Holding Baby Too Much??

You can't hold a baby too much. He sounds very normal for a three month old. I would definitely get a carrier and ride it out. Continue trying to put him down, explaining to him why and what you are doing, but don't leave him alone for more than a minute or two (to pee, for example) while he is really upset. It is so h*** o* them at that age.

It sounds like he enjoys that closeness. Have you tried using a sling so you can have both hands free and he can still get what he needs?

It is only a temporary solution, but I used one of those baby carriers that you strap either on your back or your chest and that way I had 2 free hands to get stuff done around the house.

Hello,

Not sure if I am much help but I am in the same boat. My son is 2 months and 16 days. I spoil him so much and hold him more than I probably should (what do you expect this is my first baby!) Anyhow, like your son, he will sit in the swing but only for a short period of time and he will want me to rock him (thats our usual routine)Another reason why I think my son is more calm and relaxed w/me is b/c I am breastfeeding as well so we have more of a bond. It sucks to say but family members have told me "you know, its ok to let your baby cry once in awhile" and its hard but true. Just like you I sometimes feel like I cant get anything done either, I will be right in the middle of making dinner and he starts to cry. It can feel overwhelming but I have learned to get what I have to get done and let him cry, but not for too long. Dont get me wrong, my son is a really good baby, he only cries when he is hungry or his diaper changed but it seems that he is always looking for me to rock him, hold him and all day long! When daddy holds him he will be good for awhile but then will want me to hold him and he immediately hands him to me! lol. What do you expect he sees me all day while daddy is at work but I always make sure that he gets to hold him b/c its important for the baby to see daddy too! I hope this helps you in some way. All in all its ok to let your baby cry, its funny to say, b/c its hard for me too, it is easier said than done but try it. Another thing that has worked for me is to get into a routine. For example, when he wakes up first change diaper, feed, put him down for play time, (I put him in crib, turn on monkey mobile, give him his fav. blanket, put lots of stuffed animals around him to look at etc. or I put blanket on floor and do excercises, goo goo gah gah talk to him! This is his learning time) then he starts to get cranky so then I wrap him up like they taught me in the hospital, put his binky (pacifier) in his mouth and he goes right to sleep and b/c I am breastfeeding him I dont have to worry about colic, throw up gas etc. (Lots of benefits to breastfeeding) and he eats every 4 hours and now sleeps all night, so in my opinion, a routine is ideal.

I totally understand how frustrating it can be to feel like your not able to get anything done. Just remember, he's still a baby and your not going to spoil him by holding him to much. Invest in a good ring-sling (check 'em out online), strap him on and he'll be happy and you'll get so much done with your hands free! Good luck!

I tip my hat to anyone that can hold a baby that much. And YES I would love to be able to give a baby all the one on one attention they ever wanted. But in the real world it doesn't work for me and it doesn't work for most people. While your son may be forever blessed if you get a sling and just do most everything with him hanging off of you, I don't think you should feel guilty if you go a more old fashioned approach. A little crying will strengthen his lungs, give him some exercise, allow him to relieve his emotions and he won't be scarred for life because of it. I promise! LOL

How else is a child of this age going to release his energies? He can't walk, talk or even crawl. Well heck, he can't even role over more than likely. And he won't learn any of these things any time soon if he's in your arms all the time.

So yeah, here's the advice a nurse told me when I was 18 and had my first child.

She said take care of the babies immediate needs, food, diaper, love. Then put the baby down. For 20 minutes you are not allowed to pick him up. During that time you may cook, clean, go to the bathroom, read a book and if your desperate you could even take a 10 minute nap! I know because I learned years ago to sleep in 10 minute stretches!

At the end of that 20 minutes the baby will either be quiet and awake, still crying or quiet and asleep. If the baby is quiet and awake leave him alone. If he is sleeping leave him alone. If he is still crying pick him up and check his diaper, kiss all over him and spend a few minutes giving him some of your valuable time. And yes your time is valuable. When you need to go to the bathroom or the dryer buzzes or it's about time for some other thing that needs to be done, put him down and start the 20 minute rule all over.

Suzi

Hi Love
i loved my wrap snuggle in on your back or chest and i would talk to him and he would sleep for so much longer on me babies expect to be held they are safe there .there are so many snuggle cumfy wraps out there you can even breast feed while sweeping !!!and alll will pass and dont forget to breathe and please dont leave him to cry there are too many of us mistrusting humans already much love and support to you mama

Hi L.,
I am a home child care provider and I have went through this type of thing with one of my daycare kids that I watch currently. In my world it is not possible to carry any child around while taking care of other things or kids. So what did I do to solve the problem, the child had to learn to self soothe himself without me comforting him every 5 seconds. So for awhile it was alot of fussing and screaming and horrible headaches for the both of us. I have now been watching him for 6 months and we are far better than we were.

And I will beg to differ that you can't spoil a child by holding them all the time.

But here is my advice to you.....the reason why babies liked to be held is because they like the warmth they get from the person that they are getting care from. So to solve the problem try this. Before you lay him down take a heating pad and turn it on let it sit in his swing and let it warm up, once it is warm remove the heating pad and put him in there. Take a receiving blanket and cover him up with it. Tuck it in around him and turn the swing on. If you want to also let him sit on the heating pad for awhile but each hour turn the temperture down each time. Pretty soon you will have him sleeping and playing on his own. Also turning the swing on a higher speed will sometimes do it also. You may have to move the heating pad around from place to place until you get him broke also.

I think some kids are just more independent then others even when they are this little some just need way more attention, cuddling then others.

L.,

My older daughter had colic for about 3 months and still wanted my attention all the time until she learned to walk. If I went into the laundry room for even a minute while she was in her bouncy seat, she screamed uncontrollably. Once my daughter was about four months old, she did better if she could at least see me. The baby holding does get very tiring. Hopefully you will see some changes soon. I remember those days very well and I completely sympathize.

When she finally learned to walk she could follow me around and was happier. Now she is one of the happiest kids around. She is also very sweet and cares deeply when other kids are hurting.

Good luck and rest when you can.

J.

They say that the more contact your child has with you, the more trust and the greater the bond. Mine was that way for a long time too, but I found a way to get things done. I used one of those baby packs you can put on your chest. I just strapped him in and went about my business. Usually I would wait until he was asleep or almost there before I put him in. By the time he would wake up he would be ready for some playtime on his mat. I wouldn't worry about creating an emotional issue with holding him too much. My son is perfectly normal and in some ways less affectionate with me, because he knows I am always there. Go figure. lol

Hi L.,

I am in the same boat.. My daughter had colic as well and I too feel like I can't get anything done. She is 6mons old now and she is teething so its like colic all day long not just in the evening. Like you I have a 3 yr old and I feel like he doesn't get enough attention because I am always taking care of the baby. You got some great responses and I think I would have to agree that we just need to let them cry sometimes it can't hurt as long as they are fed, changed, loved on, etc.. I am going to try it and see what happens. Good luck to you, I know 1st hand it is hard.

M.

Have you tried putting him in the baby bjorn or some other carrier? This way he is still on you but it frees up your hands for other things. He is definitely ok to cry if you put him down - as long as you can assess that his crying is not due to something more serious than separation. I have 4 kids, my youngest is 4 months - she gets put down more than I care to say but I at least know that her cries aren;t serious. Good luck!

M.

I second the suggestion to get a good quality baby carrier. I actually used a ring sling, and it was quite comfortable--more comfortable than carrying, and it leaves your hands free to get things done. You can cradle your baby in the sling, or if he has good head control, you can wear him in a seated position facing out. If your baby is getting heavier, I've heard good things about the ERGO, Beco, and Moby wrap. wearyourbaby.com is a good source of information. Ebay often has lots of used carriers up for auction. If you live in St. Louis, you can get a ring sling from Kangaroo Kids in Kirkwood or a variety of good carriers from Cotton Babies in South County. My baby was like this too, I'd say by the time she was 5 or 6 months old, she was happy playing on the floor or in the crib for a while. He will outgrow this stage.

That's exactly what you do! How in the world are babies going to learn to self soothe if we don't let them? You should be able to pee by yourself for goodness sake! Even at only 3 months, one of the first ways is to let them cry in their crib, swing, whatever. The parents are usually the ones that have to get trained...its not easy hearing your baby cry. I have two daughters ages 5 & 7 and they are both very strong, self-thinking, independent little girls. They can make their own snacks, lunches, bathe, are very creative and I am very proud of them both. I directly relate it to letting them do things for themselves early on. They still love and cuddle on my husband and I and have never had a lack of affection. Each family has to do what they believe is right, just wanted to give you what worked for us and I wouldn't change it.

No matter what anyone says, YOU CAN NOT HOLD A BABY TOO MUCH. Both of my sons were held all the time. Sure, I sometimes had to put them down to go to the bathroom and such, but other than that I held them whenever they wanted. (Yes, I made a lot of trips to the bathroom with a baby in my arms, but not all the time.) They are now 2 and almost 4 and I don't regret a thing. In fact, I know you won't believe this, but I miss being able to just carry them around with me. I wouldn't have believed that a few years ago.
As your son becomes more able to entertain himself you will find you have more and more time with baby-free arms. Using a baby sling was the only thing that let me get things done around the house. I used a chest carrier, a classic Sling, and later a back carrier. The back carrier was the easiest, but you can't use one until your baby can hold his head up pretty well.
Please hold your baby whenever you can, and don't feel guilty if you have to put him down for a few minutes every once and a while. Shop around for a carrier that will let you "wear" him. It will really give you some time to get things done. I don't know how moms get by without them.
Good luck.
Keep parenting from your heart and everything will be o.k.

I was blessed with a very difficult baby, he had colic, acid reflux and generally woke up on the wrong side of the crib for the first 5 months of his life. It seems to me that your options are to either let your baby cry it out or hurt your back. It was a horrible feeling to let my baby cry it out, but eventually he got the hang of it... mommy's right here where I can see her, she'll pick me up and love me soon. Good luck. I know how difficult it can be, but it wil get better.

Try a sling, or back carrier. Try giving him a blanket or stuffed animal with your scent on it. My son was the same way because I was always holding him breastfeeding him, especially when it came to sleeping! Try putting in a baby video to keep his eyes busy and mind off of you. Maybe even a binky? Or have somebody else hold him. Things have to get done, especially you going to the bathroom! It won't hurt him to cry for a few minutes, it may hurt you more to hear him cry, but he'll make it ; )