16 answers

Homework Fight

My daughter is in the 3rd grade. We have never had homework issues till this year. Her homework comes home on Friday and is due the next Thursday. It is usually 4 worksheets and then read 20 minutes each night. The worksheets are very easy and usually 2nd grade work. We fight every night. I have now gotten to the point that I will not fight with her. I tell her every night, that her homeowrk is due on Thursday. She might attempt a page but gets mad, even when I explain it and try to help, and throws the paper or pencil. Then walks away. I told her I would not lie for her and that if she is not done on Thursday morning, she would have to suffer he teacher's consequence. I think we will be suffering it this week. Am I doing the right thing by making her responsible for it? Should I be pushing more? What do you all think?

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Well, I talked to here teacher last night. She did say she would have a strong consequence if the work was not turned in. Then I asked if she was wearing her glasses at school. The teacher asked "what glasses". She has not been wearing them and has lied to me about wearing them. We had a talk about how important it is to wear them and that lying got her grounded from the tv for a day. The teacher is going to talk to her today (my daughter thinks her teacher walks on water). This should help and she did buckle down and do it last night. She even read for 40 minutes and will do the same tonight so it can be turned in on time. I think I will survive this year! Thank you for all your advice. You all are greaat!!!

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I would first talk to her teacher and see if she is having trouble with the work at school. It sounds like she is frusterated because she is having trouble with the work and may need extra help. If she isn't having trouble witht he work and just doesn't want to do it set a time each night for homework. I find with my kids after dinner is best because it gives them some down time after school, some kids do better right afterschool because they are still in the school mindset. Decide how much she should get done each night (eg. one page) and she just works on it until she is done. I had the same problem with my oldest and found if I was consistant after a while he realized he was wasting time he could be playing by not just getting it done and he start just doing it without so much of a fight.

YES! You need to let her experience the consequences. However, you might see if you can find out WHY she doesn't want to do her homework, especially if it's never been an issue before.

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You are most certainly doing the right thing by making her responsible for her consequences.
Throwing a fit or walking away from her homework should not really be an option. I mean, she can do that if she chooses, but I wouldn't stop at the consequences coming from her teacher.
She gets her homework on Friday and with that attitude, it seems to me she should not have any activities planned at home until her homework is done. She's got all day Saturday and Sunday to do her homework if she doesn't like the "little bit each night:" routine.
Homework does not have to be a fight and it shouldn't be simply because you're not going to fight with her about it. Not doing HOMEwork has consequences at HOME.
It's best to let her know this now so you aren't still going through this in a couple or few years.

Just my opinion.

2 moms found this helpful

Do you think she is just choosing not to do her work or is there something behind her frustration? How is her handwriting? I know alot of people don't agree with me, but I do not punish for school / schoolwork. I'm not letting it drive a wedge between me & my kids. I have one son that is dyslexic & the schools DO NOT diagnose that (especially in MO), & if I let the schools control get to me, my son wouldn't see the light of day. My kids know I have expectations (& they're reasonable) and seem to fare well by understanding that. If this has just came about this year, I would look further into it. Has she had her eyes checked? Have you tried going over the work verbally with her and see how that she does that way? How is her relationship with her teacher this year? Every teacher has a different teaching style. I know school has just started, but has the teacher said anything about her classwork? I would try to get to the bottom of her frustation, even when you try to help. If all else fails, (if your schedule allows), set aside 30 min a night for her homework & tell her it's her choice, she can do her homework - with your help if necessary, or she can do nothing. This way she has a schedule and knows what to expect each night. Good luck...there's nothing worse than school battles!

2 moms found this helpful

Jennifer C touched on something you might want to check into: dyslexia. Homework fights are very common when children are struggling to understand/do their homework. I'm trained in Alphabetic Phonics (curriculum used to teach dyslexic people to read) and the first student I tutored had knock-down, drag-out fights with her parents every night over homework. She was in 3rd grade. When a child is dyslexic, giving them an entire week of homework all at once is overwhelming. And you need to understand that most teachers don't have a clue about dyslexia. Many of these kids hit a wall around age 8, because the reading vocabulary has increased beyond their capacity to memorize words. I don't know what kind of resources you have available in MO, but in Wichita, there is a place called FUNdamental Learning Center, where they tutor students and train tutors in Alphabetic Phonics. Their phone number is 316-684-READ (7323). They might be able to direct you to some help in the state of MO. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Maybe you need to check a couple of things. If these are "easy" then is there something else going on? Has she had her eyes checked, is she not understanding the material but is scared to say anything. There could be a number of reasons why all of a sudden it's a fight. Check with her teacher and see how she's been doing in class.

Then if everything else checks out then, yes she needs to be held accountable for her homework. With that said, you can't expect a 3rd grader to just do it because it's due on Thursday, every night make her do the 20 min reading and then see if you can space out the worksheets by making her do 10-15 min of work each night. Maybe looking at a whole page is overwhelming so break it into pieces and let her do a certain amount or time each night.

1 mom found this helpful

Is she having trouble with the work ? If so, she is acting out because she feels inadequate or "not smart enough". Reassure her she is smart and all of us have problems with something at one time or another.

If she is an easy learner , then I'd give her options/consequences. No home work ,... then no tv, or friends, or outings ,... whatever works with her. Make sure she gets the connection about homework vs grades . I might even contact the teacher to find out what behavior is like in class.
Good luck and stick to your Guns ,(or she'll learn to play you every time .) C. S.

1 mom found this helpful

This is the 2nd post on this site in the past 24 hours that references teachers sending home a weeks worth of homework in advance. My kids' schools have NEVER done it that way. Sure, there might be a project that they get several nights or weeks to work on. But daily homework assignments are DAILY. Not sent in advance. Their minds can't really process planning out a whole week of work like that.

You should explain to her how to break it down into smaller "bites" by doing it with her. Go through it with her and divide it up into smaller daily size chunks. Then ask her if she wants to get it done right away, so she can enjoy the rest of her day, or if she would rather take a quick break (30 minutes outside?) before getting started on her work. (That gives her a little control, but doesn't let her procrastinate until bedtime). Then have her sit down at the table with few distractions and get that chunk for the day done.

As a side note, my son used to get very angry at homework time also. He has always struggled with his handwriting. Made his hand hurt, too. He would make mistakes and erase so hard he would rip holes in the page. It wasn't because he was a bad kid or he was fighting authority. He is a GOOD kid who loves to be beloved by his teachers. He wants to please. But anything that involved writing was like telling him to jump as high as the moon. He'd LOVE to... but he'd never make it no matter how hard he tried. He was constantly made to re-do writing work in kindergarten. He would try and try and the paper would still be messy, he'd still do problems out of order, etc.. and it would be SO frustrating for him. He would get angry. My helping didn't always help. He was (and is) a smart boy, but his work on paper didn't always cooperate with what he wanted to do. And it made him miserable. If your daughter is experiencing a similar frustration, I can tell you, that any kind of busy work is like pure TORTURE for her. If she is normally a disruptive, tantrum prone kid, then maybe it is an authority issue... but I'd be surprised if there isn't more to it than that. What is it that frustrates her to the point of throwing things?

1 mom found this helpful

I think you are doing a great job although it probably doesn't feel like it when you end up frustrated every night. Letting her suffer the consequences of not having her work done is the best thing you can do.

Who picked the time to do homework? Is it the same time every night? Maybe you should work with your daughter and get her input on when she wants to set aside time every day to do her work. Before dinner? After? Right when she gets home? Giving her more say so moves the pressure off you to make her do something and onto her where it should be.

1 mom found this helpful

Yes! We try to tell parents this all of the time. If you do not let them see that you are serious, they will continue to test you.

Make sure that the teacher knows to give your daughter the exact consequences as anyone else.. Then if your daughter does not get a good grade this week, sound like she will need to figure out how to make it better.. (maybe do the homework and turn it in late, whether she gets partial credit or not). Try to allow her to figure out how to solve this next time..

Also I hope she does not have any social activities she was planning this weekend, because if she really does not turn in that homework, I assume she will be grounded..

I know this is very hard. But in the long run, if you stay true to this, she will know that homework in non negotiable.. and nip this in the bud..

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