Hi. I know how it is to go thru the dating thing with kids. My ex and I split up over 2 years ago, when my son was 5, and my daughters were 8 and 10.
It takes a while to get them to warm up to anyone. I had a rule at the beginning not to have casual dates around them. Recently my boyfriend and I had our year anniversary..All my kids really like him now. At the beginnin, he didnt come around when the kids were there, but they heard me talk about him. Then after a few months, he began to come over just for an hour or two, while the kids were home, then he'd leave. We slowly increased the time he spent around the kids..with absolutely no romantic attention between the two of us..it was just the 5 of us hanging out as friends. He would do things like take my son to the playground and throw the football with him, or just watch him so that Eli could go play. He would race with him, play army with him, catch, etc...Eventually, and only in the last few months, have we begun to kiss each other when the kids are there...still no tongue as I dont think thats appropriate in front of children at all. But this was with my BF coming over several days a week.
If your son doesnt get to see him often, its going to extend the time it takes for them to bond. It's very important for him to spend time with your son alone as well as all of ou together. And if he wants to sit between you on the couch, let him, its not a big deal for the two of you but it is for him.. and if you fuss at him or get frustrated, he will feel he is being pushed aside. My son still sits between BJ and I, or sits on my lap when we're all on the couch watchin tv. It's probably also best if your son doesnt see the two of you share a bed..when your bf comes home on leave, have your romantic time after the kids are asleep then let him sleep on the couch..if he doesnt understand then he's not putting your sons interests before his own and isnt good father material.
I made it clear from the beginning that my children's needs come first, but I also explained to my kids that as much as i loved them, I would date. That they had a right to tell me how they felt about the person I dated, but not to demand that I not date.
It's a slow process, but will work out in the end.