22 answers

Holiday Cards for Ppl Who Dont Return 1? - Coram,NY

Hi,
I've been living in my home now for almost 7 yrs. When we moved here neighbors came from all around to introduce themselves & waved when they passed the house. We also were invited to "game nights" & had BBQ's. Nothing has transpired that would account for the way the friendliness has settled down. I always included these families on my holiday card list & received cards from them.

Now, for the previous 2 yrs I send everyone cards but only 1 or 2 send one to us back, it's as if we were crossed off their card list. I continue to mail cards in spite of that. Now I am making out holiday cards & I’m tempted to not send to the ppl who haven't sent us a card in yrs. I guess I am growing tired of being the one who always waves hello & gets ignored, how long does one person extend themselves before they finally say enough?

1 mom found this helpful

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Featured Answers

The people who don't send card aren't necessarily snubbing you. I just never get cards sent out. I used to try before having kids but I am not that organized. By last year when the second baby was due 5 days after Christmas I just decided to not stress over it by trying and not sending anything. Sometimes we send an email letter. Maybe things will improve when the kids are older. But don't take it too personally. If these are neighbors who are friendly in person it probably isn't an intentional slight.

If it makes you feel good to do it and you want to try to continue relationships with these people than go for it. Personally though I wouldn't. Stamps costs money. Just send cards to the ones you get ones back from. Not sending them cards may make them think and question why you haven't sent them a card this year.

More Answers

Losts of ppl dont send cards anymore to much$. I still
do but if you dont send me one back your off my list.

During the past 2 years with our economy, alot of families have had to make some cut backs. The tradition also seems to be fading.

If you enjoy sending cards, then continue to do so. However, I would say if you haven't received a card in 2 or 3 years, it's time to cross them off the list.

I know it's already been said, but it's very likely they just don't send cards anymore. I only send cards to our families (I like to write notes, but it is far too time-consuming and expensive to send them to everyone!).

As to your larger question about continuing to extend yourself -- I can't really address it. Maybe the lives of your neighbors have changed. Maybe the relationships among the whole neighborhood have changed (maybe it's not just with you). I just don't know!

The decision about continuing to extend yourself is only yours. You need to do what you feel is best for you!

I think that a lot of families have simply stopped sending cards or only send them to immediate family. They have become an expense that many people have decided that they don't need. It's up to you if you want to continue sending holiday greetings to these neighbors. IF it gives you enjoyment, then do it, without expecting anything in return.

I think in a neighborhood, once the kids get older, we don't see so many block parties, barbecues and holiday parties. The kids are off doing their own thing and we are busy driving them to and from these things. We had neighborhood get togethers when I first moved here 9 years ago - there were 14 kids on the elementary bus from our street then, when my oldest started kindergarten. Now my kids are in high school and middle school, most of those other 13 are seniors in high school and off at college. We have 3 elementary school students on the block. We are at different places in life now.

Hi J.,
I wouldn't let such people change who I am.
If giving out xmas cards is your thing, keep giving them out unless you give out cards expecting a card back.
Likewise, you can stop sending them out whenever you feel like it.
By the way, I lived in Coram, Old Town Rd, some 8 years ago.
Merry Christmas.
L..
Helping Moms Work From Home!

Don't worry. Some people just don't send cards anymore. It's a great way to save money when most people don't keep them anyway. That's how we are. We usually send a card to someone who sends it to us, but we don't mail cards regularly. Now that our daughter is one, we may send one with her photo on it, but in the past, no. It's more your preference I guess.

do whatever your gut tells you to do

Elizabeth hit (something) in the head: she just called you a housewife from suburbia. how fun and educational.
:)
I don't send cards. I never have only because i don't keep track of addresses and such. Emailing is my middle name so I send short emails to people. I have noticed people not sending me cards and i am assuming they assume what you're assuming: that i am snubbing them. But I am not. I just do not have time or the organisational skills to get these on time. I would probably write them, lose them, find them months later, right around 4th of july :)

It depends on the person. I go by the old saying "it is better to give then to receive". I don't get many cards yet I go thru a box every year. I just enjoy showing love in that way. I don't expect it return. If you don't enjoy it, don't do it. I admit though, I am sad to know it is because you don't get that many in return.

Follow what's in your heart. If you enjoy giving of yourself...continue on doing so. It's really not about what these people can, can't or don't give back, it's about you and giving from the heart...

When you give a gift to someone do you EXPECT one in return? Is that the reason you give a gift?
It's the same for cards...are you giving them out just so you can get some in return?
Seems to me you need to reassess why you are sending cards to people... if it's to truly wish them well, then keep doing it. If it's not, and you are doing it just to get something in return, don't bother....if there's no meaning behind it, there's no point in doing it.

The people who don't send card aren't necessarily snubbing you. I just never get cards sent out. I used to try before having kids but I am not that organized. By last year when the second baby was due 5 days after Christmas I just decided to not stress over it by trying and not sending anything. Sometimes we send an email letter. Maybe things will improve when the kids are older. But don't take it too personally. If these are neighbors who are friendly in person it probably isn't an intentional slight.

I know where you are coming from. I at one point had a huge christmas card list (in and out) but over the past few years I recieved less and less. So I started sending less and less. I still send cards to family although we haven't recieved a christmas card from my MIL in 4 years (although yes we are close with her; location and relationship) she just doesn't send out cards anymore, not even to us.
So maybe your neighbors have stopped sending cards as well, or only sends cards to family and close friends and not every person whose address they know. It is up to you if you still want to send a card and wish them a merry christmas even if you are getting a "frosty response" but I eventually stop sending cards to those who I don't recieve cards from especailly if it is not someone I am close with or want to regain that closeness.
hope this helps:)

What I do is make a list every year. (Make it on the computer so that you can use it over and over). I send to the ones that I got from the year before. If I don't get one back this year then they don't get one next year. No if ands or buts. I know that things are getting expensive but that is common curtisy. I am not working right now and my husband is down to 4 days a week. But I make sure that I send them out.
I wouldn't worry about the "other people". Only send to the ones that return one to you.

If it makes you feel good to do it and you want to try to continue relationships with these people than go for it. Personally though I wouldn't. Stamps costs money. Just send cards to the ones you get ones back from. Not sending them cards may make them think and question why you haven't sent them a card this year.

to cut my list down.. i send to people far away who i don't see. and the others i send one as i get one..

Oh the problems of a suburban housewife! How hard is it to send a CARD? And isn't the true spirit of Christmas about GIVING, regardless of whether you get something in return?

These tokens end up in landfills anyway- maybe your neighbors have just gone green?

I think that is completely your call. I don't send cards because I simply can't afford it, and haven't been able to in years. I've even gone as far as to make my own cards, write in them all, address them, only to recycle them because I could not afford the postage. If I know I'm going to see someone, I will give them their card, and mail something to immediate family, but I am not trying to slight people. If you send cards, they might feel guilty that they don't, but they will probably appreciate it. If you don't send cards, they will probably assume that you are no longer doing cards, or that you have so many other things to worry about that you have moved on to only sending cards to close family and friends. I would not be offended by someone no longer sending a card, unless they also no longer call or socialize at all with me, and even then I would probably assume that they are "downsizing" their social life. It is probably not at all personal. Have a great holiday!

I do not know of anyone who sends neighbors cards. I send
cards because I like to, not because I want some in return.When you moved in everyone welcomed you, but unfor-
tunately these days people have their own lives and really
do not get involved with each other.

Hi J. - I agree with most of the other moms: if you enjoy sending cards, continue to do so without expecting to receive a card in return. Personally, I stopped sending cards 2 or 3 years ago because it was becoming stressful (and expensive) rather than enjoyable. I'm the kind of person who likes to hand-write a personal note in each card and hand-address the envelopes, and the thought of doing that just tires me out! We try to see all of our close friends and family during the holiday season, which for me is better than sending or receiving a card.

Best,
A.

The choice is totally up to you. I would question your motive for giving the cards though. Are you giving cards to get a card in return or are you giving the cards because you just want to wish those around you Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays?

Over the last two years the finances of people have been in some cases desimated or at least altered for the negative. It is very difficult to judge what is happening in someone else's financial picture but I would just encourage you to lighten up. Give if you want but your giving shouldn't rest on someone else's giving.

Or just try e-cards. There are free ones available online. They are cute, some are animated, some have music, and some are funny. There is basically some card for everyone. See if that works for you and your recipients.

Hi J.,

Here is my holiday card situation. I love receiving cards at the holidays, and I like to send them as well, and really have the best intentions of sending them every year, some years work out better than others. What I like to do, but have had less and less time every year to do, is to write a SHORT but personal greeting on each card, or at the bare minimum sign them by hand. What I have noticed over the past few years, is that each year fewer and fewer people are doing this, and I am writing less on more of the cards i am signing. Some people have gone the standardized form letter route, others have simply made their holiday card with their kids or pets photo, and that is it, signature printed on card, end of story.

My other problem is, I am terribly disorganized, and I regularly take on more than I can handle. So, each year, I begin addressing the cards to the first people who's cards I have received, the early bird gets the xmas card. I do have a list of family and friends I would like to send to, but I usually only get 1/3 of the way through it. And finally, I prioritize the cards for family and friends I want to keep in touch with (even if they get no note) who are further away. So, if you are not someone who was the first card in the door, or someone who is so far I never see; you will probably be in the last 1/3 of my list, and while my intentions, good will, and holiday spirit would be thinking of you, they may never make it to your mailbox.

So, my advice is to send cards to the people you want to send cards to, and don't read anything into a lack of response or reciprocation. Separately from that, you can try organizing a game night or "Stomp out the February Blahs Party" (a theme a friend of mine from high school used that I always liked). If you can't get anyone to come, and it's not the middle of the holiday frenzy, then maybe it's time to reevaluate those friendships.

Best Wishes from a good-intentioned, friend-needing, holiday card slacker.

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