M.J. asks from Minneapolis, MN on November 25, 2011
Holiday Troubles? Avoid or Attack
We couldnt have Thanksgiving on Thursday this year due to Jobs and Travel so we are having it tomorrow. One of my sisters had a trip to Australia planned for this day and several months ago asked if we would take her and her family to the airport that day. I know we decided to celebrate, and I said it was still ok and that one of us will take her to the airport. She is so very upset that we decided on this day for our FAMILY AND FRIENDS celebrations. She is mad and is having a small tizzy. She now refuses to come early to join in the festivity, and insists she is parking on the nearest side street and waiting for the driver (my husband) and wont come inside. I told her thats fine, but I plan on making a little plate for each of them (her, her husband, and daughter) and taking it to them in the car. Is this just inflammatory or considerate. I dont want to make her anger more before a big international trip. I am NOT about DRAMA as she is the queen of it. I want to keep it low key. What do you think?
So What Happened?™
Back story is that she had her plan for Australia since a year ago, as far as itinerary of departure that she secured 2 months ago. They were waiting on a confirmation on a tourist package. When she decided on the day of departure, she was still planning on NOT attending any of OUR family get togethers since her husband's mom was dying. She did die a few weeks ago and she was going to go to their sides Thanksgiving out of respect. As far as OUR plans, we didnt have any till End of Oct. We generally dont do anything together, and my husband is not from this country and doesnt celebrate this day. I do it out of tradition. At my sons birthday party, we discussed amoungst ourselves, (the sister in question was there) that I would have it this year and another sister was going to have Christmas. Since my house is bigger. OK. SHE agreed at that time it was slated for nov 24, then unexpected some things came up IE. work and trips for other family. OK So she was giving a notice and no reply. When I finally confronted her about coming or not, she was SO angry about us changing our celebration for HER day of departure. There were no plans or anything for a going away party, its not like its a BIG deal to us. All of us have done international trips before. She wasnt there for our send off. So why she is entitled to some hooray party for her going is beyond me. She then informed me that she would not attend or even come into the house, as not to bother us. Since we didnt bother to include her plans in our Thanksgiving celebration day and why didnt we pick Sunday or Friday. She also GET THIS, MAILED me canned Corn. Her note stated it was her contribution to a celebration she is not attending. OH MY GOD. She lives an hour from me, and she works 20 minutes from my home. I live closest to the airport and thats why she hit us up for rides. Anyway thats back story.
Featured Answers
T.M. answers from Tampa on November 25, 2011
D.F. answers from Boston on November 25, 2011
I am sorry but I would not drive them if they are going to act like spoiled brats. Nor would I make them a plate of food. Attention is what she is looking for , I would not give it to them.
3 moms found this helpful
More Answers
K.. answers from Phoenix on November 25, 2011
I would say "I am sorry that the timing doesn't work for you & that you can't make it to dinner. We will miss having you there. I hope you have a nice trip."
Personally, I would not beg or bend over backwards for a self involved brat like that. Take yourself out of the drama & negativity, walk away, and enjoy your holiday with your family. You will never make someone like that happy, she will always find something to complain about. It's not worth it.
5 moms found this helpful
T.M. answers from Tampa on November 25, 2011
She is being a brat. Treat her like a child and ignore her little tantrum. If you have had this day picked out for months, then you are nice to still agree to take them to the airport. I wouldn't worry about the food...I would just wish her a nice trip....
4 moms found this helpful
D.F. answers from Boston on November 25, 2011
I am sorry but I would not drive them if they are going to act like spoiled brats. Nor would I make them a plate of food. Attention is what she is looking for , I would not give it to them.
3 moms found this helpful
L._. answers from San Diego on November 25, 2011
My low key response,.... I'd tell her to grow up and come early and at least put in an apperance, or pay for a cab/limosine to take them to the airport. I really HATE it when people are so inconsiderate of each other.
3 moms found this helpful
A.J. answers from Williamsport on November 25, 2011
I never suggest ignoring tantrums, but in this case: ignore her. No food, no good tidings at the "side street", etc. You're sacrificing your husband and doing her a huge favor with the ride to the airport. The plans were made so long ago they should take a cab. The nicer you are the more entitled she'll feel and she'll interpret it as you admitting you're "wrong" if you try to make nice-nice. In other words, for someone like her, yes, it's inflammatory.
2 moms found this helpful
A.S. answers from Iowa City on November 25, 2011
As I'm sure you can tell based on her attitude, she doesn't want a plate. Don't make her one. That would just feed into her tantrum. Plus, it isn't going to be easy to eat a plate of food in a moving car. Stick to the plan of having hubs driver her to the airport...no more, no less.
2 moms found this helpful
K.N. answers from Boston on November 25, 2011
Good for you for taking the high road. I like your plan, especially how you're respecting the decision she's made but not feeding into any of the drama around it.
Way to go.
2 moms found this helpful
C.O. answers from Washington DC on November 25, 2011
MartyMomma:
Avoid. There's nothing to be gained by attacking it. She made the plans. You stated she had NO intention of attending parties/festivities.
While it's sweet of you to want to make them a plate, I wouldn't. It's not like could eat it in the car and once they get to the airport open food like that might not get past security.
Your sister is being VERY inconsiderate and acting like a spoiled brat.
She might be upset that the festivities are the day that she is leaving and is worried about being late for the airport and since she might be stressing over the death of her MIL as well as a 22 hour plane ride she might not have the right words to state why she is upset. Therefore her tizzy.
You want to avoid drama and like things low-key? Okay - don't deal with it. Don't make her a plate and ensure that your husband is there in time to drive her and her family so they are not late.
2 moms found this helpful
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