R.V. asks from Saint Peters, MO on May 28, 2008
Her older sister has been able to work, found love, move out on her own, marry and now has 3 children (all boys), her middle boy has been diagnosed (2 years ago now) with Aspergers.
Raising children is hard enough, added to the fact that she and her hubby are both of a lower IQ than most parents, they are trying to raise a special needs child themselves.
My friends sister has been experiencing "stomach" pain for several months now, she finally went to the Dr. yesterday and found out she is 7 MONTHS PREGNANT with baby #4.
I do have experience with special needs, but not on an Asperger's level, I know their family (immediate family, there is no extended family outside of her real dad, step mom and sister) as a whole suffers so much because the parents are just not capable of properly handling a special needs child.
My friend and her sisters real dad and step mom are REALLY pushing her older sister to sign over custody of the middle boy to the state and just put him in a home, they are telling her, she wont be able to see him any more, they are pretty "cold" grandparents and have even compared the middle boy to a dog, my BFF knows her sister is easily convinced of things and knows her parents intentions, we are wondering if there isn't something that would be a win/win for everyone, like an open adoption or maybe a home he can live in and be better cared for, but she'd still be allowed to see him as often as she'd like.
This girl is not what you'd think of as "retarded", she can carry on a conversation, drive, cook, shop (not well, but she can), pay bills, love her kids, not so great with hygiene, but she is VERY aware and I just pray there is a mom on here that can help her, as a mom myself, I am in tears just at the thought of what "could" happen here. PLEASE send any ideas or information ASAP
She understands and agrees that she can not take care of the new baby, plus the other 3 she has now and wants to find out if her parents are right and all she can do is just sign him over to the state or is there something else....
V.M. answers from St. Louis on May 29, 2008
My honest first reaction is, "I'll take him!" But having a daughter with aspergers already, living in an apartment and limited means.....I often have to control myself! lol. However, the possibility of "giving the boy up" may seem to be the best way out, however there are other options that will be less traumatic on everyone. Please, understand, that while the early years are terribly hard, aspergers is a high functioning form of autism, and it gets better as long as they receive the treatment and education they need. My first piece of advice would be to call the Jeudevine Center which is in St. Louis. (Not sure where you all are at). They offer services for autistic individuals and their families, including in home care. It might be possible that they can get a caregiver to come into the home, and teach them all how to live with him while he receives 1:1 therapies. Honestly, the social and coping skills that they will be teaching him might be (I know this from experience!!) good for everyone involved. Shame on the grandparents for what they are doing! I can't see how anyone can just say "sign him away!" What if they had done that to her after finding out how hard it is to take care of someone not born perfect?! Sorry....anyway, there are TONS of autism resources out there, and Jeudevine has a lot of them. I have to assume that finances are an issue as well, and they migh tbe able to help find a solution that is good for them. God bless this entire family, and I know that the solution is there, waiting to unfold and reveal itself. Namaste!
G.B. answers from St. Louis on May 31, 2008
Hi Rachel - My mind is full of many questions. Has this child been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome or Autism. If it is truly Aserger's syndrome - this child has a very high I.Q. and is very verbal. He should be getting Special Education Services. How old is the child? Are the grandparents suggesting that she put the new baby up for adoption or this child? I am very well versd in Autism Spectrum Disorders. I worked with these children for many years with the Special School District of St. Louis County. I am passionate about these children - I just love them. Please email me privately at "____@____.com might want to check out my web site (autismsocialsteps.com). I would love to see this child get the help he needs. This boy is entitled to special services in the public schools as young as 3 years old Prior to that he can get services from the Missouri First Steps Program. This family needs to get a Regiional Case Manager from MRDD ( Missouri Regional center for persons with developmental disabilities. That is a first step in this situation. This Mom needs free legal representation before she signs anything.I could go on and on. Please write me privately. Sincerely, G.
K.N. answers from St. Louis on June 01, 2008
your story really hit me hard. i am a former special ed teacher (now a sahm of 2 girls) who has had alot of experience with asbergers. i have seen a mom who is very similar to the one you describe raising a son with asbergers and it was tough. I would only suggest that this woman seek help with her local special education department through her school district (alot of districts start providing sped help as early as age 2). They can really help her to understand the disorder and how to work with him. shame on the grandparents for their cold and heartless response to their grandson. he is NOT a dog, he is a little boy with feelings and deserves to have the best family support system. his mom is capable of loving him, and with help of teachers and others, getting him the help he needs. i hate it when i hear of grown people degrading kids with disabilities. i KNOW they are difficult but they need love just like any other child. i would take this poor baby myself if i could but it sounds to me like his mom can do it. she just needs support.
S.W. answers from St. Louis on May 29, 2008
Wow! What a big problem this seems to be. I would say. possibly see what Missouri Baptist Childrens home www.mbch.org could do for them. There is also Christian Family Services: Email: ____@____.com Website: www.cfserve.org/ ###-###-#### 7955 Big Bend Blvd. St. Louis, MO 63119 They have special needs children. I believe United way may have some sort of assistance program as well.
J.B. answers from St. Louis on May 29, 2008
I'm trying to find information for you. What state are you in? I can see what I can for you.
S.T. answers from St. Louis on May 28, 2008
First of all, how old is the child with Asbergers? I think that is horrible for the grandparents to suggest putting that child in a home. He needs his mother regardless of what her IQ is. Her family should step up to the plate and help her out with her children. If any child should be given up it should be the unborn baby. At least the baby would be adopted into a loving family and not an institution. Another thing to consider is the mother of all these children should probably undergo some kind of permanent birth control, so this doesn't become an ongoing issue. My heart goes out to this family, especially the child with Asbergers.