Homeless People and Beggars

J.:

I am truly sorry. It's sad when you see homeless people and do not know if they are "for real" or just doing it for the "tax free" money.

I have had people bash me for keeping $5 McDonald's gift cards on me. I did usually keep several on me until last year when my husband lost his job of 9 years...

I will tell you a story. I used to work in Washington, D.C. during lunch, I would walk down to one of the bridges and eat my lunch on nice days...there were a LOTS (and when I say LOTS - I mean dozens) sitting there "begging"...one was a veteran (and I'm a softie on Vets), I would always make sure I had money for him...winter came and he wasn't there for 3 weeks, I asked one of the other guys what happened to him...he said "he went to his home in Florida for the winter" when he got back in the spring? I berated him...he wasn't POOR BY ANY STRETCH OF THE MEANS...the man made AT LEAST $200 a DAY tax free by begging...he wasn't homeless....

Then WJLA did a story on homeless here in DC...there was a woman who was begging WITH HER KIDS by the Rosslyn (lots of business people) metro and then spotted a few weeks later at Dupont Circle (lots of "rich" people)...so they followed her for 10 days ...she got about $400 one day...$200 another...and at the end of the day...she got in her car (a BMW) and went home to Woodland Park (by the National Zoo)...and walked into her home...she wasn't homeless...she did it for the money. Now I admit I'm jaded to "homeless" people.

For your situation? I would contact the store manager...most stores do NOT allow panhandling in their parking lot. Start getting it enforced.

I admit - I will help out when I can - I believe in paying it forward...yesterday when we went into DC a man and son were going to the Nationals game and having trouble with the fare machine...I gave him one of our extras (yes, it had $22 on it) and he stood there amazed...he found us on the platform and said - "do you realize this card has $22 on it?" We said "yes"...he said - "how can I repay you?" I said - by paying it forward, have a great time with your son today at the game - he said will do.

So I'm not completely heartless like some people think...I will give people items they request - when I go grocery shopping I buy extras for the donations basket they have by the exit.

you can follow your heart and still stay safe...

1. NEVER turn your back
2. EYE CONTACT is important...do not look down or away..
3. NEVER open your wallet in front of them
when you know you will be around beggars, keep a few one's in your pocket to hand to them...
4. Offer food instead of cash (if you are going grocery shopping) and tell them to wait outside and you will bring stuff back..
5. IF you cannot help them? A FIRM Sorry, can't do it. USUALLY works...

Hope this helps!!!

8 moms found this helpful

i try to keep some extra singles on hand, and change is better than nothing. i also don't feel obliged to give to everyone. i don't get assaulted to the degree that you do, but if i did i'd still handle it the same way, i think. a smile and a 'sorry, not today' to most, and a single to some, and very occasionally, when moved, more.
your girls are wonderful. i myself would NOT give money to someone who yelled at me.
i don't get caught up in the 'what will they do with the money?' thing. it's none of my business. there are scammers in all places, from the highest levels of government to panhandlers, but there aren't many people who are actually living large by doing this. there's desperation behind most of it, and it makes me sad that there is such need in our country. the real parasites wear expensive suits and carry briefcases.
and if someone is so hard up they're begging, it's not the end of the world to me if they enjoy a beer. in fact, my husband was so tickled by one guy's sign saying 'i just want a beer' that he gave him $20. maybe the guy spent it on crack. not mine to solve. my only decisions are whether or not to give and how much.
in your case you need to refuse to allow yourself to dissolve into free-form guilt and make a game plan. tell the girls before you go out that today you will give $2.50 (or whatever) split between 3 people. maybe let them pick the ones, but you give the money. and often you'll need to have a brisk 'we're not giving anything today', to be delivered to yourself, your kids, and anyone who asks. and don't feel badly about it. it's your responsibility to do what you reasonably can, not fix the world.
naturally a 'hermes bless you!' when you distribute the funds is always a good idea.
;) khairete
S.

6 moms found this helpful

I like my daughter's take on this. Got it mom, you have it hard but have you ever lowered yourself to begging for food? Yeah, that's right mom so stop saying you actually have it as bad as these people!!

She is right, I may have had it hard for a while but I never had to give up my dignity to support my family. Just something to think about.
_____________________________________________________________
After reading Ephie's answer, yes, eye contact. I am always amazed with the people who tell me to ignore them, don't make eye contact. They are human beings!!!!

6 moms found this helpful

Here's what I do:
-I never help when my kids are around because I feel I'm an easy target and I will not put my kids in danger.
-If someone ask for $ for diapers, I offer to give them the few I keep in my car.
-I never turn my back or make myself vulnerable.
-I don't help at night.
-I don't trust anyone. If i can help, it's on my terms: "Stay here. I'll bring you a few diapers in a min if that's what you need. If not, sorry I can't help you."

-You do give to charity, church & missionairies but any religion will support that you help anyone in need.

Again, I stress, DO NOT make yourself vulnerable.
Only do what you can safely do w/i reason.

If someone asks me for $, I offer to give them something from my grocery cart I just purchased. If they are truly hungry, they'll take it. If not, chances are they want that $ for drugs & I won't support that.

Recently at a gas station, some young man asked for some $. I gave him $5 I had in my car. The very next week, I saw this same young man in the same car begging for $ w/the same story. I yelled out "Hey you gave me that same story last week & I gave you money." I never saw him at that gas station again.

Pick & choose carefully never putting yourself in danger. My rule is: I help out when my child is not with me.

5 moms found this helpful

We used to live in Phoenix and the Wal-Mart on Indian School is the worst.

One time a sweet Mexican lady approached me for $$ for diapers for her baby and I gave her $5, and moments later she was bragging to her family that all she had to do was ask for diaper $$ and people would give, and then a family member responds with a 'one up' story, of what works better and they were piling their groceries into their car. I felt so duped.

Yes, there are a lot of beggars with tricks in Phoenix in particular, compared to other places I have lived. I honestly thinks it a drug problem.

Do not feel bad for saying no. There are many charities and social services for people who are down and out, it's only because they do not want to follow the rehab rules that they end up on the streets.

One time there was a guy at a gas station asking for for just a few gallons of gas as he was headed home for funeral. This was in Quartzsite on the way to LA. And guess what, he was still there a few days later on our return.

What is sad is that there are people who actually do end up on the streets for a variety of reasons and these professional bums ruin it for them.

5 moms found this helpful

Once upon a time I went "homeless" for a class project.

I spent a couple nights at shelters, and in the morning people came with job offers.

Unloading boxes - $10 per hour.
Sweeping a warehouse - $7 per hour

There were a couple other offers.

Out of the hundred or so guys staying at the shelter with me that night - only one or two took the opportunity.

That said, I took note of one man who left with me later in morning. He was showered, had cologne on and was catching the bus to GO TO WORK.

He was homeless, but took advantage of the free showers the shelter offered, the free clothing and the free place to sleep - and had a JOB.

5 moms found this helpful

What I would do: Carry a list of local resources (church soup kitchens, homeless shelters) and hand that out. I've been meaning to carry such a list around.

Explain to the kids that YES you sympathize, but you do not hand out cash to homeless people out of principal because you don't know if their story is legit or not. Some are homeless due to drugs or alcohol or some become alcoholics and just use cash to buy liquor.

If I do give something out, it's a gift card to Subway or something. I've seen people hand out plates of food to people on the sides of highways. If I was homeless, the first thing I'd probably want is a plate of hot, fresh food. Followed by some human compassion.

I don't know how old your kids are, but if they are old enough, have them serve food at a local soup kitchen. I've done this. It's possible to get to know local charities, find out what they are doing so you can direct people.

In June my husband saw a young woman in front of our local supermarket with a baby strapped to her front begging for money, about 8 months old.

She had a sorry look on her face. He approached her and asked her if she was aware of the local services in the area to help her.

He said her changed to hard as diamonds in a flash.

As soon as he saw that, he said to her, "Get yourself to a meeting." (i.e. a drug rehab support meeting - AA) and then he asked her, "whose baby is that anyway?"

She hurled expletives at him.

Nice. She never returned to that supermarket. If she did, we would have called CPS.

I have noticed more homeless beggars in my area, where there were none before. That's why I need to start carrying info to hand out.

5 moms found this helpful

I'm not sure what to tell you. It isn't that rampant here. Perhaps if you do some calling around and research where these people CAN go for assistance, that will/can weed out the legit ones from the scammers, you could print it up on some cards (or ask the place itself if they have some they could share with you)? Then, when you are approached, you could give them a card with the information on where to go for assistance.
?

4 moms found this helpful

This has happened to us several times recently, and I took the opportunity to talk with my kids about my concerns and turned it into a teachable moment. There were some we didn't help (one woman wanted a ride because her car broke down -- I offered to call someone for her and she snapped, "I have a phone." Well, then, you certainly don't need my help, Scary Person! That was a teachable moment for the kids). There were a few people we helped (one was a woman in a wheel chair on oxygen), but I talked to the children about my decision making process -- why I helped and what concerned me. She was outside of a McDonalds on a very hot day, so I went in and got her some ice water and gave her a $5 (she claimed she lost all her groceries in a recent power outage, which we had had for 5 days). It was a very hot day and she was having trouble breathing, even with the oxygen. I gave her the money, went in to get her the water, and talked to the manager and let them know she was there and panhandling -- even that made me feel conflicted and I spoke very honestly with the kids about that, too. But I explained that if she was a scammer, they wouldn't want her there, and if she genuinely needed help, they would help her. But I also told the kids how we give money to our community resource center and volunteer in the church to help people down on their luck. My daughter has gone with me to volunteer, as well.

I think you be honest about how you feel, doubts about doing the right or wrong thing, let them know it's never an easy decision, and engage them in researching what facilities are available for homeless people in your community so that they can see you're being safe and thoughtful, not just mean to people. It turned into some really amazing conversations with the kids and they understand that some people really need help and some are scammers and you can't always tell and you have to err on the side of your conscience.

4 moms found this helpful

I live in the Phoenix area but on the east side of Phoenix. I haven't seen beggers in years. I think several years ago a law went into affect that had to do with begging and shortly after that I noticed there weren't so many people on the street corners. I'm sorry to hear this, I would not be comfortable with it either. Can you call the police and tell them?

4 moms found this helpful

You have to remember that people that are homeless, are people too! Yes sometimes they don't act in grown up ways or are loud and sometimes rude. But you have to think of life from their perspective----its not fun to be homeless or hungry or have no way to get out of your financial situation. To have kids that don't know if they will eat again or be warm at night.
I used to be afraid and try to avoid eye contact or ignore them. But I realized a while back that it was wrong! I was judging them and I didn't even know them. So I changed my perspective and saw them as human beings again and just do what I can.
The way that I deal with it is to make a couple extra sandwiches when I know I am going out into an area where I am usually approached---then have sandwiches, a couple of protein bars and bottles of water and keep them up with me so i can hand them out. It takes 2 minutes to make a couple of extra sandwiches and it is a personal reminder to those around us that we do still care and we do what we can. No one is saying you need you go give all your money or anything. But what I usually do when I can't give money(I never give money) I will however go bring them a sandwich or diapers or call someone for them (catholic charities etc, salvation army) to get some assistance.

You never know who is real and who isn't but you can get a pretty good gauge from your gut feeling. I go by that and that is the reason why I don't give $$ directly. If they ask for something specific and I have it to give, I do that---like they want something to eat---I give a sandwich with a water and fruit. Or if they are cold--I give a blanket/shelter/tarp etc. Do what you can but please change your mentality on homeless as being bad and scammers, begging for their habit etc. Yes, many have drug and alcohol problems. But many are also hardworking individuals who fell on hard times, lost their houses, their jobs, their personhood because of this economy. Many, many people are only a few paychecks away from being homeless.....so try not to judge so much.
The best answer I can give you when you are approached is to say "sorry, not today. I wish you the best.

If they continue and harass you with your kids, you do what you have to do. But most times a simple I am so sorry I can't help today. I hope you have a nice day is enough. I don't find ignoring anyone to be helpful or polite. I find it offensive actually--and it usually sparks their anger a bit when they are ignored because it just doesn't feel good.

Now if they are trying to rob you or hurt you, by all means---defend yourself and protect your kids. If I have a funny feeling about anyone, I hold onto my children closer and I make eye contact with the person so they know that I am NOT afraid of them and I am not afraid to make noise and scream like crazy if they get too close or make me feel intimidated. I hope this helps and another thing that may help you get over your fears around this is to go volunteer with the homeless! It is an awesome experience and you will see just how blessed you are. Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful

Tell them 'No thank you and if you ask me again I'm calling the police".
My husband is a citizens sheriff axillary graduate (he works with local police in his spare time - directing traffic at community events and helping with crowd control).
He's NOT a police officer, but he's mistaken for one a lot.
Since he wears a gun and practices open carry, beggars don't come up to us anymore.
I think you and your husband should look into what ever local citizens police class is offered in your area and take it.
My husband has done this in both places we've lived (and in some areas you get to have a session at the police gun range and/or go on a shift ride along with a police officer).
Not only do you learn about local crime and gang activities (you'd be surprised - there's WAY more than you'd ever know about) - they will also fill you in on the local beggar activity and will inform you on the best ways to respond.
9 times out of 10 - oh yes indeed - people are most certainly rats.

http://phoenix.gov/police/citaca1.html

4 moms found this helpful

I regularly donate to the food bank that my church runs. When I am approached by someone like this I tell them when and where to go for the food bank.

An amazing little five year old girl in my city named Hannah Taylor saw a homeless man looking for food in a garbage can and took it upon herself to feed the homeless. She now runs a foundation. Here is the website. She is quite an inspiration. http://www.ladybugfoundation.ca/

4 moms found this helpful

I agree with Jo. I give when I can. You can tell who is "for real" because you SEE them living on the street. You SEE them carrying all of their belongings in the world on their back. In college, I knew a homeless guy who was taking advantage of the scholarships and grants because of excellent grades and his dire financial need. He was living in a shelter until the college found out and put him in a dorm as part of his package. I lost track of him after college, but I pray every day that in his effort to educate himself, he found a job that would help him pay for an apartment. And guess what? He had nice clothes and shoes and even a suit to interview in. He took his nice things to the shelter with him when his parents kicked him out.

When we have to go into one of the towns a couple over, we get off the exit and there are two particular homeless men that carry all of their belongings in their backpacks. One is a young man that appears to be in his late 20's. He's always looking for work. He's always on the move. Sometimes he makes it to a shelter, but you can't always remain at a shelter for longer than a certain time period. So when I see him, if I have some money on me I give it to him. If I have some non-perishable food in the car that's easy to open, I give it to him. I keep bottled water in the car to give too. One year I gave him gloves. I haven't seen him in a while, so I hope that means he's found a job and a home.

The other man considered himself "between jobs." I've given him crackers and bread, but what he appreciated most was water and flavored water. It's been a while since seeing him too, actually.

You really never know what's going on, but homeless people are still people. A man living at a shelter and going to work could still not have enough money to pay rent or a mortgage, when rent can cost as much as a mortgage. He could be saving his money in order to get together first and last month's rent as well as have enough in savings to have a cushion to pay rent. To pay bills. To buy food. No one knows his real story. What you see on the outside doesn't tell you ANYTHING about the history except that they are presently homeless.

If a mother is begging for food for her children, my first thought isn't "scam." It's "the children need help" and "I've come so close to having to ask others for help." Not to mention, "Thank goodness my mom sometimes just gives me money because I'm her daughter and says to buy some groceries." We may be struggling because I've been a SAHM for ten years and my husband has been out of work since March (I'm going back to work for the last month but haven't gotten my first paycheck yet) but I still have it better than someone begging for food. I have a pantry and fridge with some food in them. I have friends and family that sometimes help us out. My children qualify for free lunch and breakfast at school. My husband gets unemployment while he's looking for work and going on interview after interview. We're blessed. Sharing those blessings feels right. Sharing them when we're able. Sometimes we can't. We like to donate to the food bank in town. We do so multiple times a year.

When you can't or simply don't want to, don't feel guilty. Just be straightforward. Treat people with dignity and respect. "I can't help you out today. I'm sorry."

3 moms found this helpful

I try to remember "But for the Grace of God, there go I." I know that me and my family are one catastrophic injury/illness away from homelessness. It takes both mine and my hubby's income to live in our home and pay our bills. If something were to happen to either one of us and we missed just 2 - 3 of one of our paychecks, we could be out there. So I give when I can. And I don't always wait to be asked; if I see someone in need outside the store, I purchase a few items and give on my way out. I hesitate to give cash 'cause like you said, who knows what they use it for, but I do give items.

You could have opened your package of diapers and given her 5 or 6. That would have gotten her through a day. I understand you are five of your own and are struggling, but have faith in God. If you give, God will provide for you and yours. I firmly believe that God "pays it forward."

3 moms found this helpful

I agree with Rocio about keeping a list of helpful resources in your purse. You can just hand out little slips of paper with helpful information instead of handing out money (that you really can't spare).

I was once approached by a man who said that he had lost his job, and needed gas money to get himself and his kids to his brother's house. I told him that I couldn't help him, but that he could get help at a local church (I gave him the location), but he kept hounding for money. I figured if he didn't want to get help from an organization set up to help people, then he didn't really need help from me either.

I must say I am rather skeptical of all people asking for money. I only donate to legitimate charities, because I really don't have the time or inclination to verify everyone's story. Also, some panhandlers can indeed get rather aggressive. No point in risking that kind of confrontation by allowing yourself to be sucked into their story.

Don't feel guilty! You're at Walmart to get groceries for your family, not to save the world :-)

3 moms found this helpful

We have a lot of that here in Vegas and I remember that from the cities in Arizona too.

My daughter is heartbroken because in church they teach her to help others, so she wants to help them all. She is always telling me to help the man at every light.

I remind her that when I donate her used toys and clothes, it helps someone. I do the best I can to explain what charities are out there and there a lot. I remind her that our church has at least two charitable organizations affiliated with them and that is the appropriate place for them to ask for help.

Yes, in fact some of them are scammers and that is why I donate to the organizations and not the individual. One was asking for money at the gas stations. I was near my house in Summerlin, a master planned community, when a very nice looking well kept young man asked me for a few dollars to put gas in his car and oh yea, he was so embarrassed. I looked at the car and it looked like a newer nice SUV. I said no. A few thoughts ran through my head at the time and I didn't believe he needed it. I drive a truck and it takes a little time to fill it up, so I was there for two more of this kids sessions. He received a donation from the next lady and he nearly skipped inside the store as if he were going to buy gas. He was gone for about 1.5 minutes and came back out. He asked the next lady who was in that spot, but never bought gas or anything else. She gave him money, my tank was full, and I walked in the store to get a drink. He was no where to be found at the moment. I told the clerk he was asking for money and she went nuts and said he can't do that. Just then, he stepped out of the restroom and looked through the window (I suppose to see if the car was gone) and the clerk threw him out. We both left the store about the same time and I made it to the light right before him. I could see him in my mirror counting his dollar bills behind me! He scammed a lot of people. While I go to work and work hard, pay taxes, and figure out a budget and meal plan for my family, he scams people and takes their money, doing none of the above!

Recently, we were at a light we commonly go through and my daughter told me to give a man some money. I said no, as usual. That evening, we went through the light again and the man was gone and no one was manning that post. She looked out the window and saw a pile of pennies on the pony wall. She said, oh they can use that money. I told her they were the ones that left it there I am sure. They will throw the change on the street if you hand it to them. I also got to tell her, "Look at all the littering they have done" They eat and drink on the corner and throw the food and cartons between the wall and post.

In my opinion, if you want to help you can donate clothes (used or not), food, furniture, and money to any of the charitable organizations and they will hand it out or sell it as necessary.

In my line of work, I donate lost and found to charitable's who have a 501C3 in place and some of them know these people on the streets. They know their stories and know who needs what. They take the items in, sift through it, clean it, and pass it back out.

Further, I try to teach my daughter that we have to help ourselves first and then we can help others. So if you need your food and diapers, then keep them for yourself. When you are in a position to help others and you want to, then do so. My mother has given the shirt off her back and almost lost her house. She is still in financial distress and I KNOW the person who asked for all the money is living a fantastic material life.

3 moms found this helpful

Carry a pocket full of quarters and give one when you feel like it.

Better to lose a couple of dollars than worry you let someone down.

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I remember when I first moved to NYC and had disposable income once I got on my feet, I carried around wads of ones to hand out all day long. I gave a $20 to super hard-up people, like the teen-age girl singing on the train largely pregnant while tears streamed down her face....Then there were times I was just getting by and my skin was thick enough to ignore EVERYONE. You do sort of get immune to it after a while and it takes a real hard veneer for them to know you're bullet proof and then they don't approach. (Remember, most people ignore them, so you're just one more of those to them, they dont' hold it against you personally for the whole day, and your dollar was not going to save their mortgage).

I got so jaded at one point, a lady started a well rehearsed story (not that she wasn't honestly poor) and I cut her off and said, "Wait, before you continue, does this story end with you needing me to give you money?" Because I felt she was druggish and I had just had enough at that point in time. I did give her money though because I felt bad for "smarting off". Then I went back into a sort of middle-ground where I mixed giving with ignoring...only giving to the cases that really moved me.

Bottom line you need to ignore most if you can't afford to give. There is probably something to be said for the fact that if NO ONE gave random hand outs, they would not ask anymore and seek other shelters etc. You can find other ways to give to food banks and things to ease your conscience. But I know it's very hard to ignore the personal encounters. Just try not to feel bad and be very firm if you want to say, "Sorry, can't today" or whatever. Maintain a respectful tone.

3 moms found this helpful

J., this is why I give to charitable organizations. Not to people on the street.

I have explained this to my children. The money actually comes out of the paycheck and they know it. One reason why we do payroll deduction is that the company matches our gift. That way we can do double good.

Whatever charity you support, educate your children in regards to that charity. If your children want to give money, that's fine. Perhaps they would like to volunteer of their time to places that are safe and honest. Food banks always need help. They don't have to work with the people who are needy - they can work behind the scenes. You can protect your kids this way.

One thing that you can explain to your children is that if they give their money to panhandlers, that encourages them to continue to beg. I have told people to please go to "x" place to get help - that I support that charity and it is there for them. When they say they don't want to, then I know that the money they want from me is for cigs or alcohol. And I'm not giving money for cigs and alcohol.

Now, I admit that I've given money when I have "felt" lead to do it. Not forced by worrying about what someone is going to do to my car, etc. But I haven't lived in a place where every trip to the Walmart or drugstore places me in these quandaries you are finding yourself in. And that's a big difference.

So, my advice to you is to sit down with your kids. Talk about your feelings. Talk about your finances (as much as you feel is appropriate regarding their ages.) Figure out an alternative way for them to feel like they are helping that doesn't take money away from paying your bills and taking care of YOUR family. And then talk about what you are going to say to people when they panhandle.

It will help you and your children cope with this, and after you have done it long enough, all of you will feel better.

I will close by saying that if you were visiting India, as I have done, you would get to the point REALLY QUICK of not giving to everyone who is asking for money for milk for her baby or food. You would be broke in an hour if you did. (And there, they will mob you if you give to them...) It's one thing to feel compassion. It's another thing to empty your pockets on the street. This is why we have non-profit centers and some government programs put in place to help people.

Good luck,
D.

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I used to work at the QT on McDowell and we constantly had people bugging he customers, or us when we went outside. So I know what your talking about! I tried to ignore them but yea some got real mad saying I had a job so I must has money! Well duh but I have to pay for school! I would recommend taking some self defense class with your kids because you never know how desperate someone will be. I was in Phoenix for the first time in almost 3 years and it's changed a lot!

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Hmmm. I honestly thought you were going to say that you lived in a big city, like San Francisco or New York, or at least in downtown Phoenix. I've lived in various areas of Phoenix since 1999 and I have never experienced the level of homeless/begging encounters that you're describing. Sure, I get the occasional "can you spare any change", but I think that happens everywhere.

Are you still in Goodyear? It's not isn't even in "the city" (not that there really is "the city" here, but I digress), it's a small suburb very west of downtown, so I'm not sure why you'd have so many beggars. Maybe it's because it's cheaper to live out there, or it's so far out there that people are having a harder time. If you're in Phoenix, there isn't a Walmart anywhere in downtown so I'm really curious as to what area you're living in.

I am not sure what to tell you, just say "sorry, I don't have any" and move on. If you want to donate or volunteer, then do it on your own terms.

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I lived in an area that was like that for about 2 years. I found the best response is walk quickly and ignore or say, sorry I dont carry cash on me because when I come here, too many people ask me for money. No thank you in a firm tone works wonders. Dont engage them in conversation, just keep walking. What they are doing is panhandling, in mos places it is illegal. They are going to buy drugs/alcohol with any $ you give them, even the woman asking for diapers. If she really needed diapers, she can dial 411 for assistance and they will help her. Do not give out any more money, or let your kids give any. There are places these people can go to.get food, like loaves and fishes. start carrying pepper spray, I had a friend who had someone come up to her and ask for $ then try to attack her. After a while you will notice it is the same people with the same stories. You can just start saying, sorry, you got me for that last week or something similar.

Just wanted to add that I disagree with the stuff people are saying about giving them the information to local charities, trust me, if theres anyone giving anything away, these people already know about it.

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We don't have homeless where I live...it's a small town...however, we are right on I90 and we get a ton of drifters travelling through...hitchhikers, etc...with signs "Need food, God Bless" and the sort.

Whenever I see one, I go home and tell my husband, and he goes out to help (I do not because 1. I am a woman and 2. the children are with me.)

My husband will offer to go get them food if they need it (no money!) and take them to the Salvation Army if they are in need of a place to stay. He gives them a Bible (we buy them at the dollar store) if they want one, and just gives general help. He's helped a few get temporary jobs, etc.

You are in a bit of a different situation, though. I guess I'd keep a stock of ones available and give them a dollar when they ask. Do all your shopping in one day, instead of periodically throughout the week, to minimize these encounters.

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Is there not another area that you could shop in that does not have as many beggars? I know that the Phoenix metro is large so it might mean a littler further out to do your shopping than to be met with the beggars.

If not, then do what you have been doing with a bit tougher exterior. I like the idea of a few sandwiches, fruit and water to give to the hungry and a few diapers here and there. If they don't want this then they only want money for alcohol, drugs, cigarettes. Sorry, I can't help you.

Protect your family first. Get to know the lay of the land and operate from there. It's been a while since I have been in your area and times have changed with the recession and housing crisis. Know that you are not the only one(s) in this situation.

Good luck to you and welcome back to Phoenix.

The other S.

EDIT: Hubby was a long haul trucker and one day a woman with her children was outside begging. He went inside of the McDonalds for lunch. The woman comes in and cashes in a wad of ones for larger bills. She was scamming the system and making people feel bad for her and her kids. After that he did not give out any money to anyone. So yes, the people in need have been hurt by the greedy lazy ones.

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i am truly sorry this is happening to you. Here in California, there are laws for no begging in front of stores and their parking lots.

I know it is sad and you want to help people. IF you can afford it, keep ones on you in your pocket. I do this during the Holidays to slip into the Salvation Army pot, etc. Otherwise? I look them directly in the eyes and say I'm sorry. I cannot help you today.

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Hmmm.....
You know, I was "homeless" when I was pregnant with my first son. I lived in a shelter for 8 women who were either pregnant or had young children. My babies dad never gave me a dime and my parents kicked me out. I never had to beg for money, thank God, but I worked up until a week before I gave birth. (fast food was all I could get pregnant since I got fired from my other job)
I understand the despair, sadness, and depression one feels when they have no where to call "home." When you are just waiting for the next shoe to drop. It's scary!!!
Would I have begged? Probably not. But I can't say for sure.
I am now married, with 3 kids. Life is not easy, but it certainly is not depressing, usually! lol
I am feeling like I am all over the place and not saying what I am trying to say....
I know that it's a bit uncomfortable when people ask us for money. It happens to me too. I especially hate feeling like I am getting scammed, which happens a LOT. To those people I say, "Oh no. Sorry. I don't have any money" But I also see some people that are just down on their luck. I give them money or I give them information. Shelters in the area or places they can go for a hot lunch/dinner.
Some people have said to tell them where the nearest food bank is, which is nice, but most homeless people will not go to the food bank. Why? Where would they store their food? I volunteer at a food bank, my way of giving back, and we only have TWO people out of the 200ish that I see every week who are truly homeless. They live in their cars. So, they can store their food in there, but what about the guy that's sleeping on the street? Where is he to put his food?
My girlfriend lives in Seattle and has also been homeless. She and I were talking about how many people were asking for money and I said something about the young guy I saw asking for money and how he looked healthy enough, why doesn't he work? She said, you know, I have actually talked to that guy. He said, "who's going to hire me? I am dirty, I have no new clothes or even clean clothes. I smell. I have no address" It's true! How many people do you know that would give this young man a chance? Not many.
I don't know what's right. But what I do know is that I have almost been there, and it would have been the WORST thing for me to have ever had to do. Just horrible. I think that compassion and empathy are a beautiful thing and if we can teach that to our children then we have done them a big favor.
Maybe volunteer at a food bank, food kitchen, giving tree through the holidays. Something to really open your eyes and your children's eyes.
Laura

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We've started having issues with this in San Antonio. I usually just tell them that I don't carry cash on me...which is mostly true. I don't carry money on me. I usually just use my debit cards.

Here's something to give you a little insight into some of those beggars though. My husband was in the bank signing some papers when one of the guys that begs at the intersection just outside of the bank came walking in. The beggar grabbed a deposit slip, filled it out, and stood in line. When he walked up to the window he told the lady he needed to make a deposit. He then proceeded to pull a large wad of cash out of his pocket. He told the cashier he wasn't sure how much there was. She put it in the machines to count it. Including all the change, and the bills, he had over $300. Yeah, I was shocked! I'd give anything to make around $300 a day!

Either way, treat every beggar the same. Apologize, tell them you don't carry cash and move on. Explain to the kids that while you need to have sympathy for people you also need to be careful. I also make sure that the kids see us helping charities and volunteer with us when possible.

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Honestly I lived in Philly from birth to 20 and my family still lives there. i see this often, but not as often as you are stating.
My mom was often in the food stamp line growing up
we often had out utilities turned off and had an abusive alcoholic dad
we were the traditional city family
I can say i always hated the idea of giving someone money to buy beer because of having my dad in my life and dealing witht that
if someone begs for money outside of wawa and i can afford it I will buy a 5 dollar gift card. i have brought food and dirven it back to the person on the corner with the sign saying they were hungry, and i got yelled at for ruining their gig by giving them food.

i still will give food or a gift card if i can because honestly something happened to make them have to do that

I volunteered at soup kitchens in bad areas and the homeless men were a lot of vets who were mentally damaged and who would drink away their problems, but honestly i would probably to if i went through what they did

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When I worked in Boston If I went out to eat I used to get a second meal to go and give it to a homeless person outside. I never gave money.

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Wouldn't fall for that again based on the following-and this was just one page:

http://www.homelessshelterdirectory.org/cgi-bin/id/city.c...

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I'm never "in the city" without my husband, and he never lets me give people anything. Ever. Admittedly, if he wasn't there telling me no I would end up on the streets myself because I would give everything that I have to the homeless people. But isn't there a middle ground? Where I can give to 1 out of every 20 people who ask me? I always feel so bad saying no. When we went to California on our honeymoon there was a woman standing outside of wal-mart with her baby. She was asking for money for diapers. My husband wouldn't let me give her money, or buy her diapers. Luckily I had my "spare diaper" in my purse (I always carry a diaper in my purse just in case Oliver's diaper bag is forgotten at home or something) and gave that to her. The diaper was one size too big for her baby but she was genuinely grateful to have 1 more diaper for her baby.

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maybe it would help you to research some women's shelters so that if a lady appraoches you for diaper money you can give her a card with the name of a shelter on it and they can help her get her diape money, if she is legit she would appreaciate it.

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Most homeless people are harmless.

I read a statistic a few years ago that 70% of all homeless women are running from an abusive relationship and felt safer as a homeless person becasue this way their SS# was not tied to any address. If they had a job, apartment, utilities in their name they were afraid they could be found by their abuser.

But I think the biggest problem concerning the homeless are the mental illness laws in the U. S. Because there were so many people signed into mental hospital or ward many years ago with only one person signing them in laws were written that it takes 3 people to sign someone in. For instance if a man didn't want to be with his wife any more but didn't want the stigma of divorce he would sign his wife into the nut house and go on with his life and new girlfriend. Always the good guy, crazy wife, can't divorce her she needs my insurance ect ect ect. Truth is he wanted to be a playboy and there was nothing wrong with the wife. Or a greedy family member who convinced a hospital that his father or older sibling was mentally ill and needed to be hospitalized but reality was this greedy person wanted to be able to control the family fortune. It happened more times than we want to think about until the 1970's or 80's and these poor people languished for years sometimes their entire life in a mental hospital. So laws were written that it takes 3 people to sign someone into a mental hospital or ward and that because these were human being and adults they could not be forced to stay or take their medication. But we know that a profundly mentally ill person can not function in our world, they can't hold a job, maintain a bank account ect they often end up homeless. These people are lost and often forgotten. They need to be cared for the way children need to be cared for but there is no one to care for them.
As far as fake homeless persons you can tell if you really look. A homeless person is usually filthy, hair usually looks like dread locks, clothes filthy and about 30 yrs out of style. They also tend to have a lot of swelling or bloating in their hands and feet.
If you want to help but do not want them to spend any money you give them on booze or drugs hand out McDonald's $1 certificates they can get food this way. But sometimes they can trade these gift certificates to drug dealers for drugs.
The truth is there are no easy answers. If someone is homeless they know they can go to soup kitchens and shelters. But many do not want to be preached at, if they go to a church run kitchen or shelter they usually have to listen to Bible readings and preaching. For many they have given up on God or feel God has given up on them and they just don't want to hear it.

The homeless need help, many need medication. Half-way houses staffed with people trained to help them get their life back and to monitor them to make sure they take their medication and actually job hunt would be a giant step in the right direction. But who will pay for it?

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