is Mothering.com. They have a lot of great, well-researched articles on a wide range of topics. There is one on epidurals and anther one about the medicalization of giving birth.
It's ultimately up to you how you want to birth and nurture your child. You are the only one that knows best. It is a wonderful, life-changing event and it should be filled with joy and expectation, not fear! So maybe research these different avenues and find out what feels right to you. I wish you love and luck on this wonderful journey into motherhood!

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I know exactly what you are talking about. I asked the nurse to call for the epidural almost as soon as I was checked in. I asked him not to show me the needle, and he didn't. I sat on the edge of the bed hunched over a pillow. after a little feeling around, I felt a large pinch in my back followed by a tingly sensation. It lasted for about 15 seconds, and it was all over. It was uncomfortable at first, but not as uncomfortable as it would be without it. With my second, the contractions started faster, and I was having hard contractions before they could make it up with the epidural. I was extremely grateful for the relief. Don't worry about the pain of the epidural. It only lasts for a second, and is much better than the alternative. If you want to chat more, feel free to email me.

Good Luck,
C. Thomson

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OK, funny story: My friend had this positive vision of the birth of her daughter. But - she forgot to envision the afterbirth and after having a beautiful natural birth at home with a midwife, the afterbirth wouldn't budge! She had to give birth to the afterbirth at the hospital! How crazy!

Back to the topic. I had three natural childbirths and now have three wonderful empowering experiences to remember. No one but me got those kids out. No drugs, no forceps, no vacuums, no scheduled Dr. Yes, every birth is different, every woman is different, be prepared to be flexible. I was lucky that I thought positively, I envisioned a healthy birth, parts 1, 2, and 3, and I let my body do what it was BORN to do. Take it easy on yourself and trust your body. If you have time, please check out the book, Birthing From Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation. Personally, I like to feel empowered, to feel that I can do this, and like I said, I am lucky to have lived out three times my positive plan for birth. I wish you the best of luck.

C. R.

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I have not read the other 129 responses...I had two children with Labor less than an hour with both! My secret??? I EXERCISED THE WHOLE PREGNANCY I DID THE STAIR CLIMBER, WALKED, TREADMILL AND KIEGEL TO STRENGHTEN MY LEGS, ABDOMINAL & PELVIC. I WALKED ABOUT 2 MILES PER DAY AND I ALSO DRANKED ABOUT A GALLON OF WATER A DAY! LABOR AND DELIVERY A PIECE OF CAKE! NOT TOO LATE TO GET STARTED!

DON'T LISTEN TO HORROR (LABOR 36 HRS.) STORIES, IT DOES DIFFER FOR EACH WOMAN, HOWEVER IF YOU TRY MY SUGGESTIONS, IT WILL BE A WHOLE LOT EASIER. DO CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT THE EXERCISING. ALSO YOU CAN DO YOGA! IF DOC SAYS OK, START TOMORROW! KIEGEL START RIGHT NOW, WATER START RIGHT NOW!

KEEP IN TOUCH, AND LET ME KNOW HOW YOU ARE AND HOW LABOR WAS...

____@____.com C.

BEST OF LUCK, OH MY TWO CHILDREN LITERALLY FLEW OUT (MUST HAVE BEEN ALL THE WATER): LOL... I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL @ 6PM WITH MY SON, HE WAS BORN @7.30PM, AND WITH MY DAUGHTER WE GOT THERE AT 7PM, AND SHE WAS BORN AT 8.30PM.

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I have 5 kids and never had an epidural. They didn't have them back then! Sure childbirth hurts! It hurts like heck! But if it was that bad, no woman would ever have a second baby! And the minute you see that little baby and hold it in your arms you will forget all the pain you had to endure! Especially the little prick of a needle that takes the pain away! Don't sweat the small stuff!

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If they give you pitocin because your labor isn't progressing, it will hurt really bad. You may be able to avoid this by having a bottle of black cohosh and one of blue cohosh ready in case your labor doesn't progress. Take one, then 30 minutes, the other, and repeat a few times if necessary. Black cohosh has been used safely for generations and brings labor on; blue relaxes you a bit so the black doesn't make your contractions too much for you.

Oh, and check out spinningbabies.com- another huge asset to go into labor with is a baby in optimal position to come out. You can help your baby find that position. Poor positioning is another leading factor in "failure to progress" that then leads to the mammoth contractions of pitocin.

My births- 1st: after 36 hours I couldn't get passed 7 cm, so I had pitocin/epidural and that took 8 more hours.
2nd: my water broke and nothing happened for 6 hours- no contractions or pain. I took those herbs and within 2.5 my baby was born. And it wasn't incredibly painful (probably because I had no idea I was so close to giving birth and was very relaxed, being at home).

The idea that the epidural means less pain can be misleading- because I think it makes you more likely to tear and THAT is what really HURTS- for WEEKS! You can't sit right, it hurts to move, climb stairs, and forget about sex! After an hour of blood vessel popping pushing where I couldn't "feel" a whole lot and had people watching a screen and commanding me "PUSH!" while I was on my back, I tore, as many of my friends who give birth this way have as well. Yes, tearing naturally is generally better than having an episiotomy, but it still hurts- and hurts for a lot longer than a natural labor hurts!

The nice thing about my second birth was being able to be in any position that was comfortable (and being vertical, walking around freely makes labor quick and helps the baby slide out your pelvis, but you can't do that with an epidural), and I didn't push at all, my body naturally "bore down" when the baby was coming, which really helped with not tearing. Pushing hard flat on your back seems like a recipe for a tear. But if you've decided you want to do it that way, make sure you have the nurses keeping warm wet compressess on your perineum and 6 weeks before you're due massage your periuneum with oils to get your skin very flexible. That will help a little. I can honestly say that my epidural birth was more painful than my natural birth.

In the end, fear is the biggest pain inducer of all. The less afraid you are, the less painful it will be. There are a couple sets of muscles in your uterus, and when the inner ones contract and it feels uncomfortable, emotional/mental anxiety over this causes the outer ones to tense up. So, then the two sets are fighting each other and there is more tension, or pain, and its a downward spiral from there. If you are afraid, please read some very positive birthing stories by women who are comfortable with birth and in tune with their bodies. You might end up anticipating it more if you can picture it positively and with an empowered mindset- worked for me my second time, and I can't wait to have my 3rd!

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Hi Mom,

glad to see you know what you want.

Few clarifications tho,

You could be dialated to and at 3cm for weeks before labor begins. you just make sure to speak up and say , I WILL NEED AN EPIDURAL So please mnake sure you understand, I DON"T want any pain.

Tell your hubby this is your plan and make sure he knows in advance what you want, and that he will speak up. IF NOT then have your mom, sister, friend be there aswell.

Eg. During my first delivery my X and my mom were there,
My x fainted and had to leave the room for a few. NOR was he able to comfortably argue witht he hospital staff for my needs. Fortunately my MOther was also there, and when I wass told NO I could not have pain meds i was too far along, SHE literally pitched a fit, til they agreed to give me a little adrenaline. Which did help.

During my first delivery i had 3 days of labor that didnt really hurt all that much, my water was still intact, and it was 3 days till my due date.

I was seen by the doctor and she said that i didn't know what i was talking about, and i was actually only experiencing braxton hick, that i should go home and have a glass of wine and relax,( Of course I said NO THANKS I AM PREGNANT AND I DON"T DRINK) needless to say i was certain the baby was coming, So i just relaxed, ( it was like rough menstral cramps at that point and I kept feeling the need to poo })

Anyways I have a very hi tolerance for pain.

So i was able to sleep thru the cramps ( occasionally waking up) for 3 days
on the 3rd day, I woke and i knew I was REALLY READY,
And my X asked if he should go to work, I said NO, and some how he heard YES and freaked out, started telling his mom i was gonna have this baby in the house.ect..

I stood up and called down the stairs to him, but he could not hear the words i was saying, he was too freaked out.

I walked to the bathroom and peed
then sat down again, and the contractions were very intense but not really painful,

I went to the bathroom again and pood and peed again.

then I sat down and i felt and kinda heard this POP and felt the urge to pee again,

Needless to say this was the water breaking
( Fool that i was I had no idea, and was in denial that it was my water breaking, of course thinking back I must have subconsciencely known, )

Because at that point i called to my X and told him it was time to get ot the hospital NOW

I was really hurting now, and every little bump in the road was killing me,

I managed to walk up the stairs to the delivery rooms,
and wait patiently, as labor quickly increased

they gave me my room and asked me to change but i kept feeling the need to poo, after the second poop in the hospital they freaked out saying i would have this baby in the toilet, ( I virulently informed them that i would cover my vagina so he wouldn't fall out) they wouldn't give me the privacy so i couldn't go and therefore could not relax )

Any how, I lay down, and then the real pain started,I had sent my X to go get my mom and sister.
So my X's sister was in a chair next to me, And por thing
must have thought i was losing my mind,

I screamed at the top of my lungs in agony, and then after the contraction passed,i was ok, so i tried to reassure her i was OK , saying its ok I am fine, and then SCREAM, and then I am ok don't worry, then SCream.LOL it was comedic almost.

of course not at the time LOL

Just before the baby was ready to deliver i felt nauseous, and felt i might puke.

And then out comes the baby.

Pushing is alot like POoping out a constipated poo.

-------

Second baby, ALOT easier,
but still Chaos encrusted.

10 years later, I am older to say the least, but remarried and we had just bought our home, in CT.
I had been Commuting back and forth to NY for work, and my older childs school .And my OB/GYN

So I go to bed on Friday night and wake at about 1AM
My husband was still awake, using the computer.
And i look outside and there was an Ice storm,

I go back to sleep or try anyways to rest,

And at 7Am, I feel the pain increase. And i figure he has had enough rest, I will try and wake him,

I say Honey , its time, HE keeps sleeping, so i nudge him and say , HONEY COME ON WAKE UP, I need to go to the hospital,
he says what for, i say the baby is coming,
he continues to sleep.

So I get up feeling now nervous, and try and wake my 10 year old son, I say BABY , you need to get up, he says leave me alone, So i say BABY, you have to get up, mommy has to go to the hospital, he says I don't want to go to the doctors, I say NO MOMMY IS HAVING THE BABY wake up,
he keeps sleeping,

So at this point i am worrying because there is snow up to my knees, the roads are a wreck, And i still need to Drive an hour to my OB/GYN. ( worst case scenario I go to the local hospital but i really wanted my Doc's)

So I sit in the glider chair, and rock for about 30 minutes
and i really start feeling pains, and start to cry,

My husband finally wakes up, and asks why i am crying, and I say BECAUSE I AM IN LABOR. And he says it hurts that bad, and I said OF COURSE.

So my son wakes up aswell, and We all get ready to go,
On the way out the door,

my husband says be careful its slippery
So I try to be careful, And i slipped like a cartoon character, with my legs in the air, into the snow, and it was painful, but NOT more painful then my contractions.

So we are on the way to the hospital and i start to relax,
And we start calling everyone,
As the snow is falling and visibility was minimal,

We Drop my son off at my sisters, and head to the hospital,

Of course they say YEP your almost there, and BREAK my water.

The pain was very intense after that, but I was ok without a pain killer, My sister, Best friend and husband were in the room, And I felt the puke feeling, and then I knew the baby was coming, and in 3 more pushes out came the baby. everyone was crying,it was so wonderful.

And the following day I found out i FRACTURED my tailbone in the fall.

----

3rd delivery they gave me pitocin to speed up the delivery,
( horrible stuff) So i was older then and tired, and asked for the epidural, which didn't really work at first,
so they increased it, but it just wasn't working, and then finally they adjusted something and it worked, which was GREAT. I pushed 2times and out came the baby,

All the other deliveries I felt like i had been in a football game without any padding and protection, every muscle in my body had been sore,

with the epidural, I was perfectly fine. felt great.

no pain nothing.

The only thing i did have was Depression, but it could have been a number of things my husbands parents were visiting giving me a hard time, and I could not relax and rest in peace.

And as soon as they left so did the depression.

I have thought about that and I thought 2 things that it could have been the family issues like the added stress of my inlaws, and the 2 extra kids, and my husband whom worked 12 hours a day,After the delievery i felt so good i left the hospital a day early because my child was very sick with a rotovirus, or it could have been that experiencing the pain FORCES you to rest and relax afterwards.
You are too sore and tired to do anything else.
its like your bodies natural way of protecting you.

With the epidural, you feel great afterwards, and maybe too great, so you over do it,

Either way i really suggest go for the epidural, its SOOOO much easier, i don't know why you would do it any other way, I have done it both ways.

Good luck

M

PS wanted to give you an idea of what DELIVERY feels like,
You know those HIstorical Spiked balls on a Chain and stick,
it feels like some on is trying to rip one of those out of your body.

the second time doesn't hurt nearly as much.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi K.. Well, I did not have any medication at all for any of my three children, and I considered myself to be an A-class whimp! Believe me it isn't as bad as they make it out to be in the movies! There is a lot of over acting going on there. As far as the epidural pain, I don't believe it is all that bad as I had one when I had my tubes tied after #3. Mostly it's a pressure and some pinching feelings, but it's not really that bad. The needle isn't drill size either! LOL It's actually quite small and if you want they can show it to you before they insert it. You will be just fine! Just the first of many "pains" of being a mother. My kids are now 14, 12 and 11. Blessings to you!

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K.,

I told myself I wanted to TRY to hold off, but when I got to the hospital (~2 hours into contractions) and was 5cm, the contractions were becoming to strong.

My nurse was new and kept asking questions and talking to me and I wanted to concentrate on OTHER things. Maybe 15 mintues of dealing with her and the low hard contractions that kept coming at me and I'd had enough! I asked for an epidural. The nurse went somewhere to get the guy who does this. Ten minutes later she informs me that it will be another 45 minutes until he will be here! GREAT. I hold my husband in a bear hug and try the "slow dance," I try kneeling, I try squats, I try all sorts of things to stay somewhat comfortable.

Finally the epidural guy comes in. My hospital tells the husband to leave and my husband does (he actually went out to call his mother in tears because of seeing the pain I was in). No one checked me to see how far along I've progressed, but while I'm having contraction after contraction the epidural man keeps telling me how I have to hold my back this way and sit VERY still - even through my contractions. Seconds before I had the shot, I had to puke from the contractions. The epidural guy tells me he can't give this to me if I'm not still enough. I snap at him, "I"M TRYING!" The nurse holds my hands and I finally get into the right position for him. He gives it to me... little bee sting...long pinch... and that's it.

What seems like only a minute maybe two later, the world is good again. The pain is gone! I'm not sure how close to delivering I was but the nurse tells me I can relax... even take a little nap if I want! My husband came back up... hours later (I think I snoozed), my OB/GYN arrives, looks at the progress and tells me we're ready to start pushing.

It took me a little while to find my contractions again, as the epidural had dulled them to the point where I could see them reading on the monitor I was hooked to and could feel a slight tightening type sensation.

Twenty minutes of pushing later I had my son. (Whole process ~7 hours) Calling my mom at 11PM on April Fool's day/night to tell her my water just broke and I'm going to the hospital - priceless! Epidural - magical!

Best of luck to you K.! Can't wait to hear your story as well!

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