Homework Frustration

I so understand where you are coming from! My son is in 2nd grade and we have had this issue for two years. The best advice I've been given is this, and it works relatively well. We did just have my son diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, which explains a lot of our issues, but the list below works for normal, ADHD and Asperger's kids.

1. Start homework as soon as you get home (we give him a snack to eat WHILE he does his homework)
2. Have a place away from toys and TV so that there are no distractions.
3. Place a time limit on the completion and give rewards for completing it on time. Sticker charts work really well for youngsters, or picking what's for dinner. Use the stickers to earn a bigger reward like a trip to the movies when he gets 10 or so.
4. Make yourself available and close by if he should have questions, but don't do the work yourself. (My son tries to trick us, but he doesn't get away with it. He also gets stalled if he can't figure out what the question is.)
5. Create an afterschool schedule that varies very little. That way, even if you have to go somewhere, he understands that his homework schedule is still the same either while your at an appointment or it will pick up as soon as you get home.

If you are consistent, you should see an improvement on the behavior. Make sure you tell your hubby, so he can particpate if you aren't there. GL

Hi T. - we had a similar problem when our oldest was in kindergarten. I was shocked to hear from the principal that kindergartners were only supposed to have 15 minutes a night - we were routinely spending an hour. What worked for us actually came as a suggestion from his school counselor. We do homework at the same time every night and set the timer for 15 minutes. At the end of the 15 minutes, homework time is over - done or not. If not done, we write a note at the top of the paper - "we spent 15 minutes and could not complete". The principal told us this was important to do - it alerts the teacher if, 1, they're giving too much work (maybe everyone had the same issues) or 2., if your child needs extra help in a certain area. Second, to incent our son to do his homework, we award points - 1 point for starting homework without arguing, 1 point for completing it on time, etc. At the end of the week, if he has enough points - he is allowed to stay up a 1/2 hour later than his brothers. A friend of ours does the same process - but with longer rewards - her son "saves" points towards a big reward - a sleepover, or a special movie, etc. basically, just find what motivates him and make sure to come through with the reward.

Hi T.,

I have been in your shoes for sure! My son is now a third grader. He would refuse to do his homework and also threw monumental tantrums. Here's what we did: 1) bought him a desk for his room and played it up (ooh your sooo grown up now!)2) made up a reward system using video game time as the reinforcer. He got a token for for every time he did his homework without fuss and after he earned 5 tokens, he could play 30 minutes of x-box. So, the key might be using the thing that your son enjoys the most as a 'carrot' for after he has successfully done his work. This worked like a charm for us. And you are right, teach him to perservere now because it will only be harder when he is older. Now, I can hand my son his backpack and tell him "go up and start your homework" and he does it completely independently and with no reward from us. You can do it!

We had this same problem with my daughter (now in 3rd grade). We tried several different things, but this is what worked the best for us...

Her first grade teacher also said that homework should take about 20 minutes. To start with, we set a timer for 30 minutes. If she completed her homework before the timer went off, she earned a sticker. After she had earned 5 stickers, she got a special privilege (it was never something material...we didn't want to get into the habit of buying good behavior). Some of the privileges that she earned were time on the computer to play games, doing crafts, or just having some one on one time with Mommy or Daddy (a big treat for the oldest child). After she was consistantly finishing under 30 minutes, we lowered the amount of time on the timer by 2 minutes. We continued this untils she was down to 20 minutes on the timer. By the end of the school year, she was getting her homework done most days in 15 minutes or less (with few errors and decent handwriting).

Good Luck!!!

T., I remember struggling with homework as a kid and it taking HOURS with my parents. For me, it was the time of day we chose to do the work. I was allowed to come home and spend hours doing whatever I wanted to and then after dinner in front of the tv, we did homework. I was tired and had already turned off the part of my brain that had the motivation and capacity to learn. That's just what I went through though. Had I had a more structured evening, things may have been different.

The idea of letting the child participate in the schedule is a good one, I think! Especially if they start to resist, they have a take some responsibility for it.

We have had the same issue at our house. I have a 4th grader who will go and get his homework done with no problem. However, my first grader is another story. I finally spoke with his teacher to see if she was having the same problems,which she wasn't. He is very bright, smart and creative. He makes very good grades. Our issue is that when he gets home he thinks school is over and no homework. He's ready to do anything else but work. So, the advice from the teacher was give him a little more time after school to play so we set the timer for 1 hour of play time and then let him know at 15 minutes before play time is over that it will be work time. Then again at 10 minutes and then at 5 minutes so he can prepare himself for school work. We've also tried to make it more fun for him, like playing a game. We've got some of his action figures down and army men and did his spelling words during this. We make whatever he's doing into a game. Or we tell a story with his words along as he's writing them. We've came to the conclusion that at our house as parents with our 1st grader in order to motivate him he needs to see homework as a game of fun. He does great at school and he's ready to play when he gets home so if playing a game with words or writing keeps us from stuggling doing homework then were willing to do this. Our boys have different motivators and that's okay. We just needed to figure out what they were. I'm not sure if this will help with your family, but it has really taken the frustration out of ours and made him enjoy doing his homework.

W. E

My son has the same problem. I found that if you cover half of his homework page with a colorful piece of paper and let him do half first and then take a small break really helps. After the break, cover the other half of the paper and let him finish. Also, you could try rewarding with stickers. Give him a set time to finish his homework. For example, if it is only supposed to take 20 minutes, then give him 20 minutes. If he finishes within that amount of time, he gets a sticker. When he gets 5 stickers he can choose an option of what he would like to do. My son has: play video games, go out for ice cream, play a board game with the family, etc.

I hope this works for you. Good luck!

T.--Hi, my name is H. and I'm the proud mother of a 7y.o. and 9m.o boys. My older son-who is also in 1st grade- is fairly high energy(possibly ADHD, but not convinced yet as no teacher or counselor think so), but we try to do his homework when he gets home--not RIGHT when he gets home, because he's been in school for the whole day. We get a snack or he helps me play w/ his brother for a bit--about 1/2 hr. Then we go through his backpack TOGETHER and he shows me what the teacher sent home and what the homework is. His teacher sends something home every day, except Friday...the homework on Fri is somethinglike: practice tying your shoes, have fun jumping in the leaves or try not to get wet while outside w/ the rain. We spend about 20-30min on whatever the work is. Then if he hasn't finished we stop! That's as long as the teacher spends on any one subject in school, so she has said that's all for one time. She also says that to work on the subject at hand--ie: if you're doing math and it has spelling involved-don't worry about his spelling AT ALL, focus on the MATH. If he's working on a famous person project, get ideas or facts, but don't focus on his spelling again, because you want him to focus on the work of getting info and finding out new information--not the other pieces. Ask your son's teacher if this is the way you should go about helping. My son has come a long way, because he actually catches himself now and will respell something he knows he just did wrong. Talk w/ your teacher about ideas--they are w/ him all day and that's what they do!! If she/he isn't that helpful, maybe you can talk to the school counselor about aids to help. Good luck--I know the frustration, but if he knows the content, maybe he's bored doing more stuff at home and wants a different way to start. Hope these are helpful...peace,H.:)

Hey T. i also have a 7 year old and he is in 2nd grade and sometimes it can be hard to get boys focused and motivated.We came up with a reward system to keep him motivated.If at the end of the week he has completed all assinements in a neat and orderly fashion we put our 2 1/2 year old son to bed early on that friday night and me him and his dad have a movie night,just the tree of us.I make pop corn and smoothies and we watch a favorite movie of his.This type of positive "non gift giving" reinforcment has done wonders to help my son stay focused and complete his work neatly.Good luck! Love Abby

Do you have a set time for homework? It may help to sit down together at a particular time and work on it.

Something that helped my stepdaughter at that age was just being there to keep her focused - she'd play with the cat, sneak Pollys, want a drink, etc. I think sometimes she just wanted company, even if she didn't need help. I'd read the paper or check my email while she worked. If she had a toy, I quietly took it and told her to get back to work. (She got it back when she was done.) If she had a question, I was already nearby.

My husband and I tag-teamed the kids' homework, but we found that she responded better to me for some reason. Have you tried having your partner help, too?

Also, even if the teacher says 20 minutes, nothing says it has to be all at once. Try breaking up the work. If he has four pages, do two, take a break, do the other two. Or set a timer for 10 minutes and work for 10, break for 5, work for 10 more. Hope that helps.

For what it's worth, our reluctant worker is now in 8th grade and doing just fine. He'll get there.

I have had a similar problem with my children. Of course, my best advice came from my mother... Set a timer. 20 minutes might be a little bit too long for first grade, so I would set it for 10 minutes. If he doesn't finish it in that time, give him a 10 minute break, and then another 10 minute timer. We do this with chores (especially room cleaning). It usually takes a couple times to work, but having a clear time limit helps to make the assignment seem less intimidating. Also, try to have him do it on his own. Give him some instruction before you start the time (or have him read the assignment to you). That usually helps once he gets started.
I hope this helps you! I used to be a high school math teacher and I even used this technique in the classroom!

How about a simple routine that involves techniques to help get centered and focused before Homework. I'm thinking 2 breathing activities (bunny breath, Take 5, Lion Breath) and then a few fun yoga poses such as turtle, dog, warrior, etc.) Moving and Grooving is a great motivator and gets rid of all that stuff in your brain that keeps you from sitting down and concentrating on homework.

Good luck.

You can go round for round with your child and it only get worst. So find somewhere that he is comfortable at and have him do his work if that don't work find someone that is will to help him. I know you are available but if you let someone else step in then he might have a different attitude towards homework. Check at his school and see what his work habits like first then take it from there. Hope this would help.

C.

Sounds like he's not worried about tne work he just doesn't want to give it priority. I've had the same thing with my now 9year old son when he was 6. We made a special place for him to come into every day, he picked it nice and quiet. It could be the end of the kitchen table or the Dining room table. I just put his Milk and Snack there. Then had some pencils to sharpen then on a Place Mat that we made we did his work. Plus we made a DO NOT Disturb sign, which he loved putting on the table, it was FUN, but with a Goal. Then we were ready for work. I sat with him even if he didn't have questions..............Now if I could only get my 13year old girl to be that easy I'd be happy. Good luck

Have you tried giving him a snack when he first comes home then homework then a reward? My grandma done that with me and I also done with mine so they know first thing is health second education then fun time usually the brain is busy so you have to set a routine to slow down the brain.
J.

I had the same issue. I noticed that when my husband worked with her he always told her they would do something when it was over if it was finished before dinner. Like play a game of cards, go outside, checkers. The motivation to have fun seemed to work.

I don't know how much advice that I have, but I can relate and sympathize! I have a first grader too who has homework EVERY night. On average, we do homework for about an hour, some nights its 2 hours. I got the same response from the teacher that it should only take 20 minutes. My son is not motivated to start homework and during gets distracted easily.

Its getting a little better. I have made a set time each night for homework so he knows that is homework time. I have been setting a timer for 10 minutes at a time, trying to get him to finish a page of homework in that time. Incentives to finish homework also work but I don't like to use them too much because then he starts a whole negotiating thing and fixates on a certain toy.

I am curious to see what the advice from others is.

Is your son not understandingthe material? make sure that you get into the habit of checking his backpack together at the same time. If he has homework you need to make sure that he has an area where he can do the work- like the kitchen table. make sure there are no distractions and you are giving him your undidvided attention. Tell him it should only take 30 minutes- give hime a timer. have him set the timer and then start the homework.

THese are a few ideas that I have given my students' parents. MAke sure that you are excited about him having homework- he needs to know that it is fun. you can also try rewarding him after he does his homework- rewards such as he gets to go play with a toy or go outside. Maybe after a week of no fighting you could agree to take him to the park.

good luck!

I believe your problem is quite common. I am a mother of three, however, mine are grown, and still growing. Have been through it all I can tell you, and to spite all that is thrown at you as a mother, they turned out not without problems, but perfect and good hearted. I have two sons, both that took longer to mature. The youngest has a 130 I.Q, and A.D.D. He had such a hard time in school. Really, both boys did. My daughter no, who is the oldest. Boys, do grow out of it, but it can take up and over high school. So, it has nothing to do with intelligence. Sometimes, the ones that are the most creative beings, have trouble focusing on tedious tasks. I suggest, that you teach compromise. Such as you can go out and play, but at this time, then we have to get down to business and stick to it. Show him the clock and tell him when the hands get here, we need to start our work, if you buckle down, you can probably finish quickly, and then you have more time to play. I also would not use words such as work, because work seems negative, perhaps use a substitute, like a time to focus, so you will feel good you have completed the tasks your teacher would like you to and you will feel soooo good about yourself. If you use the word work, have him learn early, working is fun. You can give examples like, mommy does work all day, but I like my work, so it is fun, and I like that you can come home and see my work. I like to see your work. I wouldn't get too upset about it, he is in 1st grade, and nowadays there are a lot of demands too early for children to learn. Everyone learns at the perfect time. Don't fall into the trap of the competitive mom. I used to see that all the time, and those that were doing well in grade school and even into high school were not garenteed success, believe me!! Just chill, and remember what it was like to be a kid. They want to play. It's important to set structure AND even more important to enjoy these younger stages, cause....the as they grow, so do the concerns. Blessings Always

Schedule homework. Even though it's only 3 days a week have a regular time Monday through Thursday (assuming there is no homework over the weekend) that is for homework or reading. Try to have your 3 1/2yo occupied with something else while you do homework. I have a 7yo and a 4yo. When we get home my 7yo has 30min to have a snack and unwind before he does his homework. My 4yo has computer time during homework time. We set a timer and there is a reward if we finish in time (i.e. an extra story or a game before bed). It works most of the time.

I understand your frustration T.. My children are now older but what I did is I set a homework time. Normally my kids got home about 3:30 or so. They could do whatever they wanted, Play, watch tv, play video games, or read and when homework time came it was over until homework was done. We set my children's at about 4:30. That way, they have time to wind down from being in school all day and get a break. It really worked well. Even if he doesn't have homework, maybe take that time to go over math facts or something. Even if it is only for 30 minutes or so. I think it will help. That way he is on a schedule and he knows when it is time to study. It will help even more when he gets to middle school. Hope this helps. Good luck

T.~
My daughter, now age 12, has always had a motivational problem regarding homework. I fought with her through first grade and it was miserable. Beginning in second grade I started an after school schedule that helped tremendously.
She comes home from school. I give her 30 minutes to wash hands, change clothes ( she wears a uniform ), grab a snack and a little something to drink. Then she is to begin her homework immediately. She cannot play with any of the neighborhood kids or do anything else until the homework is done. While she was younger I didn't allow her to watch ANY TV during the week. For her, it removed the temptation and the distraction. It was one less thing she could be doing rather than homework. We followed that "schedule" or those "rules" until this year!! ( grade 6 ) She now comes home gets settled and works on homework on hter on! She is typically done by dinner and ALWAYS done in time for "American Idol"!!!! Good Luck! D.

Get him excited about learning, make it fun. Tell him, "Let's play school.I'm the teacher." Whenever he does something show excitement about what a good job he did. Say something like, "Oh, wow! You did such a good job. I didn't even know that answer." You might be surprised at what a difference it makes. Also, he's old enough to explain that he has a brain, which is like a muscle. If you don't exercise it by learning it will become all flabby and weak. When you explain it, try to act it out a little. You might look a little silly, but kids love to see their mother get silly plus the visual animation makes it's easier for them to remember.

You might want to consider getting your son evaluated for any possible attentional and/or learning disabilities that could help explain and/or provide solid suggestions on how to effectively manage this situation. A good source is The Kingsbury Center (www.kingsbury.org) located in the District.

Hi T., I dont know if this will help or not but have you tried to reward him for completing his homework? It doesnt have to be much but maybe a new toy car, his favorite candy bar, or even take him out and do something special just for him. You get the idea. I hope this may help

T., I'll bet by now you can tell that there is not one fix for the homework issue - or any other issue for that matter. I have three boys - all diagnosed with ADD and only one of the three gives me trouble with homework. I think we learned with the oldest that we needed to have rules, consequences, and schedules or life would be rough. So, here's what we did with the oldest (he's in 6th grade now and still has trouble with homework) and then what we're doing with the 1st graders (twin boys). When my oldest was in 1st grade we used almost every method mentioned in the replies you received. We did the timer, rewards, stickers, points, breaks, you name it we tried it until we finally just set the rule - homework comes first no exceptions (being sick changes the rules of course). The first thing you do when you get home is unpack your book bag, get a snack, and sit down and do the homework. I can tell you it makes life a little easier because the expectation is clear and the consequences are also. If you don't do your homework you don't get desert and you get back to it right after dinner until bed time (remember this is for the oldest). It doesn't work all the time or everytime and we still have to change up the consequences (remove privileges or add incentives depending on the situation)- no one thing works all the time for any child. For the 1st graders it has been a lot easier because they watched their older brother live with the homework rule and we made sure to tell them the first day of school - and whenever they need reminding - that you always do your homework before you do anything else. They still try to get away without doing it but they're kids after all - and testing the rules is part of growing up. Be consistant in your expectations and the consequences. We turn off the TV and all electronic games until homework is done - no exceptions. So when they tell me they will do it later - I say ok but you know you can't watch tv or play games until it's done - for the 1st graders that seems to be enough to get them to come into the kitchen and work. And yes we put them in one place with no distractions except me fixing dinner (I can watch and help if they need it also). Good luck finding what works best for your son.

I've been there! Talk to him a bit about it the night before you try any new tactic. Tell him you're proud of how well he's doing in school. Then, express concern that homework time seems to be a challenge, and ask him why he thinks that is. Ask him if it wouldn't be more fun to concentrate and get it done so that he'll have more time to play outside, do a project -- whatever he likes to do? Express confidence that the two of you can make it happen, and suggest that you come up with a plan together to follow the next day (of course, you guide the plan!).

Here's what has worked for me: pick a set time that homework begins (we always allot enough time for snack and 1/2 hour of play first). When it's time, take a deep breath and make sure that your attitude going into it isn't already a bit frustrated and exasperated (in anticipation of the inevitable struggle!). Have him help put everything out on a clean work space. Then ask how long does he think it'll take? Pick a fun amount of time, like 17 or 18 minutes (teachers always say 20 in first grade, but it's usually less when the kids are focused). SET THE KITCHEN TIMER. I usually get a book or do a quiet chore nearby while he works. He'll love it -- my son has never been beaten by the timer, and he usually stays very focused.

Good luck!

T.,

Have the both of you sit down and write a after-school schedule. He is used to a schedule at school. If he participates in the construction of the schedule, he will have part ownership of it. That's where you can ger him if he dooesn't like the schedule. "You helped make it." If he wants to play certain games, watch tv, play with friends, etc, plan those around the homework time and allow more time for homework maybe 30-40 minutes. KIds like schedules. Especially if he likes certain tv shows. Give him plenty of time to do his homework so he won't miss his shows. Reward him with a TV show he really likes, or movie, or something that he realy wants to do after he has completed his homework. I hope this helps. Let me know how it works out!

-J.