I have a very close friend gave birth suddenly to a full term stillborn baby after an otherwise uneventful pregnancy. She said that it was so incredibly hard she didn't know how to put one foot in front of the other, but the best thing that happened was that people showed up to support her. On days she didn't feel like talking, we didn't talk, but I was there. When she wanted to talk or cry, I was there. I didn't have to know what to say, she later said, but I showed up. I didn't know what to say, so I cleaned her kitchen and made food for her family. When the mail came, I sorted it for bills and condolence cards and made her a small box for the cards so she could go through them later with her husband when she felt up to it. I helped her shop, I picked up her kids from school. I left notes for her husband - what not to forget - dinner's in the fridge - these bills came, whatever until the next friend or family member came over to be with her. It was absolutely horrible to see her grieve in the first couple of weeks. She not only ached for her baby, but her milk came in and all the normal post partum things were occuring....minus her baby...for whom she had pictures, a blanket, memories of holding her, a room prepared for her, and now funeral arrangements to make for her. I asked her what she would advise if a friend wanted to help, and this is what she wrote back: "Don't give up on your friend. Show up. Don't pretend nothing happened. NO ONE knows what to say, so don't worry about it. Your friend may want to yell and scream at you or to you because she hates the world, God, herself, for this happening, but let her grieve through the ugliest parts and still be there. Whatever you do, no matter how small, matters to her as she grieves. You feel so isolated when you lose a baby, but even more so when you lose your friends just because they don't knwo what to do. I would've never said, I need tissue, or I need water or food or someone to make a call or do an errand or mail something for me, but people came and did that stuff in my house without me asking and without my permission. It was then that I found out how wonderful my friends were, who they were, and I would do anything in the world for them in their time of need. They saved my life just by being present. I would tell anyone to just go. Bring food that can be reheated later, or clean up around the house, or feed the pets or play with her other kids, but don't leave her alone because she already is very, very alone right now."
I hope that helps.