Help with When to Give U Binkie (Pacifier).

J.,

My son used a binkie (and not just for sleeping) until he was 3. I can relate to the parent shame.

We did our best to make our decisions about what was best for him (rather than what other people are comfortable with) although I do have to admit that I was really worried about what would happen, which probably interfered with my clarity.

We started (and when I say "we" I really mean my husband :) a conversation about it about 6 weeks before his birthday and on his 3rd birthday we went to the mailbox and sent all his binkies to the binky fairy (who, for us, lives in brooklyn NY) when we returned home (fancy logistics) she had left him a train table. He asked for his binky a few times that day (with tears maybe once) and then again the next day a bit, by the third day he didn't seem to notice.

He was very brave, and probably pretty ready to give it up.

This all happened before my daughter was born, and she has not taken to a binky, so I don't know about the challenges of co-binky-weaning.

I wish you good luck. And hope that it is a smooth transition for you all.

1 mom found this helpful

Great question, J., -- and you've laid out the issues beautifully. If there is no medical issue --- if the only time the big girl uses the binkie is in bed-- I have no problem with it- and by and large - I think your plan is super. Why in the world would you make a problem for the little one just to go along with ''''public opinion''' -- Sure the binkie could have disappeared before this without life-long damage ( probably) to your older one- but you've done a great job - and I'd say -'bravo' to your plan-- by the way- I'm a retired special ed, preschool teacher- alos mother and grandmother --and have counseled many parents to make the binkies and bottles disappear from their 3 or 4 year olds lives - but in this case- I'd go along with your plan.

Blessings,
J.

1 mom found this helpful

I think you're underestimating your 21 month old. She's old enough to understand if you use language that she does understand. She might not understand the binkie fairy, but she does understand all gone or all done. I'd suggest setting a date with both kids (especially the older) and writing it on the calendar for when the binkie fairy is coming. You could even send an invitation in the mail to invite her to come visit overnight or something like that. Involve the girls and make a big deal out of it! :)

p.s. Please don't discount me, but my daughter self weaned off her pacificer at 10 months

The "Binkie Fairy" recently visited our house. You will know when it is time. We just talked about it a lot. We also have a close friend who is pregnant and my daughter is really "in to" babies right now. I was not looking forward to the transition at all and felt it was a bit cruel- she loved it so much (and it was only for sleep). However, the day arrived when I was ready - I kept her up all day and ran her ragged, we wrapped all of her binkies up and put a pretty pink bow on them and called our friend and told her we had a present for the baby. And it went great! She slept throught the night like a champion and woke up to a fairy umbrella from the binkie fairy. The second night went well too. The third night had a yelling wake up every hour and a half (painful) after that binkies have not been discussed at our house. It has been about a month now. Good luck- you are the best parent for your kids- you will know when it is right in your household- it really took me by surprise when we decided but our daughter was ready.

I never bothered my kids with giving up their binkies or blankies. I know my son gave his up before kindergarten, but my daughter used hers passed first grade at night. Then one day it was just gone. I always let my kids develop at their own speed--my daughter's development was fast and visible. My son's was not visible until it was complete and then it came out at 3rd and 4th grade. Both worked. PS, I was a teacher and made this decision deliberately.

we went cold-turkey with my daughter when she was less than 2.5 and it went well. i do, however, like the idea of just not replacing them when they get lost. it seems more gentle.

that being said, perhaps you could approach it with your oldest that she's going to be the role model for your younger one to give it up. maybe she'll step up and you'll get them both off sooner than you think!

J.,
We made it a goal to only allow the binkies in the car or bed when my boys reached 2 1/2. Then we mentioned often that they would be too big for a binkie at age 3 and they would need to let it go. My oldest had a hard time and as I grow as a parent I am convinced that he needed it to comfort himself until he was ready to let go. He was ready to trade it for a stuffed animal about 4 months after he turned 3. (we also are not above bribing.) My middle son handed it over without any complaint, and my youngest is only 18 months, so he still has it. He also has a special blanket so I'm not sure if there will be any problems but we'll do the same with him when it comes time. I am a firm believer in allowing the children something that helps soothe them and for my boys that was their pacifiers.

If you think it is time for your oldest give it up, she is old enough to understand that your 2 year old still needs a pacifier and that she, as a big girl, does not. You can also offer to trade it for something a "big girl" would like.
Good Luck!

I used a binkie for sleep until I was in the 1st grade (yikes!). BUT I never had any dental problems or any problems resulting from that. Plus I still feel proud that I gave up the binkie before my mom gave up smoking (it was our competition). My point being that I think the binkie is bad thing is a bit overrated in some situations.

Hello J.. Just know that you are in good company.:) My daughter is now almost 4.5 and still uses her binkie to sleep (nap and night). Those are the only times she is allowed to use it and it stays in her room. I have struggled since she was 2 years old with what to do about this. We went through the process of cutting them and throwing them all away (saying bye bye to binkies), but then she put her thumb in her mouth one day and I realized that there's no stopping the sucking when that sets in. So I have come to terms with the binkie for a while. I am more concerned that she will instead suck her thumb(I did until I think 3rd grade!). I'd much rather have the controlled binkie than the "anywtime, anywhere" thumb sucking, which will have a greater impact on her teeth/bite, not to mention the germs! We have been discussing how the small gap in her bite is because of the binkie, and that she will need to stop soon. We have given her the timeline "before your big kid teeth come in." She acknowledges it; and once in a while she tries to sleep without it on her own accord. I am going to let it run its course a bit longer.

Also, one of her little friends noticed it in her room and told her binkies are for babies, so there's likely to be some recognition on her part that "big kids" don't really suck binkies (rather than just hearing it from Mommy and Daddy). She's not phased by what her friends say (I am thankful for that), but I think it will all come together with some more time....or, I should say that I am hopeful! If not, I'll have to think of a plan B! ;)

My son was around 4 when he got rid of his binkies and my daughter was 2 and just followed suit with him no problem. We quit replacing them, when he lost one by leaving it in a shopping cart, chewing through it and throwing it away, whatever we just didn't get any new ones and he knew that we were not going to get new ones. My daughter's binkie was off limits to him. When his were all gone and he started with like 10 of those things, she just got rid of hers too since she could be like him if she did. As long as you include them in whatever process you choose it will be easier on them. Don't have parent shame, we all do what we can live with and the shame comes from others who didn't do it that way.

i have a 3year old daughter that still uses a binkie when sleeping and have not figured out how to get her to stop so my question is what is the binkie fairy? my other issue is my five year old still sucks her thumb which is worse but when people know they always make you feel like the three year old should not have her binkie.(just venting about that)

Just cut off the tips of the binky and tell them the binkies are broken. it destroys sucking pleasure but you are not "taking" it from them...they will give them up on their own

I think you will be surprised as to how well your 21 month old will understand you if you explain to her that she will have to give up her binki. That is how we did it with our daughter at 24 months old. we started at 19 months explaining that in a short time she will have to give her binki up and throw it in the garbage. We reminded her every night at by 24 months she would up and said binki all done and threw it away. And well that was it! Never underestimate the power of words!

My son was just shy of his second birthday when we decided to take the binks away. He was SOOOOO attached I thought it was going to be horrible and that he wojuld not understand,, but he totally did. We talked about how his auntie was going to have a baby and that he needed to have binkies so we could give him ours. He totally understood. WE got a baggie and put the babies name on it and then he got to suck each one one last time and then he physically placed each one in the bag so he was in control. To my amazement he slept great the first night, better then he ever had before. I think it was because he would always wake up during the night looking for it and now that it was not there, was nothing and he just went back to sleep.

I currently have a little girl that just turned one and I am trying to decide when yo take it away from her, such a hard call! She also only has it at bed time and int he car, so that is a little easier!

Good Luck with the binks!

Hi J.:

This is how the story of me giving up my paci goes: I found a hedgehog in our yard; my mom told me that the hedgehog had babies, too, and that they didn't have pacis and probably would be happy to get some (I was 2 at the time I think). So I decided to "donate" my paci to the poor, binky-less hedgehog babies. My mom pretended to toss it out of the window for the hedgehog mommy to pick it up for her babies (but kept it hidden in her hand shoul I cry for it at night), and from then on I didn't need my paci any more. Maybe something similar may work at least for your older girl (take her to the zoo and ask her to donate her paci to animal babies there).

Good luck! S.

Hi J.,

I think this issue causes much more anxiety in us as parents than it does for the kids.

I have 4 children and they all used pacifiers. My third is developmentally delayed with several physical/mental disabilities. He used his longer and out in public during the day than my other children. One time, we were in a store (he was in a wheelchair - clearly not a stroller) and some man came up and said to him "you're too old for that thing". It is amazing what people will say.

Anyhow, back to getting rid of them. I knew there was no way that I could take away the pacifier from our 4th child and still have them around for our 3rd. Also, with our oldest two, we tried several of those different methods that are out there but I honestly can't remember what we did with them (my oldest just turned 20) but it was not traumatic. Even with it not being traumatic with those two, our anxiety as parents about taking away the pacifier from our two younger ones was so high.

We decided to just go cold turkey with both of them the same night. We told them (my youngest must have been about 2) and my 3rd about 4 1/2. We expected nights of crying but it didn't happen at all. Maybe the first night it took longer for them to go to sleep but it really wasn't the problem that we had worked ourselves up so much about.

It was funny and disgusting though where they would find pacies for months later. They must have been hidden all over the house in many nooks and crannies.

Good luck,

C.

I've heard that Dentists usually say that binkies to a certain age don't harm teeth. From personal experience I can tell you that my niece who had a bink until 3-ish just got done with braces - it took almost 4 years of braces to correct her teeth. My 2 nephews who also had binks until 3 both have speech impediments and the older one is definately going to need braces.

I am in a different boat though, my son who will be 3 in Oct is a thumb sucker. He never would take a binkie. We may definately be looking at a big dentist bill in his future if his teeth follow the path my niece and nephews did.

Hi!

We had the same problem with our daughter. We finally got rid of it in August of 2008. She is now 3. I cut the very end of it off so that there was no suction. She asked me why it was broken and I explained to her that when you get older and become a big girl the binkies break and then I told her they were only for babies. It only took about a week and she was over the binkie.

You could also try Binkie Bucks. I made Bedtime Bucks to get my daughter to sleep in her own bed. If she slept in her bed all night, I gave her a Bedtime Buck to spend at the Dollar Store. It worked. So, you could make Binkie Bucks and if the child goes without the binkie all day, they could get a Binkie Buck. Then we also made charts and she would get a sticker for the chart plus the buck.

Good Luck!

I was lucky that my daughter lost interest in her binkie when she was a little less than a year old. She started to turn it around to gnaw on the plastic button and when we would try to put it in her mouth the correct way, she decided she didn't want it at all. I do encourage you to get rid of them however you can while your children are developing their speech patterns. Two of my godchildren have speech impediments requiring therapy because they were allowed to keep their binkies well beyond 3 years old. they both learned to speak with their teeth clenched on the binky. Binkies serve a purpose for infants, but there really isn't much need for them after about 12 months in age. By then, the child should be learning new techniques for self soothing. I'd rather see a 3 or 4 year old with a special toy or a blankie than a binky.

The first and most important thing is don't tell people that they are still using it! People who's children gave up the binkie during the first year will make you feel all kinds of guilt and shame...ignore them. Thier children are undoubtedly dealing with their own issues (sleeping with blankies, crawling in their beds, sleeping with nightlights, etc) and as the dentist assured you, the binkie is no more damaging than the other ways that other children learn to cope with their fears. I wouldn't push it unless your older one starts getting permanent teeth... instead, just encourage and be positive. It may work best to let your older one decide when to give them to the binkie fairy and them let your younger one see how it works by watching her sis go through it first. We had a box that we put up high on a shelf in my daughter's room. All of the binkies were in the box so there wouldn't be an over abundance around the house, and I would always have one when I needed one.

I would suggest you be very strict about the only in bed rule (unless they are sick) and just find bigger issues to stress about and feel guilty about. You are a good mom, and you are doing nothing wrong. Good luck

ps my daughter was a binkie addict and I tried unsuccessfully for years to wean her off. I made us both miserable by listening to advice from well meaning family and friends that assured me I was doing a horrible thing by letting her keep it. At 3 years old, a fall and tooth injury forced her to give it up overnight, but otherwise, I would have been in your boat. My only regret looking back on it all is that I felt like I needed to force her to be like everyone else's kids.

a few months before turning 3, we started to warn our son that 3 was the limit for the pacifier (which he only used in his bedroom for naps and sleep). Whe he turned 3, we took all of the pacifiers (execpt one - for the just incase situation) to Build a Bear - he picked a bear, and stuffed the pacifiers inside...he now calls it his "bop bear" (he called the pacifier a bop). He NEVER asked for a pacifier - not even the first night - just went to sleep like it was no big deal...leading me to believe that I could have taken it away much earlier than I did!

My first child was about 4 also when she finally gave up er binky. I figured it was time, so I hada talk with her (ok a little bit of bribery,or reward whatever way you want to look at it). I told her that when she gave up the binky all together that she can pick out a "special toy". She already had a doll in mind so when she gave it up completely I took her (just the 2 of us) to buy her "special toy". She was so proud of herself and told everybody how she got the doll.
Though with my third this didnt work, so her binkies started to "disapear" one by one till they were gone. In the meantime I explained to her that mommy wasnt buying anymore and she was big enough that she didnt need it anymore. In the end she did end up with a surprise for being so good about it. (my second child shredded his so I stopped letting him have it out of fear of choking).