Help....a Whiney Toddler

M.,
I will say that it is not uncommon at that age. I always say that it is not the terrible two's, but the terrible three's. My youngest is now 4 and we just stay consistent with him. If he whines about dinner and throws a fit for example then we make him go sit in his room and we tell him that his behavior is not appropriate and that we are going to eat dinner. Usually he comes back down and is wanting to eat with us if not then he gets no snack or nothing the rest of the day. Sometimes it just means having to leave, not going somewhere, and especially staying firm with her. If you tell her she is going to get a certain punishment for her actions make sure you stay true to your word no matter how sorry she is. I do find with my son that he wants an audience when he whines and I think that is why most kids act out when you are out in public in front of the world. Anyways, best of luck

M., while it can be the most frustrating of times, this is very normal behavior for toddlerhood. She is learning to use words for her needs instead of crying, but frustration over the expecatations of instant need gratification leaves many toddlers just shouting out and acting out to get their needs across. A good resource is Dr Karps Happiest Toddler on the Block. He really outlines the why's, and what to do about it to help your frustrated toddler use words instead of reverting to the behavior that worked so well as an infant. Please also know that new babies sometimes cause a toddler to regress in her behavior and emotional skills. So increased clinginess, crying, bedwetting and other skills you thought were already learned reappear as she competes for your attention. The good news is that this too shall pass. Be consistant, positive in your reinforcement and firm in the actions have consequences regimen you set up for her and in no time you will have a little helper and big sister.
K.
The Nesting Place

It's very, very normal. With another baby on the way, it's even more normal. I noticed that my daughter got this way near the end of my second pregnancy. I think that I didn't notice I was spending less time with her simply because it was uncomfortable to get down on her level, pick her up, etc. But really, even without a sibling on the way, this is regular toddler behavior. As far as discipline, I bought the book "Parenting with Love and Logic." It has entirely changed our household. It works wonderfully with my daughter (now 3 1/2) and it's making life much easier as we enter toddlerhood the second time (my son is 17 months).

I don't really have any words of wisdom...but I did want to tell you that I am going through the same thing. My son is 2 years and 2 months old and will cry over nothing! At this point, I'm considering it a phase that will pass.

Good luck,

K.

I don't think discipline is the key, I think she is trying to communicat something to you. I have twin 2 year olds, one of them has been doing this quite a bit. I agree with the PP about this being totally normal for this age. I also totally know how you feel...today I have had just about enough of the whining and crying. I just have to remember that there's a reason behind the behavior...it's up to me to figure it out.

Take a deep breath. Pop in a DVD or something so you can step away for a few minutes and collect yourself.

Hi M.,
I watched the "Happiest Toddler on the Block" on DVD (found it on Blockbuster online). I saw someone suggest that...and it was helpful. I was even thinking today how nice it is that I am getting my 21 month old to stop her fits and whining with his techniques.

I used to teach in an elementary and I attended a training for several weeks on Love and Logic..(someone else recommended this). I highly recommend these techniques as well. I am looking into this for Preschoolers to keep me on my toes with my child. I find when I am getting frustrated and feeling lost, I find something to read/watch,etc that will help rejuvinate my creative parenting. I feel better almost immediately even if I haven't seen if the suggestions work.

Hang in there...

K.

M.-
I also recommend "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years" by Jim Fay and Charles Fay.
It recommends pointing out the difference b/w the whining voice and "big girl" voice. You can only hear your daughter when she uses her "big girl" voice. Whenever she whines, that is what you tell her and you don't listen or acknowledge her until she uses her regular voice.
It is a very good book.
Good luck.

I don't have advice yet on how to stop it, but I will tell you my daughter just started acting the same way. She will turn 3 on Oct 7th and my son is 14 months. It may not be solely tied to your pregnancy. If you find effective ways to stop this behavior, please share.

A.

I have a 2 1/2 year old girl and she is the same way. I noticed that once I started treating her like a big person things changed. We fought and cried every morning to just get dressed. Once I started letting her do these things by herself it stopped. It takes longer but I will take that over the crying any day.

I also noticed you said you are expecting a new baby. This is probably very scarey for her. She won't be the baby any more so she will just act like one to get all your attention.

Hope this helps.