Homeless - Richmond,IN

V., my heart goes out to you as I have been in your shoes and lived in a shelter with my children for a while. Before you decide to allow your ex to take your son, ask your children what they think. The impact this will have on all of them is huge and they need to feel a part of the decision. If you do decide to allow him to go, keep constant and steady contact with your son, talk to him daily, see him as much as possible and stay involved in his life. It would be very easy for a court to give your ex custody if you willingly allow your son to go and do not stay incredibly involved. I know the offer has been made by others, but if you need to talk, please do send me a message. I'm home all the time and can share with you my experiences so that perhaps you can avoid some of the mistakes I made. Infinite Blessings! ~Kristy

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V.,

First of all, don't look at it as you failing the children!
Things happen like this more often than you know. You are not alone.
My concern here is that the father of your oldest is offering to take him until you get on your feet but why not take the other 2 children as well if he is so concerned?
I understand they are not his but I cannot see how someone can offer to help one child and not the others.
If he is a trustworthy, responsible man then by all means let the child stay with him. Just explain to your son that you love him very much and you just want better for him until you can get your life together and give him all that he(and the others) deserves.
I would also talk to your ex and see if he could help you out with the other 2, help you find a home, a job, and whatever else you need to get back up on your feet.
There are also churches that help people all the time. You may want to look into talking to a pastor and seeing about getting help. Do you have any family in the area? If so, enlist their help as well.
I am not sure where you are from but if you are anywhere near the Struthers, Ohio area feel free to contact me and I will be willing to do whatever I can to help you as well.
My email is ____@____.com.

1 mom found this helpful

Morning V.- While I have never been homeless I felt compelled to write you. You seem to be a very strong person and I am sure you will make the right decision for you and your family. I wish you all the best in this hard time in your life. I don't feel that I am in the place to offer you any advice, and while I face my own financial troubles i wish i could help you in some way. All I have to offer right now is my words of encouragement and my prayers. Life hands us these hard times, and yes it stinks, just try to remember that this will not last forever. I hope that you find your way to a home for you and your family soon. Does the shelter your at have a counsler that you can talk with? I wish you all the best. And remember that their are people out here praying for you and your family and cheering you on. I am sorry i really can't offer more.

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V., I have a similar story and would love to talk to you about it. I don't really want to spill the whole thing here so if you are interested contact me at ____@____.com Luck in whatever you choose to do.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi V.
I had my oldest who was 5 when we became homeless. I was pregnant with our son at the time. She stayed a few weeks with her grandparents then she came to live with us in the shelter.
We used the act that allowed our daughter to continue in that school system when we got out of the shelter. We moved to another town which the school system wasn't as good as where she had gone.
We was what is known as Transitional housing. So she stayed in the school system Kindergarden through second grade. We was counted as homeless because of the transitional housing.

Can he take all 3 kids for you?

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If you have 4 children why is he only offering to take just one? I don't think just taking one child will help much expecially the oldest who could help you more. What came out better the pro's or con's? If he really wants to help ask him to take the 2 younger ones. Go to the job center if you have not done so already and see what help they will give you also. They can get you into a apartment and help you find a job and daycare. Good luck
D.

First of all get on assistance and file for child support. If you are on assistance the Child Support Admin will have some diligence in getting the support. Then file for HUD or any other housing assistance you can get. You may be on a waiting list so see if your county has emergency funds to set you up in a place until your assistance check starts. If you dont get child support atleast asssistance will give you something along with food stamps and section 8 housing you will have a start.

Then get yourself together and push on. Get a job, an education, and some self esteem. Learn to treat yourself like a Queen so that the next man you meet does or is out the door. Even a part-time job is better than nothing.

Also alot of ministries will provide help and if you can access the internet you can find alot of resources.

There is a coalition for homeless in downtown Cincinnati. They may be able to assist you more and have counselors to that fact.

Good luck. Just remember many of women before you have been in the same or similar situation and have overcome this obstacle, so this too shall pass. Whatever got you here in your current situation needs to be the best reason to get yourself together and make a better life and never look back.

If you live in a county outside Hamilton County, you should approach those counties' housing authorities and inquire about the Housing Choice Voucher Section 8 Programs AND their public housing programs. The waiting list in Hamilton County was only open on January 17 and 18, 2007 and most likely will not open again for at least a year or two. If you live in Hamilton County, your only option with the housing authority would be public housing.

But here's the deal. It is very likely that Congress will soon put term limits on things like Housing Choice Vouchers because there are too many people who want to live on government assistance forever. Like a previous poster said, you need to get yourself a job, and an education if you don't have one. And if you haven't filed for child support from those kids' fathers, you need to.

That's all great that your kid's father wants to take him in, but how do you know that won't turn into a permanent arrangement? If you don't have a legal document making it temporary, he could fight you and say you are unfit because you have the kids living in a homeless shelter. Even if you DO, he could still try to fight you on those grounds. So that's why it's imperative that you get yourself together and do the things you need to do to be able to provide for the kiddos.

Good luck to you!!!!! And big prayers to you and your children.

....L

God Bless You and your children! It is aweful nice to have a father step up to help, but it could have negative affects. He may begin to ask why you got rid of HIM. You kept the others and not him, why? I hope they never feel this way, but kids are quick to take blame. I say as long as you are trying you HAVE NOT _ NOT FAILED! You are a wonderful oarent for everything you are doing at the moment. A co-worker of mine did the same with 3 kids. Two were boys (twins) and only about a year younger than the oldest. She got help through the county and is getting herself off the help, slowly but surely, As this was her goal. I tell you - you can do it! Get a support system from family or friends or co workers and tell them to let you know when you are doing well. You are doing well now and don't see it. You are providing a safe stable environment for your FAMILY and I am sure they are happy with you. In their eyes, you are the best mom - even when they don't say it - trust me! Apply for help and strive for success. Know that it won't be immediate, but you will get there. It's been 5 years for her, but she is not living paycheck to paycheck anymore. She is making a great life for the good of the children. You can do the same. Good Luck and stay focused.

You may be able to get back on your feet quicker if you only have to worry about two of the three kids. I think if the father of your oldest boy is caring, responsible, and isn't the type of person who would want to keep him permanently, you should definitely think hard about letting him help you out. If he is a good guy and would take good care of your son, ask your son what he thinks. Explain to him that you love him very much and this would only be temporary, until you get back on your feet, and if it doesn't work out, he can just say the word and come back with you. He needs to know that he hasn't done anything wrong, and that you don't love him any less. If he understands that and he is okay with going, let him. I wish you and your family the best as you work towards getting back into a home. God bless you, and don't give up.

First, everyone goes through things. When its happening to you, what it maybe you think that there is no one there to help you and you feel alone. I don't want to make this out to be a sermon but I am only going to tell you what i know. First, you need to pray. He will make a way out of no way. I had to learn that a time or two myself.
Second, DO NOT consider yourself a failure! What you are going to do with this lesson is learn from it. You need to sit down and figure out what it is that happened that have ended up this way so you can better yourself.
Finally, giving up your kids is a tough decision. But you need to think of how its going to help you and him both. I know that you have other kids, but you're going to have to do what you feel is right. When it comes to explaining to the others why the older brother left, or is with his dad and they think that they are not wanted, just reconfirm to them that it was best.
Also reassure them everyday that things will be better.
I hope this makes sense. Don't give up hope or faith. It will get better.

hi V. i know you probably do not see any light at the end of the tunnel right now but you will ive gone through alot of hard times and let the father of my oldest daughter take her till i could get back on my feet again and then he di0d not want to give her back!! hold on to your babies i spent 3,000 on a lawyer to get custody of my daughter back. theres many resources for single moms that will help you. go to job and family services.i hope everything works out for you
V.

V.,
I don't have much advise to offer since that seems to be a very personal choice, but I do want to let you know that you are a very brave person, and have done what you had to, and that is very admirable. Stay strong, and I am sure that whatever choice you make, it will be for the best of your family. Take care. Make sure to update us and let us know how things are going. Feel free to email me if you just need to talk.
M.

Hi V...
If the father is true in is heart and he wants to take you child for the right reasons...and he will give him back when you get on your feet i see no problem with it. It might help you get back on your feet alittle faster.

Been there. it isn't easy under the best of situations but it says a lot that you swallowed your pride and went to a shelter so your kids would have a safe and consistent place to sleep. I would be wary of letting my child go with another parent period, but there may be a point when it might be what is best for him, but then again i strongly believe home is wherever you are, and most shelters today are nice safe places and you probally won't be there long. Depending on where you are I have a ton of resources for both erie and sandusky counties, and though it may mean just getting put on a waiting list you can always apply for HUD or Metropolotin Housing as well as Habitat for Humanity. Most counties also have child care assistance programs as well as something called PRC, you can check with your local job and family service center, but PRC helps pay for car repares to get you to and from work and other work or school expences. A lot of local churches also help with paying bills and have food banks availabe for when you do get back on your feet. And there are always food stamps and cash assistance that you may be eligable for. What I learned very quickly was that it's harder to stay on your feet once you leave than it is to get back on your feet, but there are a ton of resources out there, if you need info or want to talk, or if i can help in any way at all feel free to send me a message personally. good luck and take care.

Try asking your son what he would like to do give him the option of going with his father or staying with you. And you have not failed your children Sweetie let me tell you growing up we were DIRT poor my father scraped up everything n anything to try to get money for food or to pay rent in our measly lil 1 bedroom home. And now that I am older I look at my parents as my Hero's becouse they did everything to protect and care for us the love my father showed and still showes for us is better then the memories of my childhood. Keep your head up and if you need ANYTHING I know a good websight that donates so send me a personal message if interested :)
much luck!

I have an aunt that has children around my age and when they were younger she had to live in a shelter a few times here and there. She never told anyone until a couple of years ago. But the point is that no matter where she lived she took care of the kids and now they are very respectful and they know what there morals should be. They know what it is like and it helped them to understand as they grew up. I would also be worried about letting my child go, right now your children are your support. But you have to think what would honestlly be best. For all of you not just one of you. Hang in there

V. I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard time with four children...who obviously mean a lot to you. The only thing that I can say is maybe the father could help you out more then you think. He is the father and he probably would like the best for his child. It might be hard but in order to get your life on track you have to give in and say "help me". Your motherly instincts are to hold on to your children and hope that things work out, but is it fair to them? Almost half of our country is one paycheck away from being homeless...I don't know where you live but some counties have programs to help you get housing. It would take some time but it will happen. Do you have other family that can help you? Your son is still young at 7 years old but you can try to ask his opinion on where he would like to be. It would only be for a short time. I think you should really think about it and trust your instincts. If you think its best then do it. I am praying for you and your family. Stay strong....God Bless....M. Alliance

I have no experience in this situation, I have been blessed enough to have a generous family that they took me in when I was unable to provide for my kids.

But I would like to point out that the three children may need eachother more than you know, if they have always been together with you, it may be a really bad time to separate them.

I would just think about that perspective, especially since we all know that this is about them, and not you.

Think about all of them, not just the one who's got a good dad.

I too have been in your situation before. My advice is keep your head help high, keep pushing forward, and keep your kids together. If you give up the one child even temporarily, you may find the father may try to make it a permanent thing. I know it is not easy but you can do it. If you would like to speak more personally about it just email me. ____@____.com

If the father of the seven year old is responsible, trustworthy and has a good history with your son, then I think you should let him go with his father until you are back on your feet. Hopefully this will be a short-term situation for you, so you will only be away from your son for a minimal time. Also, you can always arrange visitation times with the father.

Hi V.. There is some great advice here. I really don't have a whole lot, except to say that you have to do what is right for the whole family, not just you or your 7 year old. It is possible that it may have negative effects on the younger kids as well, if the oldest goes away. There are a lot of pros and cons, and you are truly the only one that can answer that question.

My ex offered to take my kids when my husband passed away this summer, so I would have some time to grieve before I had the responsibility of the kids. I took him up on it, and I sometimes find it hard to trust his motives, so that was very difficult. My boys are older though (11 and 12). They hated it, and wanted to stay with me. I just explained to them that I needed some time to take care of things and they understood. If I had it to do over again though, I would have had them here more.

I know this is a completely different situation. Whatever you decide, you should know that you have a great support group here. I wish you luck and peace, both in deciding what to do and getting back on your feet.

V. I just could not stop thinking about your story. I read this when you first posted it and I did not respond for fear of saying something wrong, but I feel that I need to now. YOU NEED TO KNOW that you did not FAIL!! There are ways out but I have to tell you...I grew up in CA and when my parents divorced I was 7 and my mother became heavily into drugs and prostitution. It was myself and my two sister and my half brother. Two year after the divorce, I was 9, I told my mom that she had to let me go to my dads or I was running away. I left and told my sisters that I would be back for them. They moved with us a few months later and it was THE BEST thing that my mom could have ever done. We had lived in a car for months and now we had a nome with our father.

Now I can tell you all of us girls either have college degrees or are attending a University currently. I am close to my mom now that she is clean. One of my sisters is also and the youngest does not speak to her. You have to remember that the kids did not choose to be in the situation and I firmly believe that if you have an opportunity to give your son a better chance then you have an obligation to do so. It will hurt I am sure but I think that in the long run you are doing the right thing. Once you are up and on your feet, which will happen, then he can be back with his mother. God bless you and whatever you decide just remember that it truely is for the best!

you dont have any friends are family that will help you are let you stay for a little while. so you can geet on you feet. No grandparent or anything
P. S

I think you should let him take him for a while. Like you said it's about them and not you. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride. Also, if you attend church or know someone who does, they are almost always willing to help you get back on your feet and help you out until you do.

Hang in there, and as long as you love your kids, take good care of them and they grow up to be good people, you have NOT failed them. Being a parent is hard; being a single parent is even harder. As long as your son’s father is responsible and will also love and care for him in the way he deserves, I would let him go. At 7 I would think increasing his relationship with his father can only be a good thing, and if it helps you get back on your feet faster, then that is what is best for your other children as well. At least that is my opinion.