Home School, Private School, Public School

We sometimes takes our friends' kids with us, many of whom are biracial.
I have met other families who assumed I was the mom. They explained it helped their kids to know they were not alone. I also have been in a store with 3 to 5 kids and gotten the looks, especially when I have kids of 3 different races.
Kids are mean EVERYWHERE. If it is not x, they make fun of y. I wish it was not this way. I would join MOPS or another moms' group and meet up for playdates at the park. It might not be as backwards as you imagine.
If it is, you have time to move before they start school.
I moved to a small town where I wasn't Catholic and was not welcomed so I moved and am happier to not always be the outcast.

2 moms found this helpful

I think public or private, your child will still be the "different" one. Just because kids go to a private school doesn't make them any more tolerant or nice.

I think the purpose of going to school is to get an education. I think you should send your child to the place that you think he/she will receive the best education.

The idea that we send our kids to school to learn social skills is a myth. We stick the kids in a classroom with kids their own age and tell them to sit at their desks quietly, all day long. How is real life like that? Real life is full of people of all ages, in different situations and from different walks of life. Your child isn't going to learn social skills at school, he/she will learn them everywhere else.

I have never found anywhere in life to be anything like school was. Except maybe in my office at work when some of the girls decide to go all "junior high" with gossip!

Homeschool may not be for everyone. We homeschool because it's the best learning choice for us, but it doesn't work with every child, and every situation. If you choose to homeschool, do it because you think it will give your child the best education.

If you choose public or private school...do it because of the teachers or the curriculum. Kids will be kids all over. You can just love your son/daughter and teach him/her to cope with the situations that will arise.

I do love the way we have more control over the kids my daughter hangs out with through our homeschool group, but let me tell you there are kids in our group that can be mean as well.

Good luck with your choice!

2 moms found this helpful

When I was a kid I was a target for bullying. It was a small town. It was so small that there was no private school and there wasn't homeschooling in the 70's. The kids were horrible at school. It was a miserable experience. But, when I went to girlscouts the same girls treated me fine. The leader would not allow anything less. If you choose to homeschool you can find some classes or a church group and or other activities where you are nearbye or other adults are around that would be proactive with the children. Homeschool children can have as many opportunties to be around kids as the parents are willing to make it happen. Just a few ideas.. We put them into tumbling one year and made use of a gym another year that had classes for homeschoolers. We put them in swim team for several seasons and they went to church and Awana groups. My kids would tell you they were lonely. But I know better. I would encourage and encourage them to get telephone #'s and email addresses from kids in these places. They would write some and then stop.

Unfortunately, your children will be who they are all their lives. You probably need to have them learn how to hold up their heads high when they are young. My girls did go to school eventually. They were 11, 13, and 16 when they first set foot in the public school system. None of the teachers ever knew they were homeschooled and the kids only knew if they told them.

1 mom found this helpful

We send our children to a Montessori school and we LOVE it. We are white and our children are in the "minority" and we kind of like that. There are a lot of Indian children there and our kids never mention that they have dark skin or that we have light skin. The children are taught respect for ALL things....each other, the classroom, the earth and so on. Maybe take a tour of one in your area (if there are any). We have certainly been pleased!

1 mom found this helpful

Homeschooling does not negate socialization, but it does enable one to be more selective about their child's social experiences. Unless you do "lock her up" in the house, which most people would agree is a bad idea.

It's a shame that this is the experience you're having. Unfortunately, you can't do all that much to change other people's perceptions. Even if you homeschool from kindergarten to hs graduation, your child will still have to deal with these people in one way or another. Homeschooling *could* provide you with the chance to minimize her experience with bigotry, particularly in the early years, but you would still need to gradually provide her with the tools to cope and stand proud through the years.

Personally, I think homeschooling could be a great way to tackle that, but I'm not sure I can recommend it as a viable option if this is your ONLY reason. It takes a great deal of commitment, and there are days when it's just plain hard. If you feel forced into that arrangement and resentful of it, neither you nor your child are likely to enjoy it.

1 mom found this helpful

Look into virtual homeschooling.

www.connectionsacademy.com

I wish you all the best.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This one is for your state.

http://www.connectionsacademy.com/pennsylvania-cyber-scho...

1 mom found this helpful

Honestly, I'm surprised that the REASON for the looks is that you are a mixed race family. In this small town, are you sure it's not also because you are NEW? Mixed race couples are nothing new (heck, I'm biracial and I'm 30 years old!) I'm sure the LOOK of your family gives them an extra reason to stare, but I'd bet dollars to donuts that if you stopped and introduced yourself you'd find it was more about not knowing ANYTHING about you.

That said, if you've chosen this community in which to live, it doesn't matter how you school your child. THESE are the children your children will associate with . Private school won't be any different than public for THIS and if you homeschool, the kids in the playgroups and activities will STILL be from this community.

My advice is to join your new community. Get to know people. Become part of your community. Maybe your family looks different than the others, but the more you get involved the more you will become part of the place.

HTH
T.

1 mom found this helpful

My advice would be to give your public schools a chance before you make this decision. I totally understand your concern about your child based on your interactions so far in the town. I've lived in small towns in the south often, and I know what your concern is. But I also know that you, as your child's mother, have a window of opportunity to win over the people in your community by showing them that they were wrong about you in their initial judgment (assuming they've made those judgments). It will require courage and assertiveness, and yes, just avoiding it and withdrawing will be easier, especially at first. But if you get involved in your school, library programs, and other places where people can get to know you and your child instead of just seeing you from a distance, I think you'll be surprised by how much they come to embrace you as part of the community. And if you treat them without judgment yourself (as in, don't assume that they are going to be mean and shun you or your child--there is more open mindedness than you think, especially in younger generations), that will happen more quickly. People can pick up on the vibes we put out; they know when you're on your guard just as they know when you're genuinely open to them. Give them a chance before writing them off, and set an example for your child that you can be a part of the community by being who you are.

1 mom found this helpful

I completely empathize and applaud with your desire to protect your daughter. I feel the same way and am considering homeschooling as well. However, I wonder if homeschooling for certain reasons might send your child an unintentional message that you are ashamed or embarrassed about who you are? Even though plenty of people are horrible and racist and ignorant, this is not a reason to hide (or none of us would be able to go out in public). If you are considering homeschooling primarily to shelter her from a cruel world, I wouldn't recommend it. Rather send her to a public or private school, but handpick her friends (YOUR friends, really, who have kids) who have similar values to yours. Since she's not in school yet, you can start now. I have a 3 year old and all the people I go on playdates with share similar values with our family. I think this will help her feel like she does belong somewhere, even if she doesn't feel that way at school. And even as I am typing, I realize that LOTS of kids get teased at school, perfectly WASP kids get teased for tons of reasons- wrong clothes, braces, acne, funny name, poor, etc., so she is in good company (not that this reality makes it any easier for her or you!)

I went to private school and always felt different there- I was poor and not white. In 10th grade I went to public school and even though I WAS different, there were so many different groups that I did feel like I could still fit in somewhere, so the sheer number of kids helped bring some sense of diversity.

One caveat, ironically, you may run into people who have chosen to homeschool in order to NOT expose their children to differences, and then you may feel like an "other" among that community as well.

Best wishes.

1 mom found this helpful

I literally have had this on my mind too. Basically what we've decided is that when it comes time to put our son school, I can either put him in public school, or I can homeschool...what ever feels right at the time. The only way I can stop worrying so much about it now is to know that if I do decide to put him in public school, I can take him out at any time and homeschool if I feel it is not benefiting him. I am currently looking for a good church with lots of kids and one that offers kids programs. That way, if he has alot of friends by the time school starts, then I wont feel so guilty homeschooling him, because I know he will get tons of interaction when we go to church functions or play dates.

1 mom found this helpful

bullying can occur in any situation. Prejuidice can occur as the result of not being able to cope with other's differences.

My older son battled a degenerative hip disease from age 6 on....with a hip replacement at age 23. His school years were a strange combination of acceptance & peer bashing. From KG thru 5th grade, he used a combo of forearm crutches, wheelchair, & at times an orthotic hip brace. There were kids who were helpful, kind, & caring.....& then there were kids who were cruel, hateful, & asinine.

In 4th grade, my son's hardware was removed from his hip. With the teacher's permission, he did a showNtell. Biggest mistake we ever made... instead of strengthening his classmates perception of what he'd been thru - the presentation simply provided fodder for the cruelty. Our son became known as "metal leg". I was over-the-top furious with how horribly mean the kids were.....& the event increased the chip on my son's shoulder. It's been more than 12 years since then....& my son still mentions/resents those episodes.

In order to cope with all of the angst, we had to work with him regularly. We had a variety of coping mechanisms to help him thru....but in the end, there was no way to prevent the unkind actions of others. He absolutely hated anyone staring at him & became quite cold/offensive about it. Locking him up in our home was never an option & he had to learn to live with the life he'd been dealt.

This does not make us good/bad parents. No matter where we lived, he would have had to face ?s & comments from others. Social interaction is so important to learning to live life ....that we never, ever considered home schooling. We knew that the more we involved him in our community & at school, the better off he'd be....& those coping skills would carry him thru a lifetime.

& that's my recommendation for you: teach your child to be happy & to be able to cope in today's world. That is the best we can do for them. Your choice of schooling should be based on your own personal preferences & not thru a fear of other's actions. There will always be bullies....& you will always be a better person than those bullies. To know this, to accept this - makes you a stronger, better human being. Peace....

I will start my post by sharing that I am passionate about public school. I was a white (majority) kid who went to a rural high school. I hid my tears when I got picked on, but it did happen (a lot). I had an awkward adolescence but am now proud of who I've become. I do believe that it is critical to learn to rise above and to endure what feels more tough than we think we can handle. In your case, you will help to guide your daughter through this process (didn't happen in my case, because my parents were a little more removed from what I was going through). Private schools are not necessarily any better than public on racial issues (our multi-racial friends pulled their child out of private school because of "lack of diversity," and I've heard just as many bullying stories from the private schools as the public schools). In my opinion, home schooling only delays (or changes the dynamics) of teasing and bullying and, in extreme cases, prevents the solid friendships that are critical to support in tough times.

I guess the single biggest piece of advice I can give you is to build relationships in your area that will support whatever decision you make. Don't let your feelings about others (especially if you feel that everyone is prejudiced against you) spill over to your daughter. I'm not saying that many people aren't close-minded, but what evidence do you have that your new area is worse than where you came from? Can you be the one to break the ice, to create positive interactions, to set the example that all colors are beautiful? I believe that your attitude is the one that will make or break whatever experience you create for your child(ren). I wish you all the best on this journey, because I look back so fondly on my childhood in "the country" and wouldn't have changed it for the world :)

It could be just as ladybug described...You are new to the area and people are curious..nosey etc...Give everyone a chance so you can understand intent and motive etc...As far as schooling goes..I certainly would educate myself on the school district..your finances for private school and what co-op/support netowork for homeschooling. Eventually, you will make the best decision for your family.

It seems as though you have closed your mind to your community as well. You have no faith in your community, so I have to ask why you have chosen to live there. If you own your home, you're stuck. If you are renting or can sell- consider it. Of course, you could make a decision to get involved in the community and allow your presence and attributes to speak for you. Let people get to know you. If you make an effort to let them get to know you, then you may find that people may not accept your choice to marry someone of a different race, but they may like YOU!

First and foremost, you need to decide what your priorities are for your child's education and then figure out what you can afford to do. Homeschool is NOT easy. It's actually quite difficult (from what I have observed) and unless you have contacts and support in the community, it's "all you, all day".

Kids are mean to one another. Adults are judgemental and mean to one another. However... not every kid is mean and not all adults are closed-minded. You are assuming that public schools are free-for-alls that allow children to bully and judge when in reality that's not the case.

As a product of private education I can assure you that my education was actually better than public education b/c I now work in public education. It was more rigorous, more advanced and more current. However, that came with a hefty price tag (at the time $18,000 a year). My parents wanted us to have the best education possible and made sacrifices to make sure it happened. My education is something that can never be taken away.

On the flip side of that, I was educated in a silo. I never interacted with children who were not (at minimum) upper middle class. I didn't really know anyone whose parents struggled to put food on the table. I didn't play with children who were monolingual, nor did I have friends who weren't enrolled in numerous enrichment activities. I wouldn't change my upbrining, but it took me a long time to recognize and understand that not everyone grew-up like I did.

We live in a small town and send our children to Catholic school. We were supposed to be getting a little boy from Haiti in my son's 5th grade class, but I'm not sure what happened. Last I heard, he hadn't left Haiti yet because he was sick. Anyway, the kids were very excited about him coming, and my son was really disappointed that he didn't make it here by the end of the school year because he (my son) will be starting 6th grade at a different school.

I'm just saying that you shouldn't assume that because you live in a rural area, that your child will be treated badly because of race. People may stare @ you, but it could just be because you're new and they stare at all new people. Small towns can be like that. I don't know how old your child is, but try joining a play group so you can get to know people and make some friends there. I think you'll feel better about things once you've started meeting people.

Best wishes =o)

I wonder if your perception might be a bit tainted... They might be gawking because you are new to the area. We, too, are in a very rural area, but we are not an inter-racial couple. We got gawked at for months until they got used to seeing us. The cop stopped me one night to find out who I was and where I lived... It was interesting that he waiting until I got VA plates to do that, though.

As for public school - you pay taxes. You pay for school. Send your children. You can get a decent education out of any public school in the USA providing you are an involved parent with motivated students. If your kid is not motivated to learn and you are not involved in his/her education, it doesn't matter how affluent the community, your children will not succeed.

Both of my children are both public school system kids. My son is the recipient of an Army ROTC scholarship -- those are few and far between these days... My daughter is a rising Junior. She takes AP classes and even some Dual Enrollment classes with the local community college. The public schools have much to offer -- but you have to be involved to find out about some of these things...

As you meet people, their opinions will form and won't have anything to do with the color of skin. It will have to do with personalities... There will be people who like you and people who don't. So be it.
LBC

Oh Dear. That is a lot of angst. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Let me assure you that private school kids can be just as mean as public school kids........ but no one may be mean at all.

I assume you cannot move, so try not to worry and realize you can't control other peoples attitudes. Then, just do your best to think the best of your new neighbors (like you want them to think of you) and give them a chance (like you want them to give you). It is what it is and all you can do is teach your kids to be good and accepting people and how to stand up for themselves.

I would suggest you get involved in the community as much as you can right now before your kids start school. Show your community who you are. Let them gawk and try not to be sensitive. Talk to people, be friendly, join clubs. Teach them who you are.