Holiday Gathering Woes

I am a mother of two married children, one with kids and one that has not started his own family as well. My husband and I began having a family Thanksgiving the weekend before the holiday. We make the traditional dinner and each of our kids and their families come and enjoy the day immensly. It is the gathering and family togetherness not a date on the calander that matters. As for Christmas my parents taught me that Christmans should be spent in ones own home, not traveling from parents to parents, children need that holiday to grow and nurture their own memories not grandparents memories. There are enough days in the holiday season to start new traitions and maintain a loving connection with each side of your respective families. I am the mother of sons and so often we are accused of being bullies and get a bad rap often in the media, but I love my children too much to create unnecessary friction in their lives, it is the time we spend together that is important and I can enjoy a Saturday Thanksgiving with out stress far better than A Thursday Thanksgiving filled with tension. Think about this and if each of your parents continue to cause tension in your lives, stand up for your new family and begin all new trations pepper with traditions form each but begin them at your home not some one elses.

4 moms found this helpful

Like many, I can relate. But my parents didn't get divorced until I was married. This is how I see it. When my parents chose to get divorced, they chose splitting up grandkid time in half also. Unless they can all be together at our house and get along (they can).

This is YOUR family now: you and your husband and kid(s). You do what's best for you guys. When you have your own family, the holidays are about YOUR family. We say "look, we're having christmas eve-everyone is welcome" and have christmas for us. If the parents don't like it or don't want to come over, then they can come over in a few days.

I remember being stressed out being at my dad's house, where people smoke. I felt so bad having to leave before we had christmas dinner, but it was about doing what's best for the kids. That was hard to say "sorry, but we have to go". But again, you need to make sure you, your husband and kid are doing what's right for YOU GUYS, not your parents. They should know better!

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My suggestion is to alternate holidays. In the 11 years my husband and I have been married, we have spent the actual day with one family and the next day with the other. Fortunately, it has worked pretty well for us (it was a little shaky in the beginning for part of my side of the family). Now that we have a daughter, it's nice to know where we're going for the holidays. And everyone knows they'll get to see us at some point. Last year we celebrated Thanksgiving Day with my husband's family and then had a full Thanksgiving meal the next day with my family. You'll find something that works well for your family (you, your husband, and daughter). Everyone else may grumble and complain, but they'll just have to learn to share. :)

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Yeah, I think we all can understand where you are coming from. First thing's first - let go of the guilt. You can only do what you can do and that's it. Your main priority is your child. Traveling all day with a 4-month old would be miserable...for everyone involved. One way to combat the issue is to have Christmas at your house...or do Christmas Eve with one family...Christmas morning at your home with another...Christmas afternoon with another...and then the day after Christmast or one day the weekend after Christmas with the final one. Bottom line, you have to do what's best for you and your family. You can't be 4 places at once and no one should expect that of you. If they want quality time with you and your family then they'll need to concede and respect the distribution of the holiday.

That being said, we do our Christmas with my BF's mom on Christmas Eve, and with the rest of his family on Christmas Day and then with my mom on the day after Christmas. That way we aren't having to rush anywhere. We can relax and enjoy our time with everyone.

Good luck.

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Hi A.,
The holidays are really stressful for a lot of people. Too much activity in too short a time. I give you permission to do what is in the best interests of you, your baby, and your husband. Visiting all those people in one day I imagine would result in exhaustion and bitterness, rather than in peace and joy and good will to all relatives! A couple of years ago, I wanted to start our own traditions, so my husband, toddler and I stayed home for Christmas. While this didn't go over well with my mother, my parents did come to my house a couple of days after Christmas, and we had a lovely visit! My sister also came on another day. In January we travelled to visit extended family. If you feel overwhelmed with just the thought of it all, don't put yourself through it. Christmas can be celebrated over a few days, or a couple of weeks, or a month. It doesn't all have to happen on this one day. A good response to those who are negative toward your decision would be, "I understand that's how you feel." Tell them you are starting your own family tradition for Christmas day, and that you will look forward to seeing them on such and such a day. It is perfectly reasonable to rotate seeing different relatives for each holiday, and don't forget Easter as a possible time to also get together. You can't please everyone, so please yourself first. Just politely but firmly express your decision, and don't worry about the response you get. Tell whoever is on the phone nagging you that you have a pot boiling on the stove or are about to have a bowel movement, and get off the phone before they can stress you out. Enjoy your holidays!! R.

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oh this sounds just like my childhood!

my family realized a long time ago that not everyone can make it on christmas day (this even includes easter and thanksgiving too) because of the size of the family (one side has 30 one side has 28 with all the aunts/cousins/etc)

thanksgiving/christmas day is saved for my mom's. we have thanksgiving/christmas at my grandma's the sunday before. and the otherside is the sunday after that way everyone has time to go to all of the get together's and not feel rushed/stretched/etc. it has made sooo much more sense and more time to actually enjoy getting together with the families.

i hope this helps!

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Hi A.,
I can relate to your situation! My parents are divorced and have been for many many years but still can not seem to be in the same room as each other. My dad is also remarried so we have step family that has always treated me and my sisters like family (for 22 years). Then we have my in-laws who have learned to be flexable because of my disfunctional family. Even for my childrens b-day parties my dad will not attend because my mom and my sister (who he is not talking to) is there. It gets so frustrating because they are adults and it is the kids who really suffer.

What my husband I did for the holidays is split it up as evenly as possible. If your family lives close it should help. Christmas eve we go to my in-laws and the kids open up their presents then. Christmas mid morning we go to my dads and christmas day night we do something with my mom and that side. We used to go to my step-grandmas christmas morning but it is way to much so this year we are having it the saturday before christmas.

My advice to you is to talk it over with your husband and figure out what you are willing to do and plan accordingly. Maybe see some family christmas eve and others christmas day. If you have family members that can stay in the same room together without fighting...kill two birds with one stone and have them all there at once. I know you feel pulled in many different ways and you do not want to hurt anyones feelings, but you have a family now and it is time for you to make your own traditions. If your family really wants to see your family they should have no problem complying to your standards. Stand firm...and let them know exactly the way you want things to go during the holidays! If you start this early on in your childs life it should be easier as the years go by. I wish you luck and happy holidays!

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There have been a few family gatherings we "got out of" because one of ours wasn't feeling too well.

I know it's a lot to consider, but maybe have it at your place, and everybody brings a dish and don't be afraid to "assign" dishes.

Otherwise, stick to your guns, and just let everyone know, "It isn't that we don't love you, but we are POOPED! We hope you understand that having a newborn is a lot of work. We would rather spend a lot of quality time with everyone and feel the best way to do that is to split Thanksgiving and Christmas this way."

Now that being said, there are things you can do to make traveling a little easier. (We live 2 hours from my family.) Let the people who's places you're visiting know that arrival time might be a little tricky because you'll need to time it around baby's feeding's. Feed her, then once she dozes off - put her in the car seat and go. Be willing to sit in the back seat during the trip in case she wakes up and needs a pacifier or something.

Take her normal diaper bag with you, but make another one that will actually be the one you take in with you.

We have what we call a "booty bag" that we keep in the car to take into places with us. When our girls were younger, we had it stocked with: a package of wipes, a few diapers, a couple of empty plastic grocery bags for diaper changes (to put the dirty diaper in), Ready to feed formula (they have 8 oz. bottles, and 2 oz. bottles at the stores), a container for some dry baby cereal (that could be put into the formula if we needed it), gas drops, tylenol, booty balm (bag balm, desitin, aquafor, whatever), bottles, bibs, pacifiers, 1 or two extra change of clothes. It sounds like a lot, but it worked out very well for us. If you don't have an extra diaper bag, a backpack will work, or a small carry-on size travel bag will work too.

ALSO, bring a cooler and any snacks & drinks you want for the trip.

It really doesn't take that long to put those things together, and it's amazing at how much it makes the trip more tolerable.

ANyway - just a few thoughts....good luck!

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Your "isssue" is more common then you may think! I feel the holidays are a nightmare as well! Before and after we had our first child my husband and I started discussing how we were going to spend our holidays with our child in our house b/c those are the fond memories we had as children growing up. Just put your foot down to all the travel plans. It's not like you can't visit other times of the year besides Thanksgiving day or Christmas day! I agree with the others, if you can accomodate your families, invite them to come to you...that way you get to stay home but are still being friendly towards everyone! Good Luck, there's always someone who's going to be unhappy but I wouldn't feel guilty about it!

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A.,
Please do not let the demands your family puts on you and yours ruin your holidays. We have been splitting up the holidays for years, but have changed the rules over the last few years. We decided we wanted traditions at our own home for Christmas morning, so we stay here. We work out the rest of the holidays as well as we can. You do not have to live your holidays to please others. Let them know how much you love them and how much they are tearing your heart apart. We got on a rotating schedule, as far as which family we visit for which holiday. A lot of this has changed as our family is now VERY spread out, but we make the decisions that are best for our family. Do not be afraid of doing this. Make the holidays special for them, but most of all for you, your husband and your daughter. The extended family may not like it at first, but if you and your husband are united in the decision, they will have to accept it. God bless.

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Hi A.,

My husband's family has been the main problem in the past. They feel like we're on the clock for spending equal time with each family. The fact is, you can't. Or they expected that we would (because we would need to drive in 2-3 hours each way) sacrifice each baby's schedule to meet theirs. Every family has different numbers of people, different living arrangements, different activities, different stages of life. I don't think it's possible to split equal time. You just do your best to accomodate when possible and be polite but assertive when it's not possible. After 10 years and two small children, we've basically just told people what our plans are. It took a few holidays, but they got used to it. If you need to be breast feeding or putting the baby down for a nap or putting the baby down for the night, you should be able to do so without worry. Once we were able to, we volunteered to host holidays so that we didn't have to wake up in a different house on Christmas morning or drive two places in bad weather with our kids. It's a lot of work, but it has been worth it. In the meantime, stick to your guns! It will work out!

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You could just stay home for the majority of the holiday, and say that you are trying to start your own family traditions. You shouldn't be dragging a four month old all over town anyway...it will totally mess up her schedules. You could even invite people to visit you. If it won't work to have them visit you, then go see one family Christmas Eve and the other on Christmas Day in the evening. Think first about what is best for you, your husband, and your daughter. If you're too caught up in pleasing everyone else, you will not have a good holiday...it will only be stressful.

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OH honey.....we have so been there and we don't even have divorced parents!! You do need to stand firm on your decisions. They will throw a fit at first, but when you make your choice and stick by it, eventually they will see how much more enjoyable it is for you. You have to remember that this is YOUR family time as well...you, hubby and YOUR kids. We finally had to make a decision: we got to his family for Thanksgiving and my family for Christmas. That way we get to spend more time with each family. Yes, the others fuss because we aren't there for Christmas, but they just have to deal with it.

Like you, we love our families, but at some point you do have to stop the insanity. We even copped out of Thanksgiving one year because they had given us such grief over it!! We said, this is just not what the holiday is about and so we are staying home! I know it sounds harsh, but your family is more important than your extended family. Don't apologize or feel bad for doing what you guys want to do and sticking to it!! And if someone says something, just walk away or ignore it.

Good luck to you!!! My prayers are with you!

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A.....Our children are all married and they usually go to the in-laws for holidays. We have them over Christmas Eve and the Sunday before or after Thanaksgiving. That way they get to go to both parents houses. For awhile they would come to ours on the holidays and not stay long so they could go to the others. They didn't enjoy it that much, as they had to eat again in a few hours. This way everyone is happy. Maybe you can tell them that you're only free on such and such a time. Good luck.

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I had a similar problem, and we tried to go everywhere, with predictable outcomes. I grew to hate the holidays.

I started to invite my parents and my in laws to our home for Christmas. That probably wouldn't work for you because of the divorced and remarried stuff.

Perhaps you should think about staying at home and starting your own traditions with your new family. For Thanksgiving, you could go to one house for dinner and the other for dessert, then you would have to alternate years. For Christmas, it really is a season. Choose a day between the 25th and the 31st for each extended family to get together.
Don't let your families run your lives...your husband and your child are your family now.

Or you could move to another state...and see who is willing to cough up the airfare to visit. lol

Best of luck
L.

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Let me share my family party story with you. My mother is on her 3rd marriage. Marriage #1 produced me and my two sisters. Marriage #2 produced my little brother and sister, and I consider this step-dad my dad as well. He is remarried to his deceased best friend's wife. The two couples were very close for many years. Me and the two older sisters are closer to the former step-dad's family than the younger two who are biologically related. And...now, our biological father lives with me and my family. There are 5 children with 8 grandchildren between us. Needless to say, we have many, many family gatherings. All 3 husbands' families are at the same family functions. Usually the parties, are held at one of us two older girls houses, and all are in attendance. Very awkward to say the least at first, but it has become customary now. By the way, I am good friends with my ex, and still close to his family. It may seem very dysfuntional, but what an example we are setting for our children. Unfortunately, divorce is something that people have to deal with alot more in today's society. I wish it weren't that way, and all I can hope is that I can learn from my own mistakes and not pass them on to my children. I do know that holidays and other family functions are alot happier now that we do not have to worry about who's feelings are going to be hurt, and who's going to be in attendance, they love them more than us, blah, blah, blah. I'm sure with the brand new baby at home, the last thing you want to do, and at last minute, is plan a get-together for your house. Why not either mention it at the get-togethers you do decide to attend or recruit some help from the ladies. It is interesting, but the memories created are great!

1 mom found this helpful

Most everyone has these troubles. Just do what you want. The rest of your families would. They want you to feel wanted and loved. I'm sure they know you can't be 2 places at once.

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We have this problem too - both of our families live nearby, and both want to spend holidays with us, especially now that we have new baby! We anticipated that we would have this problem, so when we got married we told both families that we were alternating holidays - one year we spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his family, and the next year we switch. Once everyone got used to the idea they actually liked it better this way because they don't have to worry about sharing us. Hope that helps - I know every family is different and this can be a stressful time anyway, much less with a new baby (I feel your pain!) Good luck!

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I'm sorry I don't have any advise, but I totally feel you! My families are the same and I hate it. We have to rush from my family to get home to let our dogs out then get to go to my in laws house. FUN. NOT. I'm sorru, hopefully it'll get better one day. Good Luck and Happy Holidays

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I totally understand where you are coming from! The familys need to understand that its not easy to make a presence at all gathering. Let them know how you feel and maybe tell them its this way or no way. Good Luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

We alternate holidays - Thanksgiving with my in-laws, Christmas with my family. Next year it will switch. When it is not Christmas with my family, we all get together on a different day close to Christmas, usually the weekend before, and celebrate that day. The other thing you can do is to host at your house and let whomever wants to be there, to be there.

The way to stand firm is to explain how you feel and why you are making the decision you make. And then stick to it. You can't control how others feel about that. You can help them understand but that's about it. It's their responsibility to respect your choices or not. It's your responsibility to make sure you, your husband and child (future children) have holidays that you have fond memories of.

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Hi A.!

Congratulations on your first Holiday season with your little one! It is awesome and only gets better.

My parents divorced when I was in High School. For my graduation, they wanted to throw me separate parties, I told them No. I only wanted one and if they couldn't get a long for one day for me - then I didn't want anything. It was a pretty stiff stance, especially back then, but I have always been like that and remained that way until this day.

Once my husband and I had children, we decided that our travel would be limited and it has been. We host Thanksgiving and Christmas and if family can come, great, if they can't, that is fine too.

I think you and your husband need to decide what is best for your family. I am sure that it will be important once your daughter gets older to start or carry on traditions that both you and your husband treasure. I would suggest instituting them now so they aren't such a surprise later, i.e. Santa coming X-mas eve so it is important to be home X-mas day and allow her to play with her things, etc. O.K. it might be a little extreme this year and a little hard for others to accept, but you need to stand your ground.

I know that my stepfather thinks that since he is the grandfather, that all of the grandkids and kids should come to him. I don't agree. It is much easier for my parents and stepparents to get around to see us then us have to pack up everything imaginable to entertain our kids, snacks, diapers, etc. and trek to their house - especially now since they live 7 hours away.

In the end, you need to do what is the best for your family. You and your husband make your decision and stick to it.

Good Luck
K.

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I totally understand how you feel! When my husband and I got married, we found out how hard holidays can be with families, since there are at least 2 1/2 hours between our hometowns. We started by traveling to each home every year for each holiday, if I remember correctly, which was very tiring. Then, we had to move 3-4 hours away from our families because of my husband's job. Because he worked in a hospital and had certain call shifts during the holidays, we had times when we couldn't even make it for holiday gatherings. I know that hurt some of our family members, but my hubby's job took precedence, and he had to be at the hospital when he was scheduled. After our baby was born, we decided to switch off seeing family over holidays (when my husband's schedule allowed). Usually, one family got us on the holiday, and another got us the weekend before or after, depending on how the holiday fell. When we were that far away, we sometimes had to really cut down on our time with family because of scheduling conflicts (and nobody was ever willing to travel to see us). We've moved back closer to both our families now that my husband is practicing medicine, and he's scheduled to be on call on Thanksgiving this year. I've decided to spend the day with my family, and then, we'll see his family over the weekend after. We've decided to spend one weekend with my family for Christmas and another with his family. Our son is still too young to understand about Santa, but next year, he'll be more observant, so we're really hoping to cut down on traveling. We want to have Santa come to our house for once, instead of leaving presents at grandparents houses. ;) It'll probably be tough to get our families to understand this, but I think it'll be what's best for us. Hope that helps! Good luck!

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You have gotten alot of responses already but I hate the holidays!! So many times I have said I just want to stay home!! You can never see everyone in one day and we are dragging the kids everywhere which means they usually get no naps so they get cranky!! It is stressful. Our family lives three hours away so we usually stay the night and the kids don't sleep well because they are not in their own bed! I argue about it with my husband all the time because he really dosen't deal with the kids. I pack all their stuff and try to get them to sleep when we are away then I don't get much sleep because they don't!! It is crazy!!
I say do whatever is easiest for your family and everyone can just deal with it!!

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I am sorry you have to deal with this. It is not fun trying to juggle everyone's feelings over the holidays. I don't have much advice, but maybe it is time to split the holidays up. Go one place for Thanksgiving and another for Christmas. You can see and celebrated with others on different days. Unfortunately some relatives will never understand the need to be with family other than them. I have been married for 7 years and I still deal with issues from my in-laws. We live by my husbands family. We see them 2 times a week at church, my MIL babysits one night a week for us and I babysit my nephews 3 days a week. Yet when it comes to holidays I still get gruff that I want to go see my family that lives in another state. We usually go every other Thanksgiving and then the opposite for Christmas. So, if Thanksgiving is with my family then Christmas is with his family and then we switch the next year.

Good Luck figuring this all out.
K.

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My half sister deals with this and she has the family dinners at her home and every one comes they can put their differances aside for a few hours.So far it has worked out great.Dragging a 4 month old around town to this house and that house can be very exhausting for both you and baby.This way if baby needs a nap her bed is right there.It will also cut down on the germs she is exposed to as well as Smokers.Her first daughter was born very ill and every one had to wash their hands and use anti bacterial cleanser before handling the baby. She is now 4 years old and her youngest is 2 both are healthy and happy now and our family has grown hugely with in laws that are always around.Too cut back on the feast spendng each household brings certain foods so not everything is on her with two little ones running around.

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We rotate Thanksgiving each year--spend it with only one side of the family and the other side the following year. GRATEFULLY we were not the first family to do this, and therefore it was well accepted.
For Christmas I do attempt to see everyone, but split it up in days further from each other. I do weekends to celebrate some, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day. I refuse to start before Noon, I keep the mornings for my son and I. (I'm a single mom, but I do his Dad's family & Dad's Grandparents, My parents & siblings, both sets of my parents family). I also work full time in a hospital so I'm not always off on the Holiday. I simply give the dates I'm free to celebrate and will visit each family. If I make the family celebration wonderful. If I do not, I just say I'm sorry I missed it this year I will do my best to make this side next year.
I'm not saying I don't hear people complain about not making the family parties, but I've accepted that I do the best I can, and seeing four families is stressful enough to worry about what others think about it. :)

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We do the yearly switching too. One side of the family gets Easter and the other side gets Thanksgiving. We do Christmas Eve at home, just us. Christmas Day at the in-laws, and Boxing day with my family, works great because then my sister and her family travels on Christmas Day when there is no traffic.

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We do Thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family. Christmas Eve with my mom's side of the family. Than spend Christmas morning at our house with the kids than go to my dad's family Christmas afternoon. Has been this way for years and it has always worked. Easter we stay home. My husband has no family so he just does my family which works out.

Oh Lord...I am truly sorry A...I'm not experiencing the same exact thing...but they do need to respect your decisions. See, both my parents are deceased, so it makes it a little easier for my side...but I do have 5 sisters with lots of kids...and now they live far away, so we don't have much communication w/each other...due to our lives all being busy. (I moved away)..but now, I have a fiance who's family I adore, yet they drive me crazy. His parents are divorced...his father has nothing to do with him, and never has since he was 10yrs of age. His mother is remarried and is a very busy woman...yet she waits till the last moment to say anything to anyone about anything...lol...he has grandparents on both sides..I guess where I'm getting at is, that no one ever calls us until a week ahead of time to tell us about their plans for the holidays..where I already have plans for my holidays. We try to explain to them that we kind of want a little time for ourselves, yet they tell us that they hardly see us or the kids...(their choice)...Well its like last year, I know that family should be together...We had Thanksgiving with his mom's side of the family at noon...and no one had planned this until a week until that day..yet no one told us until 4days before the holiday. We were suppose to be out at his aunts house (on his dads side of the family) at noon! So the whole family got mad at us because we weren't organized (I'm a very organized person) I love making sure that big events like these are planned atleast a month ahead of time. Than make follow throughs until the day before. So than we had short visits and mad families. This year I don't want it to be like that...so we just told everyone that we're just coming unprepared, yet we'll bring this and that...For Christmas last year, no one told us that we're the ones that are gonna HOST Christmas...until a week ahead of time! I wasn't upset really...because for one my house is bigger, my house is childproof and I enjoy doing everything when it comes to big dinners. Now, the only problem was, is that I invited my little sister (whom at the time came up here w/her 4kids and her bf)...we had everything planned for us (just our 2families)...until his mom dropped the bomb about us being the hosts...I mean I was excited, yet a little flustered...I started stressing about what ifs!! But everything went through and was actually one of the most perfect holidays we had since we've been here!!! Birthdays are other things that bug me!! I won't go there though. Congrats on the baby girl and Have a Happy Thanksgiving and Christmas!

Hi A.,
Congratulations on your baby girl! Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. It's hard when everyone wants you to spend time with them and you can only stretch so far. It just gets harder with children. I was starting to feel some stess coming on especially now that we have a second and this will be her first Christmas. We had been making 3 trips (my folks - am, his - afternoon, and back to mine - pm). The last 1-2 years have gotten a little easier in getting together with his sister on a different day, his folks coming over to our house mid-morning and then going to my parents for dinner. It's still hectic but not as bad as it was. I don't blame you for wanting to split time. I would just really emphasize the point that the day is too short for you to be able to spend any quality time with them if you have to go to 4 different places on one day. I'm sure they all want to spend time with the baby. I would also try and get together with the family(ies) you don't see on the actual holiday during the weekend and alternate - the ones you see this Thanksgiving Day get Christmas next year, etc.
Try not to stress too much - ENJOY your little angel!
Happy Holidays!

You have to do what is best for you, and your family. That is, the baby right now. If travelling all over creation is stressing the baby out, just inform the family of the arrangements that work best around the baby's schedule. Yes, people will be upset, (believe me, I know), but a cranky baby with a hundred million people grabbing for her isn't any good, either. Maybe spend an hour or two at one side for tanksgiving or christmas and then switch. Or, maybe switch years with alternating famileis. We just told our families what Christmas was OUR family holiday and if they wanted to come to us, that was fine. Good luck...

Me and my husband decided we had to fix this problem once we had our first child. We told all families that we were going to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with his side and Christmas day with our side. This still gives us 3 Christmases on Christmas day, but it's better than 5. Unfortunately, we all live between 30-60 minutes apart, but if they all lived close, I think I'd tell them that we'd be home all day and we'd love for all of them to stop by. Sometimes you just have to do what's right for your family, even if it feels like you're going to upset someone. If there are people who don't understand, well, who wants to spend the holidays with people that selfish anyway, right?

Here is an idea for you...how about splitting up all the holidays and doing one of your families and one of his families on thanksgiving and then do one family on christmas eve and the other on christmas day, then next year switch. Or you could do one thanksgiving, one christmas eve, one christmas day and one on New Year's day. The holidays are not about what days you spend with family but actually spending time with family. My husband and I live 13 hours away from my family and an hour from his parents, so we always splite the holidays...Usually we do to his mom's on Thanksgiving because it is close, and his dad usually comes over too, then for a week either the week before or the week of christmas we go and visit my parents (which is an ordeal all in itself) then either on christmas eve (if we are not at my parents) or on New Years we spend it with his mom. Everyone is very flexible because they know that there is other family too. You just need to explain that you want to spend time with everyone and can't do it all in one day so the holidays are going to be split up. It is so much easier and I guess if everyone is not ok with that then you just need to make it clear that everyone needs to get together in one place to accomadate you and the baby. I am sure if they want to spend the holidays with you and the baby they are willing to accomadate. Just be sure to hold your ground and stand behind what you want to do!!! Good luck and hope it works for you!

Have you thought about hosting at your home? What we did was when my husband's mother moved out of state was to put my foot down and we went to one or the other's home and switched at Christmas. I hate to travel especially out of state by car in the winter. You never know if or when you'll be trapped there. I prefer to travel in NOvember and refuse to pack and repack Christmas presents. The one time we did that I refused to do it again. He agreed. Now they live to far it's not even an issue. We go to our Son's and her parents come too. We all grew up in the same community so we are honestly one big happy family. We are all so close we have adopted our Daughter in law's sister's family and I now sister for the little man as we call the baby. He's going to be 3 in Feb.My mother use to do a Huge dinner (sometimes 40 to 50 people) until her parents died now she says she has nothing to be thankful for, which I think is narrow minded. I should have died last fall. That's something to be thankful for even through life has been hell this year. We lost our home to foreclosure due to health. I have not been able to return to work. My husband has not worked in 4.5 yrs. and I am in coontant pain and depression and I am going blind. So we stay local because even with the lower gas prices we can'r drive nor fly to South Carolina. Which is fine in my depressed state I don't need any in law issues.

My advice to you...stay home. Have family get-to-gethers on another day or invite them to come (at different times) to see your family. Just let them know that it is simply too much with your baby to travel all day long. You could also decide to start doing a rotation...so you stay at home in the morning, open gifts and eat breakfast, then go to one house for dinner/lunch. Then the next year/holiday you go to another person's home for dinner. I hope that helps. If not, then move away from everyone!! (just kidding of course). Happy Holidays!! A.

we go throught the same thing every holiday. I got so tired of going 3-4 places in one day so we now alternate who we actually see on the holiday. I write it down on the calender whose place we visit and the next year we switch. we will visit the other ones around the holiday but not everyone in 1 day ne more.