Holy Hanna, I'm Having Twins!!

Hi A.,

Congratulations!!! I don't really have any good advice for you, but I can understand a little bit how you feel. We had 2 little kids at the time, someone very important to our family just died, we all had the stomach flu, and - I got pregnant. Unplanned. Very, very briefly considered abortion, decided against it.
Now, 8 years later, our little guy is so cool!! We are so happy to have our surprise baby, couldn't imagine our family without him. He's a very loving, generous, funny little guy. I always knew I wanted more kids, but without the "surprise" I would probably not have done it, due to worries about money, resources, etc...
I know the initial shock is, well, a shock. But unless you or your husband are completely opposed to more kids - which it doesn't sound like - you'll get used to the idea soon, and begin to enjoy and anticipate the babies.
Best of luck!! Try to relax and go with the flow. This is obviously mean to be :-)
Oh, one more thing: Since you'll be a family of 6, depending on your income, you might qualify for some reduced cost programs, e.g. in some cities you can get your water bill or utilities lowered, or free school lunches, etc. Make sure to check this out, don't be ashamed to use resources that are available. I'm sure you'll get a lot of good and more specific advice from the other ladies here :-)

Again - congratulations!
S.

2 moms found this helpful

Just wanted to extend a welcome to you! :) There are some striking similarities in our circumstances which is why I responded to this post (I don't usually respond, just read :) If you live in the Portland area I would be happy to get together for a chat, give a little encouragement when you are exhausted at the end of your pregnancy and chasing after two toddlers, and maybe let our kiddos play for awhile.

I have been married for 7 years and we had a 3 year old and 20 month old when we found out we were pregnant and discovered at almost 7 months it was TWINS!!! My husband was initially very overwhelmed at the news as well, but who wouldn't be? My girls are now 5, 3, the twins just turned 2 and we now have a three month old little boy as well. So, that makes 5, 5 years and under...I totally understand what you are heading into!!!! And let me assure you, as crazy as it is, it is WONDERFUL. I have used cloth diapers on all my kids and do not regret it a bit, even with the twins. In fact, it helped me be motivated to potty train the twins early to save me some washing! :) They are both in panties all day now and only diapers at nap and bed, you can do it!

I also have run a handmade business like you for the last 4 years and I have a booth down at the Portland Saturday Market and sell in stores and other shows on the west coast!

I have lots of tips to share if you want but I totally understand how overwhelming just the thought of TWO babies being added to your already busy life is and if you just need to air your thoughts and ask questions, I am open to listening and sharing where I can. There is much to be said about receiving help where you can, being gracious with yourself and others, preparing the older siblings (even though they are young) to be helpers with the babies, planning, organizing and more organizing, and having a good perspective on money and the value of simple living, and learning to rest even when life feels like it is going 90 miles an hour and you can't stop!

Take care of yourself, eat tons of protein, get plenty of iron, exercise and try to relax! My midwives had me read Having Twins or more by Elizabeth Noble and it was extremely helpful in terms of information and education. I highly reccommend it above most other reading on the topic as it is well balanced void of fact free scare tactics. Your body was made to do this and is highly capable! I was able to carry my twins 40 weeks, dialated to 7 cm and was in labor on and off for 4 days and then birthed them both naturally. Jane was born in the water and Hazel was breech so she was born "on land" as we like to call it. They weighed in at 7 lbs 11 oz and 6 lbs 2 oz. We breastfed (most often 2 at a time) for 10 months and I learned much in the process as you can imagine. :) They are both wonderfully healthy and their birth, while difficult was something I would never change. I think much about us having such a healthy experience is credited to what I learned reading this book. Just food for thought.

Feel free to email me at ____@____.com if you want to talk more or set up a playdate. I wish you the very best in your pregnancy and a growing and blessed family!!!

Cheers,
J.

1 mom found this helpful

I second the support of the EMOMS group. While I don't have multiples myself, I have several friends (in different areas) that do and they SWEAR by EMOMS. Not only for support, but they can help you get some GREAT deals on supplies too! Also, even though you are a well established family - check your income level against WIC....depending on your income, the size of your family might qualify.

EMOMS: http://www.emoms.org/default.aspx

It will be ok! I remember my shock after that first ultrasound. My twins are three now, and I've reached the stage where they play together, and hone their sharing skills together, and it's great. I don't have older kids, so in some ways it was easier, but that also meant I had no experience!

It doesn't have to be expensive if you get everything second-hand. Also, think about hiring a babysitter for childcare, at least part time, rather than using a daycare -- it can sometimes be cheaper.

You CAN use cloth diapers, and although you didn't ask about it, you CAN breast-feed. I had no trouble nursing two at once (double football hold!) Also, your pregnancy won't necessarily be tough. Mine was actually easy, although of course I was very big at full term.

Best of luck!

You'll be okay! If you want to cloth diaper, try a diaper service for a couple months and see if you can manage before you invest in a bunch of diapers. It'll seem more expensive, but if you learn that cloth just isn't going to work, it'll still be cheaper than buying a ton of diapers you won't use.

Even though your in-laws are all busy with work etc., ask for them to come help in the evening. If someone different comes every day, then it's not so much for everyone to help out for the first month.

www.mommysonline.com

An amazing site with tons of wonderful moms and great info and support!

I'm a SAHM for the same reason. No point in me working just to give it all to childcare! My husband is a cop and works 12hr shifts as a minimum and tons of overtime!

We have 3 kiddos all 14 months aparts and under 4!

Email me anytime! ____@____.com

I would live one day at a time, take very deep breaths, and look all your boys in the eyes and tell them you love them every day. Especially after the twins come.

If you have a church community ask them for assistance, some people will be so excited to help out, you will be amazed. Ask the multiples group for help before the twins come too. I am sure some of them will be willing to help out, and will understand exactly what you are going through.

As to the diapers. I had two children, two years apart, both in diapers, cloth. It can be done if you want to. But the two days they had diarrhea was a b.....!

Remember to tell your husband thank you when you can--he sounds totally shocked by this news--for hanging in there.

Hi A., I'm nearly 38 weeks pregnant with twin boys at the moment, so I can't tell you what it's like yet, but it did help me to join EMOMS (it's $30 per year). Not sure if that's the local group that you joined, but I found it to be a great resource. You can google them for the web site. Going to the first year meetings has made me feel like there will be a lot of support out there when these little guys make their appearance. I've lined up lots of help, too, as I have a two and a half year old at home... By the way, I'm contemplating cloth for the twins as my son is still in diapers and I think the cost of it all is going to be insane. I will do newborn disposables first, though, as all the cloth ones I've looked at are not worth buying the smalls... Not sure what else I can tell you until they are born (Monday I will be induced).... Good luck and keep in touch and I'll let you know what I figure out along the way...

I can sort of relate to this through my brother-in-law. My husbands youngest brother had a 3.5 year old daughter, and a 16 month old daughter when she gave birth to twin girls! THats right, 4 girls under the age of 4!!! They went in to find out what they were having (Really hoping for a boy) and when the doctor said two girls! Man I would have loved to see my brother-in-laws face!!! They are now 6,3.5, and 2. I also have a friend that had twin girls when their son was 13 months old and then gave birth to another single boy when the twins were 15 months old.
I am really not sure what advice I can give other than it is a struggle (thats an understatement)...but a child or multiple children are a blessing. Relax and enjoy this time, while they are in utero! Also, no matter how stressful life gets mkae time for each kid. My husband and I only have 2, but we see the importance of one on one time with each child no matter how many you have.

A.,
Congrats!I can imagine what a big surprise for you and your husband to find out you are having twins (especially when it was not exactly planned)

I have 23mo old B/G twins and we went through fertility for them. I now have a 5mo old "surprise", baby girl, who we love dearly. We were not supposed to be able to get pregnant but god obviously has a sense of humor:)It has been challenging but life gets better when they get a little older IMO.

The twins love their baby and try to help out. Hopefully, your boys will be into being "big" brothers and actually help a little.

One small piece of advice is you have to accept that you cannot make everyone happy all the time. It is hard for me when the twins need something and I am feeding the baby which takes up both my hands and vice versa when she needs something and I am in the middle of something with the twins. I guess it will teach them patience at best (or at least that is what I tell myself) but even though I know crying will not hurt anyone, it does pull at my heart.
Also, I belong to the local multiples group here in Salem and it may be a good resource for you. There are some particular issues with multiples you may find different than with singletons. It is a really nice group of ladies and there is a baby group within it also. Since your youngest is 3, you may need support on the whole baby stuff like me. I forgot so much in just a few short years.

I wish you the best. Feel free to send a PM if you have any questions about the group or anything. I really feel for you but I am sure you and your husband can do it.

Congrats and good luck to you! If you live in the Portland area you should look into Northwest Nannies Institute. They have a practicum program (in-home, hands on training) that might be great for you. They place an about to graduate student in your home to provide nanny services for you and you provide guidance and fill out a few evaluation forms. Best of all, it is free to you! You do have to attend a training class and fill out an application, but you may be able to do this before you have your babies, so you will be ready to go when they come and if/when a student is available. Sittercity.com and care.com are also online resources for nannies, babysitters and caregivers. If you attend church, I am sure there is a women's league that could provide assistance as well. Good luck to you!

Wish I had advice, but I wanted to let you know you are not alone! We have an almost 3 year old and Thursday found out we are having twins too! A bit of a shock and now the realities are checking in. Needing a larger car that fits 3 car seats, needing another infant car seat, needing more cloth diapers, how am I going to nurse them both, etc, etc.

It's quite shocking and overwhelming. And I'll be sure to share any sites I come across that are useful or helpful. It's a true blessing that while we have no possible way to imagine being able to afford 1 more baby let alone 2 right now, we know it will work out and things will be fine in the end.

Keep positive thoughts and remember, you'll have twice the love joining your family!

A.

A., sweetie - you are amazing --- ( and so is your dh --) Be sure to 'haunt' the various freesites ---- be really straight with family--- maybe someone recently retired would be willing to come and help for a few months --- at least be really clear with the family that is local about what you need ( both now- and after the babies come- you may either underestimate or be a bit sideways in your expectations. Be REALLY kind to yourself - and your dh - be sure to tell him how grateful you are that he gulped and put on a glad face ( even if you saw the dismay--- he tried - good for him ) -- you and your are in my prayers.

Old Mom
aka- J.

We are going through this right now... found out we are having identical girls sometime in November... our son will be 26 months at that point.

My focus is trying to have the most healthy pregnancy for myself and the babies as possible. My husband is freaking out about bigger house, bigger car, how to pay for everyone... so I let him. I try to gently tell him it will all be alright but I am not going to take on all that fear and anxiety. All our family is on the east coast so we will need to find some support.

The most stressful thing at the beginning was finding a dr. The doctor who delivered our son had moved out of state... we had just settled in with someone when we discovered they were twins and he said he would not be able to deliver them. We wanted them to be born at the hospital our son was born at (Swedish Ballard) but they do not have the high level NICU so were shuttled to Swedish First Hill. We had to go through two departments until we found the right place ... the Obstetrix group. My situation may be more high risk that yours since I am 40 but we feel like we now have a good doctor/group in place.

We also recently got into the multiples class... we were wait listed and would have had to wait until September but a space opened up. I am grateful we got in because I think I would have been really uncomfortable and also am concerned about potentially having to go on bed rest.

So I would focus on what you need to get done. I can get overwhelmed if I look at the whole picture (of the next 19 years). People are very generous ... I am already getting used girl clothes and baby gear to borrow. The next step is to look into a doula or some other type of childcare giver who has experience with twins and may be able to come in a few times a week once the babies are born. (and maybe someone who could come in to help with my son if I do go on bedrest)

I would just recommend trying to enjoy this wonderful time and keep things manageable.

Best wishes!!

B.

Dear A.-

Begin lining up friends and family to help you during the last two months of pregnancy as you may be very tired. Carrying two babies is strenuous. Cloth diapers will be a great deal of work but save money and the environment. Keep the disposables for night time changes.
If people ask what you would like for a baby present ask for cash to be used to hire a housekeeper once a week. You will be very glad to have one the first six to eight months.
Shopping for food will be a big project the first three months. Make lists and send others out to buy the food. Anyone who wants to bring your family a home cooked meal deserves to be blessed.
You are on the right track getting in touch with families of multiples.

L.

Hi A.
I'm a mama to 20month b/g twins and 4 month old boy. So while i am backwards from you i am going through what you will be here soon. First know that you can handle whatever comes. It is daunting but you can do it. i do cloth diapers with all of mine and don't see . I didn't see it adding to my daily life all that much. My husband works and i am home by myself with all three. If you are breastfeeding anticipate it being a long time. With my twins i was lucky if i got to go pee every 4 hours or so. you will find the balance that your family needs. It can be hard but it is worth it. Hang in there! When i had my twins since I didn't have an older child, I would take a shower when I needed a break. That 10 minutes would make me feel worlds better. Feel free to email me if you have questions or just need someone who has been there done that!

S.